Season Preview: Sky Fighters
The Big Sexy Tour 2010 Begins…
Color: Sky Blue
Year Founded: 2007 (current version), 2002 (original version)
2009 Regular Season Finish: 14-7 (7th place)
2009 Playoff Result: Defeated What The Puck in championship game
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Hackett
Home Arena: Lott Gymnasium
2009 Leading Scorer: Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, 20 goals
Key Additions: Stephanie Tybinka (Free Agency)
Key Losses: Alice Bertoni (Fresh Kills)
Sky Fighters captain Dan Hopper noted the following on how his team plans to defend its title in 2010:
Let’s watch this six times:
Now let’s watch this, which has nothing to do with the Sky Fighters’ season or any other season, but is just independently awesome:
The 2009 Sky Fighters season marked the culmination of an elaborate three-year plan:
2007: Go 1-16
2008: Add like 10 really good people who show up
2009: Win the BTSH Championship before anyone knows what’s going onUnfortunately, the plan only covered three seasons, so the Sky Fighters are just going to have to wing it with their title defense. On the plus side, the team’s entire male contingent is returning, though Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker will only be sporadically available for the season’s first half, as he’s training for Buddhist Space Olympics (seriously, if this were a joke, it would be less exaggerated-sounding). Some new ladies have been added to balance out the roster’s freshman dorm-like guy/girl ratio, and the team still resides in the league’s second-tiered division, partially based on its 2009 regular season record, but mostly because the North American hockey press continues to underestimate Europeans.
Most importantly, the Sky Fighters finally possess the depth to overcome opponents’ weekly “Sweep The Leg On Martin” defensive strategy, though now that several other Sky Fighters are actually known by the rest of the league, they may struggle to get underestimated, a key component to the team’s 2009 run. Nevertheless, as captain, I am extremely confident that in 2010, we can replace these players with new also-good players that nobody knows in the hopes of sneaking up on everybody once again.
Professional Wrestler They Closely Resemble: Christian. They’ve had an extremely successful return after an extended absence from the league (including a title run), but their status as US citizens is questionable.
Fast Fact: Robert Kucera is really just from Indiana.
ROSTER
Lourdes Banez
Danielle Block
Mark Bloom
Lynn Caruso
Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka
David Cernan
Greg “Mr. August” Cohan
Stefan Danicich
Trace Della Torre
Lindsey Dinsmore
Sandy Glover
Dan Hopper (C)
Julia Hynes
Greg Infanti
Robert Kucera
Sarah Larson
Sam Lassner
Samantha Lee
Amy Lott (A)
Christian Mack
Rich McConnell
Marc McDonald
Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker
James Stein
Stephanie Tybinka
Tags: 2010 season, Sky Fighters, team previews
You think Christian’s run has been successful?? Laboring in ECW for two years?? I like Jeff Hardy on this one. Toiling in mid card status and then becomes champion.
I don’t know who Jeff Hardy is and unfortunately the state told my sister that we had to start letting my nephew go to school more regularly, so he’s not around for me to ask. But I know that journey playing a keyboard on a wall is…indeed…awesome.
Yeah, the keyboard on the wall really did it for me too. That and the guy who looks like Gallagher. Plus they filmed the whole thing on a self storage lot. I miss the 1980s, when MTV showed music videos, and instead of terrorists we had commies, and also commie terrorists.
Ahh…the good ole days of commies & downtown julie brown. I refused to watch the queen video, though…that was just obnoxious…or i may or may not have already watched it 6 times last week.