Season Preview: What The Puck
Larry Is Big Brother
Color: Orange
Year Founded: 2001
2008 Regular Season Finish: 13-3-0-1 (1st place)
2008 Playoff Result: Lost to Fresh Kills in quarterfinals
Division: Woodsworth
2009 Marketing Slogan: “Yes, we have work visas.”
Key Additions: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta (Cobra Kai), Sal Malguarnera (Rehabs)
Key Losses: Jen Hale, Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri? (Retirement)
What The Puck cruised through the 2008 regular season, leading the league in scoring and finishing first in the overall standings. However, for the second straight season, the team crashed back to reality with a heartbreaking defeat in the playoffs. After losing in the 2007 semifinals to the Corlears Hookers in a shootout, the Pucks’ 2008 season ended with a stunning double overtime loss to the eventual champion Fresh Kills.
Of course, by now, it’s a well known fact that captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer is never one to have a quiet offseason. Despite his goofy and sheepish exterior, he is actually quite ruthless and shrewd when prepping his roster during the winter. This year was no different. After scouring reams of data, Zimmer claims to have added several players who will mesh with his juggernaut squad, based on a “sabermetric formula for street hockey.” His first major acquisition occurred early in the offseason, when he snapped up Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta from Cobra Kai. Bratta led BTSH last season with 23 regular season goals, and his addition gives What The Puck four of last season’s top nine scorers. Never satisfied, Zimmer shocked the league in early March when he officially added one of BTSH’s most dynamic two-way players, Sal Malguarnera, from the Rehabs. Zimmer is also rumored to have used his cunning wiles to coax team cancer Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri into retirement.
With few major losses, What The Puck is primed to destroy the competition once again. Only time will tell if they can seal the deal come playoff time.
All joking aside, the team is dedicating the season to former player Kat Barrett, who is recovering from serious health issues.
Food They Closely Resemble: Poutine. This is the quintessence of Canadian comfort. With so many varied and unique parts, it doesn’t seem like it would all mesh so well in the end, but somehow, it always comes out great.
Fast Fact: Corey “Chongo” Winters trusts that the media had a good offseason, and he hopes to catch up with them socially fairly soon.
ROSTER
Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta
Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz
Michelle Doucet
Celine Dujeux
Amy Farley
Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman
Ollie Hartman
Laurissa James
Kevin Lutsky
Tom MacDonald
Sal Malguarnera
Kelly McPherson
Tiffany Sinder
Hannah Stark
Susanna Tenney
Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri
Brian Vroom
Corey “Chongo” Winters
Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth
Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer
Tags: 2009 season, team previews, what the puck
good to see WTP was able to add a couple of goal scorers. they really needed the help.
its gonna be great to play against Sal. Most people are scared to stand and block a Sal shot without getting hit. Lets see what happens when the guy blocking his shot is his former teammate.
Kat Barrett..get well soon!
I just found my btsh.org password so I feel the need to write pointless things right now. I hear it’s supposed to rain on Sunday. starting the season off right.