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#8 Denim Demons (11-6-0-1) at #7 What The Puck (10-5-1-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 12-4
2011 Result: Week 10 – What The Puck 6, Denim Demons 2
Game Notes: Canadiens-Bruins. Avalanche-Wings. Glanzer-Chadwick. Some hockey rivalries are just too bitter for words to properly capture. And WTP-Demons may just be the most intense rivalry of them all.  How much do these two teams dislike each other? Rumor has it that Demons Captain Adam Rubens was willing to pay big money for a private Wiggles concert on game day. His insidious plan to trigger multiple amber alerts and lead the WTP farm team away like some kind of BTSH Pied Piper was only foiled when his frugal nature got the better of him, and he hired Coach’s band to imitate the kid tune megastars instead. Needless to say, Aaron’s punk rock take on “Here Comes the Chicken Down the Road” only served to fan the flames of hate. Meanwhile, WTP Captain Larry Zimmer manufactured historical evidence in an attempt to convince Demons star Mike Pereira that he was actually the long lost brother of Filthy Gorgeous players Joe and James Pereira. Zimmer tried to convince the talented forward that he should “play with his family,” but Mike easily saw through the ruse (Note to Zimm, Pereira is not a French last name. You’re thinking of Perrier, dumbass.).  Child abduction, counterfeiting, Wiggles concerts. There is nothing these two teams won’t do to give them the edge in this game.  On a hockey note, both these teams are quite good.
Sven’s Pick: If WTP is able to ice a full lineup, there’s not a better playmaking team in the league. Demons have a slight edge in goaltending and the Kamen-Pereira 1-2 punch is pretty impressive. But I’m going with the team in blue and orange. WTP in overtime (probably on a goal by Darrell)
Watchability: 4 1/2 Capt’n Featherswords

Does One Of These Men Wear Women’s Shoes?

#11 Butchers (10-7-1) at #4 Poutine Machine (12-3-1-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
2011 Result: Week 15 – Poutine Machine 4, Butchers 1
Cinderella apparently doesn’t want her slipper back from the Butchers, which is good because late at night when no one is looking, Chris DiMotta likes to wear women’s shoes. But apparently Sven is trying on Monica’s footwear too, as Poutine doesn’t want the clock to strike 12 either.  The Butchers surprised the BTSH world last year by upsetting the Rehabs and Demons on their way to the semis. This year, their road doesn’t *appear* to be as hard, having to go through two lower division teams in the Unicorns and Poutine Machine. Backed by a very good goalie in Eric Ramirez, a great scorer in Ben Bloom, and the veteran wiles of DiMotta, the Butchers are a tough out.  Poutine doesn’t score many goals. They are led by Captain of the Year Patrick Sven Larsen, and Tim Brown, the league’s best goalie (no offense Craig/Stein/Dustin/deLacy). Poutine is also one of the most spirited teams in the league, and their hard forechecking, play hard attitude will have to carry them past the more talented Butchers.  I see a very close game here…mostly because all Poutine games are close. They don’t score or give up goals. It’s sorta like BTSH’s version of soccer. But this game won’t come down to Bloom vs. Brown, it will come down to which Squirrel is mightier, Rachel Greene or Sven.  I give Greene a ton of credit for assembling this playoff-ready team, but I have to give Sven more credit (hence, the Captain of the Year). His team goes after it on the rink.  Very few times are there any teams with more members at the bar, and I just see the magic in Poutine that I saw with the Sky Fighters in ’09, and the Elves last year. I told a few people that I saw a Hookers/Poutine final before the playoffs started and though I hope I’m wrong with the Hookers, I think I’m right with Poutine. They advance, 2-1.
Game Notes: In case you didn’t get the Squirrel reference, Rachel Greene and Patrick Larsen co-captained the now defunct Mighty Squirrels. Why did they disband? Because they couldn’t beat the Elves in 2008. The Elves went 1-17-1 that year. The win was against the Tuques and the tie was vs. the Squirrels. Shame and humiliation forced the Tuques to change their name and the Squirrels realized they weren’t exactly Mighty since they couldn’t beat the league’s all-time worst team so they just divorced and went their separate ways. True story.
Rich’s Pick: Poutine
Watchability: 4 Ric Flair Wooooos

Dan Demonstrates How He Created His Shirt Design

#10 Sky Fighters (8-5-2-2) at #7 What The Puck (9-5-1-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins West, 2:30 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 8-4
2011 Result: Week 14 – Sky Fighters 3, What The Puck 1; Week 18 – What The Puck 4, Sky Fighters 2
Game Notes: This game is ultimately going to come down to who shows up for each team. Both SKY and WTP have remarkably close differentials. Both have potentially excellent goal-scorers. Both have experienced players that play well together (again, depending on who shows up for each team). So let’s talk about what we can control: shit-talk. If the Czechs are there, WTP faces problems regarding volume of talk, but they do hold the advantage that most people understand what it is that they are saying in the first place. They’ve also got all those kids on the sidelines that will babble away on command, distracting the Sky Fighters while they’re trying to shoot. There’s also the matter of James Stein’s playoff/cancer-charity moustache, which could possibly get caught behind his giant helmet, causing him to sneeze at a crucial moment. Bottom line: I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Monica’s Pick: I say WTP. They’re clearly pretty virile.
Watchability: 9.99 rugrats. It’s a playoff game. You’ll be watching, if only to see who you have to face in the next round.

Jo-Ann Still Doesn’t Understand How To Buy Things In America

#13 Mathematics (8-6-2-2) at #4 Poutine Machine (11-3-1-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins West, 3:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 2-1-1
2011 Result: Week 1 – Mathematics 1, Poutine Machine 1 (OT-SO); Week 18 – Mathematics 2, Poutine Machine 1
Game Notes: It’s no secret that I’m a fan of things Canadian (see my roommate and a very underrated band), but I just can’t get behind poutine. Even when it’s called “Disco Fries” and served at a NJ diner after a night of drinking. Maybe it’s the word “curd” that keeps me from slavishly coveting this Northern delicacy. (It’s not that delicate, is it?) I want to be a fan of Poutine Machine; I do! I like Marcus Bonnee. And Jo-Ann Provencher! (See? Canadian) And Sven Patrick Larsen! But my undying love for Justin Perras trumps it all. (He did not pay me to write that, but he should.) My love for him even transcends the devotion I have to Derek and Elly; it’s that powerful! Even more powerful than an Andy Pratt slap-shot.
And it’s those shots that Mathematics is going to need Pratt to keep delivering if they’re going to unseat the 4th ranked, MacNeil Division winners. While it’s true Poutine Machine has a great record within their division, their only division loss came to Mathematics in Week 18 and they tied in the first week of the season. Sometimes a team is in the head of another, so perhaps Mathematics has it on the Machine, but I’m scared for the Mathletes!
Abby’s Pick: Eating poutine is like eating Chinese food, so expect the Machine to be hungry for another win quite soon. (Hey-o!)
Watchability: The limit does not exist!

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Karsten Is Offering Sean A Trade

#12 Dark Rainbows (9-7-0-1) at #5 LBS, Inc. (11-5-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 9-6-1
2011 Result: Week 5 – LBS, Inc. 3, Dark Rainbows 2 (OT-SO); Week 18 – LBS, Inc. 5, Dark Rainbows 3
Game Notes: After a one-sided season series, these Hackett Division foes will meet for the third time this Sunday.  When the Dark Rainbows and LBS, Inc. met for the first time in Week 5, the Corporation stole a 3-2 shootout victory after a late tying goal by chief compliance officer Karsten Pichon.  When these teams squared off a second time in Week 18, Pichon was the hero once again, as his hat trick lifted LBS, Inc. to a 5-3 triumph.  However, despite sweeping the season series, the Corporation cannot overlook the Rainbows for several reasons.   First, the Rainbows actually finished with a better goal differential than LBS, Inc.  Second, they accomplished this feat despite missing last season’s team scoring leader, John Nielsen, for the bulk of the year, after teammate Luisa Mirarchi “accidentally” checked him.  Finally, Rainbows captain Sean Reynolds has vowed to break out his team’s old, faded pink jerseys in order to confuse LBS captain and CEO Sascha Puritz and her white-clad warriors.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  The Corporation looked impressive in their final regular season game, when they slammed Hackett Division leader Fresh Kills 4-1.
Watchability: 4 Meyers

Alfred Is Facing A Watered-Down Version Of Himself

#14 Happy Little Elves (8-7-1-2) at #3 La Famiglia (13-1-1-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: Happy Little Elves lead 3-1
2011 Result: Did Not Play
Game Notes: After finishing the 2010 regular season on a seven-game winning streak, La Famiglia continued to shred its competition in 2011.  With just one loss in regulation, the team finished with the best record in BTSH to finally wrestle the Prince of Weyersberg trophy away from the Denim Demons.  La Famiglia boasted the league’s top goal differential, as well as its top scorer, Denis Miciletto, who averaged more than a goal per game.  However, one loss has stuck with Dave Ladanyi and company since last year’s playoffs, a 7-4 loss to the Happy Little Elves in the 2010 Round of 16.  While this loss left a bitter taste in the mouths of La Famiglia, it also marked the Happy Little Elves’ first playoff win in franchise history and spurred them on to the BTSH championship.  Thus, despite a mediocre 2011 regular season, the Elves still pose a major threat to La Famiglia.   They appear to have regained their hunger and desire from one year ago, as they soundly defeated the Tompkins Square Riots in last Sunday’s opening round game.
Eli’s Pick: La Famiglia. To improve the odds of a victory, captain Dave Ladanyi has given defensive stalwart Ant Ventolieri the last two weeks off.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  I’m not sure they have another championship run in them, but captain Rich Glanzer has at least one more trick up his sleeve.
Watchability: 4 Muggeos.  The scorekeeper (Eli) will have his hands full when the top two offenses in BTSH collide.

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