Week 9 – Game Previews – Part 1

Most of you have probably already seen this footage of Gregory Campbell killing off a penalty while skating on a broken leg:

It actually started a meme on Twitter #iamgregorycampbell where people at first seriously (and then comically) described their own struggles/courage in the face of adversity. My favorite was the Dallas Stars tweeting “Had Sean Avery on our team #iamgregorycampbell”.

So the ORG’s crack reporting team got to talking and wondering who on BTSH might deserve that hallowed hashtag. Our initial thought was to give it to anyone who’s ever written for the ORG, been league commissioner or shared a long car ride with Suz. But then author provocateur Ben “the American Zdeno Chara” Chadwick threw down the gauntlet and told us all to get a bit more creative.

And no one picked it up with more gusto than our own Abby Meisterman. Herewith, for your reading pleasure, BTSH’s first ever “tweetalogue”:

Cobra Kai at Fresh Kills
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Abby “Pushing the Boundaries” Meisterman

Scott Lee @hairlesscat

@SokolOne What time is the game this week? And v. who?


Dave Sokol @SokolOne

@hairlesscat We have the late game, 5:30, vs. CobraKai.

Kevin F@ThatsNoMoon

@hairlesscat @SokolOne CobraKai? I give those guys major credit. Goalie’s an angry dude.


Jerry Chavez @GoHawks

@ThatsNoMoon @SokolOne It’s true; we are long suffering. #iamgregorycampbell

Pete Lang @SIbikedude

@GoHawks @ThatsNoMoon Hey now! I’m right here. You guys should feel bad, you’ve a sucky “Bond” on your team.

Kevin F @ThatsNoMoon

@SIbikedude You’re thinking of Roger Moore; our guy is Patrick Moore, @btsh008

Pete Lang @SIbikedude

@ThatsNoMoon Wait? Then who’s your goalie?

Kevin F @ThatsNoMoon

@SIbikedude That’s Patrick Barch, @BarchBeer. How long have you been in this league!?

Jerry Chavez @GoHawks

@ThatsNoMoon See what I mean? #iamgregorycampbell

Claire Friedman @NJDevilsgurl

@PearDream We’re on a team with these guys?

Becky Pear @PearDream

@NJDevilsgurl ‘Fraid so. It boggles the mind. #iamgregorycampbell


Mike Sokol @SokolTwo

@PearDream @ NJDevilsgurl You know nothing, Jon Snow. Trying having your brother as captain. #iamgregorycampbell


Alice Bertoni @ItsAleechayDammit

@SokolOne So, wait… What time’s the game?

Corlears Hookers at Butchers
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East

Even after all these years, Dustin refuses to block Peter Putka’s email account. #iamgregorycampbell
Ben Bloom puts up with Arthur Revechkis’ off key rendition of “Don’t Fear the Reaper” every time Ben scores a goal #iamgregorycampbell

The Hookers aren’t looking quite as unbeatable as they were early in the season and the Butchers are one of those teams that’s always good for an upset pick. However, both teams start to struggle with attendance between Memorial Day and Labor Day weekend. If it’s six Hookers against ten Butchers bet on the Misfits.

La Famiglia at Lbs. 
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square East

One of our earliest memories of the league is Ant Ventolieri taking one for his team. For you newbies, Pork Fried Rice was the first of the BTSH “superteams” (modern equivalent-Corlears Hookers or Fresh Kills), an all-star team constantly supplemented by players from other teams or leagues. Universally despised by the rest of the league, they won the championship in 2005. Ant selflessly steered attention away from his teammates by bum rushing the stage at the end of season party and encouraging the crowd to yell “asshole” for over ten minutes. He’s also a Bruins fan so this will have special meaning for him. Ant = #iamgregorycampbell

There are a lot of different candidates for Lbs. but none have shown the courage of Dustin Shutes. He’s had that same hairstyle since 1982. #iamgregorycampbell

LBS are steamrolling everyone right now and don’t expect that to stop this week. 3-1 for the Preppie Puckhandlers.

Happy Little Elves at Skyfighters
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square East

No matter who we pick on the Elves, Glanzer is going to disagree with us. So f**k it. We’re giving this one to Sarah Torenten. Sarah suffered through weeks of the standings page being messed up and even though she was dying inside she never complained publicly (unless you count the Elves Facebook page as a public forum). Sarah Torenten=#iamgregorycampbell.

James Stein singlehandedly revived the Molly Jacobs tradition of courtside vomiting. #iamgregorycampbell

We’re going with our traditional pick of Elves in a shootout (since we’re assuming that 85 degree heat will cause Rammstein to throw up in his mouth a little).

Denim Demons at Mathematics
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Rich “My Posts Gets More Obscure Every Week” Glanzer

Before we get to the theme lets get to the hockey. Both the Demons and Math are coming off incredibly uninspiring efforts, though Math was able to pull out a win vs. Scott Lee and his Riots. Meanwhile, the Demons got thumped by the Lbs. I still don’t know how y’all let these guys who make Kevin Foster look as young as Sean McClain win the championship last season. I mean I know Karstan is deadly with his cane but still. (Ken Poulin, I joke, I know you guys are good. I got your emails, texts and Myspace messages telling me that you’re good. Here is Ken’s Myspace page. )

Anyways, while the Demons have the edge in talent, Math will have the edge in desire. The Demons will walk into this game and the best they can hope for is two points. Math realizes a win vs. a team like the Demons (and Adam this is a compliment) will let the league know that they arrived. And just so Derk and Elly will understand, it will turn you from jobbers that sometimes win (think Santino) into mid-carders that often lose, but every once in awhile can beat the upper mid-carders (Kofi).
But what it will really come down to is the parenting. Look, its no secret I’m torn. I’m a huge Papa Tink fan. The guy comments, loves his son, loves his Demons, and I’m pretty sure even likes me. But then there’s Mama Norris. Mrs. Norris is an amazing woman. She birthed at least three of the four Norris’s including that chick #66 who is into  cages, staying to play on 3 different teams after her Math game, and middle aged men who look like Mike Hargrove. 
While I’d love to give the edge to Papa Tink since its Fathers Day, I call it like I sees it. And I see Mama Norris asking me out to the Sadie Hawkins BTSH Prom so I’m going with Math 4- Demons 3. (That’s if Math is smart and covers the male player who is sitting above the slot without the ball and don’t chase the guy with the ball like a 5-year-old playing soccer)
As for the I am Gregory Campbell Awards.
For Math its easy, Justin Perras #isGregoryCampbell. The dude is a classy guy, who has to put up with Zach’s egotistical ego, Delusional Derek, out of control Amy, and Elly talking in a British accent telling everyone to raise his hand. 
For the Demons, Coach #isGregoryCampbell. While Son Tink, That Blonde Chick, Kamen, the Fake Periera, Blue Tracy, and the Lifter of Chadwick, get all the pub around here, Coach just minds his business, gives up two or less goals, all, while mourning the loss of his beloved Barbara Streisand. You’re in a better place Babs, where there is BTSH 7-days a week. 
Coach, you know you love this preview.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 12th, 2013 at 4:49 pm and is filed under Weekly Previews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Responses to “Week 9 – Game Previews – Part 1”

  1. Justin_Math says:
    June 12, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    Made it through an entire Rich Glanzer post, saw my own name and a compliment #isGregoryCampbell.

  2. joetinky says:
    June 12, 2013 at 9:00 pm

    Rich the Obscure: I totally expect to lose out to your Sadie Hawkins BTSH Prom Fantasy. Makes perfect sense. I respect you for it. And I’m also glad you’ve warned the Numerologists to focus on that “male sitting above the slot”. That’s exactly where we want the attention paid while Adam’s secret weapon fills up the net from… you thought I was going to spill it, but alas, I had a senior moment and forgot.

  3. Justin_Math says:
    June 12, 2013 at 10:03 pm

    …the forehand, right? He’s going to fill the net from the forehand? Noted.

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