Archive for the ‘Weekly Previews’ Category
Week 3 Preview
Thursday, April 7th, 2011Everyone Loves The Whale!
GAME OF THE WEEK
Cobra Kai (1-0-1) at Mathematics (1-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 6-2
Game Notes: The once intense rivalry between Cobra Kai and the Mathematics has lost most of its luster over the past few seasons. With heavy turnover on both squads and the two teams sent packing to different divisions, their lone battle last season (a 4-3 OT win by the Dojo) seemed more like a formality of the schedule than a legitimate grudge match. However, with Cobra Kai and the Mathematics each making a strong push in the first couple of weeks of 2011, this feud may be ready for a resurrection. Although Cobra Kai could only muster a 1-1 tie against their Donohue Division foe, La Famiglia, on Opening Day, the team stunned the Rehabs 2-1 last week. Perhaps most notable about these two wins is the team’s vast improvement in defense in holding both opponents to just a goal. Last year, the team surrendered 56 goals during the regular season, which was third most in BTSH. The Mathematics also opened the season with a dissatisfying draw, 1-1 against Poutine Machine. However, like the Dojo, Math rebounded in Week 2 with an impressive 4-1 win against the Butchers. As Cobra Kai and the Mathematics both look to stay undefeated, which team will continue its upward trend, and which will come crashing back to Earth?
Keys To The Game:
1. Cobra Kai goalie Peter Lang has allowed one goal in each of his team’s first two games. However, the offense has only scored three goals. Until the offense steps up, Lang will need to maintain his stellar play.
2. The Mathematics’ injury-waiting-to-happen Bradley Schmidt has scored three goals in the team’s first two games, all in the second half. The team will once again rely on a clutch performance from him late in the game.
3. The anonymous Mathematics general manager has already warned the team to keep an eye out for Cobra Kai’s resident pie expert, Anita Khar. He stated in an e-mail to the team, “Anita can be a very dangerous scorer, so we have to keep her covered at all times. Of course, I’m much better than she is at ‘skeet ball.'”
Watchability: 4 Smiths. Rich Glanzer is very happy about this rating scale.
Week 2 Preview
Thursday, March 31st, 2011Julie Is The Jimmy Fallon Of BTSH Photos
GAME OF THE WEEK
Mega Touch (1-0) at Unicorns (1-0)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 9-4
Game Notes: Two teams with convincing wins last weekend face off in this Schumacher Conference battle. Mega Touch looked sharp against the Gouging Anklebiters during the Hockey Night in Tompkins regional telecast, rolling to a 5-1 victory. New addition Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta scored 30 seconds into the game, and his team never looked back. Bratta finished with three goals and two assists, as he and his linemates Harvey Jaswal and Julie Katz dominated play and were on for all of the team’s goals. This “Matzo-Masala-Marinara” line has invigorated Mega Touch and given the team high hopes for the remainder of the season. The Unicorns also impressed in their playoff rematch against the Tompkins Square Riots. The offense tallied six goals, led by Joe’s hat trick, while goalie Craig “Ug” LaCombe and the Uni’s defense shut out the normally potent Riots attack. LaCombe gives most of the credit to his defenders, noting that only a handful of good shots got through to him. Will Mega’s Matzo-Masala-Marinara line be able to break through this wall or will LaCombe and the Unicorns defense stifle another opponent?
Keys To The Game:
1. This is Mega Touch’s first ever Game of the Week. Although captain Julie Katz is extremely eager to participate in the featured matchup, captain Eric Devlin is less enthusiastic. How will the team handle the pressure of the big stage?
2. Unicorns rookie Luke tallied a goal during his team’s big win last Sunday. He is just one of many offseason acquisitions that the Unicorns will rely on throughout the season.
3. As intense talks over the direction of the goaltenders’ union continue to heat up, this game will feature two of the principals of these discussions. Mega Touch’s Mike Tuckman has vehemently opposed the creation of the union calling it “stupid and pointless.” LaCombe, on the other hand, inexplicably seems to think the union’s founders Peter Lang and $howT!m3 may have been on to something…which would be a first.
Eli’s Pick: Unicorns. This game will likely mimic the above photo.
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns. Mega Touch has clearly improved, but the Unicorns still have a little more talent right now.
Watchability: 3.5 Devlins. Eric’s been clamoring to have the watchability scale named after him for a while now.
Week 1 Preview
Thursday, March 24th, 2011The Elves Are Set To Defend The Cup
GAME OF THE WEEK
Corlears Hookers at Happy Little Elves
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 3-2
Game Notes: As has become tradition in BTSH, the two championship game participants will square off in a Week 1 rematch. This year, the Happy Little Elves enter as the defending champions, while–as has become another tradition–the Corlears Hookers enter as the runner-up. Little has changed on the Elves’ roster during the offseason, as their leading scorers Trevor Beauclair and Gil Valdez are both returning. The team may appear a little faster this season, however, as team anchor Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri has moved to Oklahoma City. Team captain Rich Glanzer has been appointed by team captain “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick as the new team anchor. Like the Elves, the Corlears Hookers also had few significant losses. In addition, the team is thrilled to welcome back two former superstars in Jock Paul and Noelle “Slapshot” Safar. The presence of these two players was sorely missed during the championship game, as the duo has been known to strike fear into the hearts of even the calmest of goaltenders. League Nostradamus Rich Glanzer has projected that these two teams are the favorites to win the championship at the end of the season. Although we are literally months away from the playoffs, both teams would certainly like to energize their season with a key win on Opening Day.
Keys To The Game:
1. Elves brunette sophomore Ryan Nakahara tallied two goals in last season’s championship, giving him four for the playoffs. The Elves will once again need him to come through in the clutch if they wish to win this game.
2. After missing several games last season, Hookers forward and co-captain Jason Eitel has vowed to have perfect attendance in 2011. He has also vowed to pass a lot more, but the media do not believe either of these promises.
3. In the above photo, Glanzer is seen sporting a New York Jets t-shirt and a Buffalo Bills cap. This Sunday, in another show of split loyalties and potential confusion, he plans to wear a Corlears Hookers cap in addition to his usual lime green Elves jersey.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers. They are undefeated (4-0) on Opening Day.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. The team is eager to prove that last year’s playoff run and championship were not flukes.
Watchability: 4.5 deLacys. If this game were later in the season with a little more riding on it, it could be a 5. For now, however, it should just be a very competitive game.
Playoff Preview: Championship Game
Thursday, October 28th, 2010Hockey Rich Found His Way Into This Photo Too
#8 Happy Little Elves (11-5-0-3) at #5 Corlears Hookers (14-4)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 3-1
2010 Result: Week 2 – Happy Little Elves 7, Corlears Hookers 4
Game Notes: The Corlears Hookers are no strangers to the BTSH championship game. This will mark their third trip to the final, following appearances in 2007 and 2008. However, despite their playoff success throughout the years, the Hookers have yet to hoist the championship trophy. Nevertheless, the team remains optimistic that it can finally win the big game after its convincing victory against the Butchers in the semifinals. The Hookers jumped to an early 3-0 lead in that game, effectively ending any realistic hopes of a Butchers’ upset. After the third goal, the team transitioned to a much more conservative game plan and coasted to a 3-1 victory. Awaiting the Corlears Hookers in the championship game are the polarizing Happy Little Elves. Regardless of your opinion of them, no one can deny the Elves’ flair for the dramatic throughout the 2010 playoffs. In their round of 16 game, a seemingly easy victory turned into a 7-4 nail-biter against the Tuques La Famiglia. In the quarterfinals, the Elves tied Fresh Kills in the final minute of regulation and prevailed in overtime. Last week, in the semifinals, the Elves and Sky Fighters battled in the most entertaining game of this postseason, with the Elves advancing to the final via a shootout. With the Elves making their first appearance in the championship game, do the cardiac “kids” have one more win left in them, or will the Corlears Hookers finally break through?
Keys To The Game For The Corlears Hookers:
1. The Hookers’ offense has revolved around Jason Eitel this postseason, and he now leads all playoff scorers with five goals. He has scored in all three of his team’s playoff wins and will once again be a focal point in the championship game. Although he missed the 2008 final to attend the wedding of teammate Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson, he has guaranteed that he will attend Sunday’s game, despite an earlier promise to take Dutch’s niece out trick-or-treating (there’s one for you, Dustin!).
2. Late season addition Tiffany Hagge has been a beast for the Hookers this postseason. She has logged four playoff goals, including the overtime game-winner against Filthy Gorgeous in the quarterfinals.
3. Albert “Al” Huang is yet to start a game this season, even when the Hookers have been shorthanded. However, he has been frequently brought into the game as the lone member of the team’s checking line. His presence on the court has been known to intimidate opponents and has already caused several sleepless nights for Melanie Pessin of the Happy Little Elves, who admits she is afraid of him. In fact, only co-captain Rich Glanzer scares her more than Huang does.
Keys To The Game For The Happy Little Elves:
1. Although Gil Valdes leads the Elves with three playoff goals, his most heroic moment came in the shootout of last week’s semifinal against the Sky Fighters. He was the only player for either team to convert his attempt, which helped seal the victory.
2. The Elves Team Defense Initiative has been extremely successful in the team’s last two playoff games, allowing only three goals in nearly 115 minutes of play. However, this game plan would not be as effective without the stellar play of Shaun deLacy between the pipes. He put forth his best performance of the season in last week’s semifinal, turning aside numerous quality scoring chances in regulation and overtime, as well as stopping all three Sky Fighter shootout attempts.
3. Pending an Elves victory, an extravagant parade through Long Island has already been planned. Festivities will hit all of the island’s most noted hot spots including the Big Duck, Billy Joel’s birthplace, the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, the Front Street strip mall in Hempstead, the Suffolk County police department, Jones Beach, the Shoreham Nuclear Power Plant, and Lynbrook’s own Sanibel Chophouse.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers. The third time’s the charm.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. I’ve made a lot of pot shots against him through the season, but Glanzer really has done an amazing job leading the Elves to the finals. Of course, should they pull off the upset, that also means an entire offseason of listening to him gloat.
Watchability: 5 Chadwicks. Hopefully, this game will be as dramatic as the Elves-Sky Fighters semifinal.
Playoff Preview: Semifinals (Part II)
Thursday, October 21st, 2010Rob Knows His Team Has Two Wins To Go
#8 Happy Little Elves (10-5-0-3) at #7 Sky Fighters (11-6-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 2-2
2010 Result: Week 16 – Happy Little Elves 3, Sky Fighters 2; Week 18 – Sky Fighters 6, Happy Little Elves 1
Game Notes: After splitting their first two games, these Hackett Division rivals will play their rubber match in the semifinals. In their first game, the Happy Little Elves unveiled their new “Elves Team Defense Initiative,” designed to improve what was then the worst defense in the league. The strategy worked, as the Elves held the Sky Fighters to just two goals and won the game 3-2. League scoring co-champion Trevor Beauclair scored twice for the Elves in the victory. Beauclair also had a goal in these teams’ Week 18 contest, but alas, that was the only offense for the Elves that day. The Sky Fighters blitzed the porous Elves defense for six goals, including a hat trick by defender Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, who did not play in the first matchup. In spite of this setback, the Elves’ defense has been a little more passable during the playoffs. After nearly blowing a big lead against La Famiglia in the round of 16, the Elves stiffened up against Donohue Division champion Fresh Kills with a solid 3-2 overtime victory. The Sky Fighters have been even more impressive in their two playoff wins, a 2-1 victory over the Fairy Tale Cup champion Dark Rainbows and a 4-0 shutout against the MacNeil Division champion Tompkins Square Riots. As the defending champions strive to win their seventh straight playoff game en route to a second title, the Elves’ defense will need their best effort of the season to advance to the championship game.
Keys To The Game For The Sky Fighters:
1. Because of his team’s tremendous offensive depth, goaltender James Stein is often overlooked. However, he has allowed just one goal in two playoff games and contributed to the Sky Fighters’ third ranked defense in the regular season.
2. The Sky Fighters were proud to welcome Robert Kucera back into their lineup last week after he missed several games with an unspecified upper body injury. His presence was felt immediately, as he tallied two goals in their quarterfinal win.
3. Forward David Cernan does not like to play defense (how very Elf-like of him!), sometimes to the extent that he will refuse to cross mid-court into the Sky Fighters’ defensive zone. Regardless, this gambit paid off last week, as he notched his first goal of the playoffs.
Keys To The Game For The Happy Little Elves:
1. Believe it or not, the Elves actually owe much of their success to the gameplanning abilities of co-captain Rich Glanzer. Although he is often a tad sluggish on defense, his strategies, including opportunistic water breaks and timeouts, have led to several of the team’s biggest moments. However, there has yet to be a strategy that has been as successful and effective as that of Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka.
2. In addition to being the team’s (and the league’s) leading scorer, rookie all-star Trevor Beauclair has also been one of the Elves’ most clutch performers. His game-winning goal in overtime against Fresh Kills sent the Elves to the semifinals.
3. Although Beauclair steals most of the spotlight, the Elves’ brunette rookie Ryan Nakahara has also been integral to the team’s success. He scored seven goals during the regular season, and his game-tying heroics forced overtime in last week’s quarterfinal.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. I’m hoping to pick their game incorrectly for the third straight week.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters. I’m hoping to pick the Elves’ game correctly for the third straight week.
Watchability: 4.5 Long Island Loudmouths
