Posts Tagged ‘2008 season’
Week 13 News and Notes
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008Oh No! Not Another Clip Post!
Top Ten Storylines From The First Half Of The Season
10. A BIG NAME CHANGE. Unhappy with his original nickname of “Tiny”, Kevin Foster of Fresh Kills petitioned the media for something new, claiming (in somewhat of a non-sequitur) that he’s “really just a sensitive guy.” After hours of intensive research and brainstorming, the media officially decreed Kevin’s new nickname to be “The Planet“, due to his all-world talent. The Planet is extremely satisfied with the change.
9. ANOTHER DUTCH. The media is happy to announce that there is yet another Dutch in the annals of BTSH. Congratulations to Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney on the birth of his daughter, “Dutch’s Niece“.
8. NEW TEAM IN BTSH. After an impressive victory in their inaugural game, the Happy Little Elves seemed destined to make a big splash in BTSH this season. Unfortunately, despite the accolades by the media and their peers after the first weekend, they have yet to win a game since. In addition, to add insult to injury, an anonymous member of Filthy Gorgeous is quick to comment on their new uniforms: “That’s the same color we had in 2006. Then we realized it was really ugly.”
7. TWO MAD DOGS? It’s no secret that everyone wants to be like What The Puck, but few teams actually succeed in doing it. The Mathematics, however, found a way. In what may be the best league prank of the season, several Mathematics dressed like the iconic team in orange. Humorously, one unnamed What The Puck member actually thought the Mathematics were her real teammates and sat with them prior to the game…no one had the heart to tell her the truth.
6. MIGHTY SQUIRRELS FIND A NUT. After finishing in fourteenth place last season, Mighty Squirrels captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene knew she had to make some adjustments. This season, with a new found all-star goalie and Greene’s patented “fundamentals first” style of play, the Squirrels find themselves nestled snugly in the top tier of the standings. Now, if the Squirrels can just find a way out of Tim “(S)crappy” Gray’s seven year contract, they’d be golden.
Week 13 Box Scores
Monday, July 28th, 2008Things Are Looking Up For What The Puck
Denim Demons 2, Corlears Hookers 1
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen (7), Zack Tinkelman (4)
Corlears Hookers: Matthew Zimmerman (1)
Game Notes: This is the Corlears Hookers’ first loss ever at Moffo.
What The Puck 4, LBS, Inc. 1
What The Puck: Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth 2 (15), Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman (9), Brian Vroom (2)
LBS, Inc.: Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin (9)
Game Notes: With this win, What The Puck has moved into sole possession of first place.
Rehabs 4, Gouging Anklebiters 2
Rehabs: Bryan “Stork” Welch 2 (2), Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez (5), Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett (2)
Gouging Anklebiters: Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri (7), Jeremy Schumacher (3)
Unicorns 5, Happy Little Elves 0
Unicorns: Mark 2 (8), Chris (10), Jesse (3), Caitlin (2)
Shutout: Craig “Ug” LaCombe (1)
Game Notes: This win clinches the (imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup for the Unicorns.
Dark Rainbows 3, Mighty Squirrels 1
Dark Rainbows: P.T. Walkley (12), Josh Wilson (4), Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell (1)
Mighty Squirrels: Gary Kowalski (2)
Filthy Gorgeous 8, Mathematics 3
Filthy Gorgeous: Matt Novick 3 (8), Matthew Workman 2 (3), Joseph Pereira (7), Jonathan Rick (4), Jean Herbert (3)
Mathematics: Andy Pratt (9), Laura MacNeil (3), Jeff “The Hawk” Hawkins (1)
Sky Fighters 2, Mexican Standoff 0
Sky Fighters: Martin Cejka (11), Stefan Danicich (1)
Shutout: Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker (1)
Tuques vs. Cobra Kai (PPD)
Game Notes: Game postponed due to “rain fears.”
Fresh Kills vs. Bad Touch (PPD)
Game Notes: Game postponed due to “rain fears.”
Week 13 Preview
Thursday, July 24th, 2008What The Puck Needs To Rest Up
GAME OF THE WEEK
What The Puck (9-2-0-1) vs. LBS, Inc. (9-2-1)
Location: Moffo, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 7-4
Game Notes: What The Puck and LBS, Inc. currently sit in a tie for second place, only one point behind the Corlears Hookers. Both teams feature similar gameplans, as they each have small rosters comprised almost entirely of stars. Three players on What The Puck (Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth, Corey “Chongo” Winters, and Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer) now have double-digit goals, while Karsten Pichon of LBS, Inc. leads the league with fifteen. In addition, both teams rely on consistent goaltending as a solid base to their explosive offenses. What The Puck’s Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz registered his first shutout of the season last week, while Seth Wachtell of LBS, Inc. has won all three of his starts since being reassigned to the mail room. The winner of this game will be one step closer to locking up a high seed in the playoffs.
Keys To The Game:
1. Despite missing a fair number of games, Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman remains one of What The Puck’s top offensive threats, as he now has eight goals on the season…one for each of the stripes on his socks.
2. After serving a five game suspension, the self-proclaimed “cleanest player in BTSH”, Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin now has eight goals as well. He and his linemate Karsten will look to demonstrate why they were named the media’s Best Duo of 2007
3. What The Puck captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has put a bounty on the head of former teammate and current LBS, Inc. player, Erica Lee. He explains, “You’re either with us or against us…and if you’re against us, it’s your ass.”
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc. They’ve been playing with a lot more focus since they went corporate, which can only be attributed to CEO Sascha Puritz’s “no suspensions” policy of professional conduct.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. If they can get full attendance, they can run with anyone. Plus, team cancer Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri will once again be out with a strained white beard, so that can only help them.
Photo of the Week
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008This Is What We Call “Professor Rich”
–I’m just saying that when we die there’s going to be a planet for the French, a planet for the Chinese, and we’ll all be a lot happier.
–Mr. Glanzer, you’re upsetting me.
Week 12 News and Notes
Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008Wait A Minute! That Sky Fighter Isn’t Martin!
Those From Staten Island Were Sent Home
This year’s All-Star Game deviated from BTSH’s traditional random division of teams by splitting players based on their current residence. With the battle line of the East River clearly drawn, a new rivalry of Brooklyn and Queens versus Manhattan and Jersey began. However, it should quickly be noted that the Manhattan/Jersey alliance is tenuous at best. The game commenced with the East taking an early lead on a goal by Eric Devlin of Bad Touch. Unfortunately, much like a real Bad Touch game, this would prove to be his side’s only goal. Towards the end of the first half, the West struck for three quick goals, scored by Derek Tagliarino (Mathematics), Matt Workman (Filthy Gorgeous), and Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (What The Puck). A late second half goal by the West’s Micael Holmstrom (Denim Demons) iced the 4-1 victory.
Although the West won bragging rights until next season’s contest, the game’s outcome was not the only story of the day. While his team came up short, East co-coach Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens intimidated his opposition, sporting a purple blazer, a fedora, a pair of sunglasses, a yellow legal pad, and an “I Love Brooklyn” t-shirt. West co-coach Rachel “A-Korn” Greene had a beer and a cigarette. Other highlights include a failed attempt at multi-ball by Mexican Standoff, a Rehabs bum rush on Craig “Ug” LaCombe, and referee Sven Larsen getting hit in the testicular region by a ball.
With his team’s loss, Rubens remained true to his word, and the entire East team was forced to swim home to Brooklyn.
