btsh.org

by Eli Kazin of Cobra Kai

BAD TOUCH
Color: Grey/Red
2006 Regular Season Finish: 2-18-0 (16th place)
2006 Playoff Results: Lost to Pork Fried Rice in first round
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1983-84 Saint Louis Blues
Synopsis (Courtesy of Wikipedia): “The Bad Touch” is the first single by The Bloodhound Gang off their 1999 album Hooray for Boobies. This is perhaps the bands most well-known song and propelled the group into stardom, with lyrics such as “You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals / so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel”. It was released in 1999 internationally and a year later in the US and UK. The song was also remixed by Eiffel 65, who also enjoyed a similar short-term success at the time. The music is based on the Pet Shop Boys song “In the Night” (the B-side of the “Opportunities (Let’s Make Lots of Money)” single from the album Please), and was reportedly written in 1986, by then 14-year-old Jimmy Pop.

Roster:
Mark Anderson
Joshua Brody
Daniel Canarick
Toby Carroll
Bethany Cocco
Jane Cramer
Eric Devlin
Jamie Goski
Hilary Goldstein
Alex Gross
Peter Hanchak
Jonathan Hanson
Amy Krawczyk
Kelly LeVasseur
Bill MacGregor
Sylvia Marcos
Kerry McGovern
Alex Eben Meyer
Elizabeth Moy
Christopher Neal
Jennifer Nedbalsky
Cate Nolan
C: Martin Olson
Doug Robinson
Shannon Roddy
Scott Rosenthal
G: Michael Tuckman
Kristin Varner
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COBRA KAI
Color: Camouflage
2006 Regular Season Finish: 2-17-1 (15th place)
2006 Playoff Results: Lost to Mathematics in first round
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1984-85 New York Rangers
Synopsis: After playing the first two-thirds of the season as Henry Motion, they changed their name to Cobra Kai, unveiled new uniforms, and over the final third of the season, they played more like a unit rather than a bunch of individuals. They must overcome the loss of defensive stalwart Brendan “Flounder” Hay, and the early season schedule is not kind, with three of the semifinalists from the 2006 season in the first four weeks. The dojo will improve this season, although they could be in trouble if the opposition is Daniel LaRusso. Sweep The Leg!

Roster:
Greg “Lysol” Altman
Ara “6-1-9!” Arnn
Laurie Chakel
Ray Chan
Dave Cicirelli
Morgan “Secretary of Defense” Doninger
Rick “Hafner” Freeman
Rem Garavito
Eli “Neon” Kazin
Shannon Levenherz
Jonathan Levine
Brian Morrison
Mariko Nakatani
Alexander Nicoloff
C: Peter “Ski” Oblamski
Mary Pratt
Enayet “Retail” Rasul
Mike “FLIP!” Sanfilippo
Derek “Pink” Tagliarino
Christina “Mojito” Verigan
Leah “Vick-ahs” Vickers
Lucas “Rusty” Vickers
G: Stefanie Volanto
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CORLEARS HOOKERS
Color: White/Dark Blue
2006 Regular Season Finish: N/A
2006 Playoff Results: N/A
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1993-94 Florida Panthers
Synopsis: One of the two new teams for the 2007 season, the Corlears Hookers pulled some players from Filthy Gorgeous and the Tuques (of Steel), and filled in the rest of the roster with free agents. Captain Peter Putka is the league’s liaison with the Parks Department, and that combined with the fact that their name is partly derived from one of the sites where games are played should result in a home-court advantage for all games played at Corlears Hook Park. That home-court advantage, however, will not be afforded for games played at Moffo Rink. Their sexy gold “CH” logo can also be (tighly) found on working girls on the corner of La Gauchetière and Montagne.

Roster:
G: Chris Beauvois
Micaela Birmingham
Kelly Buchanan
Nickie Gill
Albert Huang
Brendan Kearney
Gavin Kearney
David Kucharsky
Elizabeth Lewis
Dustin Olson
Riley Olson
C: Peter Putka
Samantha Reenders
Mauricio Rojas
Danielle Rumore
Josh Sadlier-Brown
Anshu Sinha
Matthew Zimmerman
Kelly Buchanan
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DARK RAINBOWS
Color: Pink/Black/White
2006 Regular Season Finish: 14-6-0 (4th place)
2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Mexican Standoff in first round, lost to LBS in quarterfinals
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1990-91 Montreal Canadiens
Synopsis: The league’s most mysterious team returns with very little roster turnover. The biggest offseason loss was the departure of goaltender John Meyer, although he is still listed on the roster, possibly as a goalie emeritus. Trevor Tyrrell, widely known as Jesus, will be the main goalie in a rotating goalie system for the 2007 season. The only uncertainty for the Rainbows is which of the following will be greater: the number of games they win in 2007, or the number of combined appearances by their players at the bars after games.

Roster:
Dan Abdo
Aaron Behr
Jennie Brown
John Cassidy
K.C. Fisher-Behr
Lindsey Foehrenbach
Jesse Gerstein
Jesse Hanes
Libby Hartle-Tyrrell
Yui Lewis
G: John Meyer
Masako Miyazaki
John Nielsen
Jenny O’Brian
C: Sean Reynolds
Michel Steenport
Brad Thomason
G: Trevor Tyrrell
Evan Wilson
Josh Wilson
P.T. Walkley
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DENIM DEMONS
Color: Red/Black/White
2006 Regular Season Finish: 6-12-2 (11th place)
2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Unicorns in first round, lost to Rehabs in quarterfinals
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1987-88 Detroit Red Wings
Synopsis: The Denim Demons were the victims of bad luck in 2006, as nine of their twelve losses were by one goal, including three losses in overtime. If a few more bounces had gone their way, they could have easily finished four or five spots higher in the standings. They are another team that changed goalies in the offseason, but if they can reverse their luck, doubling their win total from six to twelve is not out of the question.

Roster:
Henrik Carlsson
Gabby Carson
Rob Carswell
Klara Chan
“Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau
Jeff Dworkin
Noah Farkas
Sara Farkas
Sara Fenchel
Ellery Gillette
Micael Holmström
Ana Hurka-Robles
Jeff Kamen
Janica Lee
Peter Maltin
Abigail Meisterman
G: Jim Morris
Lena Moy-Borgen
Aaron “Coach” Pagdon
Danny Polinsky
Karen Rosenberg
C: Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens
Dave Shyu
Joanna Smith
Anthony Spagnolo
Zack Tinkelman
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FILTHY GORGEOUS
Color: Green/Black
2006 Regular Season Finish: 10-9-1 (9th place)
2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Gouging Anklebiters in first round, lost to Pork Fried Rice in quarterfinals
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1991-92 Minnesota North Stars
Synopsis: Filthy Gorgeous, ironically, suffered the most from the creation of the new teams, as approximately ten players from the 2006 roster are playing on either Corlears Hookers or Skyfighters in 2007, as they scavanged the abandoned SF roster. James Stein and Marie Widman will split time in goal, and Homin “Maverick” Lee and Paul “Ashy Larry” Vernon were brought in from Cobra Kai to bolster the offense. They are also the self-proclaimed best looking team in the league, and by best looking, they are referring to physical good looks.

Roster:
Rebecca Antar
Fred Boucher
Bruno Caron
C: Jeff Giberstein
Fran Graziano
Jean Hebert
Dana Kravis
Homin “Maverick” Lee
James Pereira
Suvin Malik
Matt Novick
Jonathan Rick
C: Monica Russo
Sabrina Shulman
Homin K. Smith
G: James Stein
Paul “Ashy Larry” Vernon
Liza Watts
G: Marie Widman
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FRESH KILLS
Color: Blue/Grey
2006 Regular Season Finish: 8-10-2 (10th place)
2006 Playoff Results: Lost to What The Puck in first round
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1985-86 New York Islanders
Synopsis (Courtesy of Wikipedia): The Fresh Kills Landfill on the New York City borough of Staten Island, was formerly the largest landfill in the world, at 2200 acres (890 hectares), and was New York City’s principal landfill in the second half of the 20th century. The name “Fresh Kills” refers to its location along the banks of the Fresh Kills estuary in western Staten Island.
Opened in 1948, it became one of the largest refuse heaps in human history. It also achieved the status as the highest human-made hill directly on the East Coast of the United States. It is also seen as being the largest man-made structure on Earth. In fact in 2001 it’s peak was taller than the Statue Of Liberty. Under local pressure and with support of the United States Environmental Protection Agency, the landfill site was closed on March 22, 2001. However, after the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center, the landfill was temporarily reopened in order to receive and process much of the debris from the destruction. Most of the debris was later removed and sold for scrap.
Starting in 2003, the site was planned to be transformed into reclaimed wetlands, recreational facilities and landscaped public parkland, the largest expansion of the New York City parks since the development of the chain of parks in the Bronx during the 1890s. In January, 2005, Staten Island Borough president James Molinaro announced plans to open three roads leading out of the former landfill to regular traffic, as part of an effort to ease the road congestion for which Staten Island has become notorious in recent years. Construction on the actual park is expected to start after the completion of environmental and last use reviews at the end of 2007. The three-phased development of the park is expected to last 30 years.

Roster:
Jennifer Chen
Caroline Currie
Shane DeBlasio
Patty Fernandez
C: Kevin Foster
Alexandre Frenette
Nicolas Frenette
G: Dave Gil de Rubio
Jeff Goldberg
Hsi-Yun Hsiung
C: Amy Jones
Heidi Karst
Julie Kim
Jeff Lesser
Hiromi Moore
Patrick Moore
Raphael Pereira
Eugene Rha
B.R. Rolya
Brice Rosenbloom
Julie Rubenstein
Dave Sokolyansky
Mike Sokolyansky
Joe Tamburo
Scott Townsend
Alicia Walker
Bob Weyersberg
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GOUGING ANKLEBITERS
Color: Blue
2006 Regular Season Finish: 10-8-2 (8th place)
2006 Playoff Results: Lost to Filthy Gorgeous in first round
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1988-89 Los Angeles Kings
Synopsis (Courtesy of Phil Donohue): Coming off an extended spring exhibition schedule, the Anklebiters enter the 2007 season in peak physical condition. Much of the old team remains from ’06, with the addition of three promising rookies who join the frontline attack that already features veterans like Chuck DeFranco, Shannon Voto and the team’s Godfather, Schuie. On defense, the Anklebiters boast stalwarts Kim Gill, Naomi Gabay and the 6 million dollar Jason Korsakoff.
Still, as frustrated forwards throughout the league know, the team’s Rock of Gibraltar is in goal in the form of “Quiet” Mike O’Connor.
“I feel good,” O’Connor said recently after a team scrimmage. “And I think the team is ready to make a run at this thing (the BTSH Cup). I mean, really, who’s gonna stand in our way? PFR? Overrated. Unicorns? Their goalie’s on the sauce and Showtime wrestles like a girl. LBS? Well, let’s just hope they don’t get their pretty white outfits dirty while they play.
“Yup, I’m feelin’ good about the new season.”
Famous for being the object of league-wide persecution, the Anklebiters open the year with a clean slate and an empty rap sheet. Will that continue? And will they once again outnumber every other team at the Johnsons 3-to-1? Time will tell, but judging by the team turnout at the BTSH opening party, the Anklebiters should once again dominate the BTSH social scene.

Roster:
Mary Abramtsev
Amy Barrett
Christy Cabot-Bini
Charles DeFranco
Eric DiPierri
C: Phil Donohue
Naomi Gabay
Nick Gardella
Kim Gill
Megan Kelly
Tom Kornecook
Jason Korsakoff
Alex Lowen
Mike Menkes
Caroline Morrissey-Bickerton
G: Mike O’Connor
Alex Owen
Pete Prohaska
Michael Ross
Jeremy “Schuie” Schumacher
Seth Shenkman
Matt Tsiang
Shannon Voto
Zach Weiner
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LBS
Color: White/Blue
2006 Regular Season Finish: 13-7-0 (5th place)
2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Tuques in first round, defeated Dark Rainbows in quarterfinals, lost to Pork Fried Rice in semifinals
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 2001-02 Toronto Maple Leafs
Synopsis: The skirts, collared polo shirts, pound symbol, and general whiteness of their uniforms all scream elitism, but don’t let that fool you. They can play hockey, too, and are quite good at it. The British pound climbed to a 26–year high versus the American dollar this past week, which could bode well for LBS, or be completely meaningless and unrelated. If they win the title, expect a parade in one of the following locales: Beverly Hills, California; Greenwich, Connecticut; Newport Beach, California; Potomac, Maryland; Scarsdale, New York.

Roster:
Brad Allecia
Samuel Anthony
Jason Bogdaneris
Tom Capotosta
Anthony Cecutti
Alexandra Chenitz
Keith Gessen
Anne Grady
Molly Jacobs
Sascha Lehman
C: Fernando Limonic
Suzi Metzger
Tim Newman
Karsten Pitchon
Ken Poulin
C: Sascha Puritz
Dan Rosenbaum
Dustin Shutes
Jeremy Steinhaus
Mike Stretton
San Tong
Siobhan Towey
G: Seth Wachtell
Philip Yang
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MATHEMATICS
Color: Grey/White
2006 Regular Season Finish: 16-3-1 (2nd place)
2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Cobra Kai in first round, lost to What The Puck in quarterfinals
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 2002-03 Ottawa Senators
Synopsis: The Mathematics led the league in goals scored last season, but were upset in the quarterfinals by What The Puck, proving once again that offense wins games, but defense wins championships. Captain Sharif Corinaldi has added a few more females to the roster, which should reduce the number of games where Laura MacNeil was the only female, aside from goalie Sarah Coombs, from many to none. Andy Pratt and his hockey abilities return, so the offense should be as potent as ever, but the defense could be problematic due to Sharif’s perpetually injured wrist – seriously, when is that going to heal?

Roster:
Dan Arndt
Adam Benmoise
Curt Chaplin
Jeffrey Contray
G: Sarah Coombs
C: Sharif Corinaldi
Noam Dolgin
Ali Gazan
Marc Grassi
Andy Levine
Andrew Lu
Laura MacNeil
Mark McGregor
Rajeev Nath
Sheena Otto
Georgine Paulin
Andy Pratt
Marina Reti
Ben Roth
Joelle Sedlmeyer
Bradley Schmidt
Ross Sealfon
Rebecca Simpson
Mark Sullivan
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MEXICAN STANDOFF
Color: Blue/White
2006 Regular Season Finish: 4-15-1 (13th place)
2006 Playoff Results: Lost to Dark Rainbows in first round
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1978-79 Chicago Black Hawks
Synopsis: I was all set to put together a few sentences about Mexican Standoff, but nothing can top what Jeff “Peaches” Hendricks has to say…
“What’d be pretty cool is if we had a taco bar at every game. And a blender for frozen Mai-Tais would just be the absolute coolest. I’m going to further say that the team most likely to have a private tent containing such items (however occasionally) would certainly not be What The Puck. Nor Mathematics. Not even would Pork Fried Rice be able to pull off such a feat. I’m tired and hungry and thirsty now. Which also reminds me there should be a nap time between tailgating and hockey playing. Or points for on court vomiting (only if done tastefully).”
…the 2007 Mexican Standoff season – I look forward to it.

Roster:
Nick Beaudoing
Ben Bloom
John Bonfanti
Haanwa Chau
Tommy Cho
Gary Cohen
Beth Conroy
Sarah Conroy
Jason Greenberg
Len Guinto
C: Jeff “Peaches” Hendricks
Amanda Jenkins
Ashley Jones
Max Jones
Aynsley Kirshenbaum
Scott Lee
Tim Olson
Michele Outland
G: Sital Patel
Jason Rosenstock
Hanna Stark
Kristen Scalia
Kristen Twinkie
Paul Valenti
Dave Wang
Kirsten Wise
James Yung
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MIGHTY SQUIRRELS
Color: Brown
2006 Regular Season Finish: 4-15-1 (14th place)
2006 Playoff Results: Lost to Rehabs in first round
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1998-99 San Jose Sharks
Synopsis: The Mighty Squirrels love to drink, which makes perfect sense when you consider that a bar sponsors them. Their alcoholism can be seen as a strength, and as a weakness; the drinking results in a strongly unified team, but also draws attention and focus away from the hockey aspect. The biggest offseason development for them is the goalie situation, where 2006 starter Rob Gorden and Tim “Scrappy” Gray will share time in a platoon scenario. They play with a dogged and tenacious style, so if they can avoid a goalie controversy, they should definitely improve on their 2006 finish.

Roster:
Charles Asch
Eric Breitman
Mary Brower
Scott Brower
Jason Cheek
Eric Cole
Dustin D’Addato
Ritch Duncan
Carine Faveris
Kyle Fogden
G: Robert Gorden
G: Tim “Scrappy” Gray
Rachel Greene
Jesse Kalb
Z.Y. Kesselman
Gary Kowalski
Nicole Lanctot
Patrick Larsen
C: Marie Marberg
Amanda Melson
Mike Mincieli
Dave Paglia
Margaret Radzik
Arthur Revechkis
Andrea Schloeder
Mary Simmons
Craig Thompson
Miky Wolf
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PORK FRIED RICE
Color: Red/Black
2006 Regular Season Finish: 18-2-0 (1st place)
2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Bad Touch in first round, defeated Filthy Gorgeous in quarterfinals, defeated LBS in semifinals, lost to What The Puck in finals
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1976-77 Philadelphia Flyers
Synopsis: The team that everyone loves to hate returns with a slimmed down roster. Ed Lau, Gail Bichler, Janica Lee, and a cast of others have departed, but Pork Fried Rice returns enough players from 2006 to still be extremely dangerous. One of those returning players is rookie sensation Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett, who looks to avoid a sophomore slump. If he can do so, look for them to be near the top of the standings. If he falls victim to it, look for them to still be somewhere near the top of the standings.

Roster:
Steve Babcock
Brian Barrett
Eileen Barrett
Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett
Christina Blanco
Caley Boyd
Sean Donnelly
Holly Dice
Nicole Fazio
Natasha Foy
Chris Grunke
Tim Hannon
Eric Healey
Fayth Henley
Keith Koeferl
Julie Lauer
G: P.J. Lopez
John Mack
Caroline Miller
Gina Montefeltri
Denis Monty
Mike Taylor
Laura Traynham
C: Ant Ventolieri
Matt Ventolieri
Lea Westort
Mike Westort
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REHABS
Color: Black/White
2006 Regular Season Finish: 15-4-1 (3rd place)
2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Mighty Squirrels in first round, defeated Denim Demons in quarterfinals, lost to What The Puck in semifinals
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 2000-01 Colorado Avalanche
Synopsis: The Rehabs hit their stride down the stretch last season, going 11-0-1 after a 4-4 start, and finished with their best record since winning back-to-back championships in 2001 and 2002. However, it has been five years since their last championship, and Ed Lau and Gail Bichler, both formerly of Pork Fried Rice, were added as free agents to help obtain that elusive third title. The Rehabs have all the pieces in place to win that title, with depth and talent at the skill positions and Anthony Romeo holding down the fort in goal, but attendance could be their downfall. Captain Bryan Welch is also openly challenging any team to a Sunday whiskey-slushy-beer-pong-throw-down at The Johnson’s.

Roster:
Chantel Arroyo
Gail Bichler
J. P. Chaput
Angelique Everett
Jon Feldman
John Gazley
Gina Hackett
Andy Kehoe
Stacy Kehoe
Katherine Kunath
Ed Lau
Michael Lewis
Cameron Macniven
Peter McRae
Kami Moore
James Nicholson
Lateef Nurmohamed
Tom O’Connor
G: Anthony Romeo
Michael Sayre
Daniel Torjman
Ted Travelstead
Theo Waters
Noah Weisberg
Greg Weitzman
C: Bryan Welch
Brian Wong
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SKYFIGHTERS
Color: Dark Blue
2006 Regular Season Finish: N/A
2006 Playoff Results: N/A
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 2000-01 Columbus Blue Jackets
Synopsis: The Skyfighters finished near the top of the league in 2003 and 2004, but suffered a quick and sudden demise in 2005, which was capped off by numerous forfeits due to failing to field a team for games. After a one year hiatus the Skyfighters return with a promise to show up for every game. This is eerily similar to the Southern Methodist University football team receiving the “death penalty” in 1987, and not fielding a football team in 1987 and 1988. After being a perennial contender in the early and mid 1980s, SMU has struggled to reach mediocrity since returning from probation. Will the same fate befall the Skyfighters? Only time will tell.

Roster:
Areti (No last name provided)
Dominic Ardolino
Ben Ashermann
C: Patrick Borelli
Jessica Cantrell
Nick Caruso
Martin Cejka
John Cochran
Jon Daly
Jessica Delfino
Emma Field-Rayner
Jon Glaser
Anne Harris
Dave Hill
Dan Hooper
Nick Kroll
Sarah Larson
Josh Lewittes
Marc McDonald
Kristen Moore Johnson
Daniel Newbower
Megan Nicolay
Rob Nitschke
Ted Shumaker
Julie Smith
Siobhan Vivian
Sarah Walker
Gary Wilmes

TUQUES OF STEEL
Color: Red/Yellow
2006 Regular Season Finish: 7-13-0 (12th place)
2006 Playoff Results: Lost to LBS in first round
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1986-87 Boston Bruins
Synopsis: The Tuques (formerly Tuques of Steel) were plagued with goaltender issues throughout 2006, but managed to win a game where they did not have a goalie by a score of 11-2. The goalie issues appear to be resolved for the 2007 season, and they have the shooters to make any game competitive.

Roster:
Megan Angelini
Sherman Chan
Jill Cohen
Sean Crimmins
Rui Domingues
Deep Dutta
Tom Goss
Andrea Grande-Capone
Lisa Harrington
Karmel Kanlas
Dean Keyworth
Ken Krantz
C: Dave Ladanyi
Steven Landgraber
Alfred Liu
Zoe Markwick
Holly Ann Mendenhall
Bill Monahan
Sarah Moore
Emilia Peraza
Stephanie Philipie
Todd Robertson
Ken Rosenkrantz
Frank Russo
Scott Sampson
G: Matthew Spedeleri
Anna Steffen
Gabe Wilson
Pete Wilson
Tom Wittig
Alex Young
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UNICORNS
Color: Yellow/White
2006 Regular Season Finish: 11-5-4 (6th place)
2006 Playoff Results: Lost to Denim Demons in first round
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1996-97 Buffalo Sabres
Synopsis: The Unicorns relied on superb goaltending and solid defense in 2006, and were arguably the hardest working team in BTSH. Goaltender Craig Lacombe allowed the fewest goals in the league, but the Unicorns were upset in the first round of the playoffs. The Unicorns will look for revenge in the rematch with the Denim Demons on May 13th, and have added the following statement: “Unicorns is the most corrosions in the alliance group. We have played
together and nearly won the champion since 2001. The woman which we like beer which adjusts to become and enjoying an happier matter in the life. Our motto is ‘Causes fuck to change coldly’.”

Roster:
Amy Baker
John Mark Boling
Allison Busch
Courtney Butler
Aaron Coles
Chris Eng
Caitlin Ervin
Brendan Grainger
Steph Kanan
Ted Kilcommons
Megan Kimball
G: Craig Lacombe
Mark McAdam
Hector “Showtime” Melendez
Ryan Mills
Aaron Mullan
Sara Pourghasemi
C: Christian Stadler
Lindsay Turley
Alex Zabala
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WHAT THE PUCK
Color: Orange/White
2006 Regular Season Finish: 12-8-0 (7th place)
2006 Playoff Results: Defeated Fresh Kills in first round, defeated Mathematics in quarterfinals, defeated Rehabs in semifinals, defeated Pork Fried Rice in finals
NHL Team They Closely Resemble: 1989-90 Edmonton Oilers
Synopsis: What The Puck won their second BTSH championship in 2006, catching fire in the playoffs after an up and down regular season. They earned the title by defeating the top three regular season finishers by a combined scored of 11-3. The offseason losses were minimal, with super ref Katherine Brown and 2002 asshole of the year and original team member Scott Daulton being the only major departures. Only five players (Mike Woodsworth, Amy Farley, Susanna Tenney, Kevin Lutsky, captain Larry Zimmer) were on both championship teams, which should keep the 2007 squad hungry for a third title, and that hunger will be necessary, as every team in the league will bring their A game when facing the defending champs.

Roster:
Emma Arons
G: Roderick Cruz
Michelle Doucet
Celine Dujeux
Amy Farley
Jennifer Hale
Darrell Hartman
Laurissa James
Erica Lee
Kevin Lutsky
Tom MacDonald
Tara Roscoe
Jasmine Sandler
Scott Taylor
Susanna Tenney
Brian Vroom
Elettra Wiedermann
Corey Winters
Mike Woodsworth
C: Larry Zimmer

contents

1. URGENT NOTICE! NO GAMES SUNDAY!
2. PARTY ON! SATURDAY!
3. the REAL first games of the season, april 22
4. register!

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GAMES CANCELLED THIS SUNDAY, APRIL 15!

we asked the parks dept. to fix corlears. so… they closed it for repairs! thankfully i went down to corlears today to see what kind of shape it was in, and found it to be fenced off and closed down.

parks promises to have it ready for us for NEXT sunday. they also felt bad about what this does to our schedule, and they’re now working on trying to get corlears paved for real – this year!

also, the forecast is looking menacing for sunday, heavy rain, strong winds and – this i can’t believe – 6 inches of snow?!? we don’t generally reschedule games because of weather, but perhaps it’s all for the best in this case.

the april 15 games will be rescheduled for later in the season, likely in august.

IF the weather is NOT so bad on sunday, i’ll go to moffo and bring out the nets. check the btsh.org website or the btsh hotline to confirm: 646-233-3721.
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PARTY ON! SATURDAY 14 APRIL AT 7PM!

we’ll still meet up at parkside on saturday at 7pm. the islanders/sabres and devils/lightning games will be on! they have a pool table and foosball table! i’ll buy a few pitchers of beer!

we MAY have a 2nd btsh party NEXT week… not sure. but we’ll definitely get together on saturday – i hope that you can make it!
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THE SEASON STARTS…er…NEXT WEEK!
22-Apr-2007

3pm Corlears 1 Unicorns Fresh Kills
3pm Corlears 2 Filthy Gorgeous Dark Rainbows
3pm Moffo Cobra Kai PFR
4pm Corlears 1 Bad Touch Sky Fighters
4pm Corlears 2 Mighty Squirrels Mathmatics
4pm Moffo Mexican Standoff WTP
5pm Corlears 1 Rehabs Denim Demons
5pm Corlears 2 Gouging Anklebiters Corlears Hookers
5pm Moffo Tuques of Steel .lbs

full schedule at: http://www.btsh.org/bruise/schedule/

consider that games are always on, even in the rain. if you’re unsure about the status of games, check the BTSH home page http://www.btsh.org or dial the BTSH informational hotline 646-233-3721.
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REVIEW THE *NEW* AND UPDATED RULES!

http://www.btsh.org/bruise/info/rules/
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BTSH SEASON OPENING PARTY

parkside lounge
saturday
14 april 2007
7pm-10pm
parkside lounge
317 east houston (at attorney)

the league will buy a FEW PITCHERS OF FREE BEER for those that get there on the early side!

there are still some slots open if anyone wants to d.j. for 20-30 minutes (they only have c.d. players).

THERE ARE T.V.S THERE so you can watch the rangers, devils or islanders. kyle, ant and i will be in the corner, crying.

also, if you want one of the soon-to-be-extinct BTSH long-sleeve zamboni shirts, PLEASE PRE-ORDER quantity and size to me by email!
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REGISTER!
if you haven’t done so already, REGISTER!
go to http://www.btsh.org/bruise/info/register/ and follow the directions!

free agents, i’ll email you separately with info.
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[bobw]

contents

1. this week’s schedule.
2. rules link.
3. season opening party.
4. register!
5. weekly email update person.
6. misc. postings.

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THE SEASON STARTS NOW!
15-Apr-2007

3pm – Corlears 1 Dark Rainbows Mighty Squirrels
3pm – Corlears 2 Sky Fighters .lbs
3pm – Moffo Denim Demons Bad Touch
4pm – Corlears 1 WTP Gouging Anklebiters
4pm – Corlears 2 Tuques of Steel PFR
4pm – Moffo Fresh Kills Filthy Gorgeous
5pm – Corlears 1 Mexican Standoff Unicorns
5pm – Corlears 2 Cobra Kai Rehabs
5pm – Moffo Corlears Hookers Mathmatics

full schedule at: http://www.btsh.org/bruise/schedule/

consider that games are always on, even in the rain. if you’re unsure about the status of games, check the BTSH home page http://www.btsh.org or dial the BTSH informational hotline 646-233-3721.
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REVIEW THE *NEW* AND UPDATED RULES!

http://www.btsh.org/bruise/info/rules/
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BTSH SEASON OPENING PARTY

parkside lounge
saturday
14 april 2007
7pm-10pm
parkside lounge
317 east houston (at attorney)

the league will buy a FEW PITCHERS OF FREE BEER for those that get there on the early side!

there are still some slots open if anyone wants to d.j. for 20-30 minutes (they only have c.d. players).

THERE ARE T.V.S THERE so you can watch the rangers, devils or islanders. kyle, ant and i will be in the corner, crying.

also, if you want one of the soon-to-be-extinct BTSH long-sleeve zamboni shirts, PLEASE PRE-ORDER quantity and size to me by email!
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REGISTER!
if you haven’t done so already, REGISTER!
go to http://www.btsh.org/bruise/info/register/ and follow the directions!

free agents, i’ll email you separately with info.
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WEEKLY UPDATE WRITER

while i’ll handle the dry informational facts in the weekly updates, ELI of cobra kai will handle the more esoteric aspects of the updates. if you have anything amusing about the games, players, etc., for eli to consider, contact him at

BTSH scrimmage this sunday, april 1, 2007 from 2pm to 5pm at corlears hook park!

we will have TWO GAMES GOING AT ONCE. last week we had a bit of a hiccup due to some miscommunication and the inability to drive to the mini-storage facility where the nets are kept, due to a filming crew blocking off streets. there was also that mountain of snow on the north court, which is nearly gone now!

DO NOT WEAR RED unless you are a “free agent” looking to join a team! DO bring a WHITE *and* a BLACK/DARK shirt!

all BTSH rules apply! check out the new rules at:

http://www.btsh.org/bruise/info/rules/

we are OFF april 8 for easter, then the season starts on april 15. the schedule is posted at http://www.btsh.org/bruise/schedule/.

trying one more time…
first official scrimmage of 2007!
sunday 25 march 2007
2pm-5pm
corlears hook park (jackson/cherry/FDR)

we’re informed by numerous sources that corlears is clear of snow and ice and, barring another blizzard, we’re on!

FREE AGENTS (players looking for teams): wear RED!
all others, bring both a DARK/black and LIGHT/white shirt!
captains, please wear a red armband to identify you to free agents.

ALL BTSH RULES APPLY!