Posts Tagged ‘lbs inc’
Week 10 Preview
Thursday, June 16th, 2011This Is An Optical Illusion. They’re The Same Height.
GAME OF THE WEEK
LBS, Inc. (5-2-0-1) at Poutine Machine (5-2-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Few circled this inter-conference matchup as a potential Game of the Week when the schedule was released in February. LBS, Inc. logged a pedestrian 8-7-0-1 record in 2010, resulting in a demotion from the Rubens Division to the Hackett Division. Poutine Machine, in its inaugural season, finished 16th in BTSH with a 6-9-0-1 record. However, fortunes have changed this year, and both teams have surpassed expectations. The Corporation, after opening the season with two losses, has responded by winning five of its last six games and sits just two points out of first place in the ultra-competitive Hackett Division. Poutine Machine needs just one more win to equal last year’s total and maintains a comfortable lead in the MacNeil Division. Will LBS, Inc. be that win?
Keys To The Game:
1. LBS, Inc.’s newest hire Lawrence Goldstein has been a revelation both on and off the court. He has bolstered the Corporation’s scoring attack with five goals this season and recently impressed CEO Sascha Puritz with his PowerPoint presentation on how the team can effectively reduce its overhead.
2. Poutine Machine owes the bulk of their success to the performance of goaltender Tim Brown. He has recorded four shutouts on the season to lead the league, including three in the team’s last four games. Brown is tied for second in the league with a 1.38 GAA.
3. In one of the season’s biggest upsets, Poutine Machine defeated the Denim Demons 1-0 in Week 3, proving the team can compete with the league’s elite. Another win against a Weyersberg Conference team would establish Poutine as a viable championship contender.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc. Majority shareholder “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin is not happy that Poutine Machine unveiled a new white alternate jersey last weekend.
Derek’s Pick: Poutine Machine. This week, they remove all doubt that they’re for real.
Watchability: 4 Provenchers. This scale is compensation to Jo-Ann, who did not actually lose to Arnold Sanchez in basketball. The media assumed this based on their genders.
Week 6 News and Notes
Tuesday, May 10th, 2011Do You Smell What Tommy Is Cooking?
Three Stars of the Week
Third Star: Myrto Mylopoulos, Tompkins Square Riots. Myrto scored the only shootout goal in the Riots’ win against the Unicorns, and we’re looking for any excuse to get this video on the site one more time.
Second Star: Joe Polowczuk, Unicorns/Rehabs. As a borrowed player, who was inexplicably allowed to play by the Elves power structure, Joe recorded a hat trick to lead the Rehabs to their first victory of the season. In addition to giving his Fairy Tale Cup rivals a taste of things to come, Polowczuk also scored the game-tying goal in his own game for the Unicorns.
First Star: Tommy Capatosta, LBS, Inc. The Corporation’s Security Manager had all five of the team’s goals in LBS, Inc.’s 5-4 overtime win against the Sky Fighters. He has dubbed the accomplishment the “Capatostrick.”
Week 5 Box Scores
Sunday, May 1st, 2011Cheer Up, Ken. The Corporation Won.
LBS, Inc. 3, Dark Rainbows 2 (OT-SO)
LBS, Inc.: Lawrence Goldstein (4), Karsten Pichon (4)
Dark Rainbows: Josh Wilson (3), John Nielsen (2)
Shootout: LBS, Inc. wins 1-0. Successful attempt by Goldstein.
Goalie Win: Seth Wachtell
Game Notes: Pichon scored the tying goal with 20 seconds remaining in regulation.
What The Puck 6, Filthy Gorgeous 0
What The Puck: Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman 2 (6), Garrett Poston (2), Hannah Stark (2), Brock Bosacker (1), “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse (1)
Shutout: Corey “Chongo” Winters (1)
La Famiglia 2, Rehabs 1
La Famiglia: Alfred Liu (1), The Peter Wilson (1)
Rehabs: Lateef Nurmohamed (1)
Goalie Win: Jamie Batuwantudawe
Mathematics 4, Mega Touch 2
Mathematics: Bradley Schmidt (4), Adam Langer (1), Lilly Preston (1), Derek Tagliarino (1)
Mega Touch: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta (4), Harvey Jaswal (4)
Goalie Win: Joe Boshko
Game Notes: Langer’s game-winning goal broke a 2-2 tie with five minutes remaining in regulation.
Fresh Kills 2, Corlears Hookers 0
Fresh Kills: Ariel Imas (3), Matt Kazior (2)
Shutout: Dan Owens (on loan from Filthy Gorgeous)
Poutine Machine 3, Gut Rot 0
Poutine Machine: Ashish Nagpal 2 (4), Dave Kucharsky (2)
Shutout: Tim Brown (2)
Cobra Kai 6, Tompkins Square Riots 1
Cobra Kai: Sarab Lalri 2 (4), Marc Beland (3), Mark Talercio (2), Adam Jacque (1), Fay Wells (1)
Tompkins Square Riots: Alexandre Frenette (2)
Goalie Win: Tim Brown (on loan from Poutine Machine)
Sky Fighters 8, Gouging Anklebiters 0
Sky Fighters: Dan Hopper 2 (5), Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka 2 (4), Brian Allen 2 (2), Robert Kucera (3), Greg Infanti (1)
Shutout: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson (on loan from Corlears Hookers)
Butchers 3, Unicorns 0
Butchers: Ben Bloom 2 (6), Amanda Jenkins (2)
Shutout: Eric Ramirez (2)
Happy Little Elves 1, Denim Demons 0 (OT-SO)
Shutout: Aaron “Coach” Pagdon (2), Shaun deLacy (1)
Shootout: Happy Little Elves win 1-0. Successful attempt by Trevor Beauclair.
Week 5 Preview
Thursday, April 28th, 2011Everyone Wants A Piece Of The Rainbows
GAME OF THE WEEK
LBS, Inc. (2-1-0-1) at Dark Rainbows (4-0)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 7-6-1
Game Notes: Two BTSH mainstays clash in this highly anticipated Hackett Division matchup. Despite tallying three goals in each of its first two games, LBS, Inc. started the season slowly, earning just one point during this stretch. However, the defense buckled down, and the Corporation rebounded with wins against Filthy Gorgeous and the Tompkins Square Riots. The offense has largely revolved around the Ken-Karsten-Karen line (Poulin, Pichon, and Erickson), which has produced eight of the team’s 13 goals. Although the line previously had a nickname, the Corporation’s public relations department quickly nixed it due to negative press. For the Dark Rainbows, their early season returns have been overwhelmingly positive. At 4-0, they are one of three teams with four wins and boast the third best goal differential in BTSH. The team currently sits in first place in the extremely competitive Hackett Division, bolstered by divisional wins against the Sky Fighters and Fresh Kills. LBS, Inc. will be the Rainbows’ third Hackett game of the season. Can they remain undefeated in the division and overall?
Keys To The Game:
1. LBS, Inc. new hire Lawrence Goldstein has made a good early impression on his bosses with three goals on the season. As veterans Ken and Karsten see their pensions continue to grow, the Corporation will look to his leadership in the upcoming fiscal years.
2. Goaltender John Meyer has been sparkling between the pipes for the Dark Rainbows, allowing just four goals in four games. He already has one shutout on the season, and his steady performance has allowed captain Sean Reynolds to successfully implement his “run and chase” style of offense.
3. Reynolds recently made a shrewd mid-season pickup with the acquisition of Luisa Mirarchi, formerly of Cobra Kai. In addition to boosting his own team, Reynolds infuriated fellow Hackett Division captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer of What The Puck. Zimmer, who has always prided himself on being a step ahead of his peers, was busy scouting Rehabs defender Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli to bolster his blue line.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows. May Day is John Nielsen’s favorite holiday.
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows. This win would officially propel the Rainbows back into BTSH’s elite.
Watchability: 4 Rudds. Both teams are playing great hockey right now, and divisional pride is at stake.
Season Preview: LBS, Inc.
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011Meet LBS, Inc.’s New Security Manager
Courtesy: LBS, Inc. Office of Communications
Color: White
Year Founded: 2002
2010 Regular Season Finish: 8-7-0-1 (4th, Rubens Division; 11th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Filthy Gorgeous in round of 16
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Hackett
2010 Leading Scorer: Karsten Pichon, 16 goals
Team Song: Pet Shop Boys – Opportunities (Let’s Make Lots of Money)
New Hires: Lawrence Goldstein
Resignations: Alex Simon, Phil Yang
