btsh.org

All Right, All Right, All Right!

Party At The Moon Tower!
To cap off a great day of hockey, a hastily arranged party was held at the BTSH Moon Tower.  Although the party was originally scheduled to take place at Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri’s parents’ apartment, as they were out of town for the weekend, the event had to be moved when they arrived home early.  As a result, numerous BTSHers swarmed to the secluded location in the forest to enjoy good times and free beer.  The highlight of the party was clearly league philanderer Brian “Grandmaster B” Barrett, who could be seen canoodling with many of the younger females in attendance.  As he left the party, one lucky young lady received an invitation from him to see Aerosmith in a few weeks.

However, the party was not all fun and games, as a donnybrook broke out towards the end of the evening.  To prove his manhood, Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer picked a fight with the toughest person in attendance, Heidi “The Maple Leaf Muscle” Karst.  Although Coop surprised The Muscle with the first punch in hopes the fight would be broken up quickly, he was pummeled when no one came to his rescue.

The Dark Rainbows were not seen at the party, but they later claimed to have been “at a different moon tower”.

These Rookies Are Dead Meat
After a brief grace period to get acclimated, the BTSH rookies were “formally” welcomed to the league on Sunday with the traditional hazing by some of BTSH’s senior members. Lady veterans Monica Russo, Rachel “A-Korn” Greene, and Michelle Doucet ordered the new women of the league to lie on the Tompkins pavement and then bombarded the newbies with condiments, flour, and eggs. The new ladies were made to wear dog collars and suck on pacifiers and then forced to propose marriage to some of the veteran men of the league. In one awkward moment, Mighty Squirrels rookie Lauren Greene asked for Craig “Ug” LaCombe’s hand at the prodding of her cousin. The final component of the hazing came when the new ladies of the league were piled into Gary Kowalski’s pickup truck and driven through a car wash.

BTSH’s first year men also received their fair share of hazing on Sunday. As per the annual tradition, several of the league’s veterans carved wooden paddles to spank the rookie males.  Leading the charge were known bullies Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri, “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin, and Nestor “Marmaduke” Nonato. For years, these three have been the driving force behind some of the worst rookie beatings the league has ever seen. Fearing the worst for her new player, Rehabs captain Meredith “Danberg” Ficarelli asked Ventolieri to take it easy on rookie Sean “$howJu” McClain. Of course, this was all the motivation Ventolieri needed to paddle him even harder. However, McClain got the last laugh, as he conspired with teammates Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez and Alex “Villano VI” Zabala to dump a bucket of white paint on an unsuspecing Ventolieri.  The rest of the league seemed unconcerned.

Commit To Stay Fit
With the Denim Demons off to a fast start this season, captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens is determined to ensure that his team remains focused throughout the season. In preparation for the upcoming Memorial Day weekend, Rubens has created an agreement for all members of the Demons to sign. It reads, “I voluntarily agree to not indulge in any alcohol, drugs or engage in any other illegal activity that may in any way jeopardize the years of hard work we as a team have committed to our goal of a championship season in ’09.” Although several members of the team including Zack Tinkelman, Micael Holmström, and Abby Meisterman signed the pledge immediately, there remains one noticeable holdout. When presented with the contract, “Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau defiantly threw it back in Rubens’ face, stating, “I might play ball. But I will never sign that.”

A Special Message From Rich Glanzer

No, you can’t get those 84 seconds of your life back.

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Dan Hopper
Team: Sky Fighters
Suggested Nickname: The Blue Blazer
Rejected Nicknames: Danny Hops, Ocho Quatro, DH, Keystone
Origin: Pittsburgh, PA
College: Pennsylvania State University
Early Aspirations: To make snarky comments about celebrities and pop culture
First Job: Cashier in Pittsburgh Pirates box office
Current Job: Blogger for Best Week Ever
Hero: Joe Paterno
Reason to Love Him: He’s captained the Sky Fighters back to respectability.
Reason to Hate Him: He occassionally double shifts Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka just because he can.
Fast Fact: Dan was an extra in the movie Sudden Death.  He can be seen in the background while Jean-Claude Van Damme is running through the crowded Civic Arena concourse.
Favorite Things: Steely McBeam, turtles, the Allegheny River, Heinz ketchup
Favorite Fellow BTSH Pittsburgher: Georgine “Mulva” Paulin
Least Favorite Things: Cleveland, Philadelphia Flyers, snakes, industrial pollution
Best Known For: Having his sports blog linked numerous times by Yahoo Sports’ Puck Daddy
Hockey Comparison: Ryan Malone
Non-Hockey Comparison: Carl Yastrzemski, circa 1973
Things the Media Will Continue to Overhype about Him: He is the sane and responsible captain of the Sky Fighters.
Down the Road: After years of building his minor Internet celebrity status, Dan finds himself nationally renowned, but ultimately lonely.  With VH1 now owing him a favor, he executive produces his own reality show Hopper of Love–hosted by Dennis Hopper–to find a mate.  Over the course of two weeks, sixteen lovely ladies compete for his affection with one remaining in the end.  The show goes on to become the highest rated in VH1 history and spawns two sequels and one spinoff (named Lott of Love).

Tags: 2009 season, grandmaster b, Hockey Rich, news and notes, Sky Fighters

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 19th, 2009 at 10:20 pm and is filed under League Notes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.