Posts Tagged ‘lbs inc’
Playoff Preview: Semifinals (Part II)
Thursday, October 16th, 2008Yeah, Fernando, We’re Going To Need You To Come In On Sunday…
#2 LBS, Inc. (15-3-1) vs. #10 Fresh Kills (10-8-0-1)
Location: Corlears South, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 9-5
2008 Result: Week 15 – LBS, Inc. 6, Fresh Kills 3
Game Notes: As the #2 seed, LBS, Inc. was supposed to be in this game. They have looked nearly impenetrable throughout the regular season, and their momentum continued into the playoffs. In the opening round, they blanked Mexican Standoff 4-0, despite the absence of star player (and self-proclaimed “cleanest player in the game”) “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin. They also weathered a spirited challenge from the Unicorns in the quarterfinals, ultimately prevailing in a shootout. As the #10 seed, Fresh Kills is the clear Cinderella story of the playoffs for the second consecutive year. After a mediocre regular season, Fresh Kills turned on the light switch for the postseason. In the opening round, they survived a 1-0 battle against the dangerous Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka-led Sky Fighters with gritty play and tenacity. They continued by stunning regular season champion What The Puck the following Sunday. Both LBS, Inc. and Fresh Kills have been cornerstones of the league for several seasons, resulting in a storied and competitive rivalry. Although LBS, Inc. defeated Fresh Kills in their 2008 regular season matchup, Fresh Kills is responsible for eliminating The Corporation from the playoffs in 2007.
Keys To The Game For LBS, Inc.:
1. “Hollywood” Jeff Lesser may be a star in some circles, but “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin isn’t buying it. He warned, “We’re going to hand Jeff Lessy [sic] his ass implants back to him after the game.” Whether Poulin’s comments actually serve to motivate his team remains to be seen.
2. Karsten Pichon finished second in the regular season with 20 goals and has also added two more in the playoffs. When he is on, LBS, Inc. is tough to beat.
3. Captain Sascha Puritz is always quick to note that Seth Wachtell has been one of BTSH’s top goalies over the past few seasons, despite a limited amount of press. He is the only goalie remaining in the playoffs who has led his team to a championship.
Keys To The Game For Fresh Kills:
1. Alicia Walker returned to the team last week after a brief (and unexcused) hiatus to get married. While she does not score a lot of goals, she has already fit back into her familiar role as one of Fresh Kills’ top playmakers.
2. Dave Sokolyansky will serve as Fresh Kills’ offensive counter-punch to the scoring prowess of Karsten Pichon. Last week, Sokolyansky tallied a hat trick, including the game-winner in double overtime.
3. Don’t let Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg shoot.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc. Every time The Alpha Male has run his mouth, they have followed it up with a win.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc. Fresh Kills’ playoff run makes for a very nice story, but I don’t think it’s in the cards for them to advance another round.
Quarterfinals Box Scores
Monday, October 13th, 2008Business As Usual For LBS, Inc.
#2 LBS, Inc. 3, #9 Unicorns 2 (2OT-SO)
LBS, Inc.: Jason Bogdaneris, “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin
Unicorns: Courtney, Jesse
Shootout: LBS, Inc. wins 2-1 in three rounds. Successful attempts by Sam Anthony (LBS), Karsten Pichon (LBS), and Jesse (UNI).
#3 Corlears Hookers 8, #6 Dark Rainbows 0
Corlears Hookers: Reilly “Fake Dutch” Olson 3, Josh Sadlier-Brown 2, Jason Eitel, Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney, Peter “Purple Rain” Putka
Shutout: Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson
#10 Fresh Kills 4, #1 What The Puck 3 (2OT)
Fresh Kills: Dave Sokolyansky 3, Alicia Walker
What The Puck: Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman 2, Corey “Chongo” Winters
Game Notes: Winters scored the tying goal with 30 seconds remaining in regulation to force overtime. Sokolyansky scored the game-winning goal in double overtime.
#4 Filthy Gorgeous 3, #5 Denim Demons 0
Filthy Gorgeous: Suvin “The Guru” Malik, Matt Novick, Dan Owens
Shutout: Dan Owens
Game Notes: Yes, you read that correctly…Filthy Gorgeous goalie Dan Owens scored an empty net goal.
Happy Little Elves 5, Bad Touch 4 (2OT)
Happy Little Elves: Demetri Adrahtas 2, Garrett Carrino, Rob Muggeo, Jarome “Hornswoggle” Ramos
Bad Touch: Martin Olson 3, Mark Anderson
Game Notes: Anderson scored the game-tying goal late in the second half of regulation. Carrino scored the game-winner with forty-five seconds remaining in the second overtime period.
Tuques 3, Mighty Squirrels 2 (OT)
Tuques: Alfred Liu, Zoe Markwick, Sarah Moore
Mighty Squirrels: Jason “Cheek” Cheek, Jesse Kalb
Game Notes: After both teams were scoreless in the second half, Markwick scored the overtime winner for the Tuques.
Rehabs “Defeat” Sky Fighters Via Forfeit
Game Notes: With Amy Lott and Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka both injured, the Sky Fighters were forced to forfeit due to a lack of attendance.
Mexican Standoff 3, Gouging Anklebiters 2
Mexican Standoff: Gary Cohen 2, Len Guinto
Gouging Anklebiters: Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri 2
Cobra Kai 9, Mathematics 0
Cobra Kai: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta 3, Rem Garavito 3, Ray “Domino” Chan, Morgan “Secretary of Defense” Doninger, Becky Pear
Shutout: Paul “P.J.” Lopez
Week 13 Preview
Thursday, July 24th, 2008What The Puck Needs To Rest Up
GAME OF THE WEEK
What The Puck (9-2-0-1) vs. LBS, Inc. (9-2-1)
Location: Moffo, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 7-4
Game Notes: What The Puck and LBS, Inc. currently sit in a tie for second place, only one point behind the Corlears Hookers. Both teams feature similar gameplans, as they each have small rosters comprised almost entirely of stars. Three players on What The Puck (Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth, Corey “Chongo” Winters, and Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer) now have double-digit goals, while Karsten Pichon of LBS, Inc. leads the league with fifteen. In addition, both teams rely on consistent goaltending as a solid base to their explosive offenses. What The Puck’s Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz registered his first shutout of the season last week, while Seth Wachtell of LBS, Inc. has won all three of his starts since being reassigned to the mail room. The winner of this game will be one step closer to locking up a high seed in the playoffs.
Keys To The Game:
1. Despite missing a fair number of games, Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman remains one of What The Puck’s top offensive threats, as he now has eight goals on the season…one for each of the stripes on his socks.
2. After serving a five game suspension, the self-proclaimed “cleanest player in BTSH”, Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin now has eight goals as well. He and his linemate Karsten will look to demonstrate why they were named the media’s Best Duo of 2007
3. What The Puck captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer has put a bounty on the head of former teammate and current LBS, Inc. player, Erica Lee. He explains, “You’re either with us or against us…and if you’re against us, it’s your ass.”
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc. They’ve been playing with a lot more focus since they went corporate, which can only be attributed to CEO Sascha Puritz’s “no suspensions” policy of professional conduct.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. If they can get full attendance, they can run with anyone. Plus, team cancer Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri will once again be out with a strained white beard, so that can only help them.
Week 10 News and Notes
Tuesday, July 1st, 2008If You Were On LBS, You’d Be Smiling Too
LBS Goes Corporate
When you’re an elite conglomerate like LBS is, simply being called a “team” is not enough. LBS is far more than a loose a collection of hipsters who get together on Sundays like the rest of BTSH. Instead, their ranks include stock brokers, government officials, and other community leaders who you aspire to be. As such, the board of directors of LBS has declared that–effectively immediately–you must now refer to them as LBS, Inc. Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin explains, “We’re more than just a team. We’re a brand…a brand that people widely recognize as the gold standard of BTSH. Kind of like Mr. Clean.” As a result of this change in marketing direction, captain Sascha Puritz shall now be known as the CEO, Karsten Pichon shall be the CFO, Molly Jacobs shall be the Vice President of West Coast Operations, and Sam Anthony shall be the Director of Investor Relations. Seth Wachtell has been reassigned to the mail room.
