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GAME OF THE WEEK
Gouging Anklebiters (5-2-1-2) at Butchers (6-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM

Game Keys:Forget the hangover jokes.This could be one of the most exciting games of the year.

Phil’s dirty dogs were on fire last week helping out the Butchers by dominating a shell shocked Riots squad. With Joe P. scoring at will and the Zach attack in full force the Bitemarks barely missed team heartthrob Amy Barrett. Meanwhile, a depleted Butchers squad proved that when they’re in the groove they can be one of the most dominating teams in the league. Just ask Greg Allman. His snake charmers couldn’t manage one goal while the Bloom Brigade put five past guest goalie Chelsea “Bolts” Bolton.

How confident were the Butchers in Week 11. Georgine “Fancy Hat” Paulin decided to hang out in Tompkins Square Park with friends rather than join the fray. That’s depth my friends.

So two teams on the rise and first place in their divisions as a possibility for both sides. That’s the stuff drama is made of.

Will the Butchers throw a bone to the Biters (metaphorically speaking) and succumb to the roguish charms of Donahue’s Darlings? Or will they be as merciless as the Spetnatz assassins who taught Arthur “Moscow Mule” Revechkis how to handle a hockey stick? Tune in Sunday!

Watchability: 5 juicy pieces of liver! Plus Bacon, bacon, bacon!

What The Puck at Sky Fighters
Location:
Tompkins East, 1:00 PM

Game Notes:Is there a rule that says only one team in orange and blue can do well at a time? It seems that way. The minute Larry’s beloved Mets started to look good, his beloved WTP went on a four game losing streak. Critics say this is due to the fact that he’s focusing too much on his beloved bride to be (Congrats by the way, Zimm) but we think larger forces are at play here.

before the Skyfighters get too overconfident they should remember that these kinds of mid-season swoons have been all too common for the WTP. Late season rallys and final appearances usually follow so never take this historic franchise lightly. After last week’s tie with the Rehabs, the Fighters probably know that lesson all too well. They’ve also been dealing with some internal discipline issues since goalie James “Ramm” Stein’s visit to one of NYC’s most famous New Zealand themed bars. His discovery of Steinlager (“It’s literally my beer”) and rejection of the team-mandated Starropramen only beer diet has caused a huge rift that may tear apart the trade to the aforementioned Rehabs. Sorry, Dan.

Fresh Kills at Denim Demons
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
By Fresh Kills Beat Reporter Eli Kazin

Game Keys:Hold on a minute, didn’t Fresh Kills and the Denim Demons play each other this past Sunday? Is it possible that Sven, just halfway through his first season since taking over for those universally beloved editors emeriti, is getting sloppy with his handling of the weekly writing assignments? No, wait, apparently Fresh Kills and the Demons, through some convenient quirk in the scheduling process, do indeed play each other for the second week in row. Since last week’s preview focused exclusively on Fresh Kills, this week, we’ll concentrate on the Demons. The Demons entered the season with high hopes, having recorded double-digit wins in every season since 2007. An opening day loss to division rival Filthy Gorgeous was an ominous start to the season, but could not compare to what happened a few days later. League disciplinary committee manager Georgine “Mulva” Paulin, after completing her multi-year investigation into allegations of a “bounty program,” handed down one of the harshest punishments in league history on the Demons. This action cast a pall over the entire Demons roster and has been overwhelmingly pointed to as the primary reason for the team’s tumble to the bottom of the Bratta Division. With six losses on the season, the Demons have already equaled their number of losses from last season and are well on their way to the their worst record since 2006. However, the team has been playing better in recent weeks, and a win against the defending champions could help pull the Demons out of their doldrums and provide a necessary boost in team morale.

Mathematics at Dark Rainbows
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
Game Keys:After reffing the Rainbows last week Eli gets to play them. Don’t expect the same kind of treatment you got while wearing the stripes Blazer. After some early season soul-searching this team has decided to accept Jesus as their savior. Well not really Jesus but former team mainstay Trevor who has clearly possessed the body of Rainbows goaltender Ariel Kipnis. The Kipper put on a show last week, robbing the ORG’s own beloved Poutiners on several occasions. With Sean, Josh and our nominee for best player in the league, John Nielsen up front, the Plus Ones face a formidable challenge. It will take all the skill of teen dream Zach Norris and all the brute power of Laura ‘Hulk Smash” McNeil for the Integers to get a positive result.

Corlears Hookers at Cobra Kai
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
By Dishonorably Discharged Poutine Machine Beat Reporter Rich Glanzer

Game Keys:Here’s a true story. So I get assigned to write the Poutine Machine beat but I’m 0-4 in picking games this season for them. The three times I said they would win they lost, and the one time I said they would lose they won. I woke up to this very mean email from Sven. “Dear Mr. Glanzer, because you constantly get Poutine’s game wrong, I am no longer allowing you to be the reporter for such a prestigious team. You can write about the Hookers. Because they suck.”

Wow Sven…I mean first of all I thought this was for fun, but fine, I got the games wrong, so I accept the downgrade. But to say the Hookers suck? I mean this isn’t the Rehabs…cause yeah, the Rehabs do suck, but the Hookers are pretty decent. Maybe not good, but definitely above sucking. Anyways, Jackie Spiegel will prove you wrong, and lead the Hookers to this apparent upset over Cobra Kai. Hookers 7 Cobra Kai 0.

And just for good measure, the Tuques are gonna beat Poutine 4-1!

Rehabs at Mega Touch
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
By ORG Special Correspondent Monica Russo

Game Keys:I’m going to write about Mega Touch this week, because I learned today that this is a hilarious team. Weekly, captain Julie Katz is inundated with emails from her lovable band of misfits, and sometimes these emails involve the word “boner.” And “boner” is a super funny word any way you slice it (though you should never slice a boner. Ew.).

So the Touch takes on ReeeeeHaaaabs this week, and if Derek would update the site on time, I’d know who won last week’s games and maybe even have a little bit of insight on who will win this game. So I’ll pick the Rehabs, based on history. Get with the freaking program, Tagliarino.

La Famiglia at Poutine Machine

Location: Tompkins East 4:30 PM

By La Famiglia Beat Reporter Bill Tucker

Game Keys: Week 12 gives BTSH fans an intriguing matchup on the East courts.  Patrick “The ORG” Larsen’s Quebecois Conquerors have marched their way to the top of the division that bears his name.  With the solid two way play of Marcus “The Boot” Bonee, the startling intimidation of enforcer Joann Provencher and the timely scoring of Brodie “Mallrats” St John, The Machine has reached the top with solid team play.  Of course, having 2011 All Star Tim “Future Adriano” Brown between the pipes doesn’t hurt either.  Patrick’s latest scheme to motivate his team of cheese curd eaters?  The hiring of fictitious self help guru Stuart Smalley to speak at their weekly strategy meetings.  Larsen hopes the pep talks will give his team the edge they need to succeed over the Omnipotent Octopi.

On the other end of the court sits a La Famiglia squad that find themselves mired in a two game losing streak and fourth in the Brown Division.  But it’s not for a lack of trying.  The Family showed tremendous heart last week in their loss to The Corporation.  Fielding a shorthanded team the entire game due to attendance issues, the former Yellow and Red played hard in the blistering heat.  After reviewing and analyzing stolen recovered audio recorded on a decrepit minidisc player, we at the ORG may have discovered the source of La Famiglia’s strength.  US Custom laws forbid us from saying exactly what transpired at the team’s South American training camp, but let’s just say it involved sticks, blindfolds and medieval torture devices.  ‘Nuff said.  This team is ready for anything.

Dr. Hunter S. Tompkins Official Prediction:  Last week, I was sitting at the bar at Al’s Backyard, slinging back fifty cent burgers and shots of rum, priced at a dime apiece.  In the midst of my relaxation, I received an e-mail from Patrick.  Previews due Tuesday night, it read.  One day early.  Cursing, I scrawled the damned thing on a palm frond and mailed it third class to his office in New York.  For interrupting my mid week drunk, I damn his team to a 3 – 1 drubbing at the hands of Blue Menace.  That, and Famiglia deserves a victory after the tremendous effort they put forth last week.  Fair’s fair.

Gut Rot at Tompkins Square Riots
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM

Game Keys: With Team Captains Peaches and Amy vowing to settle things over margaritas, we fully expect the rest of Gut Rot to head to the beach. This will leave a bemused Riots squad wondering what to make of a heat crazed Bill Tucker. His frantic screams of “Say hello to my little friend!” while pretending that his goalie stick is a machine gun should scare off most of the Riots players. The only exception will be defenseman Craig Thompson who’s practiced obliviousness will protect him from Bill’s erratic behavior. Craig will proceed to score all the goals in a record breaking 24-0 performance that finally gets him in to the BTSH hall of fame. When asked later why he chose to play the whole game facing his own net, Tucker will claim not to remember anything and launch in to a detailed review of ICE AGE:CONTINENTAL DRIFT. The lesson here? Make sure your goalie takes lots of water breaks.

LBS, Inc. at Filthy Gorgeous
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
Game Keys:Wow. This is like one of those ’80s nighttime soaps, full of rich and beautiful people. Will beautiful lawyer Sasha leave her husband for the smoldering French brain surgeon, Dr. Jean Hebert? Will the handsome young James Perriera ever tell Carsten that he’s really his son? Why is Ken Poulin trying to corner the market on V-necks? And who will survive the tornado? Unfortunately, it’s a 5:30 game so we may never know the answers to these burning questions.

Happy Little Elves at Gremlins
By ORG Pop Culture Correspondent Abby Meisterman
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM

Game Keys: A few things you should know about Gremlins…

1. You have to keep them out of the sunlight.
2. You cannot get them wet.
3. You can never feed them after midnight.

Knowing these three simple rules could be the keys to another Happy Little Elves victory. Although the game starts at 5:30, there is still plenty of light on the court and the Gremlins will attempt to play solely in the shade of the trees (they are playing on the West court). However, noted heel and HLE co-captain, Rich Glanzer, may initiate an extremely aggressive tactic —  immolation — which could thin the herd. Co-captain Jenna Cruff was seen earlier this week talking to local children regarding their water balloon tossing practices. After witnessing the havoc wreaked on Dark Rainbows’ goalie Ari Kipnis a few weeks back, Cruff doesn’t want to risk undoing Glanzer’s work by creating more Gremlins than they can handle. The last part is tricky, though, as it is always after midnight. To cover all their bases, Ben Chadwick has placed all of the Gremlins food on a higher shelf, making sure they Gremlins stay in their original, cuddly, Mogwai forms. Gremlins Captain, Ryan Mills, is a crafty guy, though. The Elves may be thwarted if he can get his hands on some genetic sunblock, thereby allowing the Gremlins out in the sun to sweat and asexually reproduce. Hopefully the Gremlins will get one of the BTSH refs who forgets about the “too many men” penalty call, though!

GAME OF THE WEEK

Cobra Kai (5-4-0) at Butchers (5-3-0-1)

Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM

Game Notes: Yeah, that’s right, no Hookers or Elves in GOTW country this week. Instead, the most entertaining game of the day is sure to be this matchup between divisional rivals.

The Snake Squad has been on a roll lately thanks to an influx of new players and a rotating cast of goalies. While the W’s have been coming, the actual game play has been mixed. After mirroring their cinematic counterparts and showing “No mercy” against Gut Rot, the Slitherins barely squeaked by Megatouch last week (due in no small part to the contributions of guest goaltender Tim Brown). Which CK squad will show up this week? And when will injured tender Pete “Clubber” Lang return between the pipes? Our insiders tell us that Lang is out for at least one more week so chemistry remains a concern for the dojo.

Meanwhile, the Butchers may have to worry about chemistry of a different kind. Rumor has it that key squad members Rachel “Mean Joe” Greene and Arthur “Sealed with a” Revechkis are hosting other hockey teams at their palatial Connecticut dacha this weekend. The Russian Rocket has been locked in his basement laboratory all week (yes, he has a basement laboratory) working on something he calls ‘the Liver Crusher”. If the LCs are flowing freely on Saturday, expect the Meat Maulers to be relying more on skill than speed on Sunday.

Watchability: Expect an entertaining match as Cobra Kai look to grab first place in the Larsen division while the Butchers struggle to find a reason to care about the regular season. Still, shared hangovers may trump mercenary motivations. If the PBR line of Paulin, Bloom and Revechkis are clicking expect them to beat Cobra Kai’s rented goalie like, well … a rented goalie.

LBS, Inc. at La Famiglia

By La Famiglia Beat Reporter Bill Tucker

Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM

Game Keys: Luckily for me and my laziness, there isn’t much to say about this week’s Famiglia / Llbs matchup.  Luckily for you, the patient reader, there’s a ton to fabricate, best done in a cloud of Laphroaig single malt and methamphetamines.  Llbs enters this matchup as the toast of the Brown division, boasting the second best goal differential (+12) in the league and first place in their division.  Despite their sparkling 7-2 record, the team is not without controversy.  Reports from a number of unreliable sources (okay…just Craig) claim the Corporation has invested heavily in a high-end cybernetics company.  The result?  A series of Go Go Gadget enhancements to key players.  Satellite photos of the team’s 2-1 victory over the Riots suggest an “illegal elongation” of Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin’s hockey stick and a seven foot extension of goaltender Seth Watchell’s left leg during a key save in last week’s contest.  Despite this competitive edge, the team has shown remarkable poise in gaining the Brown Division lead over the suddenly slumping What The Puck.  They have a system and they are sticking to it.

The Family enters this contest fresh off a tough loss to the resurgent Denim Demons.  Never one to buckle to the pressure, Dave Ladanyi’s squad has refocused, rallying around Alfred Liu’s first goal of the season.  The long time Famiglia regular has vowed to knock back three bourbons for every goal he scores for the remainder of the season.  When asked about her week 10 opponent, BTSH veteran Diane Johnston dropped her PBR to floor of Ace Bar, shattered my knee cap with her hockey stick and cried, “I play on your team, you schmuck!  Learn to read!”  Jabs at my literacy aside, expect a close game pitting a hungry La Famiglia squad against a Llbs team looking to continue riding the lightning.

Hunter S. Tompkins Official Prediction: In lieu of doing more work on this preview, I’ve enlisted the insight of my confidant and drinking partner, Dr. Gonzo, to picks this week’s victor.  After muttering something about reptilian assailants and the walls melting, she blurted, “2-1, Famiglia.”  For fear of the reptiles, I refuse to dispute her visions.

Gut Rot at Filthy Gorgeous

Ladies and Gentlemen … welcome back Abby Meisterman

Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM

Game Keys:  This matchup makes me feel dirty; the kind of dirty that I don’t necessarily feel guilty about. On one hand you’ve got a team that makes you cotton-eyed and mouthed after a night with them. On the other, a team that personifies the feeling you get after a one-night stand… Or so I’ve been told. Anyway, if there is anyone who can get in the head’s Filthy Gorgeous top scorers, James Pereira and “It’s Always“ Sunny Mehra, it would be former team-mate Liza “1.21 Giga” Watts and Matt Workman. Well, it would be them. But then you add league and bar darling Ellery Gillette and cohort Bill Tucker, who are consistently lifting their shirts over their faces, and you’ve got some very suspect defense tactics. As much as I’d love to give this win to Heather “S Factor” Aspergen, I’ve gotta go with Monica “La”Russo Larsen’s cadre of coyote uglies.

Tompkins Square Riots at Gouging Anklebiters

Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM

Game Keys: 

Two teams that have shown flashes of brilliance but have struggled with consistency meet up for another r crucial divisional matchup. The Riots lost a tough one to LBs. last week while the Biters managed to squeeze out an OT win against the Rainbows. So expect another close one here. The real question is which team will boast the more laid back Captain. Normally, Donohue goes through the season with only Jeff “Peaches” Hendricks as a rival for the title of MMM (most mellow manager) but Amy Jones has stepped up her game this season. Her new strategy of not actually playing in the games she’s captaining is sheer genius. Donohue has threatened to counter by drinking three large bottles of cough syrup before Sunday’s game. But the ORG encourages Jones not to fall for this transparent psychological tactic. Everyone knows that Donohue ‘tips the Tussin” before every match. Advantage: Riots.

 

Gremlins at Corlears Hookers

Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: 

We love the Gremlins. They’re a feisty team that’s risen from the ashes of the Unicorns to win the hearts and minds of the BTSH faithful. But to beat the Hookers they need to take advantage of their one weakness. Ambivalence.

It’s a well-known fact that only three Hookers actually show up for games in July and August. Those unlucky three are usually selected in what’s come to be known as “Eitel Fight Club”. The losers are forced to represent purple and gold honor in brutal heat, normally while nursing massive internal injuries.

New team Captain Dustin Olson may have realized that this strategy has cost the Hookers championships in the past (when half of the team that played in the finals were missing spleens) but we’re still unclear if “Australian Rules Eitel Fight Club” is any less brutal. The answer to that question is not only the key to Sunday’s game but also, perhaps to Olson’s elusive BTSH championship dreams.

Dark Rainbows at Poutine Machine

By Poutine Beat reporter Rich Glanzer

Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: When the BTSH goal scoring leaderboard were updated this week, there were 10 people with either 7 or 8 goals. But standing above them all is Brodie St. John, of the Machine. Little is known of Brodie outside of Poutine, and that’s just the way Sven Patrick wants it. I mean you can’t mark the guy if you don’t know who he is. It maybe one of the reasons why Poutine is at the top of the Larsen division.

The Rainbows despite having the leagues best player in Bernstein, are at the bottom of the division named after Sven. On paper, this has the makings of a pretty big mismatch. But scissors cuts paper, and rock goes right through paper in my book, so I’m going to go with an upset and pick the Rainbows to win 5-1!

Just kidding, Michael Scott made a living off of believing in paper, Poutine in a romp, 5-0. Expect Amsterdam Chelsea Hicks to get a goal.

Mathematics at Mega Touch

Location: Tompkins East 4:30 PM

Game Keys: Grey meets grey (or is that gray) in what the Math are hoping will be an easy 2 pts for the Glanzer division leaders. Dream on. The Megas have been energized by recent close results and a new strategy courtesy of evil masterminds Alex Eben Meyer and Eric “Moustache Pete” Devlin. The Touchers (ewwww!) will be swapping their signature striped leg wear for state of the art compression socks guaranteed to make them all at least 10% faster. In addition, Julie “the Girl Who Gets Her Salsa From New York City” Katz has been studying with several of the world’s leading Krav Maga experts in preparation for an epic showdown with Laura “Brave” MacNeil. Laura – “If you could change your fate, would you?” Better decide quickly. The Megatouch Captain is already threatening to “Go all Manischewitz on your ass!” We’re not sure what that means but it doesn’t sound good.

Denim Demons at Fresh Kills

By Fresh Kills Beat reporter Eli “Scoop” Kazin

Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM

Game Keys: There were no games on the schedule this past Sunday, so Fresh Kills finally took President Obama up on his offer for the defending champions to visit the White House. However, one member of the team did not make the trek to Washington, D.C. for the weekend, as goaltender Patrick Barch chose to remain in New York City. Barch boycotted the White House celebration due to his belief that the federal government has grown out of control. Barch even released a statement, noting that “Today I exercised my right as a Free Citizen, and did not visit the White House. This was not about politics or party, as in my opinion both parties are responsible for the situation we are in as a country. This was about a choice I had to make as an individual.” Before the season started, Barch had notified his captain, Dave Sokolyansky, that he would not be accompanying his teammates to Washington, D.C. Sokolyansky could have required Barch to attend, but chose not to, adding “I can require someone to attend a team event. If they don’t, I can suspend him. But I’m not going to suspend Patrick. Whatever his position is, it isn’t representative of Fresh Kills or my own. But I’m not going to suspend him.” Despite Barch’s stance, President Obama kept the festivities lighthearted, making sure to single out each player on the team for his or her contributions to the 2011 championship. Obama also asserted that “Fresh Kills, as a team, was extremely respectful of the Office of the President. This is in stark contrast to last year, when that blonde-haired kid on the Happy Little Elves got hammered and destroyed the First Lady’s flower plantings in the Rose Garden.”

Rehabs at Skyfighters

By ORG Special Correspondent Monica Russo

Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM

Game Keys:  I worry about the Rehabs, I really really do. Without the team’s Heart and Soul (a.k.a. MDF and Kehoe), they’re just not the same. If I were a betting girl (and the ORG has made it clear that there is not to be any betting), I’d say the slack could be picked up by Hillary (of “PlayHer of the Week” fame) and Nora. So, um…get to it, you guys.

The ‘Habs are coming off a loss from last game, while Sky Fighters, the team FG loves to hate, has a W for their last few games played. So, Rehabs, if you come out like the team I used to know (and also love to hate), you can put a few past James Stein and pull out the win for this, our true 4th of July weekend. Godspeed.

Happy Little Elves at What the Puck

Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM

Game Keys:  With Shaun John DeLaC and most of the What the Puck roster already planning not to attend this game (at least that’s what we heard) it’s hard for the ORG to muster up much enthusiasm for this one. Even seeing  the odd couple of Chadwick and Glanzer reunited once more isn’t really making us feel for Jenna’s lovable losers. A 5:30 game. An ambivalent opponent. Gil. This has all the makings of a blowout. Still, if WTP’s Anthony Romeo is done with the four day bender he went on after finding out role model Martin Brodeur resigned with the Devils, he may show up and give Trevor and co. some trouble. What the hell, let’s pick WTP to win in a shootout.

GAME OF THE WEEK

Corlears Hookers (7-1-0) at What the Puck (5-1-0-2)

Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM

Game Notes: The Hookers in another game of the week? Another matchup that’s best watched if you’re colorblind? Damn right. Why are we featuring the Wannabe Habs in the spotlight for a second week running? Justice, that’s why.

BTSH Fandom was robbed of the classic showdown they were hoping for last week when Hookers Captain/Goalie and Executive Producer Dustin Olson decided to host the BTSH All-Star game a month early. Unfortunately, he neglected to tell the Elves, and the result was a 6-1 drubbing that would send lesser players in to years of counseling.

Time for some payback and no one is better poised to bring it than the Orange Juggernaut. WTP has gone from being the team you love to hate to holding a special place in the affections of BTSH fans, largely due to the adorableness of the WTP farm team. With only Peter Putka’s adorable offspring bringing the cute factor for the non-family-friendly-named Hookers, WTP has already won the battle for the hearts and minds of their fellow hockey players. Now they just need to win the battle on the court.

Time for the Zimm to insist on roster checks and send Dustin, Al Huang and Jason Eitel’s mom a well-earned defeat.

Watchability: No doubt it will be another exciting match between these two top squads. But with a summer heat wave and a 5:30 pm start time, I wouldn’t even expect Hannah’s baby to be watching this one.

Poutine Machine at Gremlins

Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM

Game Keys: Respect for the Gremlins who went through a bunch of off-season struggles and have put together a very respectable 3-5 record. It helps as well that one of those wins was against their French-Fry-eating opponents this week. No doubt, Poutine will be looking for revenge. But that’s where their French Canadian roots may betray them. If they follow the inspiration of the Quebecers they’re named after, they may accept a bad result for over 400 years but be really annoying in defeat (je me souviens, y’all). It will be up to team sparkplugs Marcus “the Boot” Bonee and Tracy “No Mercy” Ng to make sure that doesn’t happen. Meanwhile, Gremlin star Jon “Ex-Redpants” Rick has convinced his team to embrace a new philosophy when it comes to games. We’re not sure that existentialism and competitive sport are a good mix, but we applaud Jon’s willingness to try new things.

Sky Fighters at Filthy Gorgeous

Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM

Game Keys: For years, people have said that you only need to watch the last five minutes of any NBA game. The same might be true of these two teams.

Filthy lost a heartbreaker to Fresh Kills last week thanks mainly to Dave Sokol’s unwillingness to be Dustin Olson. Meanwhile, Skyfighters staged a last minute comeback against the Riots and pulled out a shootout victory.

So, here’s what you do: head over to Doc’s, get yourself a nice, pint-glass sized Bloody Mary and come watch this match with, oh, let’s say, 7 minutes left. You should see at least three goals and (depending on who’s winning) a lot of Czech cursing or a five-minute standup routine from Filthy’s Matt Novick. Either is worth the price of admission.

La Famiglia at Denim Demons

By La Famiglia Beat Reporter Bill Tucker

Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM

Game Keys:  

Remember Attack of the Killer Tomatoes?  That was a great movie.  The Denim Demons of yesteryear remind me of that classic 1978 film.  The Red Army of old stomped through opposing competition, running amok in the Bratta Division.  This year’s squad is reminiscent of the movie’s end, all shrunken vegetables and shattered dreams.  With half of the squad leaving for rainbow colored pastures, Adam “Where’s My Nickname” Rubens’ team is in rebuilding mode.  With new acquisitions like Brian “Mr. Nice Guy” Kubocik and Jen “Jersey Pride” Popack, the team is looking to build with youth and wanton drunkenness.  My kind of people.   But don’t count the perennial powerhouses out just yet.  With Coach between the pipes and Mike Pereira finding his scoring touch, this team can beat anybody any given weekend, proven last Sunday with a 2-1 victory over the Butchers.    

Remember The Godfather?  That was a great movie.  When you first meet Don Corleone, he looks like a doddering old fool with cotton balls in his cheeks.  Fast forward an hour, and he’s a dangerous fella.  La Famiglia of this year mirrors the classic Coppola film in more ways than one.  Starting the season off slow, The Family has since made the Brown division an offer they can’t refuse.  Give us the respect we deserve or we’ll bring the pain.  What The Puck learned this the hard way last week in a 3-1 defeat to the Omnipotent Octopi (this nickname is based on the vague notion that their new uniforms have an octopus on them.  If not, blame it on a Templeton Rye induced blackout).  La Famiglia has found their form but if they look past the Denim Demons, they may be in for a rude awakening. 

Dr Hunter S. Tompkins Official Prediction – When we arrived at Ace Bar, we were surrounded by wild, mutant vegetables.  All frothing and drinking and making a ruckus.  Luckily, Dave Ladanyi was there to beat them back to oblivion as Famiglia will do to the Demons by a score of 2 – 1. 

Mega Touch at Cobra Kai

By ORG Special Correspondent Monica Russo

Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM

Game Keys: 

Mega Touch at Cobra Kai is one of those games that you’d think would slip under the radar. You’d be wrong about that, however.  Last week, Cobra Kai faced Gut Rot and won 10-1 (!!), while (You’ve Got the) Touch only eked 2 points past the Gremlins. 

The heat, however, is going to be the great equalizer. It’s gonna be hot as balls this week. Like, old-school-August-break hot. So keep some ice in your pants, and watch Cobra Kai squeak a win against MT by the skin of their teeth.

 Happy Little Elves at Gut Rot

Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: 

Both teams are coming off of drubbings last week (Jenna’s lovable losers lost 6-1 to the aforementioned Hookers while the Rotties had a bad day and a 10-1 defeat from Cobra Kai). We’d like to think that the two sides would comfort each other, like survivors of other traumatic experiences like the Bosnian War or a night on the town with Ellery. Unfortunately, we know this won’t be the case. Why? Mary Pratt. She’s returned to GutRot to take the promised land of the playoffs and she’s sworn to carve a path through any team that gets in her way. We have it on good authority from Dave that she’s repeatedly watched the hockey classic SLAPSHOT while muttering “Dr. Hook. He had the right idea.” This should be a very fun game if the refs can control Pratt’s hooligan tendencies. But if the umps put their whistles in their pockets … there will be blood.

Gouging Anklebiters at Dark Rainbows

Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: Two sides that have seen significant roster changes this year go head to head and … no, we can’t do this. We need to talk about Abby Meisterman.

Abby joined the best damn reporting team in hockey. And we were happy to have her. But to date she’s yet to submit a single assignment. Sure, she’s had good excuses: “I’m in St. Croix,” “I have avian bone syndrome but only in my fingers,” “I don’t really like writing for the site and I’m pretty sure I never agreed to this.” But we’re not buying it. She’s clearly part of Rich Glanzer’s transparent attempt to sabotage the site.

Plus, she has yet to get together with teammate Mike Dudelovitch, thwarting our attempts to refer to the two of them as “Dudemeister”.

You broke our hearts, Abby.

Game prediction: GAB over Rainbows 3-2 in a shootout.

Butchers at Rehabs

By BTSH’s Answer to Pierre Maguire, Rich Glanzer

Location: Tompkins East 4:30 PM

Game Keys: The Butchers play the Reeeeeee-haaaaaabbbs in this Reeeeee—maaaaatch of the 2010 playoffs in which Arthur scored in a shootout to send the Rehabbers to an early postseason bender. Last week Arthur, Ben Bloom and Rachel Greene pulled double duty and played for the Hookers against the Elves. This week the Hookers offered to repay the favor and play for the Butchers, but Larry Zimmer of WTP vetoed that agreement since the Rehabs are the minor league affiliate of WTP.

So now that the game will be void of Hooker Ringers, who will win this matchup? The Butchers, since the Rehabs SUCK! OK, I really don’t think the Rehabs suck but Sven keeps writing that and I keep getting accused by Rehabbers of being the one to write it, so I sorta wanted to actually say it.

The Rehabs are actually quite good. They have the best fore-checking team in the league and a good not great team defense. The Butchers have better BTSH superstars and if they can match the Rehabs intensity, they will have the edge. I see that happening and give the Butchers a 2-0 victory.

Not-so-fun fact: Rob B. said, “Since Kehoe and MDF are going to be gone next season, I may join Romeo and whatshername and play for the WTP come September.” True story, he actually said that.*

Tompkins Square Riots at Lbs. Inc.

Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM

Game Keys: We were tempted to make this Game of the Week, largely due to the performance that the resurgent Riots put in against the Skyfighters last week. TSR dominated the first half of that game and it took a Messier-like individual effort from Martin Cejka to get the ‘Fighters the “W.” If they can bring the same form this week against the Lbs., expect this to be a very entertaining match. They’ll need every ounce of talent they have as Sasha’s Preppy Puckies are marching to a Brown division win with the inevitability of a Romney nomination campaign. Can the Riots be Rick Santorum for a week? Let’s watch.

Fresh Kills at Mathematics

By Fresh Kills Beat Reporter Eli Kazin

Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM

Game Keys:  Hey, remember when Scott Lee used to play for the Mathematics? Derek Tagliarino sure does, and he can take solace in knowing that since Lee left Math to join Fresh Kills, life has been rather unkind to Lee. First, Lee choked away a late lead in the Fastest Male Competition at the 2011 BTSH Skills Competition, allowing David Kenneth Fraser to claim the title of fastest male in BTSH. Then, due to an inability to finish on his bevy of scoring chances, Lee was demoted to Fresh Kills’ fourth line, where his line mates were Nick Scott’s Labrador retriever and a cardboard cutout of Steph Opitz. Finally, Lee’s passion for the game of street hockey waned significantly, forcing him into an early semi-retirement. Lee’s plight, however, is fairly common among former Mathematics, as many have suffered a similar fate after leaving for supposedly greener pastures. Sarah “T-Bone” Torneten joined the Happy Little Elves midway through the 2009 season, but blew out her knee soon after, and missed large parts of multiple seasons. Georgine Paulin bolted for the Butchers prior to the start of the 2010 season, and is consistently greeted with a lusty chorus of boos from the fans whenever she touches the ball. Even Hector “$h0wT!m3” Melendez (yes, he was a Mathematic for half a season) has not been immune to this misfortune. His Battledome presence is a shell of what it once was and he was not even put on the 2012 BTSH All-Star Game fan ballot, which was released last week. Additionally, no former Mathematic has even won a BTSH Media Award after leaving the team, while many current Mathematics possess a Media Award, including those beloved btsh.org editors emeritus (2011’s Best Duo, yo!). Oh, and as for this game, Math is so going to win.

Editor’s Note: We always thought those “Media Awards” were rigged. We’ll be petitioning the Commissioner’s office for some representatives from Price-Waterhouse to attend this year’s ceremony. 

 

GAME OF THE WEEK

Corlears Hookers (6-1-0) at Happy Little Elves (4-1-0-2)

Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM

Game Notes: Yes, folks it’s a rematch of the championship game that Rich Glanzer hasn’t stopped talking about for three years. How could we not pick it as Game of the Week? While there’s no question that this is a marquee matchup, that’s about the only thing not in doubt about this week’s game. Among the many queries on the minds of interested observers:

1)     Is Dustin Olson a legitimate Captain or just a puppet leader? So far he’s escaped the Luongo curse but no one really believes that a goalie is the mastermind behind the league’s second most potent offence. Rumors are flying about rampant Sudafed use in the Hookers locker room, a stratagem cooked up by team veteran Al “Sniffles” Huang.

2)    Which team will Jason Eitel play for this week? Photos on this very website lead many to believe that the Elves have pulled off the biggest recruitment coup since Kamdyn Moore decided there were too many lesbians on the Rehabs (at least that’s the reason she’s been giving the ORG for her departure). Your intrepid reporter tried to get the inside scoop for you, dear readers but by the time we caught up with Eitel he and Arthur “Big Red” Revechkis had already polished off their first bottle of whiskey. Eitel’s drunken protestations that “I need Elf love!” only fueled speculation that he had either switched teams or finally revealed his hidden love of LORD OF THE RINGS cosplayers.

3)    Will the Elves ever win a shootout? A rotating cast in net hasn’t helped matters. But so far this season, the Elves have been like Dave Sokol in the ACE bar. They look good but can’t finish. If goalie Shawn “Tenacious D” Lazee is between the Pipes, the Elves might finally turn that trend around. Otherwise, look for the Hookers to play for the tie and win it in the skills competition.

Watchability: Hard to call. There’s no doubt that this will be a great game. But if the Hookers wear their purple outfits and the Elves are in their signature green, this will be a hard one to watch for anyone with any sort of fashion sense.

Butchers at Denim Demons

Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM

Game Keys: The Butchers are coming off of a tough OT loss to the Rainbows last week while a short-sided Demons team managed to take the resurgent Anklebiters to a full-on tie. With only a week’s break this time expect both teams to come surging out of the box in a hard fought battle. That’s what we would write if this game weren’t scheduled at 1 pm. Most of the Butchers will be coming to the game straight from their previous nights activities (rumor has it that team offensive dynamo Georgine Paulin didn’t even know there was a one o’clock in the afternoon). Meanwhile, Demons Captain Adam Rubens aka the Herb Brooks of BTSH has given strict orders that no one is to leave the Demons compound the night before the match. Will this result in a focused squad or Nashville Predators style suspensions for team roustabouts Jeff Kamen and Aaron “Coach” Pagdon? One thing is for sure; if the Butchers want to win this one they better bring extra shoes for co-Captain and part time ragamuffin Rachel Greene.

Gouging Anklebiters at Mathematics

By Derek Tagliarino Fan club President Rich Glanzer

Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM

Game Keys: Last year when these two teams met, some of the legends of BTSH were asked what they thought of the matchup.

Future Hall of Famer and newest Elf Jason Eitel said, “Who vs. who?” Trevor Beauclair said, “None of those players are as good or pretty as me, eh?” And while we’re not sure what exactly Martin Cejka said because we don’t speak Czechoslovakian, it sorta sounded like, “No talent fucktards.”

But a new season has brought some new talent to these two teams. Instead of fighting for the 16th seed, these two teams are battling it out for first. Joe P., Craig and Coco have brought new life to the Biters, as they are the clear favorites to win the most prestigious division in hockey. But Math won’t be coming to this gunfight with a knife. They bring BTSH’s newest sensation, Zach Norris. Unlike Madonna, Pele, and Zach Norris’s hero Cher, Zach Norris demands that you call him by his full name at all times. And dammit Zach Norris deserves the respect because he once had a good game for Math. Once.

I see Math really putting a lot of pressure on the Biters. The Math captain will have them ready to play and I see a 3-2 victory for the Mathletes.

Filthy Gorgeous at Fresh Kills

By Fresh Kills Beat Reporter Eli Kazin

Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM

Game Keys: It is another Bratta Division battle on the docket for Fresh Kills this week, as the defending champs line up against Filthy Gorgeous and the league’s top ranked offense.  Leading the way for Filthy Gorgeous is the duo of “Gentleman” James Pereira and Sunny Mehra, who have combined to score 15 of the team’s 24 goals on the season.  Pereira currently leads the league with eight goals through seven weeks of play, while Mehra’s seven tallies put him in a multi-way tie for second.  As a team, Filthy Gorgeous has put up four or more goals in five of seven games this season, including last week’s overtime loss to the Tompkins Square Riots.  Fresh Kills, however, does not seem to be intimidated by this offensive showing.  Dave Sokolyansky’s squad held Filthy Gorgeous to its lowest output of the season in a 5-1 win in Week 2, the only regulation loss Filthy Gorgeous has suffered to this point.  Five different players scored a goal in that win for Fresh Kills, and a similar effort will likely be needed if the team is going to sweep the season series with Filthy Gorgeous.

Sky Fighters at Tompkins Square Riots

Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: 

The Riots are coming off an upset victory against Filthy Gorgeous last week that could be the turning point in their season. Whether it was the purposeful absence of Amy Jones or the inspiration that Euro 2012 is providing Patrick Blohme, they looked like the team that easily swept their division a couple of years ago. Unfortunately for TSR as the football festival continues the teams Europeans (who also happen to be their top goal scorers) will be increasingly distracted. Luckily, Sky Fighters face the exact same problem. The solution seems very simple to all of us here at the ORG. Find a friendly bar with a big screen (Kelly’s would be our pick) and settle the whole thing with a good old-fashioned bubble hockey match. In fact, let’s make that an option for all the teams in the league this year.

Are you with me, Captains? And, no, Greg Altman, this does not mean you should go out and recruit “Peggy” for Cobra Kai.

What the Puck at La Famiglia

By La Famiglia Beat Reporter Bill Tucker

Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: Question:  Will goaltender and Devils uber-fan Anthony Romeo finally play a game in his custom made WTP jersey now that the Stanley Cup Finals are over?

Question:  Will The Family’s Alfred Liu ever stop being polite, and start getting real?

Question:  Can What The Puck maintain their dominance of the Brown Division lead against a surging La Famiglia squad?

While we may have to wait until Sunday to get the answer to these inquiries, this matchup means a great deal to both participants.  Despite a tough 2-1 OT loss at the hands of The Corporation, the Orange Armada comes into this matchup as the only team in the league that has yet to lose in regulation.  Experts are unsure if this is due to the offensive production of Tom McDonald or the goalie blinding effect created by the bling of Michelle Doucet’s engagement ring.  Famously known for attendance issues as the weather heats up, What The Puck looks to keep that zero in the loss column for as long as they can.

On the other side of the court sits La Famiglia, a team that’s starting to find a real groove in their new divisional home.  Last week’s 4-1 drubbing of the Sky Fighters served as a coming out party for the dynamic duo of Shafiq “Off Black” Perry and Denis Miciletto as the pair combined for three goals.  With a clicking offense, their famously stingy defense and the sound goaltending of Tim Kayiatos all working in unison, the Yellow and Red seem to have found their rhythm in the highly competitive Brown Division.  This will not be an easy out for the Tropicana Terrors.

Dr. Hunter S. Tompkin’s Official Prediction = Like the San Francisco drug culture in the mid-sixties, all good things must come to an end.  3 – 2 in favor of the former Tuques.

Gut Rot at Cobra Kai

Location: Tompkins East 4:30 PM

Game Keys: Gut Rot won a game last week! How will they handle the potential of a possible winning streak? Probably the same way they handle everything else, with equal parts hockey skill, laid back attitude and (probably) new t-shirts. Cobra Kai also won last week and they’ll be looking to keep their streak going. Personality wise, they’re the opposite of the Rot, an intense, focused team that takes its name seriously. But with a ton of new players on the roster they lack the familiarity and team unity of the former Mexican Standoff crew. Plus, they don’t have a guy named Gilligan on their squad. And, as hours of TV rerun viewing have taught us, you should never bet against a Gilligan. Advantage, GutRot.

Gremlins at Mega Touch

Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM

Game Keys: Come on, teams. Give us something to work with here. Luke from Gremlins is nice. Julie from Mega Touch is nice. Jon from Gremlins is nice. Even the goalies are nice. And we can only spend so many weeks making fun of Adriano. We need a storyline for this one guys. Is this the game where Meyer gives up impersonating Tintin and wears regular socks? Where Mark MacAdam choreographs a team musical number? Where Eric Devlin smiles?

This will be a nice game. Somebody let us know if anything happens, ok?

Poutine Machine at Dark Rainbows

By ORG Special Correspondent Monica Russo

Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM

Game Keys:  There are tons of players on Poutine Machine. We know this. Each week, the courts are lousy with white- or blue-shirted Machiners swarming around like french fries.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. This deep-benched team knows how to play with each other (heehee), as their roster has pretty much remained unchanged. And while the Rainbows are coming off of a win last week, and PM a loss, the 2012 Rainbows are a much newer team.

This Kazin division game could go either way. I’ll take some action on it, actually. Are we allowed to bet actual money on these games? I’m pretty sure I’d take Poutine Machine on a low stakes bet, but I can be convinced…

Editor’s Note: While the ORG does not condone wagering, we do appreciate that Monica did not actually bet against her husband. On the other hand, what’s up with this “low stakes bet” crap?

Rehabs at Lbs. Inc

Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM

Game Keys:  We’ll forego all the easy black and white jokes here as well as the usual Amy Winehouse and Republican references we trot out whenever these two teams play. Instead we want to commend the Rehabs for dedicating the season to their two departing Captains. Whether it’s the teamwide embrace of “the Hummus & Shwarma diet” in honor of MDF or Bryan Welch’s donation of an old bean bag chair and lava lamp to Stacy Kehoe (“You know, for college”), the men & women in black are going to miss their inspirational leaders. Only Jon Feldman’s blatant campaigning for the “C” has marred their farewell tour so far. Giving away poster of the Winkelvoss Twins and inviting teammates to go “boating” may have worked on your Wharton classmates (or the Lbs. for that matter) but the ‘Habs are not so easily swayed. So come on Carsten , Ken and company. Put on your Nathan Horton and Brooks Orpik jerseys and let the Slam Sisters (or at least one of them) terrorize you one more time. You know it’s the right thing to do.

 

GAME OF THE WEEK

Gut Rot (1-4-1-0) at MegaTouch (1-5-0-0)

Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM

Game Notes: After another extended break, BTSH is back in action and we’ve got a somewhat unusual pick for Game of the Week. Some may question the wisdom of choosing two teams with two wins between them as the spotlight matchup but those who do need to learn their BTSH history.

The Touch and the Rot (aka Standoff) are two of the oldest franchises in the league and whenever the two meet, it harkens back to the golden age of the league. If old timers squint a little they may see the ghost of Molly Jacobs throwing up on the sidelines or a young Alec Eben Meyer introducing striped socks to the league. The combination of laid back play, mild intoxication, and Peaches hitting on the opposing team’s female players (usually during the game) are not something we see often these days. More’s the pity.

Of course, both teams have upped their talent level this year and it may be that even these famously mellow franchises will now embrace the new BTSH standard of “win or die”. If it’s up to Eric Devlin and Matt Workman to set the tone for this game, expect a bloodbath.

Personally, we’re hoping for a kinder, gentler matchup. The kind of game that Adriano “Lame Duck” Bratta is always encouraging the Captains to embrace. At least until he gets shut down and starts cursing at the refs in Italian.

Say it with us, AB. “Via tranquile.”

Watchability: 4 very chill mimosas

Dark Rainbows at Butchers

By ORG Special Correspondent Monica Russo

Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM

Game Keys: This week, the Butchers face the Rainbows in what can only be described as…

OK let’s be real, here. I have no true insight to this game. But here’s what I do know: the Butchers won by a whole lot the last time we played, and the Rainbow-Demons didn’t even eke out a point.

So, while I love writing about the Butchers, I’m going to put this one all on DR. Specifically, Abby Meisterman. Abby, I’m putting this entire game on you. So win it for the DR (not the Dominican Republic, though I’m sure they’d appreciate it, too). Make your team…. THE MOST INTERESTING TEAM IN THE WORLD.

Cobra Kai at Poutine Machine

By Poutine Machine Beat Reporter Rich Glanzer

Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM

Game Keys: Jo-Ann asked me to “keep on bettin on us to lose bekause we alywaease win and its not juts bekuse of Timmay.”

Sorry Ms. Provencher, I don’t take requests, I call them as I sees them, and I sees you guys putting a whoopin’ on the Dojo this week. Timmay aint afraid of Daniel LaRussa, Hilary Swank or that little black kid who co-starred with Swank. 5-0 for Sven’s army.

Editor’s Note: We’re taking Glanzer off of the Poutine Beat (at least, temporarily). When Richie only writes four sentences and picks us to win, you know his heart’s not in it anymore.

Happy Little Elves at Rehabs

Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM

Game Keys:  While for many, this may seem like just another league matchup, for Rich Glanzer, this is the biggest game of the year. All those skeeball losses, all those mocking comments from Kehoe and Danberg-Ficharelli, his unrequited bromance with Bryan Welch (sorry, Rich, you know he only has eyes for Feldman). This is his chance for payback and he’ll do his best to carry the entire Elves team to victory over the Men (and women) in black.

Unfortunately, no one else feels this way. In fact, Trevor Beauclair and Ryan Nakahara spent most of the break asking Jenna why the Rehabs suck and looking for some way to get motivated about a non-fairytale cup game. Meanwhile, Rehabs goalie Hilary Meyer has been studying Jonathan Quick and drawing inspiration from her fellow goalie in black. If the Kings win it on Saturday night, expect her to come out on fire and steal the game from a sleeping Elves side.

Sorry, Richie. Looks like there’s going to be some new content on sadrichie.com come Monday.

Mathematics at Gremlins

Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: 

After some early success this season, the Gremlins have run in to typical first season growing pains. They’re still a very competitive squad but they’re not catching people by surprise in the same way they have in previous weeks. And coming off a somewhat arbitrary rivalry week (since no team was willing to change their name to “the Blenders” ), motivation is going to be an issue for everyone except Luke “Mr. Excitement”. Wily veterans Mark McAdam and Caitlin Ervin will have to pull a few tricks out of their hat to keep their team focused against the gritty Mathletes.

While Derek Tagliarino swears he’s not just biding time until Donovan Pratt is ready for league play he has to bring more discipline to his side. We’re not just talking about Laura McNeil’s current reign of terror, opposing players are used to her intense play and hearing disturbing queries like “what is the purpose of your life?” and “If God exists, why are the Coyotes still in Phoenix?” But two weeks ago, team sparkplug Eli Kazin could barely get out of first gear after an all-night session writing the longest game preview in BTSH history. We know it’s not as easy to do bed checks as it used to be but get your player(s) under control Coach.

Oh yeah, Math will probably win this one.

Filthy Gorgeous at Tompkins Square Riots

Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM

Game Keys: The hottest team in the league takes on a gifted offensive side. Should be a goalfest, right?

No way, folks. With the addition of Kamdyn “Stonewall” Moore to the backend, Filthy have morphed in to something they’ve never been in their five-year history – an elite defensive squad. Yes, Jean “the Quiet Canadian” Hebert has been one of the league’s top defensemen for years but the former Rehab and the return of Becky “I didn’t mean to steal that towel” Novick have pushed the Filthy D to a whole new level. Meanwhile, Amy Jones’ squad is looking to right the ship. Veteran D-man Scott Townsend will need to refocus the side and lead by example if they want to avoid a blowout.

Personally, we think the Riots’ best chance is relying on confusion on the part of James “Shots” Periera. The gentleman goal scorer isn’t used to playing with a winning record this early in the season and he may tank the game, just to get back in his comfort zone. You might want to have someone suggest that to him, Riots.

Lbs. Inc. at What the Puck

Location: Tompkins East 4:30 PM

Game Keys: Relief is in store for Larry “Still in shock over the no-hitter” Zimmerman as the Devils season will soon be over and team goalie Anthony Romeo will be only be obsessed with wedding planning and Lindsey Lohan. Even an unfocused Romeo has helped WTP put up one of the best records in the league but if Brodeur and co. end their season on Saturday night expect Romes to still be dealing with it on Sunday afternoon.

That’s good news for the Lbs. who have a long-standing rivalry with the Orange juggernaut. In fact, rumor has it that Carsten and Ken were going to go out and buy Kings jerseys for everyone on their team. Their efforts to boost LBs. psychological edge was thwarted when other players realized that LA’s colors were black and silver not black and platinum. Lbs. have their standards and hopefully that combination of snobbery and a sense of entitlement (combined with the distraction of a Yankees-Mets series) will help win the day for them.

Denim Demons at Gouging Anklebiters

Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM

Game Keys: After significantly upgrading their talent level, the GABs had been struggling to find some Ws the last few weeks. A rivalry week victory over the Lbs. was just what they needed to get headed in the right direction again. So much so that goalie Craig Lacombe was seen drunkenly wandering the streets of Williamsburg proclaiming, “it’s the Year of the Dog and the Dog is me!” Of course, that may have nothing to do with hockey. We try not to learn too much about Craig’s personal life.

The Demons, on the other hand, lost a heartbreaker to WTP last time out. But Captain Adam Reubens took heart in the fact that his side is starting to resemble Demons squad of old. Their tenacious, aggressive style and the return to form of Zack “the original BTSH Zack” Tinkelman are both good signs that Hell’s hockey players are back.

Expect this one to turn on a late goal or a shootout win by one of these two talented sides.

Fresh Kills at Corlears Hookers

By Fresh Kills Beat Reporter Eli Kazin

Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM

Game Keys:  Fresh Kills enters this critical Bratta Division matchup on a winning note, as the defending champions dispatched their friendly rival, the Tompkins Square Riots, back on May 20 to end a two-game winless streak. The 4-2 win was highlighted by a surprise guest appearance from semi-retired forward Scott Lee, who actually finished for once and chipped in a goal. The Corlears Hookers come into this Sunday’s game in a tie with Filthy Gorgeous for the division lead, and have lost just once this season. However, that negative mark on their ledger occurred in their most recent game by a 4-2 score on Rivalry Day to their divisional co-leader. Fresh Kills and the Hookers have already met once this season, in Week 5, when the Corlears Hookers were victorious in a shootout. The star of that game for Fresh Kills was forward Nick Hobbs, who tallied both of his team’s goals.

La Famiglia at Skyfighters

By La Famiglia Beat Reporter Bill Tucker

Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM

Game Keys:  Two teams bound by similar records, stats and criminal charges, the Sky Fighters meet La Famiglia in this tense Week 8 divisional matchup.  When looking at this battle from a statistical point of view, it’s easy to see these are two very even teams.  With only one point separating the third place Fighters from the fourth place Family, this game means more than the usual bragging rights.  To prepare for the contest, offensive threat Martin Cejka has entrenched himself into a strict dietary regiment consisting only of goat cheese, egg whites and Thomas’ Toast-R-Cakes.  Admit it…you now crave the cake.  To combat this unorthodox training method, La Famiglia’s resident face Alfred Liu has forced his squad to watch multiple viewings of the film MVP.  His rationale?  If a damn, dirty ape can make a junior ice hockey team look silly, the combined talents of La Famiglia should make the Ozone Combatants look like they’re running on banana peels.  Expect a tightly played game.  All bets are off if the monkey shows up.