Posts Tagged ‘Cobra Kai’
Week 8 News and Notes
Wednesday, June 16th, 2010With These Two In Charge, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Due to consistent underappreciation and limited access to the league power structure, the goalies of BTSH are in the initial stages of forming a union. As labor conditions continue to deteriorate and goalies have become just an afterthough in league policymaking, this union will finally give the netminders a united front to protect their interests. Cobra Kai’s Peter Lang, who is the founder of the movement, notes, “Goalies get no respect in this league. We’re the ones wearing pounds of equipment in the 90 degree heat, and no one cares.” The Mathematics’ Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez, who is Lang’s second in command, adds, “This collaboration is necessary as our plight continues to be exacerbated under the tyrannical rule of the BTSH despots.”
Week 4 Preview
Thursday, April 29th, 2010Will Made Sure We Got His “Good” Side
GAME OF THE WEEK
Cobra Kai (2-0) at Corlears Hookers (1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 3-1
Game Notes: Cobra Kai is on top of the world, as well as the Donohue Division, as the team is off to the best start in its five season history. In week 1, the Dojo rallied from a halftime deficit against La Famiglia to secure its first opening day victory ever. The momentum carried to week 2, when Cobra Kai notched a solid win over Mega Touch. The Corlears Hookers also won their first game of the season with an impressive triumph over Rubens Division rival LBS, Inc. However, the Hookers stubbed their proverbial toes in week 2 with a stunning loss to the underrated, yet generally uninspiring, Happy Little Elves. After overlooking the Elves, have the Hookers learned their lesson as they take on a much improved Cobra Kai team?
Keys To The Game:
1. For the second straight season, Will Kuhns leads Cobra Kai’s offensive attack. He has scored two goals in each of the team’s first two games and attributes his success to his camouflage t-shirt, which he claims keeps him hidden from the opposing defense’s view.
2. Jason Eitel led the Corlears Hookers with 22 goals in the 2009 season, but has missed the team’s first two games due to a long bout with measles. However, he was granted a clean bill of health earlier this week by team doctor Josh “Doc” Sadlier-Brown and is now listed as probable.
3. Cobra Kai and the Corlears Hookers last met in week 21 of the 2009 season. The Dojo prevailed in a shootout 4-3, even though the afternoon was otherwise marred by “rain fears”.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers. They rarely lose two games in a row.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers. Eitel should have a big game if he does return.
Watchability: 3.5 Biagionis.
Season Preview: Cobra Kai
Wednesday, April 7th, 2010Will Doesn’t Like His New Teammates
Color: Camouflage
Year Founded: 2006
2009 Regular Season Finish: 5-13-1-2 (14th place)
2009 Playoff Result: Lost to LBS, Inc. in first round
Conference: Schumacher
Division: Donohue
Home Arena: The Dojo
2009 Leading Scorer: Will Kuhns, 14 goals
Key Additions: Laura Suchoski, Mark Kleinkecht, Max Maier, Peter Lang,
Shep Halsey, Scott Rice (All Free Agents)
Key Losses: Kevin Au (Tuques), Brian “The Flashlight” Morrison
Week 21 Box Scores
Monday, September 28th, 2009Cobra Kai Is As Surprised As You Are
Cobra Kai 4, Corlears Hookers 3 (OT-SO)
Cobra Kai: Will Kuhns 2 (14), J.J. Murphy (5)
Corlears Hookers: Jason Eitel (22), Danilo Biagioni (3), Noelle Safar (3)
Shootout: Cobra Kai wins 1-0. Successful attempt by Fay Wells.
Dark Rainbows 10, Mega Touch 0
Dark Rainbows: John Nielsen 3 (19), P.T. Walkley 3 (15), Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell 2 (11), Sean Reynolds (9), Josh Wilson (6)
Shutout: John Meyer (1)
Sky Fighters 5, Mexican Standoff 2
Sky Fighters: Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka 2 (20), Dan Hopper 2 (4), Greg Infanti (5)
Mexican Standoff: Gary (11), Jefferson (2)
LBS, Inc. 6, Gouging Anklebiters 1
LBS, Inc.: Tommy Capatosta 2 (5), Karsten Pichon (28), “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin (17), Jason Bogdaneris (9), Alex Simon (3)
Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Derhohannesian (11)
Tuques vs. Filthy Gorgeous (Cancelled)
Game Notes: Game cancelled due to “rain fears”.
Mighty Squirrels vs. Mathematics (Cancelled)
Game Notes: Game cancelled due to “rain fears”.
Denim Demons vs. Unicorns (Cancelled)
Game Notes: Game cancelled due to “rain fears”.
Fresh Kills vs. Rehabs (Cancelled)
Game Notes: Game cancelled due to “rain fears”.
Happy Little Elves vs. What The Puck (Cancelled)
Game Notes: Game cancelled due to “rain fears”.
Fresh Kills vs. Denim Demons (Cancelled)
Game Notes: Game cancelled due to “rain fears”.
Week 19 News and Notes
Tuesday, September 15th, 2009Hey Kiddies…
For the second season in a row, the media hosted the BTSH East-West All-Star Classic, pitting teams from opposite sides of the East River against each other. The East, looking to avenge its loss in 2008, jumped to an early 1-0 lead, as the extremely dangerous $howT!m3-Mungo duo struck the first blow of the contest. The teams then exchanged goals, as the game see-sawed for the remainder of the first half, which ended in a 2-2 tie. However, the West dominated the second, with Sunny Mehra (Filthy Gorgeous) and Jefferson (Mexican Standoff) scoring quickly to provide a two-goal cushion. Bill MacGregor (Mega Touch) continued the onslaught with a goal of his own and celebrated by leaping onto the dugout fence behind the goal, where he was warmly received by his Mega Touch teammates. Derek Tagliarino (Mathematics) added another goal for the West just a few minutes later and attempted to duplicate MacGregor’s celebration. Unfortunatley, the entire Mega Touch section remained seated, prompting East co-coach Stacy Kehoe (Rehabs) to declare the spectacle “the saddest celebration in BTSH”. The West ultimately won 8-2.
Once again, the contributions of the coaches buoyed the enjoyment of the afternoon. West co-coach Steve Chernoski (Denim Demons) donned an electric lime track suit, headband, and sunglasses in an homage to New Jersey culture. The other West co-coach, Georgine “Mulva” Paulin (Mathematics) came dressed as a “douchebag real estate agent” (her words) to represent her home borough of Manhattan. In addition, Paulin provided a sack of chocolate gold for her team as an incentive to win. East co-coach Rich Glanzer did nothing to help his team win. In fact, he even tried playing a shift in the second half, resulting in yet another goal for the West (and a -1 for Glanzer).
At the conclusion of the game, several players participated in an impromptu shootout (although this had NO bearing on the game’s result). Some of the highlights included Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker’s pre-attempt flip and perfect landing, a salute to “Thriller” before Ariel Imas’ shot, and Susannah’s goal off of a multi-teammate screen. However, upon further review, Susannah’s goal has been disallowed due to the fact that teammate Rob “Mungo” Gorden was in the crease.
