Posts Tagged ‘alpha male’
Week 14 Preview
Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008Cobra Kai Will Have A Big Problem On Sunday
GAME OF THE WEEK
Mathematics (3-10) vs. Volanto’s Heroes Cobra Kai (3-8-1)
Location: Corlears North, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 4-0
Game Notes: In 2005, these two teams were united as a single “super team” called Henry Motion. However, a difference in playing philosophies caused a rift in the team, as the uber-competitive Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi and Sarah Coombs founded the Mathematics, and the mild-mannered Peter Oblamski retained control of Henry Motion (later renamed Cobra Kai). Tensions continued when original Cobra Kai members Eli Kazin and Derek Tagliarino defected to the rebel Math team in the middle of the 2007 season. The series reached a fever pitch in last year’s matchup, as the Mathematics beat Cobra Kai 3-2 in overtime, with the hated (and third string) Tagliarino in net. Now, one year later, Cobra Kai is eagerly awaiting this Sunday’s rematch. They have scheduled a pep rally and bonfire for Saturday night, where they plan to burn many mathematics text books.
Keys To The Game:
1. An anonymous source reports that Cobra Kai captain Peter Oblamski has resigned from the team, effective immediately. The team will miss his crafty game planning and inspirational leadership.
2. Jeff “The Hawk” Hawkins scored his first goal for the Mathematics in their last game. With Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi pursuing an education in California, The Hawk will see a bigger role in the Mathematics’ game plan.
3. In a shrewd mid-season acquisition, the Mathematics have obtained Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta from Cobra Kai, due to an unknown loophole in the BTSH application process (they bribed Bob W). Interestingly, Bratta made a point to note that it will be a tad chilly on Sunday, so he will wear a second t-shirt under his Mathematics jersey.
Week 10 News and Notes
Tuesday, July 1st, 2008If You Were On LBS, You’d Be Smiling Too
LBS Goes Corporate
When you’re an elite conglomerate like LBS is, simply being called a “team” is not enough. LBS is far more than a loose a collection of hipsters who get together on Sundays like the rest of BTSH. Instead, their ranks include stock brokers, government officials, and other community leaders who you aspire to be. As such, the board of directors of LBS has declared that–effectively immediately–you must now refer to them as LBS, Inc. Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin explains, “We’re more than just a team. We’re a brand…a brand that people widely recognize as the gold standard of BTSH. Kind of like Mr. Clean.” As a result of this change in marketing direction, captain Sascha Puritz shall now be known as the CEO, Karsten Pichon shall be the CFO, Molly Jacobs shall be the Vice President of West Coast Operations, and Sam Anthony shall be the Director of Investor Relations. Seth Wachtell has been reassigned to the mail room.
