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Who’s The Old Dude With Sven?

Color: Light Blue
Year Founded: 2010
Conference: Schumacher
Division: MacNeil
Home Arena: Larsen Civic Centre

After a turbulent offseason that saw most of the Mighty Squirrels defect to the newly formed Butchers, new captain Patrick “Sven” Larsen was left with no choice but to start from scratch.  Gone are the Squirrels name and trademark brown color scheme, replaced with a new name, Poutine Machine, and a new color that Larsen claims is “Quebec Nordiques blue.”  Additionally, the team will have a whole new attitude, as Larsen was not pleased with the Squirrels’ lackluster effort in 2009.  He notes, “There’s an old hockey saying, ‘You can only go as far as your horses take you,’ but unfortunately, our horses didn’t seem to want to want to leave the barn last year.”

Thus, after an exhausting offseasn campaign, Larsen has re-stocked his squad, almost entirely with rookies.  He notes, “We’ve stacked the team with Canadians and Irish people so that we can regain our reputation as bar champions, if nothing else.”  Although he is happy with his rag-tag group of misfits, the old guard will not be forgotten.  Larsen laments, “Gary Kowalski will be especially missed. It’s like losing Zdeno Chara or a large office building, you can’t help but feel the missing presence.”

Although even Larsen is not sure what to expect from his team this season, the media are confident the result will at least be better than BTSH’s most recent expansion team, the one-win 2008 Happy Little Elves.

Professional Wrestler They Closely Resemble: Slam Master J.  With former teammates leaving them for a grander stage, they’re left trying to rebuild themselves under a new identity.  They’re a long way from the top, and it will be a battle for them to reach main event status.
Fast Fact: Tim “(S)crappy” Gray’s T-shirt size is medium.

ROSTER
Kara Asuncion
Karey Bakker
Marcus Bonnee
Alanna Brannon
Eric Cole
Kimberly Cordell
Tim “(S)crappy” Gray
Mike Haas
Salman Haq
Jeff Jewett
John Kirsch
David Kucharsky
Nicole Lanctot
Patrick “Sven” Larsen (C)
John Loughren
Kevin MacDonald
Marie Marberg
Minkus
Ashish Nagpal
Tracy Ng
Dave Paglia
Mary Pratt
Jo-Ann Provencher
Caitlin Riley
Dar Sandler
Andrew Therriault
Leah Vickers

Tags: 2010 season, Poutine Machine, team previews

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 30th, 2010 at 9:50 pm and is filed under 2010 Team Previews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.