Week 11 Preview
Don’t Take Filthy Gorgeous Lying Down
GAME OF THE WEEK
HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS
Filthy Gorgeous (6-2-1) vs. LBS, Inc. (6-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 6:30 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 3-1-1
Game Notes: Hockey Night in Tompkins has been blessed with a great matchup this weekend, courtesy of the Schuie-tron 3000. After a red hot start to the season, Filthy Gorgeous has stagnated in the past few weeks, winning only one of their last four games. During this stretch, the offense has averaged just one goal a game, but on the strength of two shutouts from Dan “D.O” Owens, the team has managed to salvage a win and a tie. LBS, Inc. has now won three games in a row and is once again looking like an elite team after a sluggish start to the season. The Corporation is second in overall scoring, mainly due to its lethal duo of Karsten Pichon and “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin, who both have double-digit goals (13 and 10, respectively). With Pichon and Poulin playing at such a high level, “D.O.” will once again have to be at the top of his game for Filthy to break out of its slump.
Keys To The Game:
1. Filthy Gorgeous’ defense has given up only 12 total goals this season, placing it second in BTSH. The most the team has allowed in any one game is a scant three goals.
2. LBS, Inc. defender Sam Anthony remains one of the best dual threats in the league. In addition to being one of the top pure defenseman in BTSH, he has also chipped in six goals, putting him third on the team.
3. It is no secret that Filthy Gorgeous defender Becky Antar Novick is one of the league’s biggest fan favorites. With a raucous crowd expected for Hockey Night in Tompkins, her cheering section should be loud and boisterous.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc. The Corporation is clicking on all cylinders right now.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc. I’ll call the two defenses a wash in this game, but LBS, Inc. has the advantage on offense.
Fresh Kills (4-5) vs. Cobra Kai (2-6-0-1)
Guest Columnist: John Meyer (Dark Rainbows)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 5-0-1
Game Notes: Where does one go with a matchup of teams with a combined 2-7 record in the Rubens Division (Kai 0-4 Killers 2-3)? Both teams share losses at the hands of division foes Demons, Habs, and yes, the upstart Elves, but they come into this game with different motivations. While K+Phos looks to jump start an offense that was stymied in week 10 by a league-best Demon defense, Enayet and the Kai will attempt to avenge the team’s week 2 shutout loss to the Killers.
John’s Pick: Fresh Kills. The 2008 champs get back to .500 as they send Cobra Kai to 0-3 in the 2pm slot.
Mega Touch (1-7-1) vs. Tuques (1-8)
Guest Columnist: Rob “Mungo” Gorden (Mighty Squirrels)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tuques lead 6-5
Game Notes: This game is a tough one to call. I usually base my assessment on the number of hot chicks per team. Unfortunately, these two teams are filled to the brim with hot chicks, so it’s a wash. Not kidding, when we played Mega Touch last week, I almost asked the team to marry me. Yes, the team. Including Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer. That’s a lot of hot chicks. And the Tuques? They have a lot of those “alternative ladies” that I was always afraid to ask out in high school, so they give me flashbacks. But they do have Sherman “The Shermanator” Chan; he’s a bad ass, and the tall blond guy is cool too.
Mungo’s Pick: Ok, I pick The Tuques to win by half a goal. But, my prediction is the Tuques and Mega Touch follow Captain Eric Devlin’s lead after the game and have drinks like gentlemen…with a bunch of hot chicks.
Sky Fighters (5-4) vs. Rehabs (6-3)
Guest Columnist: Rich Glanzer (Happy Little Elves)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 4-3
Game Notes: In what could turn out to be the game of the week, the Sky Fighters take on the Rehabs. The Sky Fighters have more talent, with Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka and sniper Robert Kucera. However, the Rehabs have a “never say die” attitude, as well as two of the top females in the league in MDF and lesser known Mel Raoul. The Rehabs have stunk up Tompkins in the first half of their last two games, but the team that doesn’t quit mounted two furious comebacks, before time ran out against the Elves and WTP. The Sky Fighters, meanwhile, are maddeningly inconsistent. There probably isn’t a team that they can’t beat on their best day, but lose to on thier worst.
Rich’s Pick: The pick here is underrated Rob Blandi puts in the game winner with 3:42 left in regulation for the black and red. Rehabs 3, Sky Fighters 2.
Happy Little Elves (4-5) vs. Gouging Anklebiters (3-5-1)
Guest Columnist: Dave Gil de Rubio (Fresh Kills)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 2-0
Game Notes: Although the Anklebiters rallied in OT to post their first win in the post-Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri era last week, the Happy Little Elves are proving to be BTSH’s biggest surprise as we approach the halfway point of the season. Living up to their 2009 marketing slogan, “It can only get better” (which is an understatement given the team’s sole win in ’08 and overall 17th place finish) and having experienced the wrath of the Elves first-hand, take this team (and Rich Glanzer) lightly at your own risk.
Dave’s Pick: Happy Little Elves
What The Puck (9-0) vs. Unicorns (6-3)
Guest Columnist: Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens (Denim Demons)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 7-6
Game Notes: Society, culture, religion and sometimes the stars and planets classify each individual game according to the true stature of what really matters: the numbers. Chris leads all Unicorns with 8 goals this season, which should prove strong as we are on the cusp between Gemini and Cancer aka the Cusp of Magic, which favors the Unicorns magical nature. However, Sunday June 21 marks the Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year, with the sun scheduled to set at 8:31. 8+3+1=12 which is exactly how many goals What The Puck’s leading scorer, Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta has on the season, giving them an insurmountable edge.
Adam’s Pick: The heavens dictate the winner will be What The Puck.
Mighty Squirrels (4-5) vs. Corlears Hookers (6-2-0-1)
Guest Columnist: Meredith “Danberg” Ficarelli (Rehabs)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 2-0
Game Notes: My prediction stands that during this game, Hooker Jason Eitel will call for the ball when he is not open, and it will end up in the hands of Squirrel Scott Brower. In an attempt to distract the Squirrels, Jason proceeds to shatter a beer bottle on the South curb of TSP West while trying to open it without a bottle opener. Squirrel Brower, realizing his true potential as a fighter after his friendly tussle with Tuques goalie Matt Spedaleri two weeks ago, will forget the ball altogether and wrastle the bottle from the scraped hands of Hooker Eitel. A battle to the death will ensue, while onlookers stand with mouths agape.
Meredith’s Pick: The game will be called a 0-0 tie with only 10 minutes gone in the first half, and Filthy Georgeous’ Monica Russo will hold the hands of both players while the EMTs take 35 minutes to arrive.
Dark Rainbows (7-1-0-1) vs. Denim Demons (6-0-2-1)
Guest Columnist: Monica Russo (Filthy Gorgeous)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 7-1-1
Game Notes: An exciting match up this week: Dark Rainbows (boasting John Nielsen, one of the league’s highest scorers of the ’09 season) vs. the Denim Demons (boasting Aaron “Coach” Pagdon, with 4 shutouts so far this year). The Demons lead the league in defense, with only 10 goals against, but with Sean Reynolds playing back, and John “no, not that goalie, the other one, the bald one” Meyer in goal, beating the Rainbows will not come easy. Captain Adam Rubens will lead his team confidently on to the ice, though he harbors a secret wish that another Rainbow will marry (or give birth) on Sunday at approximately 6:07 pm, so they will be short benched. This team tends to travel (and live) in packs.
Monica’s Pick: Rainbows. Sean’s team weds (or spawns) when Sean says they can wed (or spawn).
Mathematics (2-4-1-2) vs. Mexican Standoff (0-8-0-1)
Guest Columnist: Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer (Mega Touch)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 5-0
Game Notes: In this epic battle of attractive teams, 2nd & 3rd place respectively (Mega Touch is still handsomely in the lead), team Meximelt looks for its first victory of the season against the league’s SAT prep course. WHO WILL WIN!? WHO WILL LOSE!? Only sunday will tell…
Alex’s Pick: …or Coop will: Standoff pulls off a rousing upset. Final score, 35-34! Highest scoring game in league history. The media will have lots to write about, including their own defeat.
Media Records:
Eli: 49-17
Derek: 45-23
Tags: 2009 season, Filthy Gorgeous, lbs inc, Weekly Previews
I didn’t know we were playing on the ice. I’d pick against us too.
i thought that she was referring to adam leading the team’s beers onto the ice, after the game.
I think the media needs to interview $h0w+1m3 over his decision to retire from the BTSH Battledome. WTF?? Where’s the lifetime achievement award? Where’s the teary press conference?
Dave I appreciate the love…both team wise and personally. And though we will be pretty shorthanded, I will guarantee and all out effort from the Elves to make you look good. Though I’m not going to Messier or Ewing a guaranteed victory. Right now we have zero male subs, one female subs, and a backup goalie who played for the Hookers last week. (Though I hear she’s really good)
Hockey Rich aint a chauvinist!!
Ben,
It was a decision from my lawyers that hasnt seem to pay off yet. I been playing like crap and as a team we have only been playing 1 half of hockey. Don’t worry though, I have passed the torch to Rich from here on out.
$h0w+1m3
ps: The media has more important things to do, like take a picture of Abby and if you notice the guy in the red shorts, whats wrong?
Show, the torch has been passed. Though I’m just holding it down till you come back.
I’m sorta like Hakeem Olajuwon. I’ll win the championships till Jordan unretires!!