Archive for the ‘Weekly Previews’ Category
Playoff Preview: Opening Round (Part II)
Thursday, September 30th, 2010Ben Is Not Pleased With His Sandwich
#18 Butchers (4-8-0-4) at #15 Mathematics (6-8-0-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
2010 Result: Week 15 – Game canceled due to “rain fears.”
Game Notes: It is no secret that there is bad blood between these two Schumacher Conference teams. Tensions began in the offseason when Mathematics stalwarts Georgine “Mulva” Paulin and Jeff “Hawk” Hawkins defected to the newly established Butchers after captain Ben Bloom promised each of them a goody bag filled with various meats and a free haircut from Amanda Jenkins (Hawk did not receive his as of yet). The animosity continued when Butchers agitator Ellen notched an extremely controversial win over Mathematics redneck Mike Smith in the 2010 Sharif Corinaldi Memorial Hot Legs Competition. With their lone matchup of the season canceled due to “rain fears,” these intense rivals have had to wait until this opening round playoff game to settle their differences.
Watchability: 3.5 Hawkeyes. Although both teams have lost their last three games, they each have a solid core of players that is capable of scoring a lot of goals.
Coop Just Changed His Name To “Pie”
#17 Mega Touch (6-9-1) at #16 Poutine Machine (6-9-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
2010 Result: Week 7 – Poutine Machine 1, Mega Touch 0; Week 14 – Mega Touch 2, Poutine Machine 1 (OT)
Game Notes: This is the only playoff game this weekend that features two teams from the same division. Thus, Mega Touch and Poutine Machine will face off for the third time this season on Sunday. Although both teams did notch a win against the other in their previous contests, Poutine Machine enters the playoffs with a slight edge, as its loss to Mega Touch came in overtime. That result ultimately gave the Machine a higher seed and home court advantage for this game. Already, numerous preparations have been made in the Larsen Civic Centre in anticipation of this new franchise’s first playoff game. Most notably, a pre-game ceremony will honor captain Patrick “Sven” Larsen for his outstanding work as the face of this franchise. Additionally, perennially injured veteran Tim “(S)crappy” Gray will drop the ceremonial first ball. Despite these planned festivities, Mega Touch defender Eric Devlin does not see the point in any of them and questions their necessity.
Eli’s Pick: Poutine Machine. These teams are evenly matched. When in doubt, take the home team.
Derek’s Pick: Mega Touch. These teams are evenly matched. When in doubt, take the team with more experience.
Watchability: 3 Jewetts
Playoff Preview: Opening Round (Part I)
Wednesday, September 29th, 2010Larry Likes Gut Rot’s T-Shirts
#20 Gut Rot (4-10-0-2) at #13 What The Puck (8-7)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
2010 Result: Did Not Play
Game Notes: Yes, you read that correctly. What The Puck is the #13 seed. After a promising 7-0 start to the season, Larry’s Orange Juggernaut made a sharp u-turn, dropping seven of its last eight games. However, despite this freefall, What The Puck’s offense still ranks sixth in BTSH. Grizzled veteran Tom MacDonald leads the team with 10 goals, and also provides a gritty counterbalance to Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s sheepish leadership style. Gut Rot has also stumbled down the stretch, losing its last six games. The team also holds the distinction of being the only squad in BTSH that failed to win a divisional game this season. However, Gut Rot has had several bright spots in its inaugural season, including the play of Scott, who has notched an impressive 11 goals in his rookie season. In addition, the team has proven capable of playing with some of the league’s top teams, as it upset the defending champion Sky Fighters in Week 11. Gut Rot will need to pull another rabbit out of its hat in order to take down What The Puck.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. They should be able to take advantage of Gut Rot’s defense, which allowed the fifth most goals in BTSH.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. Their players tend to mysteriously reappear come playoff time.
Watchability: 3 Tommys
Joe Better Protect His Beer
#19 Gouging Anklebiters (5-11) at #14 Unicorns (7-8-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 7-4-1
2010 Result: Week 17 – Unicorns 5, Gouging Anklebiters 1
Game Notes: Once again, the Unicorns ranked among the top teams in defensive prowess this season, as goaltender Craig “Ug” LaCombe led the unit that allowed the second fewest goals in BTSH. Conversely, their offense has been mediocre, which has contributed to their sub-.500 record and last place finish in the Hackett Division. However, the Unicorns did conclude the season on a high note, as they won three of their last four games and earned a point in the other. The Gouging Anklebiters also finished at the bottom of their respective division, which happens to be named after team captain Phil “Sandy” Donohue. After a 4-1 start, the Anklebiters wilted in the summer heat, losing 10 of their final 11 games, with the only win coming via a What The Puck forfeit. Included in this losing streak was their only meeting of the season against the Unicorns, a 5-1 loss in Week 17.
Eli’s Pick: Unicorns. LaCombe has been on fire of late, as he has allowed just two goals in his last four starts.
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns. With most of the Anklebiters attending a wedding on Saturday, I question how focused they’ll be on Sunday.
Watchability: 3.5 Feet
Week 18 Preview
Thursday, September 23rd, 2010At Least It’s Not The Feldman Division
GAME OF THE WEEK
Dark Rainbows (8-5-0-2) at Rehabs (9-5-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 5-4
Game Notes: Two teams in contention for the Hackett Division crown face off for the first time this year on the final Sunday of the regular season. After leading the division for the last few months, the Dark Rainbows now find themselves in third behind the Rehabs and Happy Little Elves. However, a Dark Rainbows win and a Happy Little Elves loss or tie is all the Rainbows need to claim the division. The Rehabs, on the other hand, have the benefit of being in control of their own destiny. If they defeat the Rainbows, they win the division. In addition, if they tie and the Happy Little Elves lose or tie, they would still win the division. Of course, regardless of the exact order of finish within the Hackett Division, the Dark Rainbows, Rehabs, and Happy Little Elves should all enter the playoffs with a fairly high seed.
Keys To The Game:
1. Dark Rainbows captain Sean Reynolds has already assigned teammate John Nielsen with the task of adding an extension to the Rainbows’ trophy case. Reynolds has noted that he fully expects it to house the Hackett Division trophy as well as the Fairy Tale Cup and 2007 championship trophy following this game.
2. The Rehabs recent five-game winning streak has coincided with the addition of explosive newcomer Brock Bosacker. He has already chipped in six goals in his short time with the team, and is reminiscent of a young Adam Skuse in 2009.
3. Due to “rain fears,” the first meeting of the season between these teams was canceled. Their last meeting was in Week 20 of the 2009 season, when the Rehabs defeated the Dark Rainbows 6-3. “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse tallied a hat trick in that game.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs. This result will save all of us from a deluge of potential Elves gloating.
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs. The division trophy presentation is tentatively scheduled to take place at Anita Khar’s beach house on the Connecticut shoreline.
Watchability: 4.5 Meyers. The Elves will be watching this one intently.
Week 17 Preview
Thursday, September 16th, 2010Dave Hopes To Lead Fresh Kills To New Heights
GAME OF THE WEEK
Fresh Kills (8-4-0-2) at Tompkins Square Riots (7-6-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Division leaders collide this Sunday as former teammates clash for the first time. Fresh Kills currently holds a four point lead in the Donohue Division, despite losing three of its past four games. The Tompkins Square Riots sit just one point ahead of the Mathematics in the MacNeil Division and snapped a three-game losing streak in their last contest with a convincing 7-2 win against Cobra Kai. However, this game’s allure extends way beyond the standings. Several members of the Riots once proudly wore the Fresh Kills colors, but defected to form their own team this past offseason. Although tensions were initially a little high following this schism, relations between these two teams are much more cordial now. For example, Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg of the Riots recently gave Fresh Kills rookie Justin Ross a free lesson on shooting techniques. In return, Fresh Kills’ Nick Hobbs helped Scott Townsend of the Riots glue a new blade into his hockey stick. Former Fresh Kills captain Kevin “The Planet” Foster summarizes, “There is no animosity. We’re all just sensitive people.”
Keys To The Game:
1. With two games to play, Fresh Kills needs to earn just one more point in the standings to clinch the Donohue Division and #3 seed in the playoffs. Or, the team can also back into the division title if Cobra Kai loses either of its last two games.
2. Alexandre Frenette leads the Riots, and also the entire Schumacher Conference, with 11 goals. His scoring has come in bunches, as he has recorded three multi-goal games, including two hat tricks.
3. No one is quite sure when it happened, but something has been wrong with Justin Ross’ shooting technique lately.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills. If they clinch the division here, they avoid a potential winner-take-all game with Cobra Kai next Sunday.
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills. They’re supposedly the more competitive ones…
Watchability:4 DeBlasios. Former Fresh Kills captain “Hollywood” Jeff Lesser has no idea whom to root for, as he has friends on both teams. However, this may be a moot point, as he will probably be hanging out with A-listers while these teams play anyway.
Week 16 Preview
Thursday, August 26th, 2010Chris Doesn’t Like Being Touched
GAME OF THE WEEK
Happy Little Elves (6-4-0-3) at Sky Fighters (7-5-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: With only a point separating first from fourth in the Hackett Division standings, tensions will be high in Saturday’s clash between the Happy Little Elves and Sky Fighters. Although the Elves have performed decently this season and are still in a good position to win the division, co-captain Rich Glanzer believes the team is still playing well below its potential. The Elves currently boast the most goals on the season, but they have also allowed the most. Thus, after months of in-depth analysis, film study, and computer simulations, Glanzer has concluded, “I’ve determined that it’s our team defense that has been the problem…So I’ve created what I am calling, ‘The Elves Team Defense Initiative!!'” To help the league understand this complex project, Glanzer has provided this primitive sketch of his plan. He adds, “From now on, I’ve instructed all Elves to play better defensively, and stop giving up scoring chances. I’ve also instructed our goalie not to let the puck in as much.” After viewing Glanzer’s diagram, Sky Fighters captain Dan Hopper seemed unconcerned about this initiative. Hopper commented, “According to the sketch, it seems like the Elves want to have six players on the court. Last I checked, that was still illegal in BTSH.” Hopper also wanted to remind the league of the “Sky Fighters Defensive Initiative,” which is simply Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka playing defense for 50 minutes.
Keys To The Game:
1. While Glanzer’s artistic skills are limited, his coaching abilities should not be underrated. When these teams last met in Week 19 of the 2009 season, Glanzer called a late timeout with the score tied. During this break, he diagrammed the game-winning play, which not only clinched the Elves victory, but also preserved his place in the Survivor Pool.
2. Since the media uncovered Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka’s secret play for the Sky Fighters in 2008, a curse has befallen each of his teammates in the diagram. Four separate incidents have caused Samantha Lee, Amy Lott, Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker, and James Townsend-Butterworth to leave the team, leaving Cejka as the only player who is still on the team. Thus, it may be only a matter of time before the Czech superstar is forced to leave for one reason or another.
3. With the Elves’ talented, yet sluggish, defender Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri expected to miss this week’s game due to a broomball tournament, it will be up to the hobbled Glanzer to bring down the average speed of the team.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters. Dan Hopper’s strategy actually works.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. Maybe the refs won’t notice the extra player.
Watchability: 4 Barnacles. With the Dark Rainbows facing a very hot LBS, Inc., the winner of this game could be the division leader at the end of the day.
