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He’d Be Even Sweatier If He Actually Got Back On Defense

Color: Sky Blue
Year Founded: 2007 (current version), 2002 (original version)
2010 Regular Season Finish: 9-6-0-1 (2nd, Hackett Division; 7th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Happy Little Elves in semifinals
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Hackett
2010 Leading Scorer: Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, 10 goals
Team Song: Eiffel 65 – Blue
Key Additions: Ivo Mocek, Cory Watkinson
Key Losses: Danielle Block (injury), Alice DuBois, Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker

Captain Dan Hopper wrote the following preview for the 2011 Sky Fighters:

In last year’s season preview, I made the mistake of revealing The Sky Fighters’ infallible three-year championship plan. I wrote, verbatim:

Year One: Go 1-16
Year Two: Add like 10 really good people who show up
Year Three: Win the BTSH Championship before anyone knows what’s going on

And wouldn’t you know it if the Happy Little Elves didn’t COMPLETELY STEAL THIS PLAN, right down to forcing Ben Chadwick to wear an eyepatch and speak in a cartoony fake Slovakian accent.

So in a way, the Sky Fighters kind of did win the title again in 2010. In another more accurate way, we lost in the semifinals to the Elves in a shootout with both goalies playing the games of their lives.  Of course, Don Cherry still blames the Sky Fighters’ loss on a lack of desire because “Europeans didn’t grow up dreaming about the BTSH Cup.”

The Sky Fighters’ 2011 squad will be without several crucial components. Amy Lott has bolted for Gut Rot, leaving us one girl short for all the games instead of just the ones before 4 pm. Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker is also gone after purchasing a house upstate, because obviously Chris Shumaker did that, though we plan on slapping soccer pads on a bearded scarecrow so Martin still has someone to constantly yell at to get back on defense. Our leading female scorer, Alice DuBois, is also taking the year off for her pregnancy, which will certainly hurt the offense, but in this Salary Cap Era you’ve always got to be thinking long term.

Still, the Sky Fighters’ core remains mostly intact: James Stein is back in goal, most of the girls will be starting their fourth season with the team, and the European contingent may even include a fourth member, if David Cernan’s 10-month-old boy shows up to start some shit with the Demons’ babies.

Entity They Resemble, According to Rich Glanzer: Martina Navratilova. The greatest Czechoslovakian athlete ever was a dominant force. She actually plays ice hockey in NY, and there is one person in BTSH who tried to recruit her to his team. Much like Martina, the Sky Fighters won’t stop at one championship, and I think they are one of four teams who will be favorites to win it all this season.
Fast Fact: Greg Infanti always puts his pants on one leg at a time.

ROSTER
Lourdes Banez
Mark Bloom
Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka
David Cernan
Greg “Mr. August” Cohan
Stefan Danicich
Trace Della Torre
Lindsey Dinsmore
Dan Hopper (C)
Greg Infanti
Shaz Khan
Robert Kucera
Sarah Larson
“The Prodigy” Sam Lassner
Dan Lee
Samantha Lee
Marc McDonald
Ivo Mocek
Jennifer Nelson
James Stein
Cory Watkinson

Tags: 2011 Season, Sky Fighters, team previews

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 12th, 2011 at 9:19 pm and is filed under 2011 Team Previews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.