2012 Season Preview – Filthy Gorgeous
By ORG Special Correspondent Abby Meisterman
Color: Navy Blue/Peach
Year Founded: 2006
2011 Regular Season Finish: 10-6-0-1 (3rd, Rubens Division; 8th overall)
2011 Playoff Result: Lost to Denim Demons in Round of 16
Conference: Tagliarino
Division: Bratta
Team Song: Scissor Sisters – Filthy/Gorgeous
Roster:
monica russo (captain)
some guy named JJ
dan kagen-kans
suvin malik
sunny mehra
brett karley
caroline currie
chris baker
dan owens
dana kravis
joe essock
fran graziano
james pereira
jean hebert
joe pereira
matt novick
rebecca novick (neé antar)
suz pasquantonio
sunny mehra
brett karley
caroline currie
chris baker
dan owens
dana kravis
joe essock
fran graziano
james pereira
jean hebert
joe pereira
matt novick
rebecca novick (neé antar)
suz pasquantonio
Like so many teams in the league this year, Filthy Gorgeous had some significant changes in its roster. While the dirty-pretty team still boasts scoring machines James “Gentleman” Peirera and Suvin “The Guru” Malik and goalie Dan “D.O.” Owens, Liza “1.21 Giga” Watts and Matt Workman have followed their hearts (and livers) over to Gut Rot. Watts reportedly just wanted to play with Ellery again (they were teammates on the Denim Demons many, many years ago) and Workman just looks good in gray. Jon Rick also wandered off, joining the Gremlins (formerly known as the Unicorns) as he wanted to participate in the Prestigious Yet Imaginary Fairy Tale Cup competition.
However, Rebecca Novick (neé Antar), has returned to the roster after birthing the first member of the FG U-18 team. She will be joined by “some guy named JJ” and Dan Kagan-Kans…. I do not know who they are.What can we expect this season from FG? James will continue to entice the ladies (and some of the gents) of the league with his double-deep-v from the “Out of Bounds” collection. Once Happy Little Elf Ben Chadwick has healed (broken ankle via free-agent scrimmage), you can expect Suz to run through/between his legs on a break-away. Jean Herbert will hold a silent auction for his famous French dinner. Spoiler alert: Poutine Machine Jo-Ann Provencher will be the highest bidder. The team will attempt to use the recent roster shake-up on its grandfather team, the Denim Demons, as a way of leveling their record; currently it’s 5-2-1 (if I’m not mistaken) with Demons leading. Apropos of nothing, Justin Perras, Mathematics, just wanted to be mentioned in a write-up.
Entity They Most Resemble (According to Rich Glanzer)
Entity:Filthy: Washington Capitals. Every year before the season starts, you look at the Capitals roster and call them legitimate Stanley Cup contenders. But after a solid regular season the Caps never have reached the semis.
Filthy is one of the most talented teams in the league. Solid goaltending, a good defense, top notch scorers and possibly the best group of girls in the league make you wonder why they haven’t made a deep playoff run yet.
There are two possible answers.
1) They normally play the Hookers. I would have said that’s the answer except last year they lost to the Demons.
2) Matt Workman just wasn’t very good. I think this is the more logical explanation, as does captain Monica Larsen. Monica excommunicated Worky to Gut Rot and said, “Much like the hair not on his head, less is more.”
Screw you Monica! Not everyone was blessed with such a lovely mane as your husband Sven. Frickin ingrate.
Fun Fact: Vicky’s sister Suz has really small thumbs which makes her thumb-wrestling skills pretty brutal.
Fun Fact #2: I’ve beaten Suz in a race. But outside of one more race vs. Ashley M., I’m officially announcing my retirement from competitive racing.
Really Fun Facts: When Monica gets drunk she often disrupts BTSH All-Star Games.
Strange Fact: Caroline Currie and Jo-Ann Provencher make a pretty decent dart team. Though you can only understand Caroline when she talks.
Apropos of nothing, I’m not wearing any pants right now. And also, Abby made my season (up to and until the time I score my annual goal…probably around July 23).
abby…you totally know who dan is. he played on your moffo team.
@Justin_Math: SENIORS!!!
@Monica: Do I need to issue a retraction? 😉