Archive for the ‘general interest’ Category
Never Let the Facts Get in the Way of a Good Story
Monday, March 12th, 2012
The ORG admits it.
We’re not completely infallible.
And with BTSH rosters in a constant state of flux at this time of the year, it’s easy for the occasional fact to get misinterpreted. So here are a few corrections for the past week’s worth of writeups.
Dark Rainbows Captain Sean Reynolds has informed us that Sandy Batista is no longer with his squad. Team insiders tell us that Reynolds and Batista developed a John Tortorella-Sean Avery type antipathy almost immediately with Batista mocking Sean’s signature headbands and Reynolds derisively making fun of Sandy’s six expresso a day coffee addiction by calling him “Barista”. Smart money has Batista landing with the new look Demons but no papers have been filed with the league office yet.
In other Rainbows news, Reynolds is filling the hole left by Batista’s departure with three new players, Bryan Harris, Joanna “Bad” Santa and hot goalie prospect Ariel Kipnas. For a team that only had seven players a few weeks ago, that Rainbows bench is starting to look pretty deep.
In the “Not so much fact but opinion” department, Gouging Anklebiter spokesperson Jeremy Schumacher informs the Org that Alex Owen is not actually an Anklebiters alumni and is still on the active roster (you know, like the way Marc Savard is still playing for the Boston Bruins). Sorry for the confusion, Guvs.
Jeremy also objected to us calling Joe P the team’s biggest legitimate scoring threat in years, citing the offensive prowess of teammate Alex Derhohannesian. We stand suitably chastised.
NOTE TO ALL TEAMS PLAYING THE ANKLEBITERS – MAKE SURE YOU WATCH OUT FOR ALEX D. AS WELL AS JOE P.
You’re welcome, Schuie.
How to Look Sexier at BTSH
Thursday, March 8th, 2012
With BTSH’s reputation as the most successful matchmaking service this side of CHRISTIANSINGLES.COM (and without all the weird debates about transubstantiation), “How to be sexier?” is the question on every ball hockey player’s mind right now.
Luckily THE ORG has your answer.
Is it about standing next to Adriano while he eats a popsicle in the blazing summer heat? Is it about signing up for the Hookers so you can pepper your conversation with prostitution related double entendres? Or joining Filthy Gorgeous just so you can wear those questionable cream colored V-necks?
Surprisingly, none of the above.
Recent studies in the NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF SPORTS THAT ARE MOSTLY EXCUSES TO DRINK shows that volunteering to referee increases subject’s attractiveness by at least 200%. There’s something about a man (or woman) with a whistle that gets everybody’s engines running hot.
Luckily, BTSH is always on the lookout for new refs. In fact, Danny Polinski is dedicating the first few weeks of the season to training to brand new officials.
How does reffing make you sexier?
1) You get to know players on other teams. People who don’t know you quite like your teammates do (and thus are more likely to date you).
2) It’s a thin line between love and hate. And most people hate referees.
3) You get to work with Chris aka “Creamy” aka “Dreamy” Dimotta. Can you say “halo effect”?
4) It’s a proven fact that vertical stripes (even metaphorical ones) are slimming.
5) You’ll be helping out your Captain and teammates. Every BTSH team is supposed to supply three refs and gratitude is a proven aphrodisiac. Teams that don’t supply refs are doomed to lives of alcoholism and celibacy (I’m looking at you 2011 Gut Rot).
Want to take the first step to the new, better you? Tell your Captain that you’re interested in being an official. You’ll be glad you did.
Oh and one more thing. Remember to bring your own whistle. THE ORG has no problem with you swapping spit but save it for the ACE, ok?
Get Ready for BTSH 2012!
Tuesday, February 21st, 2012
Meredith is ready. Are you?
By Patrick Larsen (@svenplarsen)
Are you ready? Rosters are being assembled, free agents are being courted, sticks are being sawed and Megatouch are cutting V-necks in their new team shirts. All sure signs that street hockey is only a few weeks away.
Before we get on to minor details like the schedule, team rosters and 2012 bar etiquette (hint: FourLoco is so last year), I wanted to let you know about a few changes here at “the Org”. Derek and Eli, the most beloved hockey duo since Greg Goldberg and Lester Averman have indeed made good on their off season promise to relinquish the reins of the BTSH website. They plan to retire to a small cottage in the country where they can watch wrestling, update their Patrick Swayze tribute site and lovingly polish the “Best Duo” trophy that they classily awarded themselves at last year’s season-end party. If anyone deserves a happy ending it’s those two.
Just kidding, of course. Like a bad rash or Sean Avery, BTSH just can’t seem to get rid of them. Eli will be helping out with the reffing chores this year (he promises to make sure refs get paid for games before the next season starts) and the DEli combo will also be keeping their scheduling responsibilities (rumor has it that we should have a draft schedule in the next week or two). Like the old saying goes “How can we miss them if they won’t go away?” Thanks for all the hard work in prior years, guys.
In the meantime, for those of you who don’t know me (and I assume that’s because you don’t go the bar after games), I’m Patrick Larsen, a seven year BTSH vet, captain of Poutine Machine and husband of Monica Russo, a woman so dedicated to the league that she wore her wedding dress to her game the day after she got married (she also Captains Filthy Gorgeous). I’ve been a contributor to the website for the last couple of years and in a moment of weakness, league commissioner Adriano Bratta approached me about taking over the editorial duties on this site for the 2012 season. I replied to Adriano’s request the same way I do to anything he asks me, with a hearty “Andiamo”. Unfortunately, he took this to mean yes and I’m stuck with this gig.
So here’s what you can expect from BTSH.org 2012
MORE
Contributors (if you want to write for the site contact me: sven@btsh.org)
Photos (I’ll be taking plenty but feel free to submit them as well)
Loving tributes to Stacy Kehoe (I think Glanzer has sent me six already)
LESS
Wrestling references (not actually sure how it would be possible to have more)
Statistics (unless someone steps up – I’m looking at you Eli)
Kind words about Corey Winters. He has a dark side and this year everyone’s going to learn about it.
Seriously, BTSH, this is your site. Tell us what you want to see, send us your pics and let us know about anything hockey related in your life (BTSH or non-BTSH related).
In the meantime, we’ll be posting regularly with news, player profiles and (starting March 1st 2012 Team Previews). We’ll also have our first ever season opening message from the Commissioner (assuming he’s a man of his word and get’s me something soon).
Good luck to everybody and hope that 2012 is your most fun BTSH season ever!
Thank You
Thursday, November 3rd, 2011Raise Our Hands!
Before we being with our traditional end-of-year thank you post, allow us to present a brief anecdote from Sunday’s awards ceremony. For the most part, we generally put serious thought into the acknowledgments we bestow upon the BTSH community, despite the vacuousness of the prizes and categories themselves (aside from the Stacy S. Kehoe Award, of course). However, as a direct result of choosing the nominees and winners every season, neither of us had ever actually won one of our own media awards. This had to change. We came in with the intention of getting booed off the stage for giving ourselves the award for Best Duo, especially following a planned self-centered acceptance speech. Instead, we were met with a chorus of cheers and applause. Even Craig withheld his usual heckles and slurs. It was actual quite heartwarming.
Adriano and others have repeatedly acknowledged us for putting a lot of work into what most consider to be a thankless task. While true that this has had to be a labor of love over the past few seasons considering the small compensation we receive (thank you to those who voted to give us anything though!), calling our job “thankless” is not entirely accurate. Throughout our tenure as editors for the website, and especially during this past weekend, we have been showered with effusive praise and accolades. As writers, we thrive on knowing that people are reading and enjoying our work, and the comments and good tidings have kept us motivated throughout the years.
However, we could not have done this without the help and contributions of several dedicated staffers. Jesse Kalb has provided his thoughts on the Hockey Night in Tompkins matchups for two seasons, and they have become a highlight of the weekly previews. Sven Larsen saved us from the unenviable task of covering the MacNeil Division with his weekly submissions. Abby “Tayne” Meisterman’s work may not have been enjoyed by everyone (T-Beau, Hockey Rich), but it was always entertaining. Monica Russo decided to use the space we gave her to write about herself and Fitlhy Gorgeous, instead of the Donohue Division, as she was assigned…but at least, we didn’t have to write about Cobra Kai. Rich Glanzer surprised us all with coherent, well-researched musings and relatively accurate predictions. Plus, his Know Your Neighbor contributions were actually quite funny. Ben Chadwick wrote far too much far too often, no matter what he called himself. Last and certainly least, Shaun deLacy was the media intern, and he should not be acknowledged.
In addition, we’d also like to thank the past two league commissioners. Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta supported us throughout the creative process, and Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg allowed us to take control of btsh.org in the first place.
As we look back at our years of service, we leave with no regrets and are excited to hand the reigns to someone else (hopefully). It has been a pleasure using the website as a platform to get to know most of the league so well, but it will also be nice to have more free time to spend with our newfound friends.
Your humble Editors Emeriti,
Eli Kazin & Derek Tagliarino
Games ON!
Sunday, October 30th, 2011Today’s games are ON as scheduled.
