Season Preview: What The Puck
Who Will Be Larry’s Next Acquisition?
Color: Orange
Year Founded: 2001
2010 Regular Season Finish: 8-7 (5th, Rubens Division; 13th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Gut Rot in opening round
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Hackett
2010 Leading Scorer: Tom MacDonald, 10 goals
Team Song: Tragically Hip – Wheat Kings
Key Additions: Brock Bosacker, Alex Doucette, Anthony Romeo, “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse (all from Rehabs)
Key Losses: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta (Mega Touch)
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way.
-Charles Dickens’ description of the 2010 What the Puck season, according to captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer
The 2010 season was definitely a tale of two halves for Mad Dog and his What The Puck crew. After seven games, the team was undefeated and looking to cruise to a high seed in the playoffs. However, the team plunged to the bottom of the Rubens Division after losing seven of its final eight games, including two via forfeit. The bitter cherry on the top of this unwanted sundae was a stunning shootout loss to Gut Rot in the opening round of the playoffs.
“Looking to 2011, the ceremonial question mark that had become synonymous with this once storied franchise was now hanging over its very existence,” explained Zimmer. With uncertainties surrounding the summer of 2011, Mad Dog knew he had to make some bold moves to appease the team’s notoriously tough-to-please fans. His first major signing came on the advice of his close, personal friend, Martin Brodeur, who put him in touch with goaltender Anthony Romeo. Zimmer proudly proclaimed, “Thus begins the Shakespearean era in What the Puck hockey!” With the team now stable between the pipes, Mad Dog next looked to offense. Impressed with the Rehabs’ Hackett Division championship–and wanting one for himself–he pillaged their top three scorers in Brock Bosacker, Alex Doucette, and “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse. The trio combined for 29 goals in 2010, accounting for 57% of the Rehabs’ offense.
Zimmer has become infamous in BTSH for his general manager abilities. Just two seasons ago, he made a huge offseason splash when What The Puck signed Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta, Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr. (also from the Rehabs), and Hannah Stark. That season, What The Puck advanced to the championship game before finally succumbing to the Sky Fighters. With this latest round of additions, Mad Dog expects nothing less than another championship game appearance.
Entity They Resemble, According to Rich Glanzer: Jesus Christ (Easter Version). Jesus was a stand up dude. The guy died for us, and then came back to life. WTP had a Jesus-like season in 2009, started off amazingly in 2010, but then forfeited against the Demons, and died an unholy death vs. Gut Rot. With Romeo pining the nets for WTP, expect them to make a Jesus-like return and come back to life. I see them as one of the four heavy favorites to win it all.
Fast Fact: Hannah Stark was once a contestant on the MTV dating game show, Singled Out. She was eliminated during The Final Cut.
ROSTER
Brock Bosacker
Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz
Michelle Doucet
Alex Doucette
Celine Dujeux
Amy Farley
Lisa Harrington
Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman
Oliver Hartman
Kevin Lutsky
Tom MacDonald
Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr.
Garrett Poston
Anthony Romeo
“The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse
Hannah Stark
Susanna Tenney
Brian Vroom
Sarah Elizabeth Walsh
Corey “Chongo” Winters
Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth
Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (C)
Tags: 2011 Season, alpha male, team previews, what the puck