Week 19 Preview
September 22nd, 2011Georgine’s More Of A Steelers Fan
GAME OF THE WEEK
Butchers (8-7-1) at Happy Little Elves (7-6-1-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: The Butchers and the Happy Little Elves may be tied in the overall standings heading into the final weekend of the regular season, but both teams have taken different paths to get here. The Butchers (aside from Ben Bloom) have put an emphasis on defense this season, beginning with the free agent signing of the glass-jawed Chris “Creamy” DiMotta. Bolstered by his presence, the team has surrendered fewer than two goals per game this season, and goaltender Eric Ramirez is fourth in the league with a 1.67 goals against average. The Happy Little Elves, on the other hand, have put no emphasis on defense at all. The team has yielded the third most goals in BTSH, but it has countered this flaw with the league’s top-ranked offense. The tandem of Gil Valdes and brunette sophomore Ryan Nakahara leads the Elves’ deep and explosive attack with 12 goals apiece. In this, the first meeting between these two teams, how will the Elves’ offense fare against the stingy Butchers defense?
Keys To The Game:
1. Although the Butchers have focused on defense this season, the team has also produced two of the league’s top scorers in Ben Bloom and “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis (né Weezy). The duo has combined for 27 of the team’s 44 goals.
2. Perhaps due to their new found “Fun and Gun” style of play, six of the Elves’ games have been tied at the end of regulation play. However, the team has been relatively opportunistic in extra time with three wins via shootout and one tie.
3. With both of these teams locked in a four-way tie (with the Dark Rainbows and Mathematics) for 11th place, this game carries tremendous playoff implications. Most likely, the loser of this matchup will fall into the bottom eight of the league and have to win five games in a row to claim the BTSH championship. The winner stands a good shot to receive a restful bye next Sunday, when the opening weekend games are played.
Eli’s Pick: No pick. Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. Captain Glanzer finally forces his team to clamp down on D.
Watchability: 4.5 Hawks. Ka-kaw!
Week 18 News and Notes
September 20th, 2011Monica Is Actually Unconscious
The women’s tournament will take place on Saturday, October 1 (rain date 10/8) at Tompkins Square Park, beginning at 10 AM. It costs $20 to play with all proceeds going to GGE – Girls for Gender Equity, a non-profit group that is committed to improving the physical, psychological, social and economic development of girls and women. There is a two-game guarantee with the top two teams playing in a playoff final. During breaks in the action, there will once again be an auction to throw pies in the faces of some of BTSH’s most visible characters. Tournament organizer Dana Kravis submitted the following promotional material regarding the event:
The rivalry is heating up between the captains of this year’s women’s charity street hockey tournament. Although Kami Moore tried to keep the peace, she actually ended up adding fuel to the fire by naming her team “Irene.” Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli, captain of team “Jonathan Taylor Thomas,” noted, “It’s just in really bad taste. My parents’ lawn chair got knocked over by that storm, and I know a girl who lost a potted basil plant from her back deck in Brooklyn… just… gone.” Amy Jones, captain of team “Buffy Summers,” was insulted by Monica Russo’s choice of team name, “Rayanne Graff.” Says Jones, “I was Rayanne Graff, OK? The producers of My So Called Life totally based that character on my high school exploits, and did I ever see a dime of those royalties? No. I told Monica all of this at Ace Bar last week, and then she goes and names her team that. BTSH rule number one, Monica. Rule number one!” Monica Russo claims to have no memory of that conversation at Ace Bar and was not available for comment after being noogied into submission by Danberg-Ficarelli. “That chick is jacked,” she was heard muttering after the noogying.
The one thing all four ladies agreed on was that every girl in the league should immediately register for the women’s tournament here:
Week 18 Box Scores
September 18th, 2011Ollie Has Joined The Latin Kings
What The Puck 4, Sky Fighters 2
What The Puck: Oliver Hartman (5), Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth (5), Tom MacDonald (4), Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (1)
Sky Fighters: Greg Infanti (4), Dan Lee (1)
Goalie Win: Corey “Chongo” Winters
Filthy Gorgeous 6, Happy Little Elves 2
Filthy Gorgeous: “Gentleman” James Pereira 2 (14), Matt Novick 2 (5), Susannah Pasquantonio (3), Sunny Mehra (1)
Happy Little Elves: Gil Valdes (12), Garrett “Ax” Carrino (5)
Goalie Win: Dan “D.O.” Owens
LBS, Inc. 5, Dark Rainbows 3
LBS, Inc.: Karsten Pichon 3 (11), Tommy Capatosta (7), Dustin Shutes (1)
Dark Rainbows: Josh Wilson 2 (10), Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell (7)
Goalie Win: Bill Tucker (on loan from Gut Rot)
Mega Touch 6, Gut Rot 2
Mega Touch: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta 5 (16), Jonathan Hanson (2)
Gut Rot: Gilligan1 2 (6)
Goalie Win: Mike Tuckman
La Famiglia 1, Butchers 0
La Famiglia: Alfred Liu (6)
Shutout: Jamie Batuwantudawe (1)
Game Notes: La Famiglia has secured the Prince of Weyersberg trophy for the best regular season record.
Mathematics 2, Poutine Machine 1
Mathematics: Andy Pratt (7), Eli Kazin (2)
Poutine Machine: Brodie St. John (6)
Goalie Win: Joe Boshko
Unicorns 2, Cobra Kai 1 (OT)
Unicorns: Joe Polowczuk 2 (10)
Cobra Kai: Jasmine Sandler (1)
Goalie Win: Craig “Ug” LaCombe
Game Notes: Polowczuk scored the winning goal with two seconds remaining in overtime.
Corlears Hookers 4, Denim Demons 1
Corlears Hookers: Jesse Scolaro 2 (4), Jason Eitel (11), Peter “Purple Rain” Putka (3)
Denim Demons: Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens (2)
Goalie Win: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson
Tompkins Square Riots 4, Gouging Anklebiters 2
Tompkins Square Riots: Patrik Blohme 2 (5), Craig Thompson (5), Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg (1)
Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Derhohannesian (10), Phil “Sandy” Donohue (4)
Goalie Win: Shane-o DeBlasio
Fresh Kills 0, Rehabs 0 (OT-SO)
Shutout: Patrick Barch (2), Hilary Meyer (1)
Shootout: Tied 1-1. Successful attempts by Ariel Imas (FK) and Kami Moore (REH).
Game Notes: Fresh Kills has clinched the Hackett Division and #2 seed in the playoffs.
Week 18 Preview
September 15th, 2011BREAKING: Commish Caught Cheating In 2009!
GAME OF THE WEEK
Sky Fighters (8-3-2-2) at What The Puck (8-5-1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 8-3
Game Notes: Playoff seeding implications are on the line as these Hackett Division foes face off for the second time this season. When the Sky Fighters and What The Puck met in Week 14, the Fighters prevailed with a solid–though somewhat forgettable–3-1 victory. Since then, however, they have hit a skid, losing to the Happy Little Elves and the Dark Rainbows. The slump has greatly reduced the team’s chances at the division title and with it, the all-important second seed in the playoffs. What The Puck is in even worse shape. The team tied the Rehabs last week, which halted a four-game losing streak. This summer swoon, along with the team’s 0-4-0-1 record in Hackett Division games, has officially eliminated WTP from the division race. However, strong out of division play earlier in the season has provided a cushion to soften the recent fall, and Larry’s Orange Juggernaut sits squarely in the middle of the rather large BTSH bell curve. With two weeks remaining before the playoffs start, both the Sky Fighters and What The Puck will be looking to reverse their recent trends.
Keys To The Game:
1. As one of the few Sky Fighters to exhibit regular attendance, captain Dan Hopper has shouldered much of the offensive load himself. After scoring twice last week against the Dark Rainbows, Hopper is now tied for fifth in the league with 12 goals.
2. After dealing with a revolving door of goaltenders throughout the season, What The Puck has finally regained some stability between the pipes, as offseason acquisition Anthony Romeo is back to close out the season. Although it remains to be seen if this will result in more wins, at the very least, WTP will now have a definitive count on how many saves their goalie makes each game.
3. We haven’t seen Brock in a really long time, and we’re extremely concerned. He’s little.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. Wait, it’s technically still summer? Crap.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters. Martin has returned to the States after teaching another generation of Czechs how to play 50 minutes a game.
Watchability: 4 Watkinsons. Just two points separate these evenly matched teams in the standings.
Week 17 News and Notes
September 13th, 2011Dan Owens Can Still Win The Scoring Race
With just two weeks remaining in the regular season, the race for the 2011 BTSH scoring title is nearing a conclusion. Here are the top contenders for this coveted achievement, which guarantees one pull from the media’s Mystery Box at the end of season awards ceremony:
Denis Miciletto, La Famiglia (21 goals): Miciletto has dominated the league this season, compiling a seven-goal cushion over his closest competitor. He has recorded a goal in 13 of La Famiglia’s 15 games and is currently riding a 10-game scoring streak. However, this streak is in some danger of ending during La Famiglia’s last two games. Miciletto will be shooting against two of the league’s top goaltenders in Eric Ramirez (Butchers) and Tim Brown (Poutine Machine). In addition, with La Famiglia having clinched the Donohue Division title already, captain Dave Ladanyi has hinted that Miciletto may only see a handful of shifts per game in order to rest up for the playoffs. Nevertheless, he remains the overwhelming favorite. Odds of winning: 1-10.
Shafiq “Off Black” Perry, La Famiglia (14 goals): Perry has benefited from being Miciletto’s linemate for the 2011 season, taking full advantage of opposing defenses’ focus on BTSH’s scoring leader. However, he is tired of living in his heavily tattooed teammate’s shadow, and Perry has vowed to claim the scoring title for himself, even if it means utilizing the “Jason Eitel method” of hockey, which involves no passing whatsoever. In fact, there are even rumors that Perry has bribed La Famiglia defender, and self-proclaimed league assist leader, Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri not to pass to Miciletto. Ant took the money, but can you really trust him? Odds of winning: 35-1.
