Season Preview: Butchers
I’m With “Hawkeye!”
Color: Maroon
Year Founded: 2010
Conference: Schumacher
Division: Donohue
Home Arena: The Slaughterhouse
In an effort to outdo Happy Little Elves captain Ben Chadwick, Butchers captain Ben Bloom has created this improbable backstory for his new team:
Eons ago, there existed an elite group of chaos warriors who ravaged the galaxy with a boundless hatred of all things alive. They were called the Scumdogs of the Universe, and they grew in might and fury, the greatest weapon in the arsenal of their cosmic Master.
But they became too powerful, and too defiant, and for their cosmic crimes were banished to the most insignificant planet in the universe…the seething mudball known as Earth.
Millions of years passed, and they slumbered, until the pollution of your world de-thawed these creatures from their ageless coma…and now they stride the Earth, living gods, dedicated to one goal, the destruction of the human race, and the eradication of existence itself! Wait- that’s two goals!
Hark to the hideous majesty of your MASTERS, rulers of Earth, the MIGHTY BUTCHERS!!!
Professional Wrestler They Closely Resemble: John Morrison. It’s still a little early to make a true judgment on how far they can go, but out of all the new guys, they seem to show the most promise and potential.
Fast Fact: Jeff “Hawk” Hawkins does not believe in cold cereal for breakfast. He will only eat Canadian Bacon.
ROSTER
Ben Bloom (C)
Gary Cohen
Beth Costello
Brian Friedman
Jason Greenberg
Rachel “A-Korn” Greene (A)
Jeff “Hawk” Hawkins
Amanda Jenkins
Jesse Kalb
Aynsley Kirshenbaum
Greg Kong
Randy Locklair
Gabriel Mariano
“The Masterpiece” Ashley McMasters
Mike Mincieli
Rob Neilson
Georgine “Mulva” Paulin
Eric Ramirez
Arthur “Lil Weezy” Revechkis (A)
Boris Revechkis
Jason “The Hamburglar” Rosenstock
Arnold Sanchez
Kip Winger
Tags: 2010 season, Butchers, team previews
Outdo Ben Chadwick?!?!? First off not every other word had 12 syllables and it was 4,542 words too short.
Wait, the Butchers are GWAR? I can’t wait to see the uniforms!!
And for the record I always write my own material!
http://www.gwar.net/mythos
I think the comment section should be renamed the Happy Little Elves section. BTW, we should ruin these previews by telling everyone why we are so much better than them.
I’ll start with the Butchers.
Butchers are mean, Elves are nice. Everyone loves an Elf. Nobody likes Butchers.
Everybody loves a clown, so why don’t you?
i’m fairly sure at least one elf likes at least one butcher.
Yes its true. I am a fan of Georgine. But I’m pretty sure thats it.