Posts Tagged ‘2008 season’
Week 15 Preview
Thursday, September 11th, 2008Now (S)crappy Free! (Except That)
GAME OF THE WEEK
Unicorns (8-6) vs. Mighty Squirrels (7-3-3)
Location: Corlears South, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 4-1
Game Notes: Although both of these teams now hover in the upper half of the standings, this game has implications far beyond simple wins and losses in BTSH. In addition to the pressure of ending a three game losing streak, Mighty Squirrels captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene must face one of her fiercest and most devious rivals in this game: Unicorns goalie, Craig “Ug” LaCombe. A known cheater, LaCombe has already been caught several times this season for various league infractions. In May, referee Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens measured his pads and determined that they were several inches above the league standard. In June, referee Bryan “Stork” Welch found a bucket of white paint on LaCombe’s person, as he was trying to expand the crease. Interestingly, due to excessive lobbying by Unicorns captain Christian, LaCombe is yet to face any consequences for these actions. Greene, however, is also known to be quite crafty as she once “inadvertently” gave LaCombe the wrong start time for one of his games. Odds are, she’ll do that again this week. Of course, the anticipation for this heated rivalry may be moot in the end, as Greene may head to the Meadowlands for the Jets’ home opener anyway.
Keys To The Game:
1. Chris, Nelson, and Mark have combined for 31 of the Unicorns’ 47 goals this season. Stopping this triumvirate of scorers will be imperative for the Squirrels.
2. Lost among the Greene-LaCombe hype is the revenge factor that will also motivate former Unicorn Jesse Kalb.
3. Good news for the Squirrels! According to New York fashion week, Earth tones are back in this season. So, they have that going for them…
Eli’s Pick: Mighty Squirrels. Rachel does it for Brett Favre.
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns. Ug will be amped for this game and will help procure another rivalry trophy to go alongside the Unicorns’ (imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.
Photo of the Week
Wednesday, September 10th, 2008Story Time With Big Sexy
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house…
Week 14 News and Notes
Tuesday, September 9th, 2008Those Crayons Came All The Way From Easton, PA
Sascha Was Too Embarrassed Even To Show Up
In one of the marquee matchups of the day, a highly motivated LBS, Inc. defeated the Corlears Hookers and officially established themselves as the “white team” of BTSH. Although this game had important implications regarding playoff seeding, there was far more at stake between the two teams. As the self-proclaimed cleanest player in the league Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin explained earlier this summer, “We’ve been wearing white since this league was initiated!” However, when the Corlears Hookers formed last season, they also adopted white as one of their primary team colors. Although the game had no formal stakes to it, it was clear that the winner would be perceived as the top “white team” of BTSH.
The game proved as intense as one might expect with such a large payout, but LBS, Inc. eventually emerged victorious from the battle. The Alpha Male’s fiery (albeit, somewhat nonsensical) pre-game ramblings had actually motivated his team to go the extra mile. Following the game, the media presented him with a box of Crayola crayons featuring 64 different colors to honor his now famous rant. The Alpha Male claims he will continue to find ways to pump up his team as they prepare for a deep run in the playoffs.
Week 14 Box Scores
Monday, September 8th, 2008Where’s Sharif?
Mathematics 9, Cobra Kai 4
Mathematics: Andy Pratt 4 (13), Jeff “The Hawk” Hawkins 2 (3), Adam Langer 2 (2), Jeffrey Contray (4)
Cobra Kai: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta 2 (13), Dave Cicirelli 2 (4)
LBS, Inc. 3, Corlears Hookers 2
LBS, Inc.: Phil Yang 2 (3), Karsten Pichon (16)
Corlears Hookers: Jason Eitel (15), Josh Sadlier-Brown (4)
What The Puck 4, Mighty Squirrels 2
What The Puck: Corey “Chongo” Winters (12), Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (12), Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman (10), Tom MacDonald (7)
Mighty Squirrels: Arthur “Lil’ Weezy” Revechkis (7), Dave Paglia (3)
Fresh Kills 5, Bad Touch 1
Fresh Kills: Eugene Rha 2 (4), Joe Tamburo (4), Kevin “The Planet” Foster (3), Mike Sokolyansky (3)
Bad Touch: Bill MacGregor (2)
Filthy Gorgeous 9, Mexican Standoff 2
Filthy Gorgeous: Matthew Workman 3 (6), Jonathan Rick 2 (6), Matt Novick (9), Jean Herbert (4), Sunny Mehra (2), Becky Antar (1)
Mexican Standoff: Gary Cohen (4), Leah “Vick-ahs” Vickers (1)
Denim Demons 3, Happy Little Elves 2
Denim Demons: Mike Pereira (9), Jeff Kamen (8), Zack Tinkelman (5)
Happy Little Elves: Ben Chadwick (1), Rob Muggeo (1)
Game Notes: Kamen scored the game-winning goal with thirty seconds left in regulation.
Dark Rainbows 2, Fresh Kills 0
Dark Rainbows: Josh Wilson 2 (6)
Shutout: Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell (5)
Tuques 5, Sky Fighters 3
Tuques: Gabe Wilson 3 (4), Peter Wilson (10), Sarah Moore (2)
Sky Fighters: Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka 2 (13), Robert Kucera (3)
Gouging Anklebiters 5, Unicorns 4
Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Owen 2 (4), Phil “Sandy” Donohue (7), Charles DeFranco (5), Peter “Geech” Prohaska (4)
Unicorns: Chris 2 (12), Nelson (10), Mark (9)
Rehabs 10, Bad Touch 2
Rehabs: Andrew Levine 3 (7), Sal Malguarnera 2 (5), Tom O’Connor 2 (2), Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez (6), Alex “Villano VI” Zabala (4), Molly Holder (1)
Bad Touch: Eric Devlin (11), Martin Olson (1)
Week 14 Preview
Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008Cobra Kai Will Have A Big Problem On Sunday
GAME OF THE WEEK
Mathematics (3-10) vs. Volanto’s Heroes Cobra Kai (3-8-1)
Location: Corlears North, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 4-0
Game Notes: In 2005, these two teams were united as a single “super team” called Henry Motion. However, a difference in playing philosophies caused a rift in the team, as the uber-competitive Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi and Sarah Coombs founded the Mathematics, and the mild-mannered Peter Oblamski retained control of Henry Motion (later renamed Cobra Kai). Tensions continued when original Cobra Kai members Eli Kazin and Derek Tagliarino defected to the rebel Math team in the middle of the 2007 season. The series reached a fever pitch in last year’s matchup, as the Mathematics beat Cobra Kai 3-2 in overtime, with the hated (and third string) Tagliarino in net. Now, one year later, Cobra Kai is eagerly awaiting this Sunday’s rematch. They have scheduled a pep rally and bonfire for Saturday night, where they plan to burn many mathematics text books.
Keys To The Game:
1. An anonymous source reports that Cobra Kai captain Peter Oblamski has resigned from the team, effective immediately. The team will miss his crafty game planning and inspirational leadership.
2. Jeff “The Hawk” Hawkins scored his first goal for the Mathematics in their last game. With Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi pursuing an education in California, The Hawk will see a bigger role in the Mathematics’ game plan.
3. In a shrewd mid-season acquisition, the Mathematics have obtained Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta from Cobra Kai, due to an unknown loophole in the BTSH application process (they bribed Bob W). Interestingly, Bratta made a point to note that it will be a tad chilly on Sunday, so he will wear a second t-shirt under his Mathematics jersey.
