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Prepare For A White Out

The Alpha Male Isn’t Going To Like This One…
Yet another new team uniform was unveiled last Sunday, as Mexican Standoff debuted a hot new look for 2009. In the team’s continuing quest to go incognito this season, Peaches and his crew have toned down the team’s shirt to a very plain white, with a small, modest logo. In addition, the jerseys no longer have player nicknames on the back, as Standoff has gone the New England Patriots route by choosing to highlight the team over individuality. When reached for comment, LBS, Inc. loud mouth “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin was once again not happy with another team adopting white as its primary color.

And That’s Why He’s The Foot
For those league members lucky enough to be at Tompkins at the start of Sunday’s schedule, something was clearly amiss. Perhaps it was the four nets set up on the western court, or perhaps it was the hockey players wearing roller blades. Either way, with a pickup game of roller hockey underway as BTSH was ready to start the day, league officials Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg and Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher were forced to flex some muscle. Although Olmec and The Foot eventually stomped out the problem, the reluctance of the roller bladers to leave caused a delay of nearly thirty minutes in the BTSH schedule (as opposed to the standard twenty minute delay).

Corrections
In a startling turn of events, captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has rescinded his offer to Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka to join What The Puck. Apparently, talks broke down when Cejka refused to join Zimmer’s fantasy baseball league. However, the media has obtained this list of several of Zimmer’s future targets.

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Jason Eitel
Team: Corlears Hookers
Nickname: None
Suggested Nickname: The Eitel Tower
Rejected Nicknames: Dr. J, J-Dawg, The Purple Package, Fuschia Rain
Origin: West Springfield, MA
College: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (NERD!!!)
Early Aspirations: To make a lot of money and overcome his fear of heights (not necessarily in that order)
Hero: Meatball Parmesan
Reason to Love Him: Despite being a Bruins fan, he is willing to wear the Canadiens’ logo for the good of his BTSH team.
Reason to Hate Him: Nope, can’t think of any…
Fast Fact: He led Springfield’s own Kwik-E-Mart Gougers in goals in 1994.
Favorite Things: Fall foliage, shag carpeting, honesty, The Eastern States Exposition
Favorite Political Party: Bullmoose
Least Favorite Things: Connecticut, anchovies, dishonesty, Denim Demons
Best Known For: Being the Corlears Hookers’ most marketable player
Hockey Comparison: Bill Guerin
Non-Hockey Comparison: Greg Kinnear?
Things the Media Will Continue to Overhype about Him: His teammate Dutch
Down the Road: After an extremely successful career in BTSH, Jason returns to his home state of Massachusetts to run for the state House of Representatives.  Ironically, he chooses a Denim Demon, “Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau, as his campaign manager.  Despite overwhelming support from his district and a brilliant campaign strategy from Dandeneau, he loses by just a handful of votes to another Bay State native (and former BTSHer), Eric Devlin.

Tags: 2009 season, alpha male, Corlears Hookers, Mexican Standoff, news and notes

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 7th, 2009 at 10:11 pm and is filed under League Notes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.