btsh.org

It’s on assholes!

How’d your team do?

PS: send us your pics of opening day and we’ll get them up on the site too!!

Editor’s Note: As we embark on another BTSH season we couldn’t help noticing that something seems to have been forgotten. We asked League curmudgeon Rich Glanzer to give all you newcomers a little history of the now legendary Fairy Tale Cup.

Nothing symbolizes the Modern Day Era of BTSH like the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup. The sordid brainchild of Derek and Elly, the Fairy Tale Cup was created in 2008, and pitted the Dark Rainbows, Unicorns and Happy Little Elves against each other in a triangular series. The team with the best winning percentage would be deemed the Fairy Tale Cup champions.

2008

 The Unicorns shocked the BTSH world when they defeated the defending champion Dark Rainbows, but they barely squeaked by the Elves 5-0 to capture the coveted Cup. Much like the first Super Bowl, no one realized the significance of this victory at the time.

*Significant Elves moment: The 5-0 loss led to a team mutiny against each other and the Elves actually played significantly better after the mutiny. Though they still lost every game.

2009 

Controversy erupted when all three teams went 1-1. But since the Elves had the best goal differential (thanks to a 3-0 drubbing over the Unicorns), the whole league felt the Elves were the new champs. Elly explains what happened: “The Elves had lost for more than a full calendar year. We really wanted to keep the FTC prestigious, but we couldn’t let a bunch of jobbers like the Elves hold onto the strap. So we just sorta said ‘let the Unicorns keep it’.” Derek added, “The Rainbows couldn’t care less, because they didn’t even know what the Fairy Tale Cup was. No one did except us, Glanzer a few Elves, and (Craig) LaCombe. LaCombe bought Elly and me a can of PBR (which we split), so we decided to let the Uni’s keep it. It was the right thing to do.”

*Significant Elves moment: Elly was right, the Elves’ victory over the Unicorns was their first victory since their inaugural game in 2008. True story (and this is actually true): its the first time I ever met Suz, and when she found out it was our first victory in more than a year, she was like, “Oh that’s horrible. I feel so much worse I lost to you!”

2010 

More controversy erupted in 2010 for the FTC. After the Elves whined for a year about how Derek & Elly screwed them, the whole league started to take notice. Well…all except the Unicorns and Dark Rainbows, they still had no idea what the FTC was. The BTSH Universe and specifically every Elf (except for Glanzer) was in shock when, with Glanzer in net, the HLE outplayed LaCombe and beat the Unicorns almost singlehandedly 3-2. However Craig got his revenge by poisoning John Meyer and forcing the Rainbows to use Craig against the Elves. With the chance to finally win the coveted FTC, the Elves gave up 4 straight goals and lost 5-4. This set up a winner-take-all match between the Rainbows and Unicorns which the Dark Rainbows won.  http://www.btsh.org/bruise/2010/06/29/week-10-news-and-notes-3/ Craig is the only player in FTC history to hold the imaginary Cup for two different teams, in three straight seasons.

*Significant Elves moment: The Elves would go on to win the consolation prize the BTSH Championship, but no one from the Elves ever talks about that.

2011

After winning the Barnacle Bowl (worst Derek/Elly creation ever…it pits the Elves against Cobra Kai) and the BTSH Championship, the Elves had a chance to go for BTSH’s Triple Crown. After beating the Unicorns, the Elves faced the Rainbows in another winner-take-all FTC matchup. Fearing a 2009-style screwjob, Glanzer recruited Elly to coach the Elves. With Elly leading the charge, the Elves defeated the Rainbows and won their first FTC. They are the only team in the history of BTSH to hold at the same time the BTSH Championship, the Barnacle Bowl and of course the FTC.

*Significant Elves moment: Ben always claimed the FTC was ‘maginary, and not imaginary. So he got some bowl and claimed it was the FTC. Elves are not smart people so we all believed him and carried it around Ace bar and got really drunk. It was fun.

2012

The Unicorns disbanded and changed their name to the Gremlins, the Dark Rainbows only had 7 returning players (and only Josh Wilson knew what the FTC was), and the Elves stopped caring once they won. Derek and Elly rearranged the schedule so the Elves would play the Gremlins and Dark Rainbows again (sad but true), and the Elves won both games easily. The only other win the Elves had in all of 2012 was against the Lbs., who simply are just not good, and I don’t know how the rest of you let them win the BTSH Championship. I mean  did Carston pay off Eitel and Soko?

*Significant Elves moment: Luisa finally got her BTSH glory. After losing in the Barnacle Bowl (while she was with Cobra Kai) and the FTC (while she was with the Dark Rainbows) in 2011, Luisa finally got to taste glory. Except by this point, there was absolutely no glory since the Elves ruined it.

2013

The FTC will for the third year in a row reside in Elf-land, as they do not play the D.R. or Gremlins. Its a sad end, to a great career for the once prestigious, once imaginary, Fairy Tale Cup.

As we enter a new season and prepare for a new (semi-serious) round of team previews, the ORG thought it would take a moment to clarify exactly who is responsible for what around here.

Since Derek and Eli were the face of the press in the league for so many years, many folks still think that they control the site and it’s content. This actually hasn’t been the case for over a year now. Last season, Eli graciously covered the Fresh Kills beat for us. And Derek helped out with boxscores and stats. But both members of the Ambiguously Straight Duo enjoyed a well earned rest from their editorial duties.

As one of our most prolific staff writers, Rich Glanzer has also been associated with almost all the content on the site at some point. But Rich is also not the main culprit here. We have to confess that we’re a bit saddened that many readers can’t distinguish Rich’s unique style of prose from the rest of the ORG’s content but such is the writing life. 

Running the BTSH website and producing fresh content for 24 weeks is a huge job and no one person can do it alone. That’s why the ORG is extremely grateful to Derek, Eli and Rich and our other correspondents, Abby Meisterman, Bill Tucker and Monica Russo. Each one of them has generously given their time to keep their fellow BTSHers informed and entertained. We’re very careful to credit anyone who contributes to the site so if you see their byline on a piece, that means that person wrote the content in the article.

If you don’t see a byline or credit then the post/article/insult about your team’s lame cheer/compliment on your team’s choice of mascot was written by the ORG aka Sven Patrick Larsen. I’ll abandon the editorial “we” for a moment and explain that I’m also responsible for the BTSH.org site redesign. So if you have any complaints, comments or suggestions about the site, please send them my way. You can find my email on the League executive page elsewhere on the site.

We should also mention that Tim (and Adriano) before him do not exercise any editorial control over the site. So he is normally seeing content at the same time as general league membership. As mentioned earlier, the primary purpose of this site (and the league) is fun. So if you feel we’ve crossed the line with a joke or comment or there’s something you would prefer your Mom or employer not see, just let us know. The ORG is all about keeping our readership happy.

So make sure to save your kind words and brickbats about BTSH’s digital presence for the aforementioned Patrick Larsen instead of Tim, Derek, Eli, or Rich. Trust us, you’ll have plenty of other opportunities to give those guys a hard time!

Get your St. Patrick’s Day drinking in on Saturday night folks. March 17th marks the official beginning of the BTSH season with our traditional free agent scrimmage.

If you’re a player looking for a team, come on down and scrimmage at Tompkins Square Park from Noon to 6 pm. Make sure you wear a red shirt so Captains know you’re looking for a team. And if you’re a Captain looking to fill a few holes in your roster, make sure you get there early to check out the talent.

We’ll have goalies all day (You know who you are. Stay in touch with Hector for updates).

League commissioner and scarp timber baron Tim Brown will also be cleaning out the bucket of sticks at ACE bar. You will only have this week and next week to reclaim any property you left at ACE before Tim donates it to needy hockey orphans (And come on people, if you’ve been letting the bartenders at ACE hold on to your stinky gloves since last October, it’s time to step up and own your funk!).

So come on out and meet some new hockey buddies this Sunday! Good luck to all the Captains and free agents as they look to assemble the winning roster for what is sure to be BTSH’s most competitive (and fun) season ever

Attention BTSHers!

League Commissioner and professional Macauley Culkin impersonator Tim Brown has news for you …

“Hey caps it’s almost time for another season! Below is the party info. Please share this info with your team.