THIS DAY IN LIME-TOSS HISTORY

Lime Bartman

Unearthed by our special correspondent Dr. Clavicle

A Dark Day For Lime-Toss. 

Chutney Downs, London, 1846. 

Sport “Afficiniados” and Ruffians are scandalized as Lord Timberton Lloyd Dogstuffer-Browncastle, OBE (smiling) disregards the Second Rule of Lime-Toss, namely that Nary a Tosser shall “Go over Chadwick.” The Chadwick in question is Sir Wimbledongle Chadwick-Chadwick-Chadwick, shown leaping for the viridescent Fruit, his colossal hand gloved in splendid Mongolian yak jerky. 

Moments after, the madding crowd razed Chutney Downs and unleashed a “Horrific Tsounammy of Hooliganism.” Cities worldwide now lay in cinders, and Millions are dead, mostly from pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Queen Victoria has been informed of the incident. To calm tensions, Her Majesty has ordered a flotilla of Royal Navy Frigates to bombard, and thus Pacify, the hated Swedes. 

Lord Dogstuffer-Browncastle has not been located since the Incident; leading phrenologists speculate that his head has imploded.

Such a tumultuous tide of Orgiastic Devastation has not rampaged across Britain’s homeland since the previous match of Lime-Toss, which was yesterday. 

–The Royal Crown Daily Journal of Farm Animal Relations and Citrus Sports, 

September 19, 1846 

Editor’s Note: No, we don’t have any idea what it means either.

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This entry was posted on Monday, September 16th, 2013 at 4:52 pm and is filed under general interest. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Responses to “THIS DAY IN LIME-TOSS HISTORY”

  1. the chairman says:
    September 16, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    That Glanzer kid sure can write.

  2. HockeyRich says:
    September 17, 2013 at 10:37 am

    Holy shit. That looks like Tim Brown standing just where Steve Bartman was!

  3. the chairman says:
    September 17, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    There really is a Bartman??

  4. btsh.org | Week 19 Game Previews – Part 2 says:
    September 19, 2013 at 7:42 pm

    […] I’ve been so busy unearthing 19th-century newspaper articles for my ethnography of Lime Toss, I haven’t had time to write the preview you requested for the Pounds vs. Anklebiters match. […]

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