Posts Tagged ‘2011 Season’
The Emasculating Collection
Thursday, September 29th, 2011Gentlemen of BTSH, have you ever wondered what the women of our league talk about behind our backs? Well, you aren’t the only ones. Of course, it’s highly doubtful that they’re as mean-spirited and petty as some of us envision them to be, but as we prepare to support them this Saturday at the Women’s Ball Hockey Charity Tournament, perhaps we should at least consider what they might be saying:
“His senior quote was actually a Creed lyric.”
Playoff Preview: Opening Round (Part II)
Wednesday, September 28th, 2011Vice-Presidents Cup, Bitches.
#20 Gut Rot (3-14) at #13 Mathematics (7-6-2-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 2-1
2011 Result: Week 10 – Mathematics 4, Gut Rot 2; Week 19 – Gut Rot 1, Mathematics 0 (OT-SO)
Game Notes: When questioned about the upcoming playoffs, Gut Rot captain Peaches responded, “I was told there’d be no Math.” Peaches’ teammate Heather was similarly dismayed by the match-up as she’s aware Mike Smith shows no mercy on and off the court. The media attempted to locate Ellery for comment, but as the Redskins’ season has started, he’s been in hiding. This does not bode well for the team whose name makes one think of necrotic bowels. Justin Perras of Mathematics boasted his confidence in his team’s abilities, despite losing to Gut Rot in a shootout last week. He attributes his new-found team pride to his new baby girl for whom he’s promised to win it all. However, Andy Pratt knows this is folly as he tried to do that before and failed. Derek and Eli have been squirreled away in their deluxe apartments in the sky watching old videos of Gut Rot goalie Bill, while blocks away he has just been watching videos. Despite all of this intel, what people really want to know is “Who is this Tom, and how did he score four goals against the Elves but only one in the shootout?”
Abby’s Pick: Add two. Carry the one. Mathematics.
Watchability: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209…
This Matchup Catches Sarab Totally By Surprise
#18 Gouging Anklebiters (5-12) at #15 Cobra Kai (6-7-1-3)
Written by playoff correspondent Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 7-2
2011 Result: Week 10 – Gouging Anklebiters 3, Cobra Kai 1
Game Notes: Cobra Kai should not be in this game. With the roster they had before the season started, and the division they are in, they should have been battling for the #3 seed. The Anklebiters have played pretty solid for the last few weeeks, and they seem to have something the Dojo doesn’t, which is team chemistry. Cobra Kai is also riddled with injuries as the league’s most underrated player, Will Kuhns, and Rem both might not play. Meanwhile, few have been hotter than the Anklebiters’ Alex Derho.
Rich’s Pick: BTSH is littered with stories of heart beating talent, so I’m going to go with an upset here, and say the Anklebiters pull it out and win 5-4 in OT. Expect Peter Putka to be scouting from a building above because they will be the Hookers’ round of 16 opponent.
Playoff Preview: Opening Round (Part I)
Tuesday, September 27th, 2011Shaun And The Elves Hope To Smoke The Riots
#19 Tompkins Square Riots (4-12-0-1) at #14 Happy Little Elves (7-7-1-2)
Written by playoff correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Happy Little Elves lead 1-0
2011 Result: Week 2 – Happy Little Elves 8, Tompkins Square Riots 4
Game Notes: “Who Dat?” It’s not just the rallying cry of New Orleans Saints fans. It’s the question anyone who watched the final game of the Riots’ season was asking. With ten exceptions on the “Played 5 games or less” list, the Riots are a massively unknown entity going in to the playoffs. Meanwhile, some are blaming the Elves’ decline from BTSH champs to the #14 spot on team captain Rich Glanzer. They feel the G-Man spent too much of his summer pursuing the Fairy Tale Cup, the BTSH Fantasy Hockey Championship, the respect of co-captain Ben Chadwick and other things that don’t matter in the real world. But experienced BTSHers know that Glanzer has a history of pulling things together when the stakes are high, and this game should be no exception. Ultimately, winning the BTSH crown is like cooking crystal meth…it all comes down to chemistry (and a certain amount of moral flexibility). The Elves have both those factors in spades. The hastily assembled, new-look Riots, not so much.
Sven’s Pick: Sorry, Rioters. Gotta give the nod to the defending champs on this one.
Watchability: Two and a half sprinkles of pixie dust
MDF Is No Longer Impressed By Jorts
#17 Rehabs (3-8-3-3) at #16 Mega Touch (5-10-1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 8-4
2011 Result: Did Not Play
Game Notes: After losing most of their top players from their 2010 Hackett Division title team, the Rehabs fulfilled the predictions of many by finishing last in the Rubens Division. With half the roster composed of rookies and veterans returning from long sabbaticals, the team stumbled out of the gate and began the season 0-5. Since then, they have shown improvement, going 3-3-3-3 for the balance of the regular season. The lone bright spot has been the stellar play of new goaltender Hilary Meyer, who successfully filled the large shoes–but not the large ego–of former goalie Anthony Romeo. She finished the regular season with a 1.56 GAA, good for third in the league. Mega Touch made a big splash in the offseason by welcoming league commissioner Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta to the squad, but actually finished with a worse record than in 2010. Of course, that’s not to say that Muscles didn’t have his way with the MacNeil Division, as he finished with 18 goals on the season and led his team to a 4-3 divisional record. The Rehabs and Mega Touch did not face each other in 2011, but they did meet in Week 6 of 2010, when the Rehabs defeated Mega Touch 1-0 on the strength of a goal by “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse and a shutout by Romeo. Neither player is currently on the Rehabs.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs. Mega Touch went 1-10-1-1 against teams not named Gut Rot or the Gouging Anklebiters.
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs. Like many teams in BTSH, their struggles are directly related to poor attendance throughout the regular season. A full roster gives them the edge in this one.
Watchability: 3.5 Oppedisanos. Brooklyn bragging rights are at stake!
Week 19 Box Scores
Sunday, September 25th, 2011Your 2011 Butchers
Butchers 8, Happy Little Elves 5
Butchers: Tom (on loan from Gut Rot) 4, Ben Bloom 3 (16), Jefferson (on loan from Gut Rot)
Happy Little Elves: Gil Valdes 4 (16), Garrett “Ax” Carrino (6)
Goalie Win: Eric Ramirez
Denim Demons 4, Sky Fighters 2
Denim Demons: Jeff Kamen 3 (12), Zack Tinkelman (5)
Sky Fighters: Greg Infanti (5), Mark Bloom (4)
Goalie Win: Peter Lang (on loan from Cobra Kai)
Gut Rot 1, Mathematics 0 (OT-SO)
Shutout: Joe Boshko (2), Bill Tucker (1)
Shootout: Gut Rot wins 1-0. Successful attempt by Tom.
La Famiglia 2, Poutine Machine 1 (OT-SO)
La Famiglia: Shafiq “Off-Black” Perry (15)
Poutine Machine: Vincent Tracy (7)
Shootout: La Famiglia wins 1-0. Successful attempt by Perry.
Goalie Win: Kevin Au
Cobra Kai 4, Mega Touch 3 (OT)
Cobra Kai: Sarab Lalri 2 (12), Mark Talercio (6), Ray “Domino” Chan (1)
Mega Touch: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta 2 (18), Julie Katz (2)
Goalie Win: Peter Lang
Game Notes: Lalri tied the game with three minutes remaining in regulation and scored the game-winner in overtime.
LBS, Inc. 4, Fresh Kills 1
LBS, Inc.: “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin 2 (9), Karsten Pichon (12), Fernando Limonic (1)
Fresh Kills: Nick Hobbs (5)
Goalie Win: James Stein (on loan from Sky Fighters)
Corlears Hookers 6, Tompkins Square Riots 2
Corlears Hookers: Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney 2 (7), Tiffany Hagge 2 (6), Noelle “Slapshot” Safar 2 (6)
Tompkins Square Riots: Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg (2), Spencer Tucker (1)
Goalie Win: Josh Sadlier-Brown
Dark Rainbows 3, What The Puck 2 (OT-SO)
Dark Rainbows: Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell (8), Luisa Mirarchi (2)
What The Puck: Tom MacDonald (5), Corey “Chongo” Winters (4)
Shootout: Dark Rainbows win 1-0. Successful attempt by Tyrrell.
Goalie Win: John Meyer
Filthy Gorgeous 5, Gouging Anklebiters 3
Filthy Gorgeous: Suvin “The Guru” Malik 4 (16), “Gentleman” James Pereira (15)
Gouging Anklebiters: Zack Papper 2 (3), Charles DeFranco (9)
Goalie Win: Dan “D.O.” Owens
Unicorns 4, Rehabs 2
Unicorns: Courtney 2 (4), Joe Polowczuk (11), Steve (1)
Rehabs: Lateef Nurmohamed 2 (9)
Goalie Win: Craig “Ug” LaCombe
Week 19 Preview
Thursday, September 22nd, 2011Georgine’s More Of A Steelers Fan
GAME OF THE WEEK
Butchers (8-7-1) at Happy Little Elves (7-6-1-2)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: The Butchers and the Happy Little Elves may be tied in the overall standings heading into the final weekend of the regular season, but both teams have taken different paths to get here. The Butchers (aside from Ben Bloom) have put an emphasis on defense this season, beginning with the free agent signing of the glass-jawed Chris “Creamy” DiMotta. Bolstered by his presence, the team has surrendered fewer than two goals per game this season, and goaltender Eric Ramirez is fourth in the league with a 1.67 goals against average. The Happy Little Elves, on the other hand, have put no emphasis on defense at all. The team has yielded the third most goals in BTSH, but it has countered this flaw with the league’s top-ranked offense. The tandem of Gil Valdes and brunette sophomore Ryan Nakahara leads the Elves’ deep and explosive attack with 12 goals apiece. In this, the first meeting between these two teams, how will the Elves’ offense fare against the stingy Butchers defense?
Keys To The Game:
1. Although the Butchers have focused on defense this season, the team has also produced two of the league’s top scorers in Ben Bloom and “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis (né Weezy). The duo has combined for 27 of the team’s 44 goals.
2. Perhaps due to their new found “Fun and Gun” style of play, six of the Elves’ games have been tied at the end of regulation play. However, the team has been relatively opportunistic in extra time with three wins via shootout and one tie.
3. With both of these teams locked in a four-way tie (with the Dark Rainbows and Mathematics) for 11th place, this game carries tremendous playoff implications. Most likely, the loser of this matchup will fall into the bottom eight of the league and have to win five games in a row to claim the BTSH championship. The winner stands a good shot to receive a restful bye next Sunday, when the opening weekend games are played.
Eli’s Pick: No pick. Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. Captain Glanzer finally forces his team to clamp down on D.
Watchability: 4.5 Hawks. Ka-kaw!
