Guest Columnist: Rich Glanzer
The following views do not necessarily represent those of the editors or of BTSH. They do, however, represent those of Rich Glanzer.
While the Happy Little Elves have been sort of surprising some teams on the court this season, I feel we’ve been the league’s biggest disappointment where it matters most…at the bar! There is no funner (yes, it’s a word) team than the Elves. We are all partiers and drinkers. But this season, I’ve noticed some things I’m not too proud of at the bar. We have Mexican Standoff guarding the door, What The Puck running around feeling like they own the joint, Craig and his harem of Lady Unicorns showing up fashionably late, Demons everywhere, the Rehabs plotting in a corner, Georgine guarding Derek and Eli, and of course, Cobra Kai sitting at the end of the bar, like table #9 in the Wedding Singer.
But one hour after our game is over, I’m normally the only Elf left standing. So when some guy in a foot cast is screaming, “What The Puck!! What The Puck!!” and 19 Rehabs are chanting back, “REEEE-HAAAAAABBBBSS, REEEEEE-HAAAAAABBBBS,” I’m forced to slink into a corner and whimper, “Go Elves Go. Go Elves Go.”
Well, this Sunday, that changes!! The Happy Little Elves are taking back the bar!! Last season, we lost every game (except against the Tuques and Squirrels), but we had fun darn it!! This Sunday, we are going to have a blast, and we’d like you to join us. So if you haven’t been to the bar this year (Hookers), or go to Doc Hollidays (Anklebiters), come to the bar and hang out with the Elves. We’re not bad people, just bad hockey players!! And we’re not even that bad at hockey any more, so our lack of talent shouldn’t rub off on you. (Though WTP did lose their first game after I hung out with them the week before.) This is the last week before a two week break, so no excuses, party with the Elves!
First beer is on me. OK, not really, but come anyways!!
Tags: 2009 season, Hockey Rich
Cobra Kai…you know I said that with love!!! Seriously guys, lets have an awesome time at the bar this week, win or lose.
Street hockey and drinking, eh? This sounds interesting, I think I might make an appearance.
P.S. I am offended by Rich wearing a Rangers shirt *over* his Elves shirt in the photo.
Ummm… the Hookers have been at the EVT almost every week. In the immortal words of Frank Rizzo, “open your fucking eyes jackass”. Also I’m in the Ladies Harum. Get your facts straight fucko.
yeah, i’ve seen the hookers there. and GAB last week – phil kept trying to get me to drink a PBR. did i mention the parks volunteering project saturday at 10am?
See you guys there.
Show can you do me a favor?? You know you’re my Boy…but this guy Craig from the Unicorns…he thinks he’s hot shit because he beat WTP. I saw the game, 12 posts and 6 crossbars were hit. Plus he faked a seizure during a 2 on 1 so the refs would blow the whistle.
Can you just make sure that he learns when you call Hockey Rich a “Fucko” bad things happen to him??? Battledome is yours my friend!!
Rich Glanzer’s views do not necessarily represent those of the Happy Little Elves, or any of their subsidiaries or affiliates, or player employers, players’ ethnic or religious denominations, political parties, educational backgrounds, spouses, children, pets, clerics, descendants, ancestors (or any evolutions therefrom), sandwich vendors, hairdressers, personal assistants, iPhones, or intestinal parasites. Not only that but they are probably the opposite much of the time. But we support Rich’s right to say them.