Posts Tagged ‘Denim Demons’
Week 12 News and Notes
Tuesday, July 27th, 2010Anklebiters Caught!
Disciplinary Committee Chair Haanwa Chau has finally completed her thorough investigation into alleged hazing violations against the Gouging Anklebiters. She has put forth the following report:
The following charges are brought:
First, that the Gouging Anklebiters did knowingly violate the rules governing free agent recruitment by serving alcohol to new players during scrimmage weeks and after established drinking hours.
Second, that for the fifth consecutive season, the Anklebieters have achieved a deficient knowledge of league rules and guidelines.
Third, that the Anklebiters routinely provided dangerous performance-enhancing drugs to its players during the playoff weeks.
And most recently, that a Roman toga party was held, from which I have received two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion so profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.
These are the charges as recorded this day July 27, 2010. Faithfully submitted, Haanwa Chau, Disciplinary Chair.
After consulting with former Disciplinary Chair, Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher, Chau has placed the Anklebiters on “double secret probation”.
Week 11 News and Notes
Tuesday, July 20th, 2010Everyone Loves The Denim Demons
As a thank you to you, the loyal reader, we the writers thought we’d give you a snapshot of who’s going to btsh.org, and how they are getting there. Here are some interesting facts and figures we have noticed, taken directly from Google Analytics:
1. As expected, the United States and Canada rank as the first and second countries in terms of site traffic, combining for well over 90% of visits. However, it is a little surprising that Switzerland ranks third with 75 visits since June 1. We at the media can only infer that this is due to our unbiased and neutral approach to reporting the BTSH news. Also of note are Israel and South Africa, which each had three visits during this time. Thank you to the Denim Demons’ Jeff Kamen for checking the site while pursuing a Master’s Degree in Israel and Cobra Kai’s Will Kuhns for checking in while working at the World Cup in South Africa.
2. Site traffic peaked on Monday, June 7. Although visitors were most likely looking for the results of the Sega NHL 94 tournament from the previous day, they were instead treated to a picture of Denim Demon David Kenneth Fraser doing a butterfly stretch with the Week 7 box scores. Upon seeing how many people were interested in stretching techniques, Demon captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens graciously posted a full lesson on pre-game calisthenics several weeks later. As of now, that post has been viewed 209 times.
Calisthenics With Rubens
Sunday, July 11th, 2010With the Denim Demons off to another hot start in the 2010 season, all of BTSH is studying their every move in order to glean what has been working so well for them. While captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens has steadfastly refused to divulge any of his in-game strategy, he has been gracious enough to provide a handy guide to pre-game calisthenics.
“Any good stretching regimen should take approximately 20-30 minutes. Although the focus of your routine should be on the legs, young players are reminded to hit all parts of the body.”
Week 10 Box Scores
Sunday, June 27th, 2010At Least One Demon Is Excited About The Win
Denim Demons 9, Corlears Hookers 1
Denim Demons: Zack Tinkelman 4 (14), Mike Pereira 2 (10), Lauren Connolly (1), Noah Farkas (1), Miranda Kahn (1)
Corlears Hookers: Jason Eitel (4)
Game Notes: Connolly and Kahn each scored their first BTSH goals.
Dark Rainbows 3, Unicorns 2
Dark Rainbows: Josh Wilson (3), Mike Dudolevitch (2), Michel Walkley (1)
Unicorns: Chris (3), Iannis (2)
Game Notes: The Dark Rainbows have clinched the Fairy Tale Cup with this win.
Mathematics 3, Gouging Anklebiters 2
Mathematics: Sean “$howJu” McClain 2 (3), Scott Lee (3)
Gouging Anklebiters: Alex Owen (3), Phil “Sandy” Donohue (2)
Fresh Kills 2, Butchers 1 (OT)
Fresh Kills: Justin Ross (7), Mike Sokolyansky (4)
Butchers: Gary Cohen (4)
Game Notes: Sokolyansky scored the game-winning goal 20 seconds into overtime.
Sky Fighters 9, Rehabs 2
Sky Fighters: Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka 2 (5), David Cernan 2 (4), Greg Infanti (5), Greg Cohan (4), Dan Hopper (4), Chris “Big Sexy” Shumaker (3), Lourdes Banez (1)
Rehabs: Alex Doucette (8), Gina Hackett (1)
Game Notes: Banez and Hackett each scored their first BTSH goals.
Filthy Gorgeous 4, What The Puck 2
Filthy Gorgeous: Sunny Mehra 2 (8), Jean Hebert (1), Dana Kravis (1)
What The Puck: Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr. (7), Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth (4)
Poutine Machine 3, Happy Little Elves 2 (OT-SO)
Poutine Machine: Dave Paglia 2 (4)
Happy Little Elves: “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick (8), Gil Valdez (6)
Shootout: Poutine Machine wins 1-0. Successful attempt by Caitlin Riley.
Gut Rot 4, La Famiglia 3
Gut Rot: Scott 2 (4), Tom (2), Erica (1)
La Famiglia: Shafiq “Off-Black” Perry 2 (3), Diane Johnston (1)
Game Notes: Erica scored her first BTSH goal.
Mega Touch 3, Tompkins Square Riots 3 (OT-SO)
Mega Touch: Harvey Jaswal 2 (3), Eric Devlin (2)
Tompkins Square Riots: Craig Thompson 2 (4), Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg (1)
Shootout: Shootout tied 1-1. Successful attempts by Joe Fiore (Riots) and Devlin.
LBS, Inc. 4, Cobra Kai 1
LBS, Inc.: “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin 2 (9), Fernando Limonic (1), Phil Yang (1)
Cobra Kai: J.J. Murphy (7)
Week 10 Preview
Thursday, June 24th, 2010Who Doesn’t Enjoy A Good Popsicle?
GAME OF THE WEEK
Denim Demons (7-1) at Corlears Hookers (5-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 3-1
Game Notes: In the short time since the establishment of the Corlears Hookers in 2007, the Denim Demons have become one of their fiercest opponents. The rivalry took off in 2008 when the Demons became the first team to hand the Hookers a loss at Moffo. In 2009, the animosity intensified even further when league scheduler Jeremy “The Foot” Schumacher assigned both teams to the same division (later named the Rubens), forcing them to face off twice in the regular season. The Hookers took the first of these games in Week 2, when they squeezed past the Demons with a 3-2 win in a shootout. In Week 19, the Hookers completed the season sweep with a 4-1 win. However, the Fightin’ Rubens had the last laugh, as they ultimately won the Rubens Division title and were the top seed in the playoffs. With both the Denim Demons and Corlears Hookers once again in the Rubens Division, they will duel twice more this season, with the second matchup taking place on September 26. As this rivalry opens a new chapter in its history, expect an intense game from both sides.
Keys To The Game:
1. After a string of four successive one-goal victories, the Demons won another close game last Sunday, 4-2 against Mega Touch. Their ability to come through in high-pressure situations will only serve them well against the veteran and talented Hookers.
2. Due to excessive absences and freak injuries, Jason Eitel has been a very small part of the Hookers’ offense this season. However, proud parent of Dutch’s niece, Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney has picked up the slack and leads the team with eight goals.
3. Congratulations to Denim Demon Steve Chernoski, who will be tying the knot on Saturday. Although he is happy to have several of his teammates in attendance for this joyous occasion, he may be in for an unexpected surprise. Unfortunately, when Chernoski requested to have “Rubens’ Rock” at the wedding, the DJ misunderstood him and will thus be playing only Steely Dan.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers. I’m not quite sure what the state of the Demons will be after an intense night of partying.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons. An intense game in the summer heat goes to the team with the deeper bench.
Watchability: 5 Chernoskis. May your first child be a masculine child.
