btsh.org

Editor’s Note : Rich is back with the second part of his look at possible upsets during Sunday’s Playoff Games

Editor’s Note: While the rest of us were brunching with friends, playing with kids or even just taking the dog for a long, leisurely walk, Glanzer was writing this …

Do you believe in miracles?? YESSS!!! Those were the famous words of crappy NFL announcer Al Michaels when he announced the Miracle on Ice upset of Team USA over the dreaded Soviets in the 1980 Olympics. We at BTSH have had our share of upsets as well.

#11 Happy Little Elves at #6 Butchers

by Bill “Don’t F**k It Up” Tucker

Tompkins Square West, 1:00 pm

When it comes to teams doing things loudly, the Happy Little Elves rank in the upper echelon of that esteemed category.  Fueled by the bravado of team captain Rich “Flair Chop” Glanzer, the Elves are still riding high from their championship run from two years ago.  Newbies to the league may look at the Killer Keeblers and think, “11^th seed?  Whatevs” but long time BTSHers know the truth.  The Happy Little Elves may falter in the regular season but they always come alive when the air turns crisper.  With a solid core of scoring dynamo Trevor “Legolas” Beauclair, the always scrappy Jenna “Link From The Legend of Zelda” Cruff and the pure intimidation of Ben “Snap, Crackle, Pop” Chadwick, the 2011 version of the Happy Little Hobgoblins should continue to be a tough out.

When it comes to doing things quietly, nobody flies under the radar like the sixth seeded Butchers.  Three years separated from the drunken chutzpah of Mexican Standoff, the Maniacal Meat Cleavers have silently turned themselves into one of the most dangerous teams in the league.  Captain Ben Bloom is a lethal sniper, Eric Ramirez is the most underrated keeper in the game and Georgine “Hatty” Paulin will drink you under the table while putting three past your goalie.  Oh, and you still have to contend with Creamy, Rachel Greene and Arthur “Fine Music Taste” Revechkis.  Not any easy task at all, so expect a spirited contest this Sunday.  Ahem…weather permitting.

Now, usually at this point in the write up, I devolve into lies and wild accusations, all littered with generous helping of topical links (ala Abby M).  But when Patrick sent out these assignments, he asked us to step it up, so step it I will.  Let’s drop some science on this bitch with three interesting factoids about this crucial Round of 16 matchup.

SCIENCE

1. Despite being a contest between the 6^th and 11^th seeds, only two points separate the Butchers (22) from the Elves (20).  The twist?  The Elves play a in much tougher division.  Hmmmmm…..
2. Butchers goaltender Eric “0.0001 GAA” Ramirez has not surrendered more than two goals in any start he’s had this season, regardless of the team he’s played for.  (statistic not verified, rather overheard in a boast-off with Pete Lang at last week’s women’s tournament.)
3. Elves enforcer Sarah Torneten can knock back an Irish Car Bomb like it’s nobody’s business.  Seriously, we’re talking four seconds from drop to slam.  Intimidation edge to the Gang in Green.

Dr. Hunter S. Tompkins Official Prediction:  Separated from my usual beat, I find myself in unknown waters.  Who are these Elves and why are they so happy given our current economic turmoil?  Who are these Enigmatic Executioners, boozed up ramblers who play a disciplined brand of hockey.  Instead of seeking answers to these quandaries, Dr. Gonzo and I snuck into the Central Park Zoo at three in the morning to eat fine meats & cheeses off the back a Siberian Tiger.  Nothing enhances the thrill of charcuterie like the threat of a good mauling.  Good times.  Oh, the game?  In the playoffs, goaltending is everything.  Butchers with the victory by the swipe of a hopped up jungle cat.

#9 Cobra Kai at #8 La Famiglia

by Abby “Link Queen” Meisterman

Tompkins Square West, 2:00 pm

Had Dave Ladanyi sent one of his spies over to the Dojo this week to prepare for this week’s match-up, he may have received a report about activity reminiscent of Kreese’s inspirational speech. Suffice it to say, Greg Altman is not messing around with the playoffs this year. Under his watch, Cobra Kai has shown some firepower: scoring duo JJ Murphy and Mark Talercio should not be underestimated and Becky Pear has been scoring goals all season and not just for her team. Greg is hoping to even pull from his injury roster as forward Rem Garavito Bruhn was seen just a few weeks ago in his season 2012 debut against the Dark Rainbows. Even co-captain Meredith Sladek has gotten competitive as she’s been feeding goalie Pete Lang downers to help keep his cool.

Though fear does not exist in the Dojo, they do have reasons to be afraid. Denis Miciletto is always a threat on the court — and in the kitchen (supposedly his muscles marinara rivals Adriano Bratta’s) —  especially when paired with Shafiq Perry. Miciletto led the league in goals scored last year, if I recall correctly. Haanwa Chau has been in touch with her Italian roots lately, cooking up a huge plate of carbs (and kick ass) for her team so they’re ready for their 2pm show-down.

Last year Cobra Kai lost in the opening round of the playoffs, so they’ve already outdone themselves this season, and La Famiglia went out in the round of 16. Both teams boast similar records, and even though Famiglia has been playing in a higher division & conference, look for this to be a very solid match-up.

“No commercials! No mercy!”

#16 Mega Touch at #2 What The Puck

by Monica “No More Drama” Russo

Tompkins Square West, 3:30 pm

I’m going to be the one to say it: this match isn’t entirely unfair.

Kami is ready for the Corp

#12 Mathematics at #5 Fresh Kills

Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM

Game Keys:

No one knows the strengths and weaknesses of the Kills better than Eli.  For 19 weeks, he’s followed every move of the defending champions and it’s safe to say that team Captain Derek will have the most comprehensive scouting report in league history. Of course, you could know the strengths and weaknesses of a tank but that doesn’t mean you have much hope of stopping it. And right now, the Mathletes have to be feeling like that Chinese guy with the shopping bag.

The problem is the Landfills have a counter for every weapon in the Enumerators arsenal. It’s like that conversation between Loki and Iron Man in the Avengers movie:

“I have an Andy Pratt.”

“We have that guy in the Nordiques hat.”

“I’ve got a young stud named Zack Norris.”

“We’ve got Scott Lee.”

“I have an army (of fans).”

“We have a Hulk Kevin Foster.”

Don’t get us wrong sports fans. We don’t think the Kills are superheroes. But we do believe that they’re the team to beat in this years playoffs. And like the Yankees, they keep adding strength to strength. There’s an old hockey cliché, “Work beats talent when talent doesn’t work.” But we don’t see Dmitri, Mikael, Natasha and the rest of BTSH’s answer to the Red Army phoning this one in.

We won’t write the Mathletics off just yet but it’s going to take a pretty complicated equation for them to find the value of “W” this Sunday.

#10 Filthy Gorgeous at #7 Lbs.

Location: Tompkins East, 3:30 PM

Game Notes: Filthy has been one of the more injury plagued teams this year and that goes a long way in explaining their relatively low seed. But make no mistake, they’re one of the most powerful offensive teams in the league. That may prove to be one of the stumbling blocks for a LBS team that has struggled to score goals lately. But the LBS. do tend to step it up in the playoffs and they’re not going to be an easy out.

Both these teams share a strength – familiarity. Each side has player combos that have been together for so long they can anticipate each other’s moves. In fact, both sides have agreed to make the game more interesting by having their top combos play blindfolded. Zen hockey is not something we see practiced very often in this league but when you have hockey masters like Ken and Carsten and James and Suvin working their magic, it could be sublime.

Or they might miss every single pass and not even touch the ball.

If that’s the case (and even if it’s not), this one comes down (surprisingly) to defense. Yes the Dirty Prettys can score goals in bunches but with Kami, Jean and the power couple of Matt and Becky Novick manning the blueline for FG, it’s going to be tough for the LBS. forwards to play their usual aggressive style. Both teams boast quality goalies, smart Captains, and plenty of depth on the second and third lines. But that steel curtain in front of the Filthy’s net is the gamechanger that will take them through to the second round.