2012 Season Preview – La Famiglia

 

Color: Yellow/Red
Year Founded: 2002
2011 Regular Season Finish: 13-1-1-2(1st, Donohue Division; 1st overall)
2011 Playoff Result: Lost to Happy Little Elves in round of 16
Conference: Tagliarino
Division: Brown
Team Song: “O Surdato Nammurato” – Italian Traditional

By ORG Special Correspondent Bill Tucker

When the ORG went to their hockey writer bullpen and asked us to write a season preview, I immediately claimed La Famiglia.  What better team to write about than last year’s Cinderella story.  Leading the league in both points (29) and wins (13), the team shocked the world with their regular season dominance.   Backed by the league’s second best offense and third best defense, Dave Ladanyi’s squad left the Larsen division in shambles, coasting to a first round matchup with the Happy Little Elves.  Unfortunately for The Family, the glass slipper fell off as the soon as the tournament started, as they fell to the Elves in a thrilling yet heartbreaking 3-2 loss.  With their playoff dreams dashed, fans of the team wondered if the team was ready to take the next step or if they were merely playoff pretenders.

Not content with being one hit wonders, the former Tuques come into the 2012 campaign largely intact.  Thanks to a settlement awarded to Alfred Liu in a copyright infringement lawsuit against the Famous Famiglia restaurant chain, the team was able to re-sign both Shafiq “Off Black” Perry and 2011 scoring champion Denis Miciletto.  Sources say the players were compensated with all you can eat helpings of bologna alfredo in lieu of cash.  To compliment their fearsome offense, La Famiglia also boasts one of the league’s best two way players in Haanwa Chau.  Fresh off of a fourth place finish representing the US of A in the 2011 Women’s Ball Hockey World Championship, Haanwa gained some valuable experience to compliment an already well rounded Famiglia squad.  Add to the mix the always reliable goaltending of Kevin Au, and the team looks poised to make another run at a high seeded playoff berth.

But not everything is sunny in this fairytale of blacktop and hockey balls.  With great success, comes great responsibility as the team finds themselves not only in a new division, but in an entirely new conference.  13 of the 18 games on the team’s schedule are against conference opponents, many of which are unfamiliar to The Yellow and Red.  In response to this new challenge, the team has taken some brash moves to prepare themselves for this higher level of competition.   Pete Wilson has spent his off season working on his “Stare of Intimidation”, Andrea Grande-Capone has been sharpening her defensive skills fighting wolverines in the Swiss Alps and BTSH mainstay Ant Ventolieri has been retrofitting an old Delorian with a flux capacitor.  Will La Famiglia be searching out a power source capable of the 1.21 gigawatts required to take them back to last year?  The golden days of beating up on the George McFly’s of the league may be over but the chance to steel themselves against better competition promises to make them even more dangerous when they make it to the big dance.  Provided they can keep their glass slippers on, of course.

Here are three early season games that just may give us the answer to that all important question.  As for the question itself, I completely forgot it due a booze induced blackout that may or may not have happened after the Free Agent Scrimmage.   Allegedly.

April 1st – Corlears Hookers @ La Famiglia – While Famiglia’s opening game against the Rehabs will be the team’s first battle in the Brown division, this contest serves as an early test of conference readiness.  If they can hang with the Hookers, they can hang with anybody.

April 22th – La Famiglia @ Gut Rot – The first of three Hockey Night at Tompkins appearances for La Famiglia, this game promises to be a good one, if only for the drunken antics that will ensue at Doc Holiday’s prior to the contest. Look for some wild shenanigans in this early season matchup.

May 6th – Happy Little Elves @ La Familgia – After a crushing playoff defeat at the hands of Glanzer’s Great Gazoos, The Family will be looking to get some mafia style revenge in this Week 6 grudge match.

Entity They Most Resemble (According to Rich Glanzer)

Entity: 2012-13 NY Rangers

2011 was the most impressive season in Tuques history, and it started in the first round of the 2010 playoffs. The Elves put a beatdown on the Tuques, and were up 6-0 at halftime. With less than 2 minute to go in the game, the Tuques had made it 6-4, and then scored again, but the ref called the goal off because of a high stick. In other words, these guys didn’t give up, and not only made the score respectable, but put a similar beatdown on us. Its just time ran out.
Last season, the Tuques dominated the league and turned up one of the most impressive seasons in BTSH history, but lost in their first playoff game. (Spoiler Alert) The 2011-12 NY Rangers are having a fantastic regular season, but are about to be very disappointed as they will lose in either the first or 2nd round. But the 2012-13 Rangers will use this as motivation, and make a long playoff run. Despite the jump in divisions, I see a successful regular season for the Tuques. They surely won’t dominate the regular season like they did last season, but unlike last season, they wont lose their first playoff game either. Expect a playoff run from these guys. I wont predict a championship, but if they did, it wouldn’t shock me either. They have two of the best scorers in the league, a really good goalie, solid D, and some really good girls. 
Fun Fact #1: Brian Ferry once housed a Cambodian family under his beard during a Typhoon. True story.
Fun Fact #2: Diane Johnston wanted to be the star of a Know Your Neighbor article. I agreed to do one as long as she scored a 180 in skee*T*ball. She got exactly 180, proving she is a very efficient person.
Fun Fact #3: However stardom has affected Diane, as she turned from one of the sweetest girls in the league, to a beer guzzling heel, who trash talks in words with friends, and then proceeds to lose after taking a giant lead.
Not so fun Fact: Until they change their name officially back to the Tuques, God will continue to smite them.

 

 

 

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 20th, 2012 at 11:59 am and is filed under 2012 Team Previews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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