Archive for the ‘Weekly Previews’ Category
Week 5 Preview Part 1
Thursday, May 1st, 2014This has been an exhausting week for me. Derk and Elly are watching the Rangers Game 7, so now I’m forced to write this preview a day earlier than I wanted to. But I’d rather not get into a public spat about how much I’ve been carrying them this whole season.
Sometimes I do so much, and they do so little…I feel like an old Papua woman.
(BTW, my obligatory Becky Norris mention is this Papua woman can beat Becky in arm-wrestling)
So now that we got this drama out of the way its time for our Game of the Week! Before the season, a Mega-Poutine matchup did not seem like it would garner a ton of GOTW action, but last week, both teams pulled off impressive upsets and deserve The Authority’s attention.
Week 4 Preview: Part II
Thursday, April 24th, 2014GOTW: Happy Little Elves at Denim Demons
Our second Game of the Week features one of the league’s nastiest rivalries. Even though the Elves and the Demons are no longer in the same division, this should still be a spirited affair. Last week, the Elves took a big step towards retaining the no longer prestigious (but still imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup with a win against the Gremlins, while the Demons suffered a tough loss to LBS, Inc.
The Fairy Tale Cup may be imaginary, but the Barnacle Bowl is real.
Who is this mysterious Boris? He’s got three goals on the season and has been one of the biggest reasons for the Elves’ 2-0 start (Rob Walsh and his four goals have too, but we’re not focusing on him). Is he American? Russian? Maybe a Bulgarian brute? One thing is for sure, though. Whenever Sarah T. , and only Sarah T., tells Boris to do something, he does. She can be seen during games pacing the sidelines, yelling out instructions such as, “Boris, cover point!”, “Boris, forecheck!”, or “Boris, score goal!”
Keys for the Denim Demons:
Where’s Coach? Has anyone seen Coach? The Demons’ goaltender has been very reliable with his attendance in the past, so his absence is definitely concerning. There are unconfirmed and unsubstantiated “sightings” of Coach from the past few weeks, once at an East Village Chipotle in early April, and once at a Western Pennsylvania Eat’n Park over the weekend. We might need to get Leslie Nielsen involved to find Coach. What’s that? He’s dead?! Uh oh! Unfortunately, the mystery of Coach could take all summer to solve.
This man was our last hope for finding Coach.
The Elves have been firing on all cylinders to start the season, and the aforementioned Boris and newcomer John Brügger have given their roster a little more depth than in years past. If Coach is still not present and accounted for, things could get rough for the Demons. They might have to use the ultimate unknown factor: a free agent goalie. Or, you know, Coach could magically re-appear. Either way, I think the Elves get the win, 3-2.
Rich’s Pick: What do Boris, Walsh and Sarah T. have in common? All probably won’t play this Sunday. Right now we have one girl so I’m not loving our chances. I think I’ll go conservative and just go with Elves 13, Demons 0.
Derek’s Pick: If Rich is telling the truth (which he always does), and Boris, Walsh, and Sarah T. are all AWOL, I have to go with the Demons, 4-2.
Week 3 Preview (Part 1)
Tuesday, April 22nd, 2014Game of the Week
Anshu is 7 steps ahead of Cherie. This doesn’t bode well for Math.
So the Game of the Week is the game with the two undefeated teams. We all knew the Hookers would be undefeated since they didn’t play Fresh Kills yet, but this is the first time Math’s been 2-0 in their history. (Unless they’ve done it before…how the hell should I know?!?) (Emeritus Note: It happened in 2013. You know, last year! Ladies and gentlemen, let’s hear it for our esteemed Editor-In-Chief, Rich Glanzer!)
Keys for Hookers:
After touring all 10 Provenchers of Canada, Jason Eitel is set to make his season debut.
Here he takes a picture with me and a special ed adult.
Well we know “HE” is back for the Rehabs but what about Jason Eitel? Did he retire from the league after being named Championship MVP? The answer is no, because we don’t name a Championship MVP…though that’s a pretty good idea. Truthfully, the Hookers are so stacked that if they are missing 2-3 guys it really doesn’t matter. For the Hookers to win they should play a patient game and not let Math feed off of their emotion. Math is going to want this game more than the Hookers, so the champs should just settle the game down and make this game about skill.
Week 3 Preview (Part II)
Thursday, April 10th, 2014
Redundant Caption Alert:
Game of the Week!
GOTW: Denim Demons at LBS, Inc.
Our second Game of the Week features the Denim Demons and LBS, Inc., in a rematch of a very memorable semifinal game from last year’s playoffs, which was won by the Corporation, 2-0. Both teams won last week, with LBS, Inc. looking impressive against the Gouging Anklebiters, and the Demons looking not as impressive against Cobra Kai.
Keys for the Denim Demons:
Make sure Jeff Kamen shows up. His two goals last week accounted for all of their scoring in their win over the Dojo. If he can’t be there, then make sure Zack Tinkelman can. He is also very capable of a multiple-goal outburst. And above all else, hope that the poetic justice they were served in the playoffs last year has run its course.
Tupac hopes the Demons and Lbs. can end this east court/west court rivalry before any more lives are taken, or before Dave Gil de Rubio has to play net again for LBS.
In a word, goaltending. When league stalwart and LBS, Inc. goalie Seth moved to Vancouver towards the end of last season, the Corporation had to find a new goalie for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. They quickly locked up one of the league’s top goalies, Tim Brown, before the season ended, ensuring they would not skip a beat with the goaltending change. And if Tim has to miss a game, they can always borrow Dave Gil de Rubio (just not this week…the Riots play at the same time).
Dave is gonna sit this Demons/LBS. game out.
On another note, this is why I’m Richie Hero. I actually took a random picture of Dave last week.
Hero!
The Demons are the most-hated team in the league, and it’s not even close. Hate them as much as you want, but last season is in the past, and they still have a ton of talent. That talent will be on display Sunday, as the Demons notch a 3-2 win.
Rich’s Pick: Every game is Game 7 for the Demons. The Lbs. play it a little cooler in the regular season so they can turn it up in the postseason. This will be a clean, friendly 4-1 victory for the Demons.
Derek’s Pick: The Corporation forces this into OT, but can only muster a point and lose 4-3 in BTSH’s first regular season shootout that goes beyond three rounds.
Week 3 Previews (Part I)
Wednesday, April 9th, 2014GOTW: Mathematics vs. Poutine Machine
Week 1 is in the books and it’s time for the Game of the Week. Going into this season, Poutine and Math were like two ships crossing in the middle of the night. Math was on an upwards swing, and Poutine was spiraling downward. But after Week 1, perhaps we underestimated Poutine, after their brilliant 1-0 overtime win over Gut Rot.
Sinister Derk, scoffs at the notion that Poutine can beat Math. Or he may have just been in a good mood about something else. No…he was scoffing at Poutine.
