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(Editor’s Note – with more correspondents than meaningful games this week, we’ve asked our writers to do a classic point-counterpoint for the matchups. No one wanted to write about the Hookers-Demons game so we exercised our editorial authority and made everyone comment on it. Sadly, even then Jason Eitel couldn’t get a shoutout. Sorry, J)

#8 La Famiglia at #2 What The Puck

 12:00 pm, Tompkins Square East

Bill’s Take

At first, this matchup has a David versus Goliath vibe to it.  With a renewed vigor stemming from kids, engagements and heartwarming nuptials, the Orange Armada has solidified themselves as the class of the Brown Division.  On the other side of the court, Famiglia endured a rough opening month before finding their offensive and defensive groove, making them more battle hardened than the Tangerine Terrors.  BTSH pundits may automatically view the Pucksters as an easy favorite, but consider this.  The teams split their season series, have each scored 3 goals against each other and both have a team name that doubles as an outside reference to a famous restaurant chain.  Both teams can score, defend and tend the net, so this pick comes down to pure gut instinct.  Famiglia has endured more ups and downs than What The Puck, and grit is what matters in these long October evenings.  The Family by the slimmest of margins in what could be the quarter final’s biggest upset.

Patrick’s Take

Bill you ignorant slut. Unlike Larry’s beloved Mets, WTP are no strangers to post season play. It took a hot dog that walked like Suz to distract Romeo long enough for the Kills to steal the championship last year. But Larry has ensured that won’t happen again. In addition to bribing former WTP-er Adriano Bratta to schedule the game before Halloween this year, he’s also had Tony Romy staring at a fridgeful of condiments all week. Meanwhile, La Famiglia have won exactly one playoff game in their team history. Sure Shafiq and Dennis are arguably the best 1-2 combo in the league. And Dr. Alfred Liu has the technical knowhow to alter the local laws of physics around Tompkins Square Park. But even warping the space-time continuum is not going to stop Mike Woodsworth from showing his kids that “Daddy likes to step it up in the playoffs.” 3-1 to the Orange Obliterators.

#7 LBS, Inc. at #3 Poutine Machine

1:00 pm, Tompkins Square West

Richie’s Take

Since the Elves are gone, I told Jo-Ann that I would wear her Provencher jersey if Poutine makes it to the finals. Ever since I first played Poutine in 2010 (Pre-Tim Brown) I thought this team was spirited and what BTSH is about. Timmay just makes it even more BTSH worthy. The Lbs. are no slouches and I think they realize they may not have too many more opportunities at winning it all…with FK, the Hookers and many other teams improving each season, while they keep growing older. Kinda the opposite of Matthew McConaughey’s good fortune in Dazed and Confused. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7n06Pn5ZNc

On paper, this game is really close. I think Poutine and the Lbs. are really close girl-wise. Karen Erickson and Chelsea Amsterdam are probably the best for their teams. Scoring forwards the Lbs. have the edge, but Poutine plays hard and wont let any player run them over. And of course Tim Brown is the to balls what Jack Bauer is to terrorists. Not sure what that means either, I just like Tim Brown a lot, but love Jack Bauer.

Did you ever notice how humble Jack was when he saved America those six seasons, and the world two times? I’d probably update my Facebook profile more than Jack did. Oh…sorry, I just miss 24 a lot.

But Poutine wont miss their shot to go to the semis. Their team-style defense will be all over the Sky Fighters, and when they do break their defenses Brown will bail them out. Poutine 4- Lbs. 0.

Now I’m going to swing it over to Monica who surely will be unbiased since she’s not married to anyone on one of these teams. Be sure to take a picture with Sven’s Green Card.

Monica’s Take

Wait…no one told me that we were just allowed to talk about TV shows that I really like. I feel like my writing-season has been a waste! Because I can totally do that. Lbs. vs: Poutine is a classic Breaking Bad scenario (why not?). You’ve got Carsten and Ken, the two snipers that are just like those creepy-ass twins always on WW’s jock. You’ve got Sven, the classy BTSH vet leading his gang in a way that would make Mike Ehrmantraut (holy fuck, I had to Google the spelling of that name twice) proud. Sascha Owen–sweetness and light off the court, but on the court, SHE IS THE ONE WHO KNOCKS. But let any of them just try to get past the league’s most badass netminder,  Timmy “You Can Ring My Bell” Brown.

Ok, sorry. I’ve said nothing about the game. I’d like to see Poutine win, just because they’re a little newer to the league and haven’t been to a final game before. My apologies for the writeup. I just like Breaking Bad a lot. So sue me. If anyone needs Filthy, we’ll be over here.

#6 Butchers at #5 Fresh Kills

1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East

Eli’s Take

Sure, Zach Norris of the Mathematics has been the most visible rookie this season and may just walk away with rookie of the year honors, and the recent surge by the Denim Demons has thrown the rookie spotlight on Norris’ fellow Midwesterner, Lee Reiners.  But the best of the 2012 rookie class might just be Gabe Chenard of Fresh Kills.  Chenard, a subtle yet very astute, early-season addition by captain David Sokolyansky to his already stacked roster, has proceeded to lead the team in goals, knocking such luminaries as Nick Hobbs and Justin “The Boss” Ross to the curb.  In fact, according to Sokolyansky, Chenard has scored at least one goal in every game he has played, and his contributions have helped lead the defending champs to the league’s second ranked offense.  The Butchers, however, are not cowering at the mere mention of Chenard’s exploits or the potency of Fresh Kills’ attack.  They have been through playoff battles before where the opposition possessed dynamic offensive talent, only to smother those players with suffocating defense.  Most notably, they knocked off the top-seeded Denim Demons in the 2010 quarterfinals by focusing on containing Mike Pereira.  This overall defensive mindset, along with stellar goaltending throughout the season from Eric Ramirez, led to the Butchers finishing with the fewest goals allowed in the regular season.  The Butchers did beat Fresh Kills earlier this season, winning a one-goal game during a period of “rain fears” in Week 14, a loss that still irks Sokolyansky and his teammates.

Abby’s Take (well actually Patrick’s)

(Since Abby is once again receiving an incomplete on this assignment, Patrick is filling in for her.)

I could make this one of those sweetness and love Meisterman posts. You know, “the Kills are good people, Ben Bloom is dreamy, link to ‘80’s movie”. But I’m in a fighting mood.

Why? Because Gabe Chenard wears a Nordiques hat every game, claims to be French Canadian and isn’t playing for Poutine Machine. Last I checked, they don’t speak Russian in la Belle Province, Monsieur Chenard.

Yes, the Kills are stacked. And they’ve won two championships in three years. But if there’s a team that can stop them it’s the Butchers. The Misfits live for defense and they’ll be doing their best impression of ’95 New Jersey Devils this Sunday.

In the end, this one may come down to who wants it less. Dave Sokol will be shipping folks off to the Gulag if his team doesn’t win this one. But if the Butchers lose they’ll probably just head to the bar. That relaxed attitude to playing may serve them well in the nerve wracking round that is the quarterfinals. Do you believe in miracles? Maybe.

#14 Denim Demons at #1 Corlears Hookers

12:00 pm, Tompkins Square East

Richie’s Take

Congrats on coming in first again Hookers! Now play another low-ranked team that struggled through the regular season only to find themselves peaking at the perfect time. Though the Demons are surging, I gotta go with the Hookers on this one. I see it as 3-1 with an empty netter to make it 4-1. It would not shock me however if the Demons won.

Monica’s Take

The best thing about the Hookers/Demons match is that at least ensures that we don’t have to watch a Hookers/Demons final game. I’ll go with Demons on this one.

Bill’s Take

Adam’s Upstarts versus the Purple People Eaters?  While I love what the Demons have done given their unusually low seed, I can’t see them overwhelming a fully stocked Hookers squad.  It all depends on who shows up, but if both rosters are full, I have to give the victory to Olsen’s Assassins.

Eli’s Take

Are the Denim Demons really this year’s Cinderella team?  As the last double-digit seed left in the playoffs, they just might be, as the task put in front of the Fightin’ Rubens this Sunday sure is a tall one.  The Corlears Hookers finished the regular season with the best record in the league, largest goal differential, most goals scored, and second fewest goals allowed.  Last Sunday, the Hookers imposed their will on the Rehabs in the round of 16 to the tune of a convincing 6-0 win.  The Demons did hand the Hookers one of their three regular season losses this season, though, and are playing their best hockey of the season.  They have won seven consecutive games and eliminated the Glanzer Division champion Gouging Anklebiters in the round of 16 last week.  However, history is not on the side of the Demons.  The Hookers have advanced to the semifinals four times in the past five seasons, while the Demons, despite reaching the quarterfinals every season since 2006, have yet to advance to the semifinals.

Patrick’s Take

Like a Lifetime movie this one is all about the women. The Hookers have some of the top female talent in the league and while the Lady Demons are a passionate lot, their skill level doesn’t quite compare. Look for Tiffany-Sarah, Noelle or Anjou to net a game winner. That being said, spare a kind word for the poor saps who have to ref this game. It’s going to be the toughest $3 they’ve ever earned.

Abby’s Take

We’re sure it would have been something diplomatic. Because Abby’s like that. You know … classy.

Editor’s Note : Rich is back with the second part of his look at possible upsets during Sunday’s Playoff Games

Editor’s Note: While the rest of us were brunching with friends, playing with kids or even just taking the dog for a long, leisurely walk, Glanzer was writing this …

Do you believe in miracles?? YESSS!!! Those were the famous words of crappy NFL announcer Al Michaels when he announced the Miracle on Ice upset of Team USA over the dreaded Soviets in the 1980 Olympics. We at BTSH have had our share of upsets as well.

#11 Happy Little Elves at #6 Butchers

by Bill “Don’t F**k It Up” Tucker

Tompkins Square West, 1:00 pm

When it comes to teams doing things loudly, the Happy Little Elves rank in the upper echelon of that esteemed category.  Fueled by the bravado of team captain Rich “Flair Chop” Glanzer, the Elves are still riding high from their championship run from two years ago.  Newbies to the league may look at the Killer Keeblers and think, “11^th seed?  Whatevs” but long time BTSHers know the truth.  The Happy Little Elves may falter in the regular season but they always come alive when the air turns crisper.  With a solid core of scoring dynamo Trevor “Legolas” Beauclair, the always scrappy Jenna “Link From The Legend of Zelda” Cruff and the pure intimidation of Ben “Snap, Crackle, Pop” Chadwick, the 2011 version of the Happy Little Hobgoblins should continue to be a tough out.

When it comes to doing things quietly, nobody flies under the radar like the sixth seeded Butchers.  Three years separated from the drunken chutzpah of Mexican Standoff, the Maniacal Meat Cleavers have silently turned themselves into one of the most dangerous teams in the league.  Captain Ben Bloom is a lethal sniper, Eric Ramirez is the most underrated keeper in the game and Georgine “Hatty” Paulin will drink you under the table while putting three past your goalie.  Oh, and you still have to contend with Creamy, Rachel Greene and Arthur “Fine Music Taste” Revechkis.  Not any easy task at all, so expect a spirited contest this Sunday.  Ahem…weather permitting.

Now, usually at this point in the write up, I devolve into lies and wild accusations, all littered with generous helping of topical links (ala Abby M).  But when Patrick sent out these assignments, he asked us to step it up, so step it I will.  Let’s drop some science on this bitch with three interesting factoids about this crucial Round of 16 matchup.

SCIENCE

1. Despite being a contest between the 6^th and 11^th seeds, only two points separate the Butchers (22) from the Elves (20).  The twist?  The Elves play a in much tougher division.  Hmmmmm…..
2. Butchers goaltender Eric “0.0001 GAA” Ramirez has not surrendered more than two goals in any start he’s had this season, regardless of the team he’s played for.  (statistic not verified, rather overheard in a boast-off with Pete Lang at last week’s women’s tournament.)
3. Elves enforcer Sarah Torneten can knock back an Irish Car Bomb like it’s nobody’s business.  Seriously, we’re talking four seconds from drop to slam.  Intimidation edge to the Gang in Green.

Dr. Hunter S. Tompkins Official Prediction:  Separated from my usual beat, I find myself in unknown waters.  Who are these Elves and why are they so happy given our current economic turmoil?  Who are these Enigmatic Executioners, boozed up ramblers who play a disciplined brand of hockey.  Instead of seeking answers to these quandaries, Dr. Gonzo and I snuck into the Central Park Zoo at three in the morning to eat fine meats & cheeses off the back a Siberian Tiger.  Nothing enhances the thrill of charcuterie like the threat of a good mauling.  Good times.  Oh, the game?  In the playoffs, goaltending is everything.  Butchers with the victory by the swipe of a hopped up jungle cat.

#9 Cobra Kai at #8 La Famiglia

by Abby “Link Queen” Meisterman

Tompkins Square West, 2:00 pm

Had Dave Ladanyi sent one of his spies over to the Dojo this week to prepare for this week’s match-up, he may have received a report about activity reminiscent of Kreese’s inspirational speech. Suffice it to say, Greg Altman is not messing around with the playoffs this year. Under his watch, Cobra Kai has shown some firepower: scoring duo JJ Murphy and Mark Talercio should not be underestimated and Becky Pear has been scoring goals all season and not just for her team. Greg is hoping to even pull from his injury roster as forward Rem Garavito Bruhn was seen just a few weeks ago in his season 2012 debut against the Dark Rainbows. Even co-captain Meredith Sladek has gotten competitive as she’s been feeding goalie Pete Lang downers to help keep his cool.

Though fear does not exist in the Dojo, they do have reasons to be afraid. Denis Miciletto is always a threat on the court — and in the kitchen (supposedly his muscles marinara rivals Adriano Bratta’s) —  especially when paired with Shafiq Perry. Miciletto led the league in goals scored last year, if I recall correctly. Haanwa Chau has been in touch with her Italian roots lately, cooking up a huge plate of carbs (and kick ass) for her team so they’re ready for their 2pm show-down.

Last year Cobra Kai lost in the opening round of the playoffs, so they’ve already outdone themselves this season, and La Famiglia went out in the round of 16. Both teams boast similar records, and even though Famiglia has been playing in a higher division & conference, look for this to be a very solid match-up.

“No commercials! No mercy!”

#16 Mega Touch at #2 What The Puck

by Monica “No More Drama” Russo

Tompkins Square West, 3:30 pm

I’m going to be the one to say it: this match isn’t entirely unfair.

Kami is ready for the Corp

#12 Mathematics at #5 Fresh Kills

Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM

Game Keys:

No one knows the strengths and weaknesses of the Kills better than Eli.  For 19 weeks, he’s followed every move of the defending champions and it’s safe to say that team Captain Derek will have the most comprehensive scouting report in league history. Of course, you could know the strengths and weaknesses of a tank but that doesn’t mean you have much hope of stopping it. And right now, the Mathletes have to be feeling like that Chinese guy with the shopping bag.

The problem is the Landfills have a counter for every weapon in the Enumerators arsenal. It’s like that conversation between Loki and Iron Man in the Avengers movie:

“I have an Andy Pratt.”

“We have that guy in the Nordiques hat.”

“I’ve got a young stud named Zack Norris.”

“We’ve got Scott Lee.”

“I have an army (of fans).”

“We have a Hulk Kevin Foster.”

Don’t get us wrong sports fans. We don’t think the Kills are superheroes. But we do believe that they’re the team to beat in this years playoffs. And like the Yankees, they keep adding strength to strength. There’s an old hockey cliché, “Work beats talent when talent doesn’t work.” But we don’t see Dmitri, Mikael, Natasha and the rest of BTSH’s answer to the Red Army phoning this one in.

We won’t write the Mathletics off just yet but it’s going to take a pretty complicated equation for them to find the value of “W” this Sunday.

#10 Filthy Gorgeous at #7 Lbs.

Location: Tompkins East, 3:30 PM

Game Notes: Filthy has been one of the more injury plagued teams this year and that goes a long way in explaining their relatively low seed. But make no mistake, they’re one of the most powerful offensive teams in the league. That may prove to be one of the stumbling blocks for a LBS team that has struggled to score goals lately. But the LBS. do tend to step it up in the playoffs and they’re not going to be an easy out.

Both these teams share a strength – familiarity. Each side has player combos that have been together for so long they can anticipate each other’s moves. In fact, both sides have agreed to make the game more interesting by having their top combos play blindfolded. Zen hockey is not something we see practiced very often in this league but when you have hockey masters like Ken and Carsten and James and Suvin working their magic, it could be sublime.

Or they might miss every single pass and not even touch the ball.

If that’s the case (and even if it’s not), this one comes down (surprisingly) to defense. Yes the Dirty Prettys can score goals in bunches but with Kami, Jean and the power couple of Matt and Becky Novick manning the blueline for FG, it’s going to be tough for the LBS. forwards to play their usual aggressive style. Both teams boast quality goalies, smart Captains, and plenty of depth on the second and third lines. But that steel curtain in front of the Filthy’s net is the gamechanger that will take them through to the second round.