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Filthy Plans To Be A Thorn In The Anklebiters’ Side

#5 Filthy Gorgeous (15-5-1) vs. #12 Gouging Anklebiters (8-11-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:30 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 5-2
2009 Result: Week 11 – Filthy Gorgeous 5, Gouging Anklebiters 3
Game Notes: Although Filthy Gorgeous enters this game with the league’s second ranked offense, Gouging Anklebiter forward and notorious trash talker, Charles DeFranco, is not scared.  He had the following to say about his opponents:

Chris can’t bake, Ali smells, Joe E. stinks, Fran has no business on a hockey court, Jean is French-Canadian, Dana dates a foot, Homin needs to shave, Suvin cheats, Ashley is ashy, Sunny is kind of a downer, Lindsay is unrecognizable, Becky caters to the fans too much, Matt N. does not cater to the fans enough, Dan has no goals this season, James is ungentlemanly, Joe P. leaves much to be desired, Jon lives in North Carolina, Monica uses too much profanity, Liza smiles too much, and Matt W. looks down on others…but Paul is okay in my book.

When reached for comment, a seething Monica Russo snapped, “Fuck him!  We’re going to light up that motherfucking scoreboard!” [citation needed]

Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  Them’s fightin’ words.
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  I make this pick reluctantly as Anklebiter Zack “Cryme Tyme” Weiner is now on a goal-scoring streak.
Watchability: 3.5 League Degenerates

No, That Is Not Dee Brown On Fresh Kills

#6 Dark Rainbows (14-6-0-1) vs. #11 Fresh Kills (9-10-1-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 6-2
2009 Result: Week 8 – Fresh Kills 5, Dark Rainbows 4 (OT)
Game Notes: Former champions collide in this first round matchup, as the 2007 champion Dark Rainbows face the defending champion Fresh Kills.  The Rainbows are red hot right now, having scored 21 goals in their last two games.  Veteran forward and noted singer P.T. Walkley has come alive with hat tricks in each of these two games.  His linemate, John Nielsen, leads the team with 20 goals on the season, including three against Fresh Kills in week 9.  Although Fresh Kills enters the playoffs as just the 11 seed, the team has thrived on being the underdog in the past.  Last season, as the 10 seed, Fresh Kills rattled off four straight upsets en route to the championship.  Despite the team’s mediocre stats during the regular season, ranking just 11th in offense and 7th in defense, Fresh Kills proved it can still win in big games.  The team has claimed wins from LBS, Inc., the Corlears Hookers, and this weekend’s opponent, the Dark Rainbows.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  Until someone sends them packing, they are still the defending champs.
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows. They are too hot to lose in the opening round.
Watchability: 4.5 Townsends.  This could be the best game of the weekend.

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First Place Tastes Sweet

#1 Denim Demons (14-2-2-3) vs. Mega Touch/Mathematics/Mexican Standoff
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead Mega Touch 9-3, Denim Demons lead Mathematics 3-2, Denim Demons lead Mexican Standoff 7-0-1
2009 Result: Week 16 – Denim Demons 5, Mega Touch 0; Week 9 – Denim Demons 7, Mathematics 0; Week 4 – Denim Demons 4, Mexican Standoff 3
Game Notes: In addition to finishing first overall in the league standings, the Denim Demons also boast the league’s stingiest defense.  The team allowed just 37 goals in 21 games and also led the league with six shutouts (five by Aaron “Coach” Pagdon).  Although the Demons’ offense only ranked seventh in BTSH, the team still had an uncanny knack for late game heroics.  Perhaps the Demons’ defining moment came in week 14 against their bitter rival the Rehabs, when (aided by Rubens Rock) they scored twice in the final two minutes to force overtime and eventually win in a shootout.
Watchability: 2 Dandeneaux.  The regular season champ has never lost in the opening round.

Oh My God!  Ant’s Ripped!

#2 What The Puck (16-5) vs. Mighty Squirrels/Mega Touch/Mathematics
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads Mighty Squirrels 5-0, What The Puck leads Mega Touch 11-2, What The Puck leads Mathematics 5-1
2009 Result: Week 6 – What The Puck 7, Mighty Squirrels 0; Week 15 – What The Puck 10, Mega Touch 2; Week 1 – What The Puck 10, Mathematics 0 and Week 22 – What The Puck 5, Mathematics 1
Game Notes: Not surprisingly, What The Puck features the league’s top offense with 102 goals on the season.  Thanks, in part, to slew of offseason moves, the team finished with seven double-digit goal scorers, three more than the next highest team.  While top acquisition Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta led the team with 20 goals, team stalwarts Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman and Tom MacDonald had the next highest totals with 16 and 14, respectively.  What The Puck’s one weakness, if any, has been its struggles with attendance throughout the season.  If Captain Larry can motivate the troops to show up early and often, the Orange Juggernaut will be dangerous throughout the playoffs.
Watchability: 2 Farleys.  None of the potential matchups looks close on paper.

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Will Either Of These Teams Actually Make An 11 AM Start?

#15 Mighty Squirrels (6-13-1) vs. #18 Mexican Standoff (4-15-1-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 11:00 AM
All-Time Series: Mighty Squirrels lead 4-3-1
2009 Result: Week 2 – Mighty Squirrels 3, Mexican Standoff 0; Week 18 – Mighty Squirrels 6, Mexican Standoff 3
Game Notes: After another tumultuous season, Mexican Standoff finds itself in the play-in game for the third straight time.  Although the team’s record is marginally better than it was last year, Standoff will enter the weekend as the lowest seeded team in the playoffs.  Offensive leaders Ben and Gary have paved the way for the team this season, accounting for 29 of the team’s 47 goals.  However, despite their scoring prowess, Ben and Gary were only able to tally one goal against the Mighty Squirrels in their two games this season.  As a result, the Squirrels won convincingly in both contests, including a shutout victory by rookie goaltender Eric Ramirez in week 2.  Their offense is led by Arthur “Lil Weezy” Revechkis, who finished the regular season with 13 goals.
Eli’s Pick: Mighty Squirrels.  The Cheek-Scrappy line is due for a big game.
Derek’s Pick: Mighty Squirrels.  They seem to have Standoff’s number this season.
Watchability: 3 Bens.  The 18th seed has won this play-in game in both years of the current playoff format.

That’s Gray!

#16 Mega Touch (5-15-1) vs. #17 Mathematics (3-13-1-3)
Location: Tompkins West, 11:00 AM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 4-2-1
2009 Result: Week 3 – Mathematics 2, Mega Touch 2 (OT-SO); Week 20 – Mega Touch 5, Mathematics 3
Game Notes: Mega Touch’s offseason re-branding may have actually paid off.  After notching only one win in 2008, the team has recorded five victories this season.  However, the team’s offense still ranks dead last in goals scored with 33, and the Touch will once again have to wake up early for the play-in game.  The Mathematics, on the other hand, rank dead last in goals allowed.  As a result, they have gone winless in their last 10 games.  Despite these trends, the Mathematics’ offense has been respectable, producing two double-digit goal scorers in Andy Pratt and Bradley Schmidt.  They and the rest of the Mathematics will look to exploit Mega Touch’s 17th ranked defense.
Watchability: 2.5 Lus.  There will probably be a lot of goals scored between these two Woodsworth Division foes.