Season Preview: Corlears Hookers
Welcome to Dutch Country
Color: Purple/White
Year Founded: 2007
2007 Regular Season Finish: 16-1 (1st place)
2007 Playoff Result: Lost to Dark Rainbows in championship game
Key Additions: Jonathan Bartlett (Free Agent), Jason Eitel (Free Agent)
Key Losses: None
Fan Base: The Netherlands, Wisconsin
By all measures, the Corlears Hookers’ inaugural season was a smashing success, as they only lost two games. However, one of those two losses was in the championship game, leaving a bitter taste in their mouths all winter long. Viewed by some as a team of ringers and with a year of experience under their belts, the Hookers seem to be all but guaranteed a championship this upcoming season…unless, of course, all twenty-two of them fall victim to twenty-two separate misfortunes and are unable to play this season. But that will never happen. Three misfortunes, that’s possible. Seven misfortunates, there’s an outside chance. But twenty-two misfortunes? I’d like to see that!
Rapper They Closely Resemble: 50 Cent ft. G-Unit. Yes, they get results. And yes, many would call them the best right now. But why do they seem to do it in a way that makes them nearly impossible to like?
Fast Fact: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson knows every episode of Saved By The Bell by heart.
ROSTER
Brendan “Dutch” Kearney
Jonathan “Dutch’s New Teammate” Bartlett
Chris “Dutch’s Goalie” Beauvois (G)
Kelly “Dutch’s Blonde Teammate” Buchanan
Laura “Dutch’s Female Teammate” Dugan
Jason “Dutch’s Other New Teammate” Eitel
Nickie “Dutch’s Other Female Teammate” Gill
Albert “Al” Huang
Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney
David “Dutch’s Teammate Who’s Probably from Pittsburgh” Kucharsky
Elizabeth “Dutch’s Girlfriend” Lewis
Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson
Reilly “Fake Dutch” Olson
Jock “Dutch’s Teammate” Paul
Libby “Dutch’s Well-Dressed Teammate” Pettibone
Peter “Dutch’s Captain” Putka (C)
Samantha “Dutch’s Mysterious Teammate” Reenders
Mauricio “Dutch’s Latino Teammate” Rojas
Joshua “Dutch’s Friend” Sadlier-Brown
Anshu “Dutch’s Indian Teammate” Sinha
Matthew “Dutch’s Potentially Jewish Teammate” Zimmerman
John “Espo” Buckley (RIP)
Tags: 2008 season, Corlears Hookers, team previews