Week 6 Game Previews
May 4th, 2012
GAME OF THE WEEK
Happy Little Elves (1-1-0-2) at La Famiglia (1-1-1-1)
By La Famigilia Beat Reporter Bill Tucker
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
Game Notes
When asked about this week’s matchup, Elves co-captain Jenna Cruff growled, smashed a beer bottle against the side of Ace Bar’s Skeeball machine and threatened to slice my jugular. The adrenaline of her Keebler Kids handing Lbs their first loss in a 6 -1 drubbing was still pumping through her veins. After receiving medical attention from a homeless man named Bobo, I then asked Alfred Liu how he thought The Family was going to fare in their Week 6 matchup. In typical Alfred fashion, the La Famiglia captain politely informed me that I was talking to a Pac Man lunchbox in Ace Bar’s collector’s case and should stop drooling on the glass.
As a result of this journalistic disaster, I was unable to gather any pertinent info regarding this matchup. What I do know is that the Elves are finding their stride on both sides of the ball, spearheaded by Trevor “Two Fist” Beauclair’s offensive return to form. For the Yellow and Red, despite having only four points in as many contests, they are slowly regaining the swagger that made them the toast of the league one year ago. With the Elves coming off a decisive victory and La Famiglia looking to gain ground in the crowded Brown division, look for a tense matchup on the East courts. My pick? 4-3 in favor of the Pac Man lunchbox.
Editor’s Note: Even though La Famiglia is Bill’s beat we had to congratulate Jenna’s lovable band of winners on their victory last week. Clearly, if you’re going to have success in BTSH 2012 having a female captain is the way to go.
Watchability: 4 Inkys
What the Puck at Tompkins Square Riots
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
Game Keys: Pity the Riots. After suffering at the hands of Georgine “Fancy Hat” Poulin last week theirbounce back game is against the orange and blue juggernaut of WTP. The Puckers easily handled the SkyFighters last week thanks in no small part to the emotional boost they got from the return of their pal Sal. Mike “Woody” Woodsworth was openly crying with joy at the opportunity to play with a bald Italian again (missed opportunity Bratta. You could have got him to switch to MegaTouch during his moment of weakness). The Riots will have to take their cues from teammate Craig “Mellow Yellow” Thompson who’s Toronto Maple Leaf like indifference to final scores has made him one of the most reliable players in the league (however, his suggestion of writing a letter of apology to Riots fans after last week’s performance was summarily vetoed by Scott Townsend).
Gremlins at Filthy Gorgeous
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
Game Keys: It’s another grudge match this week as the former FGs go up against their old teammates. The Dirty Prettys know how to handle teams in yellow though. They took down La Famiglia in a shootout last week and they’ve vowed that this week’s result will be even more decisive. However, the Filthys strong early season start has been confusing to new addition Kristen Wise. “I thought we were supposed to lose the first eight games and then peak in the playoffs?” she asked an equally bemused Kamdyn Moore. Perhaps the Gremlins can take advantage of this disarray to get them back on track.
Denim Demons at Lbs. Inc
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
Game Keys: The Demons lost a very close game to their rivals, the Rainbows last week. The Lbs. also lost but their game was not exactly a tight one. Surprising because
a) The Lbs. have been on a roll.
b) Shaun DeLaZee claimed that the only voice he could hear the whole game was Jenna Cruff telling him to “Go hard or Go Chadwick”. We don’t know what it means either.
So two teams looking for redemption. Plenty of scoring threats on both sides but you’ve got to think that the LBs. years of playing together will give them the edge in this one.
Gur Rot at Mathematics
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
Game Keys: These are not the 2011 versions of these teams. Math has been the class of their division, thanks in large part to Laura “MacChrisNeal” MacNeil’s bodyguard work for Andy “EagleEye” Pratt. MacNeil took down the slam sisters last week and now she’s gunning for GutRot enforcer Mary “no relation” Pratt. But the Plus Oners may find this match much more challenging than expected. The Rotters took Poutine Machine to a shootout and played with more passion than Ryan Callahan on St. Patrick’s Day. Expect a tough matchup here.
One more thing. Derek’s new team cheer suggestion, “Math is hard!” may be his most offensive yet.
Rehabs at Gouging Anklebiters
By ORG Special Correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
Game Keys: Can I just say something? Something that all of y’all are thinking? The reason that there are so many ties/shoot-outs are because we have morphed into a league of blob-teams who are all at the same level, destined to win in shootouts forever and ever. We could make a horror(ish) movie about it–The Land Where Shutouts Never Happen or Something. Seriously. Look at last week’s recap. There are a lot of freaking shootouts.
Corlears Hookers at MegaTouch
by ORG Reporter at Large Abby Meisterman
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
Game Keys:
Editor’s Note: We were going to write a post welcoming Abby to the ORG reportng crew but since she’s late with her game preview, so no love for her.
Poutine Machine at Butchers
By Poutine Machine Beat Reporter Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
Game Keys: Before I get to my report, I have a bone to pick with Mrs. Green Card Giver herself, Monica Russo Larsen. Monica said, “Not NEARLY enough has been made of Georgine’s hattrick.” Well Monica, the reason is pretty simple. Georgine was good, but she wasn’t the story or First Star of the week. Humbly speaking, I was. I was like Babe Ruth, Mark Messier, and Joe Namath. I called my shot. I said I would get an assist to Trevor, and I did. I was behind my own net, Karstan stole the ball from me, Shaun made the save, it deflected off of me, went to Trevor and he went around four people for a breakaway goal. Hero. Me, not him. So that’s why no one cares about Georgine’s Chadtrick, because they were too busy congratulating me on my great assist. Now onto the preview.
This is a rematch of last years playoff. Both teams possess a strong defense, excellent goaltending, and a couple of really good scorers. Last season Poutine got a little frazzled, yelling at the refs and not focusing on the game. While I don’t foresee that to be a problem this Sunday, I also don’t foresee a Poutine victory. The Butchers are rolling, giving up only 4 goals in 4 games. I see a tight contest here, but in the end the the firepower of Georgine is too much, as they defeat our heroes 3-1.
BTW, congrats Georgine, that hat trick was pretty awesome and better than my measly assist. But I’ll never admit that publicly. Couldn’t happen to a nicer person. If she paid for one beer last week, the league and especially the Butchers should be ashamed of themselves.
Cobra Kai at Dark Rainbows
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
Game Keys: The Ex-Demons had a big win against the Demons last week but the Dojo also notched a “W” as well. Arguably, the CK victory was more significant as it was their first of the season. This also explains goalie Pete “Mutt” Lang’s sobbing, Rudy-like exclamations of “Oh, thank God” at the Ace Bar after the game. Will both teams fall prey to an emotional letdown? Mike and Abby’s debut of the Dudemeister line may help counteract the Rainbows ennui but Will Kuhn’s rallying cries of “Run like Eric Cantona” may be lost on some of the younger Karate Kids.
Fresh Kills at Sky Fighters
By Fresh Kills Beat Reporter Eli Kazin
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
Game Keys: Last week, Fresh Kills salvaged a point with a 3-2 shootout loss to the Corlears Hookers in a big Bratta Division showdown. The star of the day for the defending champions was forward Nick Hobbs, who was the only player to solve Shaun deLacy, netting both goals on Shaun deLacy, the Hookers’ emergency goalie. This week, Fresh Kills draws the Sky Fighters in the Hockey Night In Tompkins national telecast, if that still exists (otherwise, this is a rather nondescript late game). The Sky Fighters have struggled this season, with a 1-2-1 record through four games. Captain Dan Hopper’s greatest concern is his team’s defense, which is tied for the league lead with 15 goals allowed through four games and blew a 4-0 lead against Poutine Machine in Week 3. Hopper attributes his team’s defensive struggles to a combination of a tough opening schedule (LBS, Inc., Happy Little Elves, Poutine Machine, What The Puck) and inconsistent attendance from starting goaltender James Stein, who is preoccupied with his ongoing tour of the world’s airports. These teams faced off twice last season, with the Sky Fighters taking the season series (1-0 win, 1-1 tie), so if the Sky Fighters can find a way to clamp down defensively, Fresh Kills could suffer consecutive losses for the first time since 2010.
Ball Hockey PlayHer Spotlight – Georgine Paulin
May 4th, 2012
Editor’s Note – Newer BTSH players may not know that BTSH was actually founded by a woman (hi SB!) and that the co-ed nature of the league has always been at the core of our identity. Ball Hockey PlayHer is a new set of articles on the ORG designed to highlight the contributions of the female players in BTSH. If there’s a woman on your team who you feel isn’t getting the recognition due to her, please e-mail the ORG or talk to one of our correspondents so we can set up an interview.
Georgine Paulin has long been a fixture of BTSH but last week she pulled off a very notable feat. Georgine managed to notch three goals against the Riots. Hat tricks (or as Georgine’s Bruiser teammates like to call them “Fancy Hats”) are rare in this league and we decided to find out how Georgine transformed from street hockey amateur in to a dominant offensive force.
When did you first start playing hockey?
I think this is my 6th season. I had never played prior to BTSH.
What’s your athletic experience outside of BTSH?
I was never really an athlete. My parents made me play girls’ softball for a couple of years in middle school. I played 3rd string catcher (everyone had to play 2 innings) or that field behind first base (right field? you know, the one that nobody hits to.) It was extremely uncomfortable but I showed up for every game and looking back, I guess it made me stronger. I just wish they had made me play hockey! In high school, I was a cheerleader and ran track. Now, I still run, played a little broomball and I’ve been going to Cross Fit for about 2 years, though I still can’t do a handstand push-up! I did a little coaching through the park’s department this winter.
What makes your team special?
Ha! I think that we’re so laid-back, yet competitive. We all want to win, but it doesn’t ruin anyone’s day if we don’t.
What’s your best street hockey experience?
The first goal I ever scored was pretty special. The opposing team (Mexican Standoff shout-out!) knew it was my first goal so some of them low 5’ve me. That says a lot about the league! Last Sunday’s hat trick was so crazy. I’m still relishing that one and probably will be for a long time
What’s one thing we should we know about you that we don’t?
Back before I was a real estate agent at Corcoran, I was a pharmacist at Walgreens. I somehow managed to convince the conservative Walgreens execs that we needed to put a float in Chicago’s Gay Price Parade. They agreed, and it was an incredible experience. I even got to march; in my cut-off jean shorts and knee-high Doc Martins. Hot!
Week 5 Box Scores
April 30th, 2012Only One Of These Players Can Actually Finish
Filthy Gorgeous 4, La Famiglia 3 (OT-SO)
Filthy Gorgeous: Sunny Mehra (5), Dana Kravis (2), Suvin “The Guru” Malik (1)
La Famiglia: Jon Fidge 2 (2), Dave Ladanyi (1)
Goalie Win: Dan “D.O.” Owens (3)
Happy Little Elves 6, LBS, Inc. 1
Happy Little Elves: Trevor “T-Beau” Beauclair 3 (4), Big Mike (1), Jenna Cruff (1), Rob “Smash” Muggeo (1)
LBS, Inc.: Dustin Shutes (1)
Goalie Win: Shaun deLacy (1)
Game Notes: Rich Glanzer claims he had an assist.
Poutine Machine 3, Gut Rot 2 (OT-SO)
Poutine Machine: Kevin MacDonald (1), Dave Paglia (1)
Gut Rot: Dave (1), Len (1)
Goalie Win: Tim Brown (1)
Corlears Hookers 3, Fresh Kills 2 (OT-SO)
Corlears Hookers: John Bartlett (1), Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney (1)
Fresh Kills: Nick Hobbs 2 (3)
Goalie Win: Shaun deLacy (on loan from Happy Little Elves)
Butchers 4, Tompkins Square Riots 0
Butchers: Georgine “Mulva” Paulin 3 (3), Ben Bloom (1)
Goalie Win: Eric Ramirez (3) [1st shutout]
What The Puck 5, Sky Fighters 1
What The Puck: Mike “The X-Factor” Woodswoth 2 (3), Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr. 2 (2), Michelle Doucet (1)
Sky Fighters: Mark Bloom (1)
Goalie Win: Anthony Romeo (2)
Game Notes: Congrats, LZ!!!
Mega Touch 1, Gouging Anklebiters 0 (OT-SO)
Goalie Win: Mike Tuckman (1) [1st shutout]
[Craig “Ug” LaCombe’s 2nd shutout]
Cobra Kai 3, Gremlins 1
Cobra Kai: Mark Talercio (2), Morgan Doninger (1), Jordan Orley (1)
Gremlins: Rod Sherwood (1)
Goalie Win: Peter Lang (1)
Dark Rainbows 3, Denim Demons 2
Dark Rainbows: Sean Reynolds (2), Mike Dudelovitch (1), Danny Polinsky (1)
Denim Demons: David Kenneth Fraser 2 (3)
Goalie Win: Ariel Kipnis (1)
Mathematics 3, Rehabs 2 (OT-SO)
Mathematics: Andy Pratt 2 (4)
Rehabs: Rob B. (2), Lateef Nurmohammed (1)
Goalie Win: Jamie Batuwantudawe (on loan from Gremlins)
Please e-mail any corrections to derek@btsh.org
Week 5 Game Previews
April 27th, 2012
GAME OF THE WEEK
Tompkins Square Riots (2-1-0) at Butchers (2-1-0)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
Game Notes
Two of the league’s newest franchises meet up in this week’s featured game. The Riots are the early surprise of the season. Amy Jones’new dictatorial management style has resulted in near perfect attendance from the Riots’ talented but often absent offensive threats and the results have paid significant dividends. The Riots are off to a 3-0 start and no team has really tested them so far. That will change this week as they go up against a Butchers squad that features near perfect attendance as well (due in large part to the brutal reprisals that Captain Rachel Greene doles out for anyone who misses a game. Randy Locklair is still recovering from what he calls “A Mossad Necktie”). Jones has claimed that Greene is a mentor and her personal hero. Will this be thee week that the student becomes the master?
Keys To The Game:
1. Riots superstar Patrick Blohme has vowed to drink a shot of aquavit for every save Henrik Lundquist makes on Saturday afternoon. If the Rangers continue their trademark “turtle” defense , expect a severely hungover winger on Sunday.
2. Ben Bloom’s haircut. It’s not only fashionable, the Butchers leading scorer also claims it’s aerodynamic. “I get an extra 5 miles an hour with this thing,” claims the Meatpackers version of Martin St. Louis. If Bloom can convince his teammates to follow his lead the Riots will have a hard time matching their speed
3. Can Riots defenseman Scott Townsend overcome his injury fears? Townsend has had bad luck the past year, dealing with concussions and shoulder injuries. But fear of further damaging his fragile frame led to him being manhandled by Megatouch’s female players two weeks ago. Can he get his confidence back/He’ll need too. If Georgine Paulin smells any blood in the water it will be a long day for the veteran blueliner.
Patrick’s Pick: I’m a Riots believer. The new look team can score in bunches and make life rough for Butchers goalie Eric Ramirez. Ultimately, that firepower is going to be just too much for the talented Butchers d-corps. Look for Riots to win this one 3-2.
Watchability: 4 Cleavers
Filthy Gorgeous at La Famiglia
Game Preview by Poutine Beat Reporter Rich Glanzer or as he prefers …” Written Heroically by former Tuques reporter Rich Glanzer”
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
Game Keys: As expected, the Tuques are finding their niche in the top conference and a tough matchup like this will come around on a regular basis. Filthy has to be feeling great about themselves. They dominated the Happy Little Elves and should have won the game 12-1 instead of 4-1, but the backup goalie for the Elves proved worthy of his 2010 Elfie, for Elves best goalie. By this reporters count, they had approximately 46 shots on goal.
The The Tuques wont have too much open space against the tight Filthy team defense concept, and I expect a 3-1 victory for the boys and girls in blue.
Lbs. Inc at Happy Little Elves
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
Game Keys: is this a hockey game or an ’80s summer movie? The Lbs. are good looking, privileged and sport a perfect record coming in to this one. Meanwhile Jenna’s band of lovable losers are still struggling to find their first win. What’s it going to take for this band of underdogs to defeat the mighty Lbs. machine? Getting goalie Shaun “Khabibulin” DeLacey to end his contract holdout would be a good start.(Newsflash Shaun. No matter how badly Bryz played in the Penguins series, you’re still not getting a call up). Also recruiting a scary punk rocker or a sexy foreign exchange student for your team could help. It always seemed to work for John Cusack.
GutRot at Poutine Machine
Game Preview by La Famiglia BeatReporter Bill Tucker
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
Game Keys: Two teams on the rise, one in cholesterol from the fatty food stuffs of their moniker and the other in BAC, meet this Sunday in a Kazin conference tilt. Poutine Machine has been settling in nicely in their new Larsen Division home, thanks to solid team play and sound defense. While goals have been hard to come by for the Canadian Cheese Curds, putting four on the Sky Fighters proves the squad is starting to hit their offensive stride. On the other side of the court sits Gut Rot, a gaggle of malcontents that have played better than league pundits predicted in the preseason. With their rallying cry of, “19th Place Or Bust, Bitches” shaking the stools of Ace Bar, Gut Rot looks to continue making noise in the Glanzer Division. Look for a close contest featuring two hungry and well rested teams.*
*After a pair of strenuous Week 3 games for both Gut Rot and Poutine, sources say team captains Peaches and Patrick “The ORG” Larsen held a secret meeting in the back room of Parkside Lounge. Details are sketchy but sources claim a crystal ball, an Ouija board and three live chickens were smuggled into the bar. When questioned about this alleged meeting, Peaches mumbled something about “Rain Fears” and disappeared into the 2 AM mist. League disciplinarian Creamy considered launching an occult investigation but due to the prohibitive cost of PKE meters, decided against filing a formal charge.
Corlears Hookers at Fresh Kills
by Fresh Kills beat correspondent Eli Kazin
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
Game Keys: While the season is still in its early stages, it is pretty clear that Fresh Kills is not suffering from any championship hangover. The defending champions did lose a championship game rematch with What The Puck in the first week of the season, but have responded with convincing wins against Filthy Gorgeous and the Dark Rainbows. The task in front of Fresh Kills this week is a little more daunting, though, as the team draws the Bratta Division leading Corlears Hookers. The Hookers are one of just three teams to start this season with wins in all three games, and goaltender Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson has been extremely consistent, allowing just one goal in each of the three wins. This divisional matchup should be low scoring, given the past history when these teams meet and the presence of two of the league’s top goalies in Olson and Fresh Kills’ Patrick Barch. Of course, should Olson accept Dustin Byfuglien’s offer to go boating on the lake this Sunday and should Barch spend too much time hanging out with teammate Nick Hobbs on Saturday night, then all bets are off.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Far more interesting than seeing all these alpha males battle for league superiority is the reffing debut of Filthy Gorgeous’ James Perriera. Fifty (almost) uninterrupted minutes of James running around in shorts and a plunging V neck? Bring some popcorn, ladies. This is the game for you.
SkyFighters at What the Puck
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
Game Keys: The SkyFighters are an enigma. They looked great in the first half of their last game against Poutine Machine, spring out to a four goal lead. But then they gave up four unanswered goals, resulting in an unlikely tie. They can’t expect to generate the same offense againt the ex-Rehabs who are coming off of an emotional loss to the current Rehabs. Now that Dan Hopper has stopped watching Penguins games he may remember what defense looks like and ask his team to play some. Meanwhile, Larry Zimmer is still fuming about the fact that the ORG didn’t use Mr. Met on our “rain fears/game cancellation” post last week. Expect him to channel this anger in to a standout performance against the Czech Nationals.
Mega Touch at Gouging Anklebiters
by ORG Reporter at Large Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
Game Keys: Who are the Anklebiters? Who are any of us, really? The GAB, a team that has looked virtually the same for the last 74 years, has gone through a massive overhaul this season–a shot in the arm to up ratings, if you will. Kind of like when That’s So Raven joined The Cosby Show (or when Poochie joined The Simpsons). Where I’m going with this is here: unlike The Cosby Show and The Simpsons, this overhaul has made them pretty formidable. The Mega Touch, starring Julie “The Girl Who Gets Her Salsa From New York City” Katz,* is going to have to really bring it if they don’t want to get auf’d. Both teams should come into this game refreshed and relieved, especially after they got to avoid two pretty major games last week.
Gremlins at Cobra Kai
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
Game Keys: Along with the Riots, the Gremlins have been one of the standout teams of the early BTSH season. Suffocating defence and an uncanny ability to score goals at just the right time have put them in a tie for the top of their division. Meanwhile, Ralph Macchio’s Nemeses can’t buy a bounce. Still, there’s too much talent in the dojo for them to remain winless for an extended period and the Gremlins may be getting a little cocky. Ultimately, the game may come down to whichever players are least affected by the nauseating combination of camouflage and lemon yellow that will dominate the court during this match. I think my parents had a couch with the same color scheme in the mid-70’s. That didn’t end well either.
Denim Demons at Dark Rainbows
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
Game Keys: Another potential game of the week, it’s the Demons vs. the ex-Demons. Both teams are still struggling to find their identities in this somewhat disjointed season. But traditionally, matchups between these two teams have been barnburners and this one should be no exception. Look for the goalies to be the big difference makers in this game. Coach has faced the Rainbows offence year in and year out, while Ariel is still getting a book on most of the leagues scorers. Will he continue to be a candidate for rookie of the year? Or will Coach’s experience win the day for the team in red?
Mathematics at Rehabs
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
Game Keys: By 5:30 pm on Sunday MDF and Kehoe should finally be recovered from Friday night. Bad news for the Rehabs as the Slam Sisters took their physical game to a whole new level two weeks ago (albeit most of that happened off the court). Seeing her beloved Bruins fall to the Caps will only have made Meredith more fuelled with rage, something that may be hard for the the gentle academics of the Mathematics to handle. Their only hope. The equally feisty Laura “McChrisNeal” McNeil. She’ll have to be in full on enforcer mode to protect teammate Andy Pratt who’s sure to be targeted by the Rehabs deadly duo.
Editor’s Note: In case anyone was wondering, the Rehabs do (still) suck.
Meet the Best Damn News Team in Hockey
April 26th, 2012Not only is hockey a team game, covering hockey is a team game as well. And the ORG is following in the illustrious tradition of our former editors-in-chief and recruiting some of BTSH’s best and brightest to help us out with game previews for the rest of the season. Here’s your chance to meet the people who may be writing about you in the very near future:
RICH GLANZER – a shy and retiring fellow who decided to try his hand at writing in an effort to get to know more people in the league. Rich is the BTSH version of Zelig, He appears in almost every league photograph but is bizarrely unnoticed by those around him. In an effort to raise his profile with his fellow hockey players, we have enlisted Rich to be this year’s Poutine Machine beat correspondent.
ELI KAZIN – just when he thought he was out, we pull him back in. After being banned from Farmville for life, Eli was looking for something to do online. There is no truth to the rumor that Eli went begging to Adriano to get his old job back. Mainly because that rumor was started by either me or Kamdyn Moore (and we’re both notorious liars). Eli will be working the Fresh kills beat this year.
MONICA RUSSO – Monica was the best and funniest guest writer on BTSH.org last year. I know this because Monica reread her writeups from last year and told me “I’m the best and funniest.” Monica is not a shameless self promoter like that jerk Corey Winters so we assume this is true. Monica will be a reporter at large covering various teams around the league.
BILL TUCKER – Bill offered to create a BTSH podcast for us but when he realized the potential audience was even smaller than the Devils fanbase he decided to stick to “print journalism” instead. Since Bill also seems to be the substitute goalie of choice for half the league, we expect him to deliver more than his fair share of scoops. Bill has yet to settle on a final assignment.
Look for these crusading journos to make their debut in this weeks game previews post.
We’re delighted to welcome them all aboard. Especially since it gives us more time to investigate the growing Bratta corruption scandal.
Good luck, team!
