Archive for the ‘Weekly Previews’ Category
Week 14 – Game Previews – Part 2
Friday, July 26th, 2013
Editor’s Note: If the Commissioner or Head Refs ever sent the Org last week’s box scores, you would have read that Fresh Kills beat the Happy Little Elves 7-1 last Sunday. Still unbeaten, the Staten Island Swampers are on track for a perfect season. So this week we asked our reporters: can Fresh Kills be defeated? And, if so, what’s it going to take to notch the first “W” against them.
Rehabs at Gouging Anklebiters
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Bill “Wait For It” Tucker
As the season slides towards playoffs, finding original material for a team you’ve written about for five months becomes a challenge. Sorry kids, I’m out of Anklebiters references (ok…maybe not completely out). As our assignment was to discuss how our teams can beat the still undefeated Fresh Kills, here’s an idea. Let’s talk about how to avoid them completely.
The Yellow and Blue won’t face the Blue Juggernaut for the rest of the season and in their only contest, gave them all they could handle in a 1-0 defeat. Still, if the chips fall the way I think they will, Kills / Foot Nibblers is a very possible late playoff matchup. My advice? Take to the court with jackhammers the day before the match and declare it a draw. This gives both teams a chance to take a breather and enjoy some White Russians at Doc Holidays. Let the league deal with the ramifications of complete disregard and surrender.
The Rehabs, on the other hand, can simply scare the Killers into submission. Their ferocious battle cry of, “REEEEHAAABBSS” is reminiscent of a Viking yell during a Norwegian plunder. Imagine sitting back on the sunny asphalt of Tompkins Square Park, hiding your adult beverage from the authorities. The weather is nice, the sound of plastic sticks is soothing and you’re just about to take a doze when out of nowhere, BAM! You hear that animalistic scream. If you’re heart’s not hammering afterwards, check your pulse. You may be a member of the Walking Dead. Long story short, Killer Kehoes? Intimidate the Bullies in Blue and they’ll head for the hills.
Dr. Hunter S. Tompkins’ Offical Prediction: With the cooler weather, I’ve taken to the ancient art of creating Japanese rock gardens for my spiritual enlightenment. After hours of careful raking and exquisite detailing, I drank a fifth of poorly crafted rum and fell face first into the stone pit. When I awoke, I counted three lacerations on my face and one bruise on my left femur. As such, call it 3 – 1 in favor of the Ankles.
Dark Rainbows at Gut Rot
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Monica “Raised in Africa” Russo
La Famiglia at Denim Demons
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
This one should be a barnburner as both teams are on the top of their game.
The Fam started off the season slow but have rounded in to form. Is it the all-meatball sub diet that team Captain Denis Miceletto has forced on his players. No chance. Denis abandoned that strategy after one Quiznos session with Haanwa Chau. They don’t call her “Sandwich” for nothing. The Paisans have simply gone back to the strategy that’s worked so well for them over the past couple of seasons. Someone passes the ball to Shafiq, Shafiq carries it in to the offensive zone, Denis is standing at the top of the crease, Shafiq passes it to Denis, Denis scores. It’s a simple strategy that works.
The Demons know all bout keeping it simple. That’s why they’ve been able to take La Famiglia’s strategy and improve it. Here’s their game plan, copied from a playbook that Dave Shyu carelessly left at the ACE: 1) Pass the ball to Jeff Kamen 2) Jeff Scores.
It’s system vs. system folks. Let’s see which one comes out on top.
Happy Little Elves at Tompkins Square Riots
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
So you’ve just got your butt kicked by the #1 team in the league. What’s your dream matchup? The game that will get your confidence right back. How about a game against the last place team in the league? Sounds like just the ticket right?
Not so fast Jolly Small Fairies. TSR is the classic case of a team whose record doesn’t indicate the quality of their play. They’ve also been unfortunate enough to be in a division with the Mathematics, a team that is Glanzer Division worthy in name only. This is a classic scenario for overconfidence on the part of the Green Machine and a true test of a coaches ability to get his team properly motivated. If Richie and Jenna don’t get the crew up for this one it could be a shock upset.
One other thing we can’t forget is that a number of the Riots used to be Fresh Kills players. Will Amy Jones put her enmity aside and reach out to former linemate Dave Sokol for tips on how to beat Shaun DeLacy? Or will Sokol lean the other way and give Ben Chadwick the book on Dave Gil de Rubio? Or Sokol may just do nothing and head to the East Village Tavern after his game (the most likely scenario).
Drama and intrigue may abound. Or the Elves may just remember who they are and win this one 6-1.
Either way it’s worth watching. The red and green mix plus all those Elves logos will make it feel like Christmas in July. Make sure to bring some mistletoe (and a stepstool) if you want to snag a smooch from the leagues most eligible bachelor Ben Chadwick!
Gremlins at Cobra Kai
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
We’ll come right out and say it.The Gremlins were robbed last week against the Butchers. They outplayed the Misfits for most of the game and Jamie B. continued his campaign for Goalie of the Year. Only a lucky shot from Creamy turned the tide in the Bs favor.
Will Cobra Kai be able to pull off the same kind of fortunate result? Hard to say. mainly because we have no idea who’s on Cobra Kai anymore. Gregg was kind enough to send us some roster changes last week but by our calculations that takes his team up to 37 players. That might be a slight exaggeration but CK have looked like a late ’90s Islander team with a rotating cast of characters filling the various spots. The only constants have been Pete “Clubber” Lang and Becky Pear. even Rem Garavito has been seen sporting a Rainbows jersey lately.
It’s hard to create team chemistry with that kind of turnover and it’s even harder when you’re playing a close knit bunch like the Gremlins. We’re going to have to give this one to the g’s, not just because of their team cohesiveness but also because we can’t see many teams getting past Jamie B.
Editor’s Note: Jamie (or Tim Brown or even Hall of Famer Aaron “Coach” Pagdon) may actually be the ultimate answer to how to beat the Kills. Hot goaltending has always been the key to playoff hockey and it wouldn’t be surprising if some team has a keeper who comes up big and shuts down the leading offense in the league. That may not happen in the regular season but come October this is still an “Any Given Sunday” league. In the meantime, have some fun, stay safe and healthy, and somebody check on Gabe Chenard-Poirier’s immigration status, ok?
Week 14 – Game Previews – Part 1
Thursday, July 25th, 2013
Editor’s Note: If the Commissioner or Head Refs ever sent the Org last week’s box scores, you would have read that Fresh Kills beat the Happy Little Elves 7-1 last Sunday. Still unbeaten, the Staten Island Swampers are on track for a perfect season. So this week we asked our reporters: can Fresh Kills be defeated? And, if so, what’s it going to take to notch the first “W” against them.
GAME OF THE WEEK
Corlears Hookers at Fresh Kills
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
We don’t trot out the ‘GAME OF THE WEEK” marquee much these days but if there was ever a game this season that deserved that nomenclature, this is it. The Kills are on a quest to make BTSH history. But the Hookers know better than anyone that regular season results don’t guarantee championships. That being said the Purple People Eaters have posted a pretty impressive regular season record themselves.
This game features some of the most talented players in the league, including the French Canadian phenoms Gabe Chenard-Poirier and Danilo Biagioni. I think those two guys have more goals than all of Poutine Machine, Cobra Kai and the Riots. They’re just that good. Kills also bring the blazing speed of Scott Lee and the soft hands of Ariel Imas, while the Hookers counter with two of the best playmakers in the league, Gavin Kearney and Jason Eitel (remember him?).
So how do the Hookers manage to take down Sokol’s Fresh ‘n Tasty’s? As usual, it’s going to be up to the women to do the heavy lifting. With all due respect to Alice, Natasha, Sarah and the rest of the Lady Kills, there is no better 1-2 of female players in the league than Tiffany Hagge and Sarah Newnam. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find a better 1-2 combo period. Sarah’s hasn’t been around much lately but Tiffany has proven more than capable of carrying the load by herself, scoring at least a goal a game on average and being a gamebreaker for the Happy Hookers on more than one occasion. Smart Captains realize that BTSH is a co-ed league. And right now no team has a better combination of male and female talent than the Purple Puckchasers.
We’re going out on a limb here and not only picking the Hookers to win this game but also the whole kit and kaboodle. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2013 BTSH Champs, the Corlears Hookers.
Editor’s Note: I’ve obviously been doing this for too long. I just wrote a game preview where I only said nice things about the Hookers. Sorry, I don’t know what came over me.
Poutine Machine at Sky Fighters
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
This may seem like a run of the mill game but there’s a lot of stake here for both squads. After some mid-season retooling, the formerly winless Poutiners are 2-1 in their last three games. They also barely lost to the defending champions LBs last week, bowing out 2-1 after leading much of the game 1-0. Here’s where the storyline gets even more interesting. the ref in that game was Dan Hopper.
Was Hopper secretly scouting the game in preparation for this weeks matchup (it might have explained some of the calls he made #justkiddingref #getoffmybackBill)? Is that why he placed an emergency long distance call to the Czech Republic and summoned Martin and Robert back from the beerhalls of Praha? Or is this all purely coincidence?
There’s no question that the SkyFighters have had a streaky season. Early in the year they looked like Worldbeaters. But a mid-season swoon due to tougher games and shorter benches has many wondering who the real SkyFighters are. With his roster full again and James Stein looking to secure a spot on the Canadian Olympic team, this could be the time for the Cloud Piunchers to turn it off and start to round in to playoff form.
No predictions for this one. Whichever goaltender brings it on the day will carry his team to victory.
What the Puck at LBs Inc.
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Eli “Man of Few Words” Kazin
Mathematics at Filthy Gorgeous
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Rich “next Saturday I’ll be Appearing at Foxwoods” Glanzer
Butchers at MegaTouch
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
Will Mega be able to carry that momentum in to this week? Will the Butchers regain their composure and scoring touch? Will anyone not playing in this game care?
The answer to that last question is probably not. It’s a 5:30 game in the last week of July. We wouldn’t be at all surprised if Julie and Rachel call this thing and head over to the Yuca Bar for delicious Mango Margaritas.
Well played, ladies. Well played.
Week 13 – Game Previews – Part 2
Friday, July 19th, 2013
Editor’s Note: With the thermometer pushing 100 degrees, we asked our correspondents to find out how BTSH Captains were beating the heat. Some responded with their full investigative and journalistic skills. Others were Rich Glanzer.
Corlears Hookers at Filthy Gorgeous
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
When teams meet each other as often as these two do, “heated” rivalries almost always develop. Think Avalanche-Red Wings in the early 2000’s. Rangers-Islanders in the early ’80s. Or Adriano Bratta and Denis Miceletto this season (who will win the coveted title of “Il Marcatore”?). Yes, familiarity breeds contempt. And so does hot as balls weather. So how will these teams keep their cool.
For the Hookers, it’s all about managing the bench. Think it’s a coincidence that Peter Putka and Al Huang are on “vacation”? That Jackie Spiegel is “injured”. No way, man. Dustin knows that his passion players are needed for the playoff push and he doesn’t need any ref trouble on the books. Instead, cooler heads will prevail. Anshu Sinha has been tasked with keeping remaining trouble spots Jason Eitel and Gavin Kearney in line, repeating the mantra “Go to your happy place” whenever either of her linemates misses a shot. And Olson has also kept the existence of the “Il Marcatore” title from Danilo Biagioni. He’s seen what happens when Italians compete for a trophy in summer heat. They may not be playing the Kills (who are slowly transforming in to the new Quebec City franchise) but with French phenom Jean Hebert patrolling the blueline for Filthy it’s best not to take chances. No one wants another “Zidane incident”.
Filthy has suffered from short benches lately so Monica Russo’s strategy for this week is to draft any available players she can find courtside. Unfortunately, this is a 1 pm game. is this the week that the famed Tompkins Square Saxophone Player finally makes his BTSH debut?
Sorry to tell the players this but this game could easily go in to OT. Expect a rerun of last week and a 4-3 shootout win for the Hookers.
Butchers at Gremlins
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
Remember that book that came out a few years back? 100 WAYS TO WEAR A T-SHIRT? I’m not sure if that was the exact title or not. But if the authors were planning a sequel, I would suggest they attend this game.
One would expect the Butchers to be fashionistas. Between Ben Bloom’s manufacturing connections, Rachel Greene’s Brooks Brothers heritage and Creamy’s five years working in a t-shirt shop on the Sea Isle City Boardwalk, this team knows their way around activewear. But the Gremlins match them in style and diversity. So this game won’t be so much about winning as it will be about “who wore it best?”
With Mega Touch already having appropriate the jort style, I’m expecting the Butchers to debut their new “sarong” look. Hey, Beckham tried it! And it can’t be any more *ahem* fashion forward than the shorts Ben wore last week.
The Gremlins will probably counter with another vintage look. Caitlin has been trying to sell the rest of the team on multi-colored sport skirts for years. But we think Iannis’ daring revival of the shirt suit will actually become their look of choice:
It’s a ballsy choice. And that kind of chutzpah is going to deliver a 3-1 victory for the Grems.
Rehabs at Mathematics
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Monica “Runnin’ Through the Sprinklers” Russo
Apparently the heat made me channel Adriano “Seriously Leave Me Alone My Feet Hurt” Bratta.
Cobra Kai at Gouging Anklebiters
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Bill “On the Biters Beat Too Long” Tucker
New York in the summertime is a smoldering pit of humidity, sweat and various varieties of body stink. In a word, it’s unpleasant. As the BTSH season grinds towards August, we decided to reach out to team captains and find out how they plan on beating the heat. Or in my case, make stuff up at the very last minute.
Although Cobra Kai’s captain Greg Allman declined to answer the question, it was clear a plan was in place. Investigative reporting (ie: hiding behind the pinball machine at Ace and sneaking peeks as his backpack) revealed a VHS copy of Batman and Robin. Either Mr. Altman plans on building a working replica of the film’s famed ice ray or he’s memorizing all of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s terrible puns.
Phil Donohue of the Biters had a different stance. When asked he simply replied, “Beat the heat? We ARE the heat.” With the league’s third best record, it’s hard to disprove that statement. After more investigative reporting (ie: hiding behind a wall made of empty High Life bottles), I discovered he was talking more about the team’s attractiveness level than rank in the standings. To that end, let’s face it: the Yellow and Gold are a good looking bunch. Ever see Alex “Call Me Derho” Derhohannesian in a shootout? Guy’s like a poor man’s Bradley Cooper.
Dr. Hunter S. Tompkins’ Official Prediction: After years of rambling around the sultry climates of Vegas and California, my heat tolerance is high. As such, I have developed a systematic ranking of each team’s Extreme Temperature Readiness (ETR). Cobra Kai ranks at a Q on a scale from C to H and the Biters come in at a 73.5 (based on a 10 point scale). Despite this evidence, the Biters are still the better team and should come away with a 4 – 1 victory.
Fresh Kills at Happy Little Elves
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
Forget the heat for a second (it’s less of a factor for the 5:30 games and nobody wants to picture a sweaty Patrick Moore). This game is all about master and student.
The Master? Dave Sokol. The student? Rich Glanzer. After somehow backing his way in to a BTSH championship in 2010, Glanzer has watched the Kills take away his title and then make another finals appearance last year. Meanwhile, the Elves have suffered early playoff exits.
So this year Glanzer’s mantra has been WWBDD (“What would Big Dave Do?”). He’s tried recruiting Russian players (get well soon, Boris). He’s tried recruiting guys named Scott. He’s tried building the whole offense around a scrappy female player (that didn’t worrk but we’re looking forward to seeing a few Jenna Cruff-Alice Bertoni battles in this game). But finally, Rich uncovered the Kills secret to success.
Get the ball to the French Canadian.
Trevor Beauclair may not sound like a Pepsi drinking, Joe Luis eating son of the Saginaw but trust us, there’s maple syrup in his blood. And for the Elves to stand a chance against Gabe Chenard-Poirier and that other good Quebecois guy, T-Beau better have a double helping of tortiere for lunch.
It’s a strategy that could work but the odds aren’t in the Elves favor. The Kills have two Quebeckers while the Elves are placing their hopes on a 2nd generation (at least) Acadian.
Ready to talk about that Joann Provencher trade yet, Rich?
Week 13 – Game Previews – Part 1
Thursday, July 18th, 2013
Editor’s Note: With the thermometer pushing 100 degrees, we asked our correspondents to find out how BTSH Captains were beating the heat. Some responded with their full investigative and journalistic skills. Others were Rich Glanzer.
Lbs. at Poutine Machine
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Rich “Twitter King” Glanzer
I’m going to be insubordinate and instead of my theme being how do they beat the heat, I’m going to talk about a movie with Jim Belushi that I once saw. He’s a fine actor afterall. You have to see Real Men. Its awesome. The movie I’m referring to is not Real Men and its not awesome, but its still good cinema.
But be careful what you wish for Poutine (Spoiler Alert). In the end, he longs for the moderately good looking but not hot actress (Chelsea Hicks) and dumps the supermodel (Claire Weingarten)
Sky Fighters at Demons
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Eli “I Wear a Hat” Kazin
GutRot at Mega Touch
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
MegaTouch is countering with their own secret weapon … Jorts. Famously debuted in a game against Poutine Machine a couple of years back, the Mega combination of grey crop tops and jorts has guaranteed competitive games in the dog days of July. It’s not so much about staying cool as the effect it has on opposing teams. While the Mega ladies look lovely showing some skin, very few of their male players are *ahem* “calendar ready”. As Hookers sharpshooter Tiffany Hagge was heard to comment . “It’s tough to score when you’re covering your eyes.”
This is going to be a tight one folks and the result is almost sure to be decided by attendance. We’ve got to give the edge to Gut Rot though. They’ve been playing with hunger and tenacity this year and they’re definitely the team that will want the victory more.
La Famiglia at What the Puck
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
If La Famiglia were staying true to their Mediterranean roots they would be heading for the spiaggia and sleep between 3 and 5 pm. But the schedule gods have cursed them with the cruel fate of a late afternoon game. How are they looking to beat the heat? Genetics. When the braintrust of Shafiq, Dr. Alfred Liu and Denis scientifically assembled the Fam roster for the year they did so with Mendelsohnian precision. And they went into the season with only one rule – no Northern Europeans. Why do you think Bill Monahan has made only a handful of games this year? He’s fallen victim to Denis’ “No Irish after April” rule. Indeed, the Tuques are all about the Southern Hemisphere and they have all the tools to roll in this hot weather.
Of course, some may think that they have overlooked the fact that we play until November. Not so, says Dr. Alfred Liu. “Global warming will give us the championship that Dave Landanyi never could”, commented the enigmatic strategist.
Meanwhile, What the Puck have been fighting the trend of past years and fielding decent-sized rosters for the past couple of weeks. What’s the secret promise that has players turning up? Team Captain Larry Zimmerman has been missing games because he was in high level negotiations for a new team sponsor. The ORG has learned exclusively that this week WTP officialy changes its name to “Sunny D Presents What the Puck”. While BTSH vets like Caitlin Ervin and Amy Jones have accused Larry of selling out, expect the bulk of the league to be angling for an invite to “the Citrus Lounge”, the new state-of-the-art, air conditioned, locker room that their new sponsor is providing the Orange warriors. “It’s got everything”, enthused Gina Hackett, “Lockers, ice packs …purple stuff.”
Nice one, Larry.
All this should make for a classic nature vs. nurture battle on Sunday. Expect the game to be close. But the massive amounts of sugar consumed by the Puckers as part of the new deal will take their toll in the second half. Haanwa Chau with game winner with five minutes left to give the Fam another 4-3 victory.
Dark Rainbows at Tompkins Square Riots
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
The Rainbows have been surprising a lot of teams with their strong play this year. A lot of that has been due to the exceptional work of netminder Ariel Kipnis. But how is a super tall, balding guy managing to keep his cool in this sweltering weather? Kipnis told us that he’s actually been a fan of the often overlooked Michael Keaton classic JACK FROST. “Whenever the heat gets to me, I just close my eyes and pretend I’m the little boy in that movie”, he explained to a somewhat incredulous ORG. Personally, we’ve always been terrified of the idea of our dead dad coming back to life as a snow zombie. But whatever works for you, Ari.
For the Riots, it’s been a team bonding week as Captain Amy Jones has insisted that they all spend as much time as possible in one of New York City’s Cooling Centers. When Scott Townsend protested that he “… has air conditioning in my apartment!”, Jones and fellow team leader Laura MacNeil chastised him for being part of the 1%. His punishment? Half an hour in the men’s bathroom at Tompkins Square Park. When asked to describe the experience Townsend muttered, “I’ve seen things, man …” Better to employ Craig Thompsons strategy of sipping on a mint julep (even while playing) and only talking to captains of other teams.
While the Rainbows have surprised a lot of folks this year, it’s going to be their turn to be shocked this week. Look for the Riots to finally find their scoring touch in this late afternoon game and pull off a 5-3 upset.
Week 12 – Game Previews – Part 2
Thursday, July 11th, 2013
Editor’s Note: With the NHL trading season in full swing, we asked our correspondents to grill their sources for news of impending deals in BTSH. Who’s most likely to be traded? Who’s getting a long term contract extension? And is it true that Peaches has sold the naming rights for Gut Rot to Franzia? “Box Wine” doesn’t pack quite the power of “Gut Rot” but according to our sources, it and several other big changes are looming in the league’s future.
Sky Fighters at Mathematics
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
The Mathletes roll in to this contest with a strong performance in the first half of the season. But how will they cope with the loss of heart and soul player Andy Pratt? Does Zach have any cousins? While the Norris strategy has paid dividends so far, it may be a well that Derek can’t go back to that often. Instead, look for him to make a play for La Famiglia’s Dr. Alfred Liu, a solid second line scorer. While Liu hadn’t really considered leaving the Paisano’s, the offer of being able to put his own equation on the Math’s third jersey may prove too tempting.
Meanwhile, Dan Hopper has received an ultimatum from keeper James Stein. Apparently Rammstein feels that he can’t play to the best of his ability without a goalie controversy. Hops is looking to create some trouble by targeting WTP’s Anthony Romeo (who’s reportedly unhappy with Corey Winters getting so many starts for the Orange Crush). He’s also asked Robert Kucera to scour the Czech leagues for any hot young goaltending prospects. That may not work out so well since Kuci’s last callup (a kid named Felix from the St. Bernard’s system) was tossed out of the league when they found out he was only seven years old.
Expect Math to pounce on the Fighters locker room calmness and post a 4-3 OT victory.
Gremlins at Corlears Hookers
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
Gremlins Captain Ryan Mills would be at the center of a lot of wheeling and dealing, except for one small thing. He really doesn’t have anyone to trade. With Luke “Ice” Berg still injured and Jon Rick’s appearances less frequent than a legitimate Rich Glanzer scoring chance, Mills is down to just 12 skaters. His hottest property is goalie Jamie “We’re going to need a bigger jersey” Batuwantudawe. But JB has hurt his tradability by playing for every other team in the league anyway. Like my mom used to say, “Why buy the cow, when you can get his 1.00 GAA for free?” Love ya, Mom.
Unless a contender is looking to pick up Caitlin Ervin or Mark MacAdam for a playoff run, expect Mills’ phone to not be ringing anytime soon.
The Hookers’ should also be sitting tight when it comes to deals. The brutal Hookers initiation process (a combination of Freemason rituals, Special Forces testing and Alpha Alpha Alpha hazing) tends to scare away any but the most extreme candidates. With Jackie Spiegel on the IR, the Hookers might have an opening for one more female player. Maybe that’s why Joann Provencher has been signing up for Spartan races lately? She’s always dreamed of wearing that “CH” logo.
As for the game, sorry JB but even you can’t stop 72 shots. Which is what the Hookers have been averaging per game this season. 4-0 for the Montreal Marauders.
Tompkins Square Riots at Gouging Anklebiters
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Bill “Dr. Love” Tucker
As the BTSH season winds its serpentine path through the heart of summer, the thoughts of competitive teams turn to bolstering rosters. In the case of Riots / Biters, you have two teams on opposite end of the standings but right in line where it counts. Good times while playing hockey. While I realize I sound like a broken record, screw it. That’s what counts in the end.
While most of our writing staff may ponder how well Trevor Beauclair would look on the Hookers or if Poutine blue would clash with Alex Myer’s striped socks, I’m taking a different route. Both these teams are die hard families and would never trade players willy-nilly. Instead, they would swap nonsense and intangibles. Amy Jones’ boundless enthusiasm for Courtney’s affable good nature. Gouging’s bloody foot costume for a quilt made from old Riots jerseys. Zach’s epic ‘stache for Craig Thompson’s golden grin. Regardless of the score, there’s a ton to love about these two teams. Expect a good time game this coming Sunday.
Dr. Hunter S. Tompkins’ Official Prediction: Bill, you sentimental fool! The obvious exchange would be Fredrick Lund Hansen for Joe P’s Sunday Funday shirt. Incredible name for wondrous garment. Anything less would be less than fitting for these two powerhouses. Hot weather can wilt the mightiest of teams, making this game more of a toss-up than the standings suggest. Still, I have to mark it 4 -2 in favor of the Jolly Joe P’s.
La Famiglia at Mega Touch
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
The return of ex-captain Dave Ladanyi for a one game appearance a couple of weeks back has helped Denis Miceleto realize what was missing from his squad. More Italians.
Bad news for Brian Ferry, Bill Monahan and Scott Sampson. But good news for Sal Maguamera, Chris DiMotta and Monica Russo. When asked why she became the first Captain in the history of BTSH to trade herself, Monica replied, “It was a lot easier than finding a new goalie.” Fair point, Front Office.
The Megas are looking for a legitimate scoring threat who can take some of the pressure off of Adriano “My feet hurt” Bratta. We hear the most likely player to be traded is long time team stalwart, Alex Eben Meyer. Apparently, Captain Julie Katz is worried that Alex’s recent hair growth is a symptom of Geico syndrome, a rare condition that causes the sufferer to regress to a caveman-like state (Editor’s note: Rachel -please stop giving her these ideas). While Katz is too honest to trade Meyer without letting other teams know about the disease, it hasn’t deterred Rainbows Captain Sean Michaels who was overheard telling Josh Wilson “Our team’s just not hairy enough this year.”
Expect the Renaissance men & women to defeat the Cro-Magnon colleagues 4-1. Mega Touch goal by new acquisition John Nielsen. When asked to comment about the scoring play Nielsen will reply “There sure are a lot of new players on the Rainbows this year. And when di we switch our team color to grey?”
Denim Demons at Gut Rot
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Eli “Little Hugs” Kazin
