btsh.org

By Bill “What Did I Miss?” Tucker

In the storied history of the Black Top Street Hockey league, one axiom has always held true.  It’s not who wins the championship that matters.  It’s how much fun everyone had along the way.

On the exterior, BTSH may look like just another beer league.  People get together, play hockey, maybe have a pint afterwards and go home.  A fun way to spend a couple hours on a Sunday afternoon.  But for me and so many others, BTSH offers so much more.  The soul of the league isn’t in the games, the standings or even the winners.  It’s the way you can get lit up like a Christmas tree at the hands of Adriano and clink a cocktail with him thirty minutes later.  It’s in how someone on the Anklebiters will always spot you a High Life, especially if you’re “just about to leave”.  It’s in the many friendships, relationships and marriages that have been formed whiling away Sunday evenings in the company of teammates.  The Championship Game is a perfect opportunity for those of you who’ve missed out on this crucial piece of the BTSH experience to get a taste of what this league is all about.  As a result, here’s a primer to help you have an amazing time on November 4^th.

Play Your Game

Before arriving to the court, you should show up to your exhibition game.  After all, not only is this the last hockey hurrah of the season, it’s the perfect opportunity to engage in outrageous shenanigans.  These games are all unsupervised, so feel free to let the goalies take face-offs, brown bag whilst playing defense and dress in a variety of ridiculous costumes.  If the common bystander isn’t gawking in either amusement or disgust, you’re doing something wrong.

Stretch Out…Your Liver

While I refuse to condone excessive drinking on this family oriented website (wink wink, nudge nudge), there’s nothing wrong with a social few before sitting down to watch the championship game.  Many a den of iniquity resides in the neighborhood of Tompkins Square Park, so feel free to grab some teammates and have one last hockey based hurrah before the season concludes.   And if you see me face down in a fish tank somewhere on Avenue B, rouse me from my stupor so I can experience….

The Heckle Wall

Despite sanctions from the league office, some teams have been known to throw their playoff games just so they can be a part of this BTSH institution.  For those unaware, the Heckle Wall allows you to hurl insults at the best the league has to offer as they toil for the championship.  The more lubricated the Wall Wailers tend to be, the more creative they become so join in on the random fun.  Besides, nothing says league comradery like screaming, “Scott Lee is a 12 year old girl” and making fun of ***that guy on LBS’s*** signature headband.

The Game Itself

Despite the shenanigans, street hockey fans are going to be treated to one doozey of a final. On one side stands Fresh Kills, winners of last year’s tournament looking to add a repeat to their impressive team resume.  One the other side sits LBS, giant killers who had to defeat the third ranked Poutine Machine and the top seeded Hookers to reach hockey nirvana.  Both battle tested and ready.  Both thirsty for one last W.  The stage is set for an epic contest.

The After Party

When the champs are crowned, the fun doesn’t stop there.  The league’s end of season party generally takes place at Parkside Lounge, a seedy dive that has all the gritty charm BTSH regulars crave.  Featuring pool, a photo booth and a back area where the ORG will hand out its yearly awards, the evening is good fun for everybody involved.   It’s also an excellent opportunity to have embarrassing photographs taken of you for this very website.  Just be sure to take Monday off from work or at least come up with a decent excuse for the inevitable call out sick.

Follow this blueprint for Sunday success and you’ll be well on your way to catching the BTSH bug.  And remember, we all boil down to grown adults chasing an orange ball around a basketball court.  The blast we have after the games is what makes the whole thing special.

The end of another BTSH season brings with it another set of BTSH end of season awards. Will Jon Feldman win the Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman Award for Agitation & Instigation? Will Derek and Eli repeat as Best Duo? And why are Alex Eben Meyer’s socks nominated for an award? Come to the party on Sunday for all the answers, some teary acceptance speeches and at least one tribute to the legend that is Ellery Gillette.

Remember, it’s an honor just to be nominated …

Most Underrated Male

1. Fredrik Lund Hansen- Riots

2. Dan Hopper – Skyfighters

3. Sunny Mehra – Filthy Gorgeous

4. Bryan Harris – Dark Rainbows

Most Underrated Female

1. Becky Novick  – Filthy Gorgeous

2. Chelsea Hicks – Poutine Machine

3. Angela Vicari – la Famiglia

4. Sena Ito – Rehabs

BTSH Hall of Fame Award

1. Alex Eben Meyer’s Striped Socks

2. Amy Jones’ Mason Jar full of coffee

3. Violet’s Tent/Igloo

4. Stacy Kehoe’s Crutches

The Stacy S. Kehoe Award for Toughness and Grace

1. Jenna Cruff – Happy Little Elves

2. Amy Barrett Donohue – Gouging Anklebiters

3. Fay Wells – Cobra Kai

4. Steph Opitz – Fresh Kills

The Iron City Award for Best Pittsburgher

1. Tim Brown – Poutine Machine

2. Dan Hopper – Skyfighters

3. Aaron “Coach” Pagdon – Denim Demons

4. Georgine “Mulva” Paulin – Butchers

The Guinness and Jameson Award for Best Couple

1. Ashley Mcmasters & Alex Eben Meyer
2. Adriano Bratta & Tim Brown
3. Rich Glanzer & Zack Norris
4. Derek & Eli

The Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman Award for Agitation & Instigation

1. All of Poutine Machine except Tim Brown

2. Jennifer Popack – Denim Demons

3. Karsten Pichon  – LBS Inc.

4. Jon Feldman – Rehabs

The Cory Winters Player’s Player Award (Male)

(formerly the Brendan “Flounder” Hay Memorial Award)

1. Will Kuhns – Cobra Kai

2. Mike Woodsworth – What the Puck

3. Zach Norris – Mathematics

4. Jason Eitel – Corlears Hookers

The Cory Winters Player’s Player Award (Female)

(formerly the Brendan “Flounder” Hay Memorial Award)

1. Julie Katz – Megatouch

2. Rebeca Norris – Mathematics

3. Stephanie Cooper – What the Puck

4. Kristen Wise – Filthy Gorgeous

The Sixth Annual Bob Weyersberg Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence

1. Dave Ladanyi – La Famiglia

2. Phil Donohue –Gouging Anklebiters

3. Julie Katz – MegaTouch

4. Sascha Owen – LBS

Hector a.k.a. “$h0wT!m3” Melendez asked us to post this …

“To the #BTSHuniverse:

I first want to give a special THANK YOU to everyone who has sent their show of love and respect over text, facebook, emails and in person on and off the court. It means a lot especially when even people I don’t know, know me by SHOWTIME and we have never met before this season.

I would like to give a brief update on my last injury which put me in a neck brace during a BTSH game. Since that last injury, I have basically had to deal with neck and back pain every day and game since. I have been able to play but with each game, I go home and basically lay very helpless in bed and go to work the next day in much pain. I recently suffered one more injury vs. Cobra Kai when I tried to stop short twice. one leg gave out while my knew drove into the floor and I landed a little awkwardly. It didn’t show after the game but the next morning and even until now is STILL in the same amount of pain but worsened today at work.

With all this being said, I have (really) FINALLY made the decision that I should no longer continue to put my body at harms risk. Doctors have seriously said that I won’t last long if I continue at this pace. They see me in a wheelchair for good in less then 2 years after some MRI’s and XRAY’s with 2 ER visits within 8 days. I won;t say that I no longer want to play but I only feel I won;t go through all this as a goalie in the league but its rare and unlikely that someone will give me a spot on a team.

I want to also thank the 2 people who brought me into this league. Without them $h0wT!m3 would never have been possible. Thank You to Amy Baker and Alex Zabala. Amy was the captain of the Unicorns at the time and Alex was a player I was coaching who brought me along to watch his game. The Unicorns didn’t have enough players and Amy asked if I could fill in. Well, the rest is history. I also need to thank every single team/captain who took a chance with me after the unicorns, Mega Touch, Mathematics, Rehabs and the Dark Rainbows. Playing this year would not have been possible without the help of YES YES YES Rich Glanzer. I am missing a lot of people but I will cut it short by thanking everyone who has written about me in BTSH. Especially Derek and Eli. You guys have made me the BTSH online star that I am today (lol),

On that note and sorry to anyone I forgot to mention but it would be way to long of a message.

THANK YOU BTSH,
Hector $h0wT!m3 Melendez
aka BATTLE DOME KING”