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bob w. – league manager

With the first round of the playoffs now gone, only the elite eight of BTSH remain. To whet your appetite for this Sunday, we have taken the liberty of dissecting the key storylines for each game. We welcome all comments and opinions at themajordeegan [at] yahoo [dot] com and/or derektag [at] gmail [dot] com, however, please do not be pecksniffian.
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(1) Corlears Hookers vs. (8) Rehabs
Synopsis: After learning of his teammates’ disparaging comments about him, Brendan ‘Dutch’ Kearney elected to skip the Corlears Hookers’ first round matchup, a decision that almost cost them a chance at the championship. Without their leading scorer, the Hookers struggled to beat a charged up Gouging Anklebiters squad. Meanwhile, the Rehabs jumped out to an early lead versus Filthy Gorgeous and held on for a tight one-goal victory. The Rehabs are peaking at the right time, as their last loss was against Cobra Kai on the last weekend before the summer break. Have the Hookers weathered their one big scare of the playoffs or will the Rehabs be able to take advantage of the now exposed chinks in the Hookers’ armor?

2007 Result: Week 2 – Corlears Hookers 3, Rehabs 1

Eli’s Pick: Rehabs. J.P. Chaput has been unstoppable of late, and the Con Ed/Feldman line is due for a big game.

Derek’s Pick: Dutch actually plays this one, giving the Hookers the extra man power to defeat the Rehabs.
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(2) Unicorns vs. (7) Fresh Kills
Synopsis: Fresh Kills recorded an impressive first round victory against LBS, holding league scoring leader Ken ‘The Alpha Male’ Poulin to one goal, while the Unicorns rallied to stave off the upset attempt of the Sky Fighters. Hector ‘$howT!m3′ Melendez offered the following statement shortly after his team’s first round victory: “Fresh Kills are going down! Brice must die!!!” It should be noted, however, that $howT!m3’s initial quote was “Rehabs are going down! Romeo must die!!!” when he was under the impression that the Unicorns would face the Rehabs in the quarterfinals. The Unicorns might not understand how playoff brackets work, but they are
still a dangerous team, as their 4-0-1 record in their last five meetings with Fresh Kills shows.

2007 Result: Week 1 – Unicorns 4, Fresh Kills 1

Eli’s Pick: Unicorns. The Unicorns have Fresh Kills’ number, and $howT!m3 has already predicted on the Battledome that the Unicorns will win 3-1.

Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills. The Unicorns were bounced from the playoffs in an upset last season, and I refuse to pick against Fresh Kills again.
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(3) Dark Rainbows vs. (6) Pork Fried Rice
Synopsis: After Denis Monty made a surprising return for Pork Fried Rice in their first round win against the Mathematics, there are rumors circulating that several others may return to the fold, including Mariusz Czerkawski, Pat Verbeek, Dion Phaneuf, and Manon Rh≠aume. As PFR looks to add another superstar, the Dark Rainbows are still happy to toil in anonymity, knowing they have a supernatural force guarding the net. In this classic example of science versus nature, only one team will survive. On a side note, this game was originally scheduled to be played at 4 PM, but had to be moved up one hour so that Ant ‘Father Time’ Ventolieri could catch the early bird special at Tony’s on 38th Street.

2007 Result: Week 9 – Dark Rainbows 3, Pork Fried Rice 2

Eli’s Pick: Pork Fried Rice. Ant makes the early bird special and celebrates victory with a bowl of strained peas and a jello square.

Derek’s Pick: Pork Fried Rice. Hat trick for Pat Verbeek.
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(4) What The Puck vs. (5) Denim Demons
Synopsis: Despite his tendency to choke in the final minutes, Roderick ‘Guy LeDouche’ Cruz blanked the Tuques in What The Puck’s first round matchup. After losing five of six games, the defending champs seem to have righted the ship, winning two games in a row. Even with the absence of playoff legend Ellery ‘The Nature Boy’ Gillette, the Denim Demons defeated the Bad
Touch, a victory that saddened many league members. Corey ‘Chongo’ Winters of What The Puck made several comments regarding the Denim Demons, but none could be understood through his thick Canadian accent.

2007 Result: Week 17 – What The Puck 6, Denim Demons 4

Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. This is my “Lead Pipe Lock” of the week.

Derek’s Pick: What The Puck in my “Shoe In” of the week (and the league rejoices!).
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FULL SCHEDULE SUNDAY 14 OCT. 2007

12pm-C2: Mathematics vs. Mighty Squirrels
1pm-C1: Bad Touch vs. Tuques
1pm-C2: Unicorns vs. Fresh Kills
2pm-C1: Cobra Kai vs. Mexican Standoff
2pm-C2: What the Puck vs. Denim Demons
3pm-C1: Pork Fried Rice vs. Dark Rainbows
3pm-C2: Filthy Gorgeous vs. Gouging Anklebiters
4pm-C1: Lbs vs. Sky Fighters
4pm-C2: Corlears Hookers vs. Rehabs
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– btsh womens meeting tomorrow, thurs. at 6pm at the delancey (delancey street by attorney).
– btsh discussion group tuesday 16 oct. at 7pm at parkside lounge, houston at attorney.
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LISTINGS

you have to put “btsh listings” in the subject line, otherwise there’s a good chance that i’ll miss your listing!
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[bw]

BTSH WEEKLY RECAP – 30 SEPT. 2007
by Eli Kazin

Despite the higher seeds winning nine of the ten games on Sunday, the largest margin of victory for any team was three goals, and some of the favorites were given a scare. Catch me at the courts, the bars, or email me at themajordeegan@yahoo.com with anything noteworthy. Onto the results…
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The Games
FIFTEEN IS ENOUGH. Robert Kucera, Martin Cejka, and someone named Jules each scored a goal as the eighteenth seed Sky Fighters defeated fifteenth seed Mexican Standoff, 3-1. With the victory, the Sky Fighters ended a fifteen game losing streak and earned an opening round matchup with the second seeded Unicorns. Ben Bloom scored the lone goal for Mexican Standoff.

POP A 40 AND CHECK YOUR ROLLIES. Nick Gardella scored the game-winning goal in double overtime (assisted by Zach ‘Cryme Tyme’ Weiner) to lead the sixteenth seed Gouging Anklebiters past seventeenth seed Cobra Kai, 3-2. Jeremy Schumacher staked the Gouging Anklebiters to the early lead with two goals, but Mariko Nakatani and Ray ‘Domino’ Chan each scored a goal as Cobra Kai rallied to tie the game early in the second half. With the win, the
Gouging Anklebiters earned an opening round matchup with the top seed Corlears Hookers.

ELLERY’S RECORDS ARE SAFE FOR ANOTHER WEEK. Brice Rosenbloom scored two
goals as seventh seed Fresh Kills beat tenth seed LBS, 5-3. Mike Sokolyansky, Dave Sokolyansky, and Alexandre Frenette each added goals for Fresh Kills. For LBS, who played shorthanded for the first ten minutes of the game, the goal scorers were Alexandra Chenitz, Ken ‘The Alpha Male’ Poulin, and Karsten Pichon.

J.P. CHAPUT WOULD PREFER TO PLAY FILTHY GORGEOUS EVERY WEEK. One week
after scoring two goals against Filthy Gorgeous, J.P. Chaput recorded a hat trick as the eighth seed Rehabs held on for a 4-3 victory against ninth seed Filthy Gorgeous. Ed ‘Con Ed’ Lau added a goal for the Rehabs on a midair swing at a loose ball. Joseph Pereira scored two second half goals as Filthy Gorgeous attempted to come back from a three goal deficit. James Pereira (related) also added a goal for Filthy Gorgeous.

YO, MISTER SEAVER. Chris Eng scored the game winning goal with less than ten minutes remaining in regulation as the second seed Unicorns rallied from a halftime deficit to defeat the eighteenth seed Sky Fighters, 2-1. Ryan Mills also scored a goal for the Unicorns, while Martin Cejka scored the lone goal for the Sky Fighters.

HERE IS YOUR OBLIGATORY DUTCH MENTION. Gavin ‘Dutch’s Brother’ Kearney
scored the game winning goal in double overtime as the top seed Corlears Hookers escaped with a 2-1 victory against the sixteenth seed Gouging Anklebiters. Peter ‘Purple Rain’ Putka scored the tying goal for the Corlears Hookers with sixteen seconds remaining in regulation. Phil
‘Sandy’ Donohue scored the lone goal for the Gouging Anklebiters.

DON’T…GET…ELIMINATED. Brian Vroom, Tom McDonald, and Darrell ‘Accurate Bob’Hartman each scored first half goals as fourth seed What The Puck blanked the thirteenth seed Tuques, 3-0. Roderick ‘Guy LeDouche’ Cruz registered his league-leading fourth shutout for
What The Puck.

MOVE ALONG FOLKS, NOTHING TO SEE HERE. Zack Tinkelman scored two goals,
including the game winner, as the fifth seed Denim Demons beat the twelfth seed Bad Touch, 4- 1. Dave Shyu and Steve Chernoski also added goals for the Denim Demons, while Mark Anderson scored a late goal to put the Bad Touch on the board.

WHERE DID HE COME FROM? Denis Monty returned after missing more than half the season and scored a goal, leading sixth seed Pork Fried Rice to a 5-2 victory against the eleventh seed Mathematics. Mike Taylor added two goals for Pork Fried Rice, who also received one goal each from Brian ‘Grandmaster B’ Barrett and Tim Hannon. Derek Tagliarino and Eli Kazin scored goals for the Mathematics, with Tagliarino celebrating by signing the ball with a Sharpie and then rolling it over to the Pork Fried Rice bench.

SCRAPPY SHOULD HAVE STOOD FURTHER AWAY. Josh Wilson and John Nielsen each
scored goals as the third seed Dark Rainbows doubled up the fourteenth seed Mighty Squirrels, 2-1. Dave Paglia scored the lone goal for the Mighty Squirrels.
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Nickname Nook With Derek Tagliarino
(please send all comments to derektag-at-gmail-dot-com)

Jason Rosenstock of Mexican Standoff is now the Hamburglar.
(http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r236/mighty914/BTSH/hamburglar.jpg)
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Unsung Hero of the Week

The unsung hero for this week is Nickie Gill of the Corlears Hookers. With the goalie pulled for the extra attacker, Gill blocked a shot that was on line for the empty net, keeping the margin at one goal and saving the Hookers from suffering a monumental upset.
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News and Notes

With the playoffs comes higher intensity, as two of the games involved players getting into pushing and shoving, although cooler heads eventually prevailed, and no one threw a punch [fighting will get you EJECTED from the league post-haste, and quite possibly arrested for assault – ed.]…. Jason ‘Hamburglar’ Rosenstock wore a goalie mask much like his namesake character, Jason Voorhees, wore in the Friday the 13th series…. There were rumors circulating that a person unaffiliated with the league, possibly the guy who drank from the bird fountain during the Corlears Hookers/Gouging Anklebiters game, was seen rifling through people’s belongings before biking away from the park. If anyone sees anything suspicious, please let a league official, ref or team captain know…. Marie Marberg of the Mighty Squirrels took a nasty spill in her game and possibly suffered a concussion, so please send her some get well wishes.
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Upcoming Schedule
October 7th, 2007
– No Games

October 14th, 2007
Playoff Games:
– Time and location (Corlears 1 or Corlears 2) to be determined.
#1 Corlears Hookers vs. #8 Rehabs
#2 Unicorns vs. #7 Fresh Kills
#3 Dark Rainbows vs. #6 Pork Fried Rice
#4 What The Puck vs. #5 Denim Demons

Consolation Games:
– Matchups, time, and location (Corlears 1 or Corlears 2) to be determined.
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Make-up Game 29 Sept. 2007
THE REGULAR SEASON IS OFFICIALLY COMPLETE. Gavin ‘Dutch’s Brother’ Kearney scored the game-winning goal midway through the second half as the Corlears Hookers concluded the regular season with a 3-2 victory against the Mathematics. Albert ‘Al’ Huang and Brendan ‘Dutch’ Kearney also added goals for the Corlears Hookers, while Andy Pratt scored both goals for the Mathematics, including one less than ten seconds into the game.
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THIS WEEK’S GAMES

30-Sep – play-offs week 1

Noon C1 Mexican Standoff vs. Sky Fighters
Noon C2 Gouging Anklebiters vs. Cobra Kai
1pm C1 Fresh Kills vs. Lbs
1pm C2 Rehabs vs. Filthy Gorgeous
2pm C1 Corlears Hookers vs. winner of GAB/CK
2pm C2 Unicorns vs. winner of MEX/SF
3pm C1 Denim Demons vs. Bad Touch
3pm C2 What the Puck vs. Tuques
4pm C1 Pork Fried Rice vs. Mathematics
4pm C2 Dark Rainbows vs. Mighty Squirrels
(sunset 6:40pm)

THE WICKED AWESOME PLAY OFF PREVIEW!!!
By Eli Kazin and Derek Tagliarino
(aka The Ambiguously Straight Duo)

As promised, here are capsules for each playoff match-up this Sunday. If you want to voice your own opinion, please email us at themajordeegan [at] yahoo [dot] com and/or derektag [at] gmail [dot] com, and remember to keep it pithy. No bloviating, because that’s our job.
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(15) Mexican Standoff vs. (18) Sky Fighters
Synopsis: Neither of these two teams had a clear cut starting goalie this season. Mexican Standoff played almost everyone on their roster in goal, while the Sky Fighters used nearly every other BTSH goalie at one point or another. These two teams allowed the most and second most goals this season, so a high scoring game is expected. For the Sky Fighters, their strategy will center around getting Martin the ball and for J.R. Spiegel’s open fly to distract the Standoff players (thanks, Mulva). For Standoff, the strategy will involve copious amounts of alcohol.
* 2007 Result: Week 11 – Mexican Standoff 9, Sky Fighters 0
* Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters. The coin came up heads.
* Derek’s Pick: Mexican Standoff holds Martin to a paltry three goals and wins a tight one, 4-3.
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(16) Gouging Anklebiters vs. (17) Cobra Kai
Synopsis: The Gouging Anklebiters have never lost to Cobra Kai, winning their three previous meetings by a combined score of 17-1. The normally stoic Charles DeFranco of the Gouging Anklebiters had the following to say about the Cobra Kai roster: “Greg stinks, Ara reeks, Laurie’s garbage, Ray sucks, Dave can’t play, Morgan smells, Rick is too afraid to show up, Rem is weak, Shannon checks people, Jonathan is clingy, Brian looks like Tim Olson, Mariko plays like a girl, Alexander plays like a girl, Peter is ugly, Mary is non-descript, Jerome is short, Enayet works in retail, Stephen has leprosy, Mike has no spirit, Christina is from New Jersey, Leah also smells, Lucas is always injured, and Stefanie does not get down on the low ones.”
* 2007 Result: Week 11 – Gouging Anklebiters 5, Cobra Kai 0
* Eli’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters. This is not a good matchup for Cobra Kai at all.
* Derek’s Pick: Chuck backs up his rant and leads the ‘Biters to a resounding victory.
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(1) Corlears Hookers vs. Gouging Anklebiters/Cobra Kai
Synopsis: Despite an impressive performance this season, there has recently been dissension among the ranks of the Corlears Hookers. Star forward Brendan ‘Dutch’ Kearney, much to the dismay of his teammates, has received all of the accolades of the fans, the media, and the ladies. Gavin ‘Dutch’s Brother’ Kearney lamented, “All of those goals he scored? I set him up with gorgeous pinpoint passes…but, does he thank me? Nooooo!” Albert ‘Al’ Huang added, “His head has just gotten too big. He is not a team player anymore.” Whether the winner of the Gouging Anklebiters/Cobra Kai game can capitalize on this inner turmoil remains to be seen.
* 2007 Result: Week 1 – Corlears Hookers 3, Gouging Anklebiters 2; Week 7 – Corlears Hookers 6, Cobra Kai 0
* Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers. The ‘Biters have the potential for the upset, though.
* Derek’s Pick: Dutch Fever continues and the Hookers cruise to a win.
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(2) Unicorns vs. Mexican Standoff/Sky Fighters
Synopsis: Despite missing Hector ‘$howT!m3′ Melendez for three games when he crashed through the metal fence and onto the FDR Drive, the Unicorns secured the second seed on the final weekend of the regular season. With a solid defense in front of him, Craig ‘Ug’ Lacombe finished the season tied for fewest goals allowed, while the offense was led by the fleet trio of Chris Eng, $howT!m3, and Alex ‘Villano VI’ Zabala. Of course, Dale from the Sky Fighters won the arm wrestling contest, so take that, Ted!
* 2007 Result: Week 14 – Unicorns 7, Mexican Standoff 4; Week 9 – Unicorns 5, Sky Fighters 1
* Eli’s Pick: Unicorns. They were upset in the first round last year, but that’s not going to happen again.
* Derek’s Pick: Ug plays another stellar game for the Unicorns, then forces everyone to hear about it at the Johnson’s later on.
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(3) Dark Rainbows vs. (14) Mighty Squirrels
Synopsis: How many Dark Rainbows can you name? It’s one, right…Jesus, everyone gets that one. There are actually twenty other players on their roster, but the Mighty Squirrels are too drunk to notice. The Squirrels have mastered the art of losing close games, and also boast the best cheerleader in the league, Jason ‘Cheek’ Cheek (like this: points to cheek). When reached for comment on the Dark Rainbows’ chances this weekend, Andrea ‘Vegetable Lasagna’ Schloeder shrewdly replied, “Please.”
* 2007 Result: Week 14 – Dark Rainbows 2, Mighty Squirrels 0
* Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows. They flew under the radar, and that’s how they like it.
* Derek’s Pick: The Squirrels manage to keep Scrappy as far away from the goal as possible, but still lose.
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(4) What the Puck vs. (13) Tuques
Synopsis: CHONNNNNNNNNN-GO! CHONNNNNNNNNN-GO! CHONNNNNNNNNN-GO! Cue laughter from Rod. Larry looks on in silence. Just another day for What The Puck as they look to repeat as BTSH champions. Oh, and the Tuques have Minkus, so they have that going for them.
* 2007 Result: Week 2 – What The Puck 5, Tuques 1
* Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. Too much offense, too many Canadians.
* Derek’s Pick: Rod plays out of his mind but loses the shutout with 2 minutes to go. WTP takes it, 5-1.
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(5) Denim Demons vs. (12) Bad Touch
Synopsis: These teams were two of the most improved during the 2007 season. The Denim Demons are led by the iron-fisted captaining of Adam ‘The Legend Killer’ Rubens and the comedic antics of ‘Hacksaw’ Jim Dandeneau, although the scoring trio of Micael Holmström, Zack Tinkelman, and Jeff Kamen contributed to their success as well. The Bad Touch is led by Coop, the meanest gunslinger in the West. Like Billy the Kid and Jesse James, Coop and his posse of Bad Touchers have stolen several victories from unsuspecting citizens. Can The Legend Killer corral these bandits?
* 2007 Result: Week 14 – Denim Demons 5, Bad Touch 1
* Eli’s Pick: Bad Touch. They wear their alternate red jerseys and totally confuse the Demons.
* Derek’s Pick: Demons. This pick saddens me.
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(6) Pork Fried Rice vs. (11) Mathematics
Synopsis: These two teams finished first and second in the 2006 regular season standings, but attendance issues, old age, and marital bliss contributed to both teams suffering down seasons. Pork Fried Rice, when all their players show up, are one of the most dangerous teams in the league. However, captain Ant ‘Father Time’ Ventolieri is day-to-day with a strained white beard. For the Mathematics, Andy and Sarah Pratt return from their honeymoon, much to the delight of backup goaltender Derek Tagliarino, who trembles in fear at urban street rapper Brian ‘Grandmaster B’ Barrett’s shot.
* 2007 Result: Week 4 – Mathematics 5, Pork Fried Rice 0
* Bob W.’s Pick: PFR shows up with three guys and one gal, ties the game with a minute in regulation and wins in a shoot out.
* Schuie’s Pick: PFR-3 MATH-2.
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(7) Fresh Kills vs. (10) LBS
Synopsis: After losing seven of their first ten games, LBS rebounded with a five game winning streak that included wins against What The Puck and the Denim Demons. They are led by Ken ‘The Alpha Male’ Poulin, who finished the season with 102 goals, breaking the previous record of 97, which was set by Ellery ‘The Nature Boy’ Gillette of the Denim Demons during the 2003 season. However, all records from that season are in the name of Gillette, who just so happened to be in charge of league statistics. Fresh Kills intends to counter Poulin with the defensive prowess of Jeff Lesser, although his turbo mode will only be available for one shift during the game, so choose wisely.
* 2007 Result: Week 17 – Fresh Kills 3, LBS 2 (OT)
* Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills. They beat LBS last week, so the assumption is that they will do it again.
* Derek’s Pick: LBS. The Alpha Male sets a playoff record with 10 goals (beating out Ellery from 2003).
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(8) Rehabs vs. (9) Filthy Gorgeous
Synopsis: The Rehabs are another team that underachieved this season, as their chronic attendance problems shockingly reappeared each week. Despite these issues, the Rehabs still boast one of the top duos in the league in ‘Con Ed’ Lau and Jon Feldman. Although they lost some of their key players from 2006 to the two new teams, Filthy Gorgeous managed to finish in ninth place for the second straight season. They feature one of the best solo acts in the league in Paul ‘Ashy Larry’ Vernon, who has vowed to bring his team “from ashy to classy.”
* 2007 Result: Week 17 – Rehabs 2, Filthy Gorgeous 1
* Eli’s Pick: Rehabs. This low seed can make a run at the championship.
* Derek’s Pick: The Con Ed/Feldman line lights it up, sending Filthy back to the projects.
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