Archive for the ‘Weekly Previews’ Category
Week 13 Preview
Thursday, July 14th, 2011Can Filthy Make It Seven?
GAME OF THE WEEK
Filthy Gorgeous (7-4) at Denim Demons (7-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 4-2-1
Game Notes: Rubens Division rivals face off for the first time this season with just one point separating them in the standings. Filthy Gorgeous had a horrendous start to the 2011 season, winning just one of its first five games. However, sparked by the return of “Gentleman” James Pereira, the team has gone on a tear, reeling off six consecutive victories. During this streak, the team has scored 25 of its 30 goals on the season, with Pereira and his linemate, Suvin “The Guru” Malik accounting for 17 of them. Despite being back to back regular season champions, the Denim Demons have very quietly assumed first place in the Rubens Division. However, it will be tough for them to maintain this standing, as they can look forward to one of the toughest remaining schedules in the league. All seven games left on their docket are against Weyersberg Conference teams, including four divisional games. The Demons’ first challenge will be this weekend against a rejuvenated Filthy Gorgeous.
Keys To The Game:
1. After being swept by the Demons in 2010, Filthy Gorgeous will be looking for vengeance and retribution. To motivate her squad, captain Monica Russo has forced the team to watch the broadcast of the New Orleans Saints’ Super Bowl victory. She has also promised that, much like Drew Brees, she will lead the team in pre-game barking.
2. 2009’s leader in goals against, Aaron “Coach” Pagdon has been the backbone of the Demons. He has recorded three shutouts this season, including one in the Demons’ last game. These shutouts have been even more crucial than in past seasons, as all three came in one-goal games.
3. This will be the first time that Filthy’s “Gentleman” James Pereira and Joe Pereira face off against the Demons’ Mike Pereira since the three won the Best Family award last season. Family members are already taking sides, as cousins Cletus, Merle, and Billy Ray have always been ardent Filthy Gorgeous supporters, while cousins Winston, Reginald, and Preston have always been Demons boosters.
Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous. Make it seven.
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous. The Demons have been doing it with smoke and mirrors so far, and Filthy is too hot to stop right now.
Watchability: 4 DiProsperos. At worst, the winner of this game will have a share of first place in the Rubens Division.
Week 12 Preview
Thursday, July 7th, 2011La Famiglia Doesn’t Want To Blow This One
GAME OF THE WEEK
La Famiglia (6-1-1-2) at What The Puck (8-1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 10-0
Game Notes: Expect a high-scoring game this Sunday when the league’s top two offenses clash in this inter-conference showdown. Despite their differing methods of attack, What The Puck and La Famiglia currently rank first and second in team scoring, respectively. What The Puck has spread out the offense, boasting 11 different players with multiple goals this season, which more than any other team in the league. Only one player, Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman, cracks the league’s top 10 with 10 goals this season. La Famiglia, on the other hand, has relied heavily on two players, Denis Miciletto and Shafiq “Off Black” Perry. Miciletto (14) and Perry (10) have combined for 24 of the team’s 38 goals. Because of these explosive offenses, both of these teams reside at the top of their respective divisions. What The Puck holds a narrow two point lead over Fresh Kills in the Hackett Division, while La Famiglia has a three point cushion on the Unicorns in the Donohue Division. With both of these races still tight, the winner of this matchup will take a big step towards winning its division.
Keys To The Game:
1. La Famiglia has never beaten What The Puck. This was partly the reason behind captain David Ladanyi’s signing of the previously retired Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri, who is a former What The Puck defender. Sadly, Ventolieri’s memory is not what it used to be, so he was unable to divulge any of What The Puck’s secrets.
2. To counter Ladanyi’s shrewd gambit, and to strengthen his goaltending depth chart, What The Puck captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has signed former La Famiglia Tuques goaltender Minkus to a one-game contract. The two bonded while discussing the physics of Mets’ pitcher R.A. Dickey’s knuckleball.
3. What The Puck’s Brock “Butters” Bosacker has been feeling a lot of pressure to perform from his own teammates lately. “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse has repeatedly threatened to beat Brock if he doesn’t score a goal.
Eli’s Pick: La Famiglia. It’s about time for What The Puck’s annual summer swoon.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. Their depth carries them to the victory.
Watchability: 4.5 Malguarnera, Jrs. Both defenses have been just average this season, so these high-powered offenses should see a lot of good scoring opportunities.
Week 11 Preview
Thursday, June 23rd, 2011Fake Rivalry To Decide Fake Trophy
GAME OF THE WEEK
Happy Little Elves (4-3-0-2) at Dark Rainbows (5-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 4-0
Game Notes: This is the final leg of the triangular series among the Happy Little Elves, Unicorns, and Dark Rainbows for the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup. Two weeks ago, in the first leg, the Happy Little Elves rallied from a two-goal second half deficit to defeat the Unicorns 4-3 in a shootout. Last week, in the second leg, the Unicorns dominated the Dark Rainbows and came away with a convincing 5-1 victory. As a result, the 2010 champions, the Dark Rainbows, cannot maintain possession of the Fairy Tale Cup. The Happy Little Elves, on the other hand, need just one point to clinch the Cup for the first time in franchise history. However, a Rainbows regulation win would mean that the Unicorns would claim the Cup for the third time since the series started in 2008.
Keys To The Game:
1. Possibly looking ahead to this critical game, Elves goaltender Shaun deLacy played his worst game of the season last week, allowing five goals to the Corlears Hookers. Elves captain Rich Glanzer has made it clear to deLacy that if he struggles early, Glanzer will immediately sub in the team’s backup goalie…himself.
2. The Dark Rainbows enter this matchup on a three-game losing streak. They are looking to reverse this recent trend and would love to play spoiler for the Elves’ Cup hopes. Captain Sean Reynolds notes, “We’ll pay off the refs if we have to.”
3. Should the Elves win, the team will be in possession of the BTSH championship trophy, the Barnacle Bowl, and the Fairy Tale Cup. “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick is furiously working on building a bigger trophy case to display these honors, not realizing that two of them are imaginary.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. I am the Elves’ guest captain this week, so picking the Dark Rainbows would be a conflict of interest.
Derek’s Pick: No pick. I have to remain neutral as the ref of this game, and I know my non-pick will upset Hockey Rich.
Watchability: 4 Nakaharas. One way or another, history will be made.
Week 10 Preview
Thursday, June 16th, 2011This Is An Optical Illusion. They’re The Same Height.
GAME OF THE WEEK
LBS, Inc. (5-2-0-1) at Poutine Machine (5-2-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Few circled this inter-conference matchup as a potential Game of the Week when the schedule was released in February. LBS, Inc. logged a pedestrian 8-7-0-1 record in 2010, resulting in a demotion from the Rubens Division to the Hackett Division. Poutine Machine, in its inaugural season, finished 16th in BTSH with a 6-9-0-1 record. However, fortunes have changed this year, and both teams have surpassed expectations. The Corporation, after opening the season with two losses, has responded by winning five of its last six games and sits just two points out of first place in the ultra-competitive Hackett Division. Poutine Machine needs just one more win to equal last year’s total and maintains a comfortable lead in the MacNeil Division. Will LBS, Inc. be that win?
Keys To The Game:
1. LBS, Inc.’s newest hire Lawrence Goldstein has been a revelation both on and off the court. He has bolstered the Corporation’s scoring attack with five goals this season and recently impressed CEO Sascha Puritz with his PowerPoint presentation on how the team can effectively reduce its overhead.
2. Poutine Machine owes the bulk of their success to the performance of goaltender Tim Brown. He has recorded four shutouts on the season to lead the league, including three in the team’s last four games. Brown is tied for second in the league with a 1.38 GAA.
3. In one of the season’s biggest upsets, Poutine Machine defeated the Denim Demons 1-0 in Week 3, proving the team can compete with the league’s elite. Another win against a Weyersberg Conference team would establish Poutine as a viable championship contender.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc. Majority shareholder “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin is not happy that Poutine Machine unveiled a new white alternate jersey last weekend.
Derek’s Pick: Poutine Machine. This week, they remove all doubt that they’re for real.
Watchability: 4 Provenchers. This scale is compensation to Jo-Ann, who did not actually lose to Arnold Sanchez in basketball. The media assumed this based on their genders.
Week 9 Preview
Thursday, June 9th, 2011How Did Scott Get In The Bar?
GAME OF THE WEEK
Fresh Kills (6-1) at Sky Fighters (4-2-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 7-7
Game Notes: Former league champions collide in this Hackett Division battle. Fresh Kills enters on a five game winning streak, and most recently beat What The Puck for the second time this year. That win propelled the team into sole possession of first in the division, and Fresh Kills now has the best record in BTSH. Captain Dave Sokolyansky has led by example during this run, tallying all five of his goals in the last four games. Although the Sky Fighters are now fourth in the division, they sit just three points behind Fresh Kills. Due to a combination of explosive offense and rock solid defense, the Fighters have compiled a goal differential of +11, good for fourth in the league. Their last game exemplified these attributes, as they scored five goals against the Tompkins Square Riots, and goalie James Stein recorded his first shutout of the season. As we near the midpoint of the season, the Hackett Division remains the tightest from top to bottom. Thus, each divisional matchup takes on extra importance, as these teams jostle for position.
Keys To The Game:
1. Fresh Kills goalie Patrick Barch played his best game of the season in the team’s 3-0 win against What The Puck. Barch turned aside every shot from the league’s top-ranked offense, exhibiting the form that earned him a spot on the media’s 2010 All-Rookie team.
2. While 11 different players have scored a goal for the Sky Fighters, nearly half of their goals have come from Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka and team captain Dan Hopper. Each has netted six goals on the season, putting them in a tie for fifth in the league scoring race.
3. In addition to boasting league prodigy Sam Lassner, the Sky Fighters also have the league’s top future superstar in Cory Watkinson. He has already scored in his first and only game (Week 6), and he was touted by Mega Touch captain Julie Katz as being one of the league’s elite goal scorers before he even stepped on the court.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills. You never know who will actually show up in a given week for the Sky Fighters.
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills. They have been a lot more consistent this season.
Watchability: 4.5 Fosters. Both teams have a legit shot at winning the Hackett Division and capturing the second seed in the playoffs.
