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Lindsey Dinsmore

Trace Della Torre
Bob Weyersberg
Dan Hopper
David Ritter
Greg Cohan
Greg Hartzberg

Greg Infanti
Ivo Mocek
Lada Majkus

Mark Bloom
Martin Cejka
Robert Kucera

Stefan Danicich

Hockey historians will remember that in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s the Montreal Canadiens were able to secure a series of championships thanks to GM Sam Pollock’s control of the developmental leagues and ruthless pursuit of other teams draft picks. After being blown out in the round of 16 last year, Skyfighter’s Captain Dan “Chopper” Hopper is pursuing a similar strategy, scouring other leagues for young talent who can revive the Blue Brawlers failing fortunes.

So far his only notable move has been the signing of Street Hockey Tsar and former Fresh Kills/Riots agitator Bob Weyersberg to a tryout contract. Bob W. knows what he has to do on the court and swears he’s looking forward to playing Marty McSorley to Hopper’s aspiring Gretzkys. As he wryly noted, “When you’ve written the rule book you know where all the loopholes are.” In addition, to his ability to torture refs with his ability to quote chapter and verse, Weyersberg’s contacts with Rangers and Moffo management should prove useful as Hopper restocks his playoff squad. It’s a canny move from the wily Captain who is definitely playing the long game when it comes to roster additions.

Of course, the heart of this team remains the Budvar loving, Russian hating trio of  Martin Cejka, Robert Kucera, and Stefan Danicich. Thanks to them this team is more Czech than a fish in the bathtub at Christmastime. In order to secure their commitment to the team, Hopper had to make a number of concessions, including agreeing to grow his hair in to an approximation of Jaromir Jagr’s mullet circa 1991 and getting Lindsay Dinmore to officially change her last name to Stastny. Hopper did know where to draw the line though. The threesome’s suggestion of shots of Slivovice after every goal they score and playing of the Moravian state anthem before each game were soundly rejected. A shame really. “Moravska Hymna” is a beautiful piece of music.

Still, Hopper’s ability to get all three of the “Czechmates” signed paid almost immediate dividends in the off season. Not only did he tie up the steady stream of young players being coached by Martin and Rob, he also got Stefan to agree to take goalie James Stein on a pilgrimage to Pardubice. The Luongo loving Stein spent the summer mucking out stables on Dominik Hasek’s pig farm, learning the secret of clutch goaltending and making surprisingly tasty sausage. The mentor-student relationship was progressing nicely until Stein mentioned that he would be playing street hockey rather than ice hockey. At that point, Hasek experienced flashbacks to his own violence filled street hockey days and proceeded to burn down the entire complex in a fit of murderous rage. The locals claimed they could smell frying bacon for weeks and when Stein returned to North America he could only mouth the words “The horror, the horror.” Hopper was forced to sign backup Tim Burke in case Stein displayed any lasting psychological trauma from the experience and teammates are forbidden from eating pork scratchings in his presence.

Of course, the real strength of this team is it’s female players. While opponents focus on “the Big Three” and the possibility of an all Greg forward line, students of the game realize that Samantha Lee scored the only goal for the Fighters in their playoff loss. Alice DuBois regularly lights the lamp and Trace Della Torre has an Italian name so we’ll assume that she’s at least as good as Alice(at least they can yell “forza azzurri” together). And Sarah “the Other” Larson is a force to be reckoned with.

If the Skyfighter’s female players are a consistent presence and Hopper starts working the phones, then this will be a team that can compete even on Czech national holidays. But if the team disintegrates in to nationalistic camps or Weyersberg becomes the notorious discipline problem he’s been in the past, then Hopper may have his work cut out for him. Their ultimate goal has to be to create team chemistry at least a week or two before they start playing playoff games. Otherwise, their season could be over by St. Wenceslas’ Day.

Entity: Chicago Blackhawks