Posts Tagged ‘Cobra Kai’
Week 9 News and Notes
Tuesday, June 9th, 2009Why Is Adriano Winking At Me?
Hopefully, Cobra Kai Doesn’t Have Any Loose Photos Of The Media
For the first time since his free agent signing with What The Puck, former Cobra Kai member Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta took on his former team on Sunday. Still upset at the 2008 regular season scoring champion for deserting the team, the Kais had some tricks up their sleeves for Bratta. On the second shift of the game, the Dojo unveiled its “5 Adrianos” formation, consisting of five players all with cutouts of Muscles’ face poorly taped to their chests. Captains Enayet “Retail” Rasul and Greg “Lysol” Altman even convinced stand-in goalie Minkus to partake in the charade. Although the mind games worked well enough to hold Bratta to only one goal, What The Puck still won the game 7-3 or 8-3, depending whom you ask.
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Week 7 Preview
Thursday, May 14th, 2009The Mathematics Will Pickle Cobra Kai
GAME OF THE WEEK
Mathematics (1-2-1-1) vs. Cobra Kai (1-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 5-1
Game Notes: Last week marked a turning point in the season for the Mathematics. After going winless in their first four games, Math found itself down by two goals with ten minutes remaining against the Tuques. However, with three quick goals they were able to turn the game, and potentially their season, around. Their opponent this week, Cobra Kai, also had a slow start to the season. After losing its first three games, the Dojo has responded with three points in its last two games, including a win against Mega Touch. With both teams having shaken off the early season rust, this bitter rivalry has all the potential to be a classic.
Keys To The Game:
1. After missing the Mathematics’ first four games with a lower body injury, Bradley Schmidt returned last week and assisted on their first goal. His playmaking ability makes him dangerous whenever he touches the ball.
2. Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito has an innate knack to deliver in the clutch for Cobra Kai. A late goal of his forced overtime with the Happy Little Elves last week, earning an extra point in the standings for his team.
3. League officials have been working around the clock to book Mathematics great Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi and Cobra Kai icon Peter “Ski” Oblamski to drop the ceremonial first ball. It remains to be seen which team will draw more inspiration from its respective legend.
Week 6 News and Notes
Tuesday, May 12th, 2009Now Fresh Kills Can Look Like A Team
Hot Styles Coming Through
In an effort to draw closure on the “Hollywood” Jeff Lesser era, Fresh Kills tossed aside its trademark powder blue tank tops for a new look. Gone is the old design of a fish skeleton and tin can, replaced by two ornithological creatures that appear to be seagulls (or crows or vultures or whatever else might fly over a landfill). The uniforms once again feature numbers on the back. However, since each number represents the respective player’s year of birth, there are no numbers higher than 63.
Not to be outdone, the Mighty Squirrels also debuted a new jersey (New Jersey!) on Sunday. Although the new shirt bears the same crest logo as the old shirt, it is made of a more breathable fabric, enabling the Squirrels to burn off all of their excess alcohol in a more comfortable fashion. In addition, with league members no longer going to Iggy’s, captain Rachel “A-Korn” Greene has already secured sponsorship from new league bar, the East Village Tavern, whose logo adorns the sleeve. The Squirrels are also expected to unveil their “Team (S)crappy” jerseys any day now.
Season Preview: Cobra Kai
Saturday, March 21st, 2009Lysol Has His Hands Full
Color: Camouflage
Year Founded: 2006
2008 Regular Season Finish: 5-10-1-1 (14th place)
2008 Playoff Result: Lost to Corlears Hookers in first round
Division: Rubens
2009 Marketing Slogan: “Fear does not exist on this team.”
Key Additions: Tom Chirico, Margaret Duggan, Tim Kirkby and Joe Smith (All Free Agents)
Key Losses: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta (What The Puck), Peter “Ski” Oblamski
Week 14 Preview
Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008Cobra Kai Will Have A Big Problem On Sunday
GAME OF THE WEEK
Mathematics (3-10) vs. Volanto’s Heroes Cobra Kai (3-8-1)
Location: Corlears North, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 4-0
Game Notes: In 2005, these two teams were united as a single “super team” called Henry Motion. However, a difference in playing philosophies caused a rift in the team, as the uber-competitive Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi and Sarah Coombs founded the Mathematics, and the mild-mannered Peter Oblamski retained control of Henry Motion (later renamed Cobra Kai). Tensions continued when original Cobra Kai members Eli Kazin and Derek Tagliarino defected to the rebel Math team in the middle of the 2007 season. The series reached a fever pitch in last year’s matchup, as the Mathematics beat Cobra Kai 3-2 in overtime, with the hated (and third string) Tagliarino in net. Now, one year later, Cobra Kai is eagerly awaiting this Sunday’s rematch. They have scheduled a pep rally and bonfire for Saturday night, where they plan to burn many mathematics text books.
Keys To The Game:
1. An anonymous source reports that Cobra Kai captain Peter Oblamski has resigned from the team, effective immediately. The team will miss his crafty game planning and inspirational leadership.
2. Jeff “The Hawk” Hawkins scored his first goal for the Mathematics in their last game. With Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi pursuing an education in California, The Hawk will see a bigger role in the Mathematics’ game plan.
3. In a shrewd mid-season acquisition, the Mathematics have obtained Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta from Cobra Kai, due to an unknown loophole in the BTSH application process (they bribed Bob W). Interestingly, Bratta made a point to note that it will be a tad chilly on Sunday, so he will wear a second t-shirt under his Mathematics jersey.
