Week 6 Preview: Part III
GOTW: Corlears Hookers at Fresh Kills
These Brown Division rivals certainly aren’t strangers with one another. They met three times last season with the Hookers taking two of those games. Although Fresh Kills won handily in week 14 with a 5-2 victory, the Hookers defeated Fresh Kills 5-4 in week 17, ruining their bid for a perfect season in the process. With each team besting the other once during the regular season, they met one final time in BTSH’s Greatest Game Ever Played©: the 2013 playoff semifinal when the Hookers defeated Fresh Kills 2-1 in triple overtime.
Despite reffing more than 60 additional minutes of “free hockey,” the league only paid Dan for one game following that 3OT thriller. (Glanzer Note: That’s why it’s “Free” Derk)
Keys for the Corlears Hookers:
Care. The Corlears Hookers are infamous for going through the motions during the regular season, largely because they can beat most of BTSH with a half-assed effort. Players consistently miss games, leaving a haggard bench, and you occasionally get the feeling the Hookers are saving their best hockey for MOFO. Well, that’s not going to work against Fresh Kills, who are known for rolling three solid lines and sprinting non-stop for 50 minutes. On a player for player basis, Corlears may be better than Fresh Kills, but they can’t Milton Berle this one if they want another victory.
“Just enough to win.”
Thousands of BTSHers rush to google, “Milton Berle” and long for the day when Sven wrote about Alex Eben Meyer’s socks.
Play a team game. Fresh Kills may have the deepest roster in the league, but that hasn’t stopped captain Dave Sokolyansky from relying on the “Martin Cejka Strategy.” This gameplan–popularized by the Sky Fighters in the late aughts–revolves around giving one player (Gabe, in this case) a disproportionately high amount of playing time. Although it’s reasonable to want your best player (and potentially the league’s best player in Gabe’s case) in the game for as long as possible, the scheme rarely pans out. The superstar gets tired, and the other players lose their mojo and rhythm. To win this game, Fresh Kills needs to take advantage of all of its skilled players and wear the Hookers down with fresh legs and hard running.
It’s the damn numbers game!
Fresh Kills will be looking for revenge after last season’s playoff loss, so they’re clearly going to want this one more. For the Hookers, this is just another game. Expect a close one, but the Kills’ grit will win it for them in the end, 3-2. These teams next meet on September 14, when Fresh Kills will still be undefeated…expect the Hookers to take that one and conquer the streak.
Eli’s Pick: Derek’s logic is pretty sound. Fresh Kills takes sole possession of first place in the Brown Division, 2-1.
Rich’s Pick: Just because it was BTSH’s longest game doesn’t mean it was the best. But that being said, I agree with my Authority mates on this one, 4-1 FK…though I’d like to see the Hookers roster. PS. Props to Derk for putting Dan Hopper as the first picture in the FK/Hookers game.
Other Games:
Denim Demons at Rehabs
Do you remember in 2003/04 when the Yankees/Red Sox rivalry was a thing? They hated each other and every game was awesome?
Yeah…that was the Demons/Rehabs a few years ago. It was the best rivalry in sports.
But with Abby, Kami, Kehoe, and now even MDF gone…these two teams will just as likely sing kumbaya my lord at center ice then actually play hockey.
I blame Jessica Perez for the Rehabs softness.
Rich’s Pick: Nick Barretta. I just wanted to say his name since he’s the only person that regularly comments and he gets excited when he does that control F function. But he will lose, 3-2 to the Demons.
Eli’s Pick: The Demons coast past Nick Barretta (another mention!) and the Rehabs, 4-1.
Derek’s Pick: Adam Rubens. He’ll comment on occasion too. And 4-2 Demons.
Cobra Kai at Mega Touch
Some teams have rivals to play on Rivalry Week. And some don’t and thus get matched up to fill out the schedule. This game fits the latter. But just because Cobra Kai and Mega Touch aren’t rivals right now doesn’t mean they can’t become rivals. Can we make that happen guys? Please? Maybe Julie can say something mean-spirited about one of the multitude of new guys on Cobra Kai she knows nothing about, like Sebastian Asaro, or Peter Gallina, or Liam Martens. Or maybe Greg can go rogue and steal all of Mega Touch’s delicious postgame snacks. Otherwise we’ll just end up with Cobra Kai-Gut Rot and Mega Touch-Tompkins Square Riots on Rivalry Week 2015. Regardless, I’m picking Cobra Kai, 4-3.
Mega Touch might need to be a little more protective of these salty snacks on Sunday.
Rich’s Pick: Cobra Kai has two new girls that are really good. They probably have weak arms like Rachel, “The Infiltrator” though. No matter…strong arms don’t win championships bc if they did the Tuques would win ever game. Oh wait. Dojo takes this one 5-3. Julie scores though.
Gut Rot at Tompkins Square Riots
It’s the return of Bill and Jamie!
Or as $h0wT!m3 would say, “They are coming.”
Derek’s Pick: The helicopter entrance is reserved for Steve Nebraska. And I’ll go against the grain and say 4-3 TSR.
Rich’s Pick: Gut Rot finally wins 5-4. Diane Johnston doesn’t comment, misses my bday and I try to get Zach Norris to break up with her bc he could do better.
Tags: 2014 Season, Corlears Hookers, Fresh Kills, Weekly Previews
Someday I’ll go to any BTSH article and not see a goddamn wrestling photo or read a goddamn wrestling mention and it will be the greatest goddamn day of my life (non-child/family division).
This is how our strategizing for this weeks game has gone so far:
Me: I don’t know who is on cobra kai anymore
Eric: meh
No comment
Justin, I actually have ordered those two to only mention wrestling on Friday’s. I mean they are allowed to do wrestling comments that go over your head (like I do) but for them to put a picture up of wrestling on one of the biggest previews of the year is an atrocity. But at least they countered that with Milton Berle.
Julie…they are really good. They also don’t know the rules that well.
I’m still shocked that Richie has no idea who Berle was, considering he and Gil are the only two BTSHers old enough to see his show in its hey day run in the late 1940s.
What about Kevin Foster and Gil’s son’s father?
Where is the Elves/Math (the authority’s wet dream) preview?
http://www.btsh.org/bruise/week-6-preview-part-ii/
#NOCOMMENT #AuthorityWHO?
The 2014 blog is great and deserves a Pulitzer, but we need MOAR CATS IN BREAD. No really, more cats in bread.
That is all.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERNSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIN
$howju says that $h0wT!Me (or how ever the hell he spells his name) will be ready to play and shut down the demons on Sunday. The Demons better be ready to RUN.