Posts Tagged ‘legend killer’
BTSH Hammers Demons For Bounties
Wednesday, March 28th, 2012Did This Man Bring Down The Demons?
By Editor Emeritus Derek “Lazer” Tagliarino
In response to the findings of an intense, multi-year investigation of an alleged “bounty program,” disciplinary committee manager Georgine “Mulva” Paulin has levied one of the harshest punishments in the history of BTSH on captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens and the Denim Demons. Effective immediately, Rubens has been suspended for one year from all league-related activities. In addition, Paulin has suspended former Demons defensive coordinator Abby “Tayne” Meisterman (now with the Dark Rainbows) for her involvement in the “crush for cash” scandal. As a team, the Demons have been fined $500 and will have its roster frozen until next offseason. Team veteran Dave Shyu has taken over as interim captain.
Calisthenics With Rubens
Sunday, July 11th, 2010With the Denim Demons off to another hot start in the 2010 season, all of BTSH is studying their every move in order to glean what has been working so well for them. While captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens has steadfastly refused to divulge any of his in-game strategy, he has been gracious enough to provide a handy guide to pre-game calisthenics.
“Any good stretching regimen should take approximately 20-30 minutes. Although the focus of your routine should be on the legs, young players are reminded to hit all parts of the body.”
Guest Columnist: Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens
Monday, May 31st, 2010The following views do not necessarily represent those of the editors or of BTSH. They do, however, represent those of Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens.
World Cup Primer
Background: The World Cup is the biggest sporting event on Earth. Bigger than the Coney Island hot dog eating contest. Ten times bigger than the Super Bowl. And this year, it’s projected to narrowly edge out the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup in total viewership, tickets sold, and Jäger shots consumed in a fit of euphoric cheer and obliviousness to later side effects.
The qualification process for this summer’s four week bazaar has already taken place over the last three years, with some teams traveling more than 20,000 miles. This process (which takes longer than riding the G train from Williamsburg to Park Slope) weeds out some of the lesser teams and brings the best 32 into the tournament. Naturally, I’m still perplexed at how Papua New Guinea just missed out on this year’s tournament.
Week 16 News and Notes
Tuesday, August 11th, 2009Guest Columnist: Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens
Friday, March 27th, 2009The following views do not necessarily represent those of the editors or of BTSH. They do, however, represent those of Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens.
It occurred to me that many of the story lines in club soccer are similar to those happening in BTSH. With that, I’ll now try to give each team in our league its club soccer counterpart:
Mathematics: Valencia – A solid core surrounds one incredible talent. When playing against Valencia, you know that David Villa is going to get the ball, and he’s probably going to do some amazing things whether you like it or not. The same can be said for Mathematics, with Andy Pratt playing the hero role.
Happy Little Elves: Wigan Athletic – After arriving in the league for the first time seemingly out of nowhere, both these upstarts are carving their place in the league and look to improve on their performance from last year. It’s unlikely that either will make a title run, but achieving a .500 record would give a lot of hope for the future.
Cobra Kai: West Ham United – Despite toiling away in the lower half of the table much of the time, they were able to sign an incredible goal scoring talent in Adriano Bratta, similar to how West Ham got Carlos Tevez…only to lose him at year’s end.
What The Puck: Manchester United – Despite having an all-star lineup that’s capable of dismantling any team out there, they saw fit to poach some of the top free agents in the league. This, of course, makes them an even better team, but also raises the ire of all whom they play against.
