Season Preview: Happy Little Elves
The Happy Little Elves Fan Club
Color: Electric Lime
Year Founded: 2008
2009 Regular Season Finish: 10-10-1 (9th place)
2009 Playoff Result: Lost to Rehabs in first round
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Hackett
Home Arena: Tuques Arena (The Elves are currently constructing the Glanzer Dome, with an estimated completion date of 2014)
2009 Leading Scorer: Chris “Crush” O’Neil, 14 goals
Key Additions: Trevor Beauclair, Ryan Nakahara
Key Losses: Rob “Gnarls” Nitschke
Happy Little Elves captain Benjamin Chadwick, in an uncharacteristic moment of brevity, offered the following about his team:
The Happy Little Elves (a subsidiary of Lehman Brothers) have been busy in our subterranean hibernation, acquiring two new forwards and a goalie. On our march to total global domination, this year’s new initiatives include
- Registration for tax-exempt, non-profit status, as a religion
- Bringing back our $19.95 All-You-Can Eat Seafood Buffet
- Putting our little green alien friends on the roster– the ones that nobody else can see
- Frogs, locusts, hail, murrain, and darkness
- “Take Rich Glanzer to Diego Garcia Island Day”
- New black latex uniforms
- Universal health care
- Mass hysteria
Professional Wrestler They Closely Resemble: Zack Ryder. Known for their flashy colors and connections to Strong Island, their biggest chance at stardom may have already come and gone in 2009. Nevertheless, they’re still a formidable opponent…Woo, woo, woo! You know it!
Fast Fact: Rich Glanzer is still upset about the Elves’ failure to win the Fairy Tale Cup in 2009.
ROSTER
Chris Adrahtas
Trevor Beauclair
Melissa Budnick
Garrett “Ax” Carrino
Ben Chadwick (C)
Jenna Cruff
Shaun Delacy
Nicole DePontbriand
Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri
Rich Glanzer (A)
Courtney McBride
Rob “Smash” Muggeo
Ryan Nakahara
Chris “Crush” O’Neil
Melanie Pessin
Jerome “Hornswoggle” Ramos
Shoshana Rudnick
Sarah “T-Bone” Torneten
Gil Valdez
Orbitty
Ozmodiar
The Great Gazoo
I think that the additions of Orbitty, Ozmodiar and The Great Gazoo are what the Elves needed.
$how, my old hockey team used to be the Gazoos, and when Ben finally kicks me off the Elves, thats the team I will bring in. And unlike the Elves, we WILL win the Fairy Tail Cup. BTW, we already have won it. We all finished 1-1 and the Elves had the best goal differential.
As for the wrestler, you got this one wrong. We are more like, “The Miz.”
1) We sucked at the beginning
2) We started to improve
3) We are the Fairy Tail Cup Champions, even if you two dont realize it
4) We are the Elves….and we’re….AAAAAWWWWWWEEEEEEESSSSSSOOOOOOOMMMMMEEEEEE!!!!
“Brevity is… wit.”
–Reader’s Digest
Ah I see now.
Just more build up for the long awaited Rehabs preview….
Rehabs preview…..It’s normally the same. There’s also a lot of hype behind it.
Is The Glanzer Dome going to have a John Stearns Rotunda?
That or Jan Erixon.