Archive for the ‘Weekly Previews’ Category
Playoff Preview: Opening Round (Part I)
Tuesday, September 30th, 2008This Game Will Feature A Lot Of Hair (And Sand)
#15 Gouging Anklebiters (4-13) vs. #18 Bad Touch (1-15-1)
Location: Corlears North, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 5-4-1
2008 Result: Week 10 – Gouging Anklebiters 6, Bad Touch 0
Game Notes: An 0-7 start buried the Anklebiters’ hopes for a high playoff seed this season, and although they played a little better down the stretch, they still find themselves in the play-in game. Despite having one of the more dangerous rosters in BTSH, the ‘Biters have struggled this season due to frequent absences from some of their key players. Star forwards Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri and Caroline Morrissey-Bickerton have both missed several games this year for a variety of reasons, as has starting goalie “Quiet” Mike O’Connor. Although the Bad Touch only have one win to show for the season, captain Eric Devlin is quick to point out that they are a lot better than their record may indicate, as four of their losses have been by only one goal. Devlin leads the team with twelve goals, which ties him for eleventh place in BTSH.
Eli’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters. DiPierri won’t score four goals again, like he did in their regular season meeting, but the ‘Biters will still prevail.
Derek’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters. To emphasize, they have the ability to shock a lot of teams…if everyone actually shows up.
Jefferson Hendricks Will Destroy Any Elves Who Get In His Way
#16 Mexican Standoff (2-12-2-1) vs. #17 Happy Little Elves (1-14-1-1)
Location: Corlears South, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mexican Standoff leads 1-0
2008 Result: Week 5 – Mexican Standoff 5, Happy Little Elves 2
Game Notes: Despite the offseason addition of offensive superstar Ellery “The Nature Boy” Gillette, Mexican Standoff finds themselves in the play-in game for the second consecutive year. Even with Naitch’s offensive prowess in the mix, the team has scored only twenty-seven goals this season, with no individual player having more than four. The Happy Little Elves are still winless since their first game of the season, but have been playing much better hockey in the last few weeks (although they would have been hard-pressed to play worse). Since the addition of Garrett Carrino over the break, the Elves have lost two games by only one goal and another game against the Corlears Hookers in shootout. Carrino now leads the team with five goals, even though he has only played in four games.
Eli’s Pick: Mexican Standoff. They do have an all-star goalie.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. Carrino really could be the next elite player in BTSH. It should be fun to see the numbers he puts up in 2009.
Week 17 Preview
Thursday, September 25th, 2008Everything’s Coming Up Rehabs
GAME OF THE WEEK
Dark Rainbows (10-5-1) vs. Rehabs (10-4-1-1)
Location: Corlears North, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 4-3
Game Notes: The Rehabs have had a season of large ebbs and flows this year. After a mid-season three-game losing streak, they have been on fire in recent weeks and won their last four in a row. Despite having to adjust to the losses of key players Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman and Stacy Kehoe, they have scored twenty-eight goals in their last three games, while allowing only three. The Dark Rainbows, on the other hand, have struggled lately, losing their last two games and scoring only three goals since returning from the break. However, they can glean some hope from their last few games, as goalie Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell has returned to his usual form. In the month of September, he has allowed only five goals, including a shutout of a very potent Fresh Kills offense. With only one point separating these two teams in the standings, playoff positioning will be at stake.
Keys To The Game:
1. Dark Rainbows superstar John Nielsen had been conspicuously absent for several weeks until returning to the lineup last Sunday. Throughout the first part of the season, he had been towards the top of the league scoring leaders, and the Rainbows will need him to return to form.
2. Since transferring to the Rehabs, Andy Levine has averaged more than a goal per game. This mid-season acquisition may have been the spark the Rehabs needed to ignite their once sputtering offense.
3. With all of the Rehabs star power and bar notoriety, Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett and Lateef Nurmohamed both seem to get lost in the shuffle. However, both are capable of multi-goal games and are just as dangerous as some of their more renowned teammates.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs. They finally appear to be realizing their full potential.
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs. The Rainbows may make a deep run in the playoffs, but for now, the Rehabs offense will just be too much to handle.
Week 16 Preview
Thursday, September 18th, 2008At Least One Member Of What The Puck Is Pumped
GAME OF THE WEEK
Denim Demons (10-1-2-1) vs. What The Puck (12-2-0-1)
Location: Moffo, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 8-2
Game Notes: These teams waged a classic battle in the quarterfinals of the 2007 playoffs, where What The Puck emerged with a one goal victory. The Demons currnelty trail What The Puck by two points in the standings, but with a game scheduled prior to this one, they could enter this matchup in a first place tie. This has all the makings of an intense and heated matchup, as the victor will have the inside track to the top seed in the rapidly approaching playoffs. With these two teams so evenly matched, victory will hinge on the the motivation and strategy of two the league’s most cunning captains: the Demons’ Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens and What the Puck’s Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer.
Keys To The Game:
1. The Demons will have a 2:00 game at Moffo, which gives Zimmer the perfect opportunity to scout his opponent.
2. With the returns of grizzled veteran Tom MacDonald and spunky forward Jen Hale from Canada to What The Puck’s already potent offense, the Demons will have to go over even more footage in the film room.
3. Known as the utility player of the Denim Demons, Zack Tinkelman can play any position on the court, including goalie, where he has already registered two shutouts on the season.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. The Demons get caught up in a “Hale Storm”.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. The Orange and Blue will be the first seed in the playoffs.
Week 15 Preview
Thursday, September 11th, 2008Now (S)crappy Free! (Except That)
GAME OF THE WEEK
Unicorns (8-6) vs. Mighty Squirrels (7-3-3)
Location: Corlears South, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 4-1
Game Notes: Although both of these teams now hover in the upper half of the standings, this game has implications far beyond simple wins and losses in BTSH. In addition to the pressure of ending a three game losing streak, Mighty Squirrels captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene must face one of her fiercest and most devious rivals in this game: Unicorns goalie, Craig “Ug” LaCombe. A known cheater, LaCombe has already been caught several times this season for various league infractions. In May, referee Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens measured his pads and determined that they were several inches above the league standard. In June, referee Bryan “Stork” Welch found a bucket of white paint on LaCombe’s person, as he was trying to expand the crease. Interestingly, due to excessive lobbying by Unicorns captain Christian, LaCombe is yet to face any consequences for these actions. Greene, however, is also known to be quite crafty as she once “inadvertently” gave LaCombe the wrong start time for one of his games. Odds are, she’ll do that again this week. Of course, the anticipation for this heated rivalry may be moot in the end, as Greene may head to the Meadowlands for the Jets’ home opener anyway.
Keys To The Game:
1. Chris, Nelson, and Mark have combined for 31 of the Unicorns’ 47 goals this season. Stopping this triumvirate of scorers will be imperative for the Squirrels.
2. Lost among the Greene-LaCombe hype is the revenge factor that will also motivate former Unicorn Jesse Kalb.
3. Good news for the Squirrels! According to New York fashion week, Earth tones are back in this season. So, they have that going for them…
Eli’s Pick: Mighty Squirrels. Rachel does it for Brett Favre.
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns. Ug will be amped for this game and will help procure another rivalry trophy to go alongside the Unicorns’ (imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.
Week 14 Preview
Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008Cobra Kai Will Have A Big Problem On Sunday
GAME OF THE WEEK
Mathematics (3-10) vs. Volanto’s Heroes Cobra Kai (3-8-1)
Location: Corlears North, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 4-0
Game Notes: In 2005, these two teams were united as a single “super team” called Henry Motion. However, a difference in playing philosophies caused a rift in the team, as the uber-competitive Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi and Sarah Coombs founded the Mathematics, and the mild-mannered Peter Oblamski retained control of Henry Motion (later renamed Cobra Kai). Tensions continued when original Cobra Kai members Eli Kazin and Derek Tagliarino defected to the rebel Math team in the middle of the 2007 season. The series reached a fever pitch in last year’s matchup, as the Mathematics beat Cobra Kai 3-2 in overtime, with the hated (and third string) Tagliarino in net. Now, one year later, Cobra Kai is eagerly awaiting this Sunday’s rematch. They have scheduled a pep rally and bonfire for Saturday night, where they plan to burn many mathematics text books.
Keys To The Game:
1. An anonymous source reports that Cobra Kai captain Peter Oblamski has resigned from the team, effective immediately. The team will miss his crafty game planning and inspirational leadership.
2. Jeff “The Hawk” Hawkins scored his first goal for the Mathematics in their last game. With Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi pursuing an education in California, The Hawk will see a bigger role in the Mathematics’ game plan.
3. In a shrewd mid-season acquisition, the Mathematics have obtained Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta from Cobra Kai, due to an unknown loophole in the BTSH application process (they bribed Bob W). Interestingly, Bratta made a point to note that it will be a tad chilly on Sunday, so he will wear a second t-shirt under his Mathematics jersey.
