Archive for the ‘Weekly Previews’ Category
Playoff Round of 16 Previews
Thursday, October 8th, 2015Let The Tournament Begin!
Spoiler: Dude in the blue wins this fight, but eventually gets his leg bone broken by Chong Li.
Editor’s Note: The following was written by everyone’s favorite Denim Demon (which isn’t saying much), Jennifer Popack. Although we at The ORG helped with her with some of the spreads to ensure accuracy, you can attribute all uses of the first person to her.
Because my football team and I broke up, I needed to fill a void, and the best solution is to become a complete degenerate and gamble on BTSH playoff games…which I’m now going to share with all of you! You were obviously going to stick around and watch all the games on Sunday anyway, but now you have an even better reason to heckle teams and give a crap.
Here are the rules: we will generate a spread for each of the games throughout the playoffs. You have to make your selections each week in the attached excel grid and email it to me by Saturday afternoon. The person with the highest number of correct picks at the end of the playoffs will be the winner. If there’s a tie, the tiebreak will be your guess of total number of goals scored throughout the playoffs (closest total will win). It’s just $5 to play, and the size of the pot will depend on how many people decide to join – so spread the word!! (Venmo, PayPal, and cold hard cash are all acceptable forms of payment – jpopack <at> gmail)
Without further ado, here are this week’s spreads (playoff seed in parentheses):
La Famiglia vs. Fresh Kills
Friday, October 24th, 2014Fresh Kills and La Famiglia advancing to the semifinals isn’t exactly a surprise. All three of us picked La Famiglia in our preseason predictions to win the $h0wT!m3 Division, and sure enough, all three of us got it right. Now, I know what you are thinking here…if all three of us got it right, then Intern Nick got it wrong. Well, back in March, Intern Nick as a writer for the website was just a gleam in Richie’s eye. All three of us also picked Fresh Kills to win the Brown Division, and although we got that wrong, they did finish with the second best record in the league, so our forecasting wasn’t entirely off base.
We missed on some of our predictions, like Richie taking the guy on the left (no, that’s not Sebastian) to win the regular season scoring title.
Another Non-Elf/Math Playoff Preview
Wednesday, October 15th, 2014Denim Demons at La Famiglia
The BTSH Universe will be presented with quite the dilemma this Sunday at 3 PM. Watch Math-Elves on the East Court, or give Demons-Famiglia on the West Court a look…oh who are we kidding, everyone is going to watch Math-Elves! But if Denis, Shafiq, Creamy, Lisa, Kamen, Coach, Lee, Christina, and countless others participate in a game that no one watches, does it even exist?
Sorry Jenna, but Ben will not be watching your game on Sunday.
-The Demons beat the Elves early in the season, while La Famiglia split with the Elves over the summer. Advantage: DEMONS
-Neither team played Math this season. Advantage: PUSH
-La Famiglia has one former Math/Elf on their roster. The Demons have none. Advantage: FAMIGLIA
-Gil led the Elves with 18 goals. Jeff led the Demons with 16, while Denis led Famiglia with 12. Advantage: DEMONS
-Reffing…neither team came close to reffing as many games as Math or the Elves. Advantage: PUSH
-Adam Rubens would totally buy a Math shirt. Advantage: DEMONS
Looks like we have to take the Demons in this one, 3-1.
Rich: Assuming that no one that hasn’t played on either the Elves or Math will score, that would mean the Tuques win 1-0 on Cruff’s goal. It would also mean Craig is somehow in net for the Demons since Jenna scores on Craig in the playoffs. This all seems very plausible so I’ll go with the Tuques, 1-0 on this one.
Non-Elf/Math Playoff Previews
Wednesday, October 15th, 2014
Diane emailed The Authority and Intern Nick and said she’s tired of Math and the Elves, but misses when we talk about wrestling. She also wants to know how Gut Rot will do in their exhibition game.
Butchers at Cobra Kai
Saturday, October 11th, 2014Before we dive into this game, let’s take a minute to see how Cobra Kai rookie Sebastian’s BTSH playoff bracket picks are doing. Riots over Poutine Machine…uh oh! Mega Touch over Gremlins…yikes! Gut Rot over Dark Rainbows…really?! Filthy Gorgeous over What The Puck…are you kidd–oh wait, he got that one right. Whew, we’re glad you didn’t go O-fer the opening weekend there Sebastian.
Come on Sebastian…even President Obama had the Gremlins beating Mega Touch.
The Butchers have never lost in the Round of 16, going a perfect 4-0 since joining the league. This includes 2010, when they recovered to knock off the #2 seed Rehabs in an overtime thriller after giving up a late game-tying goal. And 2012, when Fresh Kills’ Patrick Barch filled in as a last minute emergency replacement in goal and led the Butchers to a 1-0 shutout of the Elves. And last year, when Creamy made Craig get all boo-boo face in the shootout, causing him to throw shit really, really high and really, really far.
Cobra Kai, on the other hand, has never won in the Round of 16. Some years, they didn’t even make it to the Round of 16. Not only are they in it this year, but they also have a feather in their proverbial cap in the form of a 5-4 head-to-head win from earlier in the year. However, the Butchers always find a way to get through this weekend, and we think they keep that streak going with a hard fought 3-2 win.
