btsh.org

Is Justin The New Mathematics GM?

Color: Gray/Black
Year Founded: 2006
2010 Regular Season Finish: 6-8-0-2 (2nd, MacNeil Division; 15th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Butchers in opening round
Conference: Schumacher
Division: MacNeil
2010 Leading Scorer: Andy Pratt, 8 goals
Team Song: DJ Pauly D – Beat Dat Beat
Key Additions: Lilly Preston (free agency)
Key Losses: Scott Lee (Fresh Kills)

***May we have your attention please.  We have just received an e-mail from the anonymous Mathematics general manager.  And we quote…***

After another mediocre season last year, the Mathematics have officially hired me as their new general manager of the franchise.  Although I choose not to reveal my identity at this time, I can assure you that I bring years of hockey experience with me, including a recent championship in an unnamed New York City street hockey league.  But enough about me.  Let’s get down to business.

I have already implemented several changes to improve this team.  First, I have rescinded the contract of former player, Scott Lee.  As you well know, the Mathematics went on a modest five-game winning streak last season that roughly coincided with Scott’s summer break from college in Canada.  To me, that is a clear indication of who the weak link on the team was last season (besides Mike Smith, because I hate him), and I had to correct the problem.  Second, I have installed a new defensive system on the team that I have coined the “NEDI” (New Elves Defensive Initiative).  I have used this gameplan on another street hockey team (despite the objections of my oversized co-captain) with much success.  Third, I have decided to continue the Mathematics’ ongoing policy that “Brad Schmidt has no say in anything.”  However, I have also expanded on this doctrine to include Mike Smith and all of the team’s women.

With these changes already in place and several more upcoming, I expect a pretty big improvement for this once struggling franchise.  I have made it the team’s goal to win the MacNeil Division and  secure the fourth seed in the BTSH playoffs.  After that, anything can happen!  Woo, woo, woo!  You know it!

P.S. If the corrupt BTSH media ever reveals my identity, I will boycott them and the website.

Entity They Resemble, According to Rich Glanzer: Michael Cole. Have to go wrestling for these wrestling fans. Michael Cole stood in the shadow of long time announcer J.R. for 10 years. Finally Cole got his shot at the big time and is now an unabashed star, while showing what a jerk he is. Derek and Eli are no different. Expect a pretty big improvement for this once struggling franchise.
Fast Fact: Amy Anderla’s favorite scene in Youngblood is when Coach Chadwick’s daughter catches Rob Lowe wearing just his jock strap.

ROSTER
Amy Anderla
Joe Boshko
Sarah Coombs
Ali Corsi
Liz Hirsch
Jaret Horn
Eli Kazin
Adam Langer
Andrew Lu
Laura MacNeil
Sean “$howJu” McClain
Sheena Otto
Justin “Ballard” Perras
Andy Pratt
Lilly Preston
Bradley Schmidt
Mike Smith
Derek Tagliarino (C)
Meagan Vincent

Tags: 2011 Season, Mathematics, team previews

This entry was posted on Monday, March 21st, 2011 at 9:39 pm and is filed under 2011 Team Previews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.