Posts Tagged ‘Happy Little Elves’
Week 4 News and Notes
Tuesday, May 4th, 2010Who Can Resist The Allure Of Family Day?
Inspired by the success of the Denim Demons’ Family Day in 2009, this past Sunday marked the first ever league-wide Family Day. League manager Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta encouraged all league members to invite their families and friends, and also to prepare a cherished food item.
Although the event was met with mild success, there were still several league members who participated. Amy Kovner of the Gouging Anklebiters brought chocolate-covered strawberries (STRAWBERRIES? AAAHHH!!!) and her husband, Mr. Kovner (Todd). Anklebiters captain Phil “Sandy” Donohue shared cupcakes from Sugar Sweet Sunshine bakery, which thankfully did not find their way into any of Minkus’ crevices. Jason Eitel of the Corlears Hookers forced his girlfriend to cook homemade empenadas with salsa, which he then noted were made by a real Colombian (unlike Eitel, who is neither Colombian nor Canadian). Bratta’s mother even made a brief cameo to serve her world famous tiramisu.
Mike Sokolyansky of Fresh Kills brought his brother Dave, who scored a goal, but did not cook.
Week 3 Preview
Thursday, April 22nd, 2010The Media Is Always Watching You
GAME OF THE WEEK
Happy Little Elves (1-0-0-1) at Unicorns (2-0)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: Both the Happy Little Elves and the Unicorns teams enter this critical Fairy Tale Cup contest coming off of impressive wins. Last Sunday, the Elves stunned the Corlears Hookers 7-4 to open their five-game road trip. “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick led his team by example with two second-half goals, while Rich Glanzer made the smart coaching decision not to play himself for the second straight week. Meanwhile, the Unicorns knocked off the defending champion Sky Fighters in a hard-fought 4-3 victory. After shutting out the Dark Rainbows on opening day, goaltender Craig “Ug” LaCombe played spectacularly once again and fended off a barrage of shots (mostly from Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka) to preserve the win. With both the Elves and Unicorns looking sharp early on, this game will not only be key in deciding the Fairy Tale Cup, but also the Hackett Division.
Keys To The Game:
1. The Elves have had a propensity for late game heroics this season, as a last minute goal by Garrett “Ax” Carrino salvaged a point against the Rehabs, and five second half goals (including the two by Chadwick) flipped a 3-2 deficit into the win against the Hookers.
2. Unicorns free agent acquisition Joe has scored a goal in each of his team’s first two games. He is stepping in well to fill the shoes of key losses Nelson and “Biff” (Ted).
3. The Elves defeated the Unicorns last season, prompting Rich Glanzer and “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick to believe that they had won the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup. However, the win actually forced a three-way tie in the series, ironically allowing the Unicorns to maintain possession. Glanzer still does not understand this concept.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. Sorry, Rich.
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves. I’ve heard rumors that Chris “Crush” O’Neil will be back for this week, making the Elves even more dangerous.
Watchability: 4 Clavicles
Season Preview: Happy Little Elves
Wednesday, March 31st, 2010The Happy Little Elves Fan Club
Color: Electric Lime
Year Founded: 2008
2009 Regular Season Finish: 10-10-1 (9th place)
2009 Playoff Result: Lost to Rehabs in first round
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Hackett
Home Arena: Tuques Arena (The Elves are currently constructing the Glanzer Dome, with an estimated completion date of 2014)
2009 Leading Scorer: Chris “Crush” O’Neil, 14 goals
Key Additions: Trevor Beauclair, Ryan Nakahara
Key Losses: Rob “Gnarls” Nitschke
Guest Columnist: Dr. Byron Clavicle
Sunday, November 29th, 2009The following views do not necessarily represent those of the editors or of BTSH. They do, however, represent those of Dr. Byron Clavicle.
Pleasant Memories of Street Hockey Moments That Never Were
As a board-certified neurosurgical cosmetologist, I’m often asked by BTSH players to modify their cerebral cortices to create memories of events that never actually transpired. For example, a certain What The Puck player whiffed on what would have been a game-winning goal in the championship. Haunted by this recollection, he would naturally prefer to remember scoring the goal. A certain Mathematics player requested I replace all memories of his team’s last season with memories of playing viola for the Kirov Ballet orchestra in last year’s world tour. A certain Happy Little Elves assistant captain wished to have his brain wiped clean and replaced with the late Wilt Chamberlain’s. Two of these players even shaved their heads in preparation!
Sadly, none of these requests are covered by any insurance policies that I am aware of, and the multi-trillion dollar cost of the procedure can be daunting for some. But I have come up with a far cheaper alternative that may alleviate this psychic discomfort, allowing second-rate players to imagine themselves as street hockey superstars, instead of as infantile mush-heads growing increasingly torpid and lazy-lidded while shovelling one Cheeto after another into their drooling gullets and reading some half-baked off-season filler on a sub-par sports blog.
So, feel free to augment your mediocre memories with these fictive fantasies.
Guest Columnist: Rich Glanzer
Monday, October 12th, 2009The following views do not necessarily represent those of the editors or of BTSH. They do, however, represent those of Rich Glanzer.
As the winner of Survivor 2, I am entrusted to write an article. My initial plan was to write a 1,000 word soliloquy about why I hate Derek and Eli. 498 words were going to be devoted to Derek, 502 to Eli. But my therapist (Abby from the Demons) says I should be nice and talk about what I love about BTSH…or just ream the Rehabs.*
So I’ve decided to take Abby’s initial advice and give props to why I drive 1 hour and 20 minutes each way from Ronkonkoma to play in this league. Here is what makes the league so fun for me to play in.**
