Season Preview: Corlears Hookers
Hookers Go With Softer Image In 2009
Color: Purple/White
Year Founded: 2007
2008 Regular Season Finish: 13-4 (3rd place)
2008 Playoff Result: Lost to Fresh Kills in championship game
Division: Rubens
2009 Marketing Slogan: “This is Dutch’s team.”
Key Additions: None
Key Losses: Chris Beauvois
Media relations director Albert “Al” Huang submitted a detailed press release regarding the state of the Corlears Hookers. Here are some of the highlights:
Last year was a drama-filled season for the Hookers, featuring numerous disciplinary issues, several key injuries, and yet another disappointing finals outcome. The Hookers will return this season with a clean slate and the hunger to win it all.
New starting goalie Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson will bring a different vibe to the team from last season. His zen-level calmness, focus, and coolness between the pipes will usher in a new era for the Hookers, who have only known Chris Beauvois as its goalie for its first two seasons in the league. There is no question that opponents will have to study Olson closely to find weaknesses in his game. Over the past two seasons, he often substituted in goal for Beauvois and was undefeated in all his appearances, including two shutouts.
Brendan “Dutch” Kearney will return to the lineup after suffering a horrible wrist injury last season that required surgery and kept him on the sidelines for most of the games. After rehabilitating his wrist during the offseason, Dutch has received clearance to play again. His addition to the lineup will certainly add to the Hookers’ offensive numbers, but it may take him a few games to get his touch back.
In the meantime, other teammates stepped up in 2008 to fill the scoring void, with Jason Eitel (15 goals, tied for 4th in league scoring) leading the team in goals. The Hookers boasted one of the deepest teams in the league, as every player on the team scored at least one goal. There were three players with more than 10 goals and five players who scored at least five. Furthermore, Hookers forwards take a lot of pride in their two-way play. Last season the Hookers allowed the fewest goals (22) and tied for the league lead in shutouts (6). With Captain Peter “Purple Rain” Putka anchoring the blueline again this season, the defensive backbone of the team will remain unchanged.
Food They Closely Resemble: Kobe Beef. Only the most elite and tender can be selected for this squad, which is followed by a traditional, strict grooming process. However, despite the apparent rigidness here, there has been a distinct surge in popularity in recent times.
Fast Fact: Jason Eitel’s ringtone is “Single Ladies” by Beyoncé.
ROSTER
John Bartlett
Jason Eitel
Nickie Gill
Amy Goegen
Albert “Al” Huang
Brendan “Dutch” Kearney
Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney
David Kucharsky
Libby Lewis
Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson
Reilly “Fake Dutch” Olson
Jock Paul
Libby Pettibone
Peter “Purple Rain” Putka (C)
Josh Sadlier-Brown
Anshu Sinha
Matt Zimmerman
Tags: 2009 season, Corlears Hookers, team previews